Finally! My thoughts about Star Wars: Episode VII

December 18, 2015 was a glorious day. That was the day our lives changed.

Just kidding. That was the day that Star Wars: Episode VII - The Force Awakens hit the big screen. It has been nearly five months since then and, out of respect and fear, I haven't really said a word about the film on social media, other than saying that I thought it was freaking awesome. My reasoning is sound - if I hadn't seen the movie yet and some imbecile started posting spoilers on Facebook, I'd probably have Force-choked the crap out of them. But, at this point, there has been more than ample time to see the movie in the Big Boy theaters, the dollar theaters and even on Blu-ray from the comfort of your living room, so I'm about to spill my guts. If you haven't seen Episode VII by now, you either are stupid, a hermit or don't ever intend on watching the movie, so that's on you, bro.

Keep in mind, this was only my third time watching the movie (twice in theaters; once last night, alone in the basement...; and I played the Force Awakens Playset on Disney Infinity 3.0, so we'll call it 3 1/2), meaning that this is in no sense a comprehensive nor exhaustive summary of the film - I'm certainly not anywhere near the knowledge level of some of my former Salt Lake Comic Con co-workers, who, I kid you not, have seen this movie two dozen times. With that being said, I'm not writing this blog to tell you all something you didn't already know. I'm not trying to be informational, eye-opening or funny. I just felt like this would be an appropriate forum to share my commentary and get a bunch of stuff off my chest that I haven't been able to talk about since Christmas.

[Obvious, obligatory and unnecessary spoiler warning]

Dim the lights.

BB-8

I found it quite ironic that BB-8 has become, arguably, one of the most popular characters from the movie. I remember when people first saw it and everyone thought it looked like the stupidest droid ever. Now, suddenly, it's cute and amazing. But hey, you know, I can't disagree. I was pleasantly surprised by BB-8, and the "thumbs up" joke was the funniest moment of the movie.

Stormtroopers

The First Order stormtrooper armor is sick. I think it looks great. The new stormtroopers generally seem to be tougher and more accurate than the clones from past trilogies and the flametroopers are totally awesome, but let's be honest - we all know who the real MVP of the First Order is. He is known by many names: TR-8R, FN-2199 or just "Nines," apparently. You know who I'm talking about. That baller with the riot gear who fights Finn outside Maz Kanata's cantina before his untimely demise. That guy is a legend. Rest in peace, man. Rest in peace.

Poe Dameron

Poe was the one character who I thought didn't get enough screen time in Episode VII. I hope he'll stick around for the next movie or two because he seems like a cool guy. Also, these theories that Poe is gay and needs to be introduced as the first LGBT character in the Star Wars universe are ludicrous. That would outrage me.

Finn

The more I watch this movie, the more I realize that 90% of the stuff Finn says is total bull crap. Speaking of, Disney totally fooled us into thinking that Finn was going to be a Jedi. *buzzer noise* My bold prediction that Finn was a Windu ultimately proved to be wrong. I would have felt like a real champ if I'd gotten that right.

Also: Who freaking cares if there's a Black stormtrooper?? Remember when that was a thing that people were getting all offended over? How ridiculous.

Captain Phasma

She sucks. Probably the biggest disappointment in terms of character development that I've ever seen. I mean, there's nothing else to say, really. What a waste of potential. And chrome.

Supreme Leader Snoke

I'm usually pretty forgiving of CGI in movies, but I thought Snoke looked terrible. I'll give it a partial pass because he's apparently just a hologram or whatever, but I found him rather distracting, overall.

Rey

Several times throughout the movie, it is implied that several characters, including Han and Kylo, know who Rey really is. The obvious guess would be that she's a Skywalker, but, the more I think about it, the less likely I think that is. There's a theory out there that I believe makes a lot of sense. That popular internet theory is that Rey is a Kenobi. I will support that theory with two thoughts: if you listen closely as Rey finds Luke's lightsaber and subsequently goes into a cryptic vision, you can hear Obi-Wan's voice saying, "Rey, these are your first steps..."; and also, none of the Skywalkers had funky British accents. Just sayin'...

On another note, I'm not about the 2015-2016 feminist movement in cinema where everybody has to go all in-your-face about "Hey, look! We've got a strong female protagonist! Girls are cool, too!", but I admit that I got a little excited during the final fight between Kylo and Rey when Rey used the Force to summon Luke's lightsaber.

One thing I liked in particular about that fight in the snowy Starkiller forest was the fighting styles of Rey and Kylo. Later on, I'll go a bit deeper into how Kylo's lack of formal training was a polarizing issue, but you can clearly tell that these two are basically rookies by the way they fight. They're not flipping around like Yoda or going nuts like Darth Maul - they're hacking away at each other like two kids who probably haven't used a lightsaber very frequently. I don't know. I thought that was kind of cool.

The Death of Han Solo

Finally, I'm going to say it:

I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY KILLED HAN SOLO!!!

I didn't cry, but if there was anything in the Star Wars universe that could have brought tears to my eyes, it would have been this. I had a feeling that a major character death was imminent, but it was just a question of who it would end up being. (I thought it was going to be Luke.) It sucks that it had to be Han, but let's take a second to think about why it had to happen.

First of all, let's be real for a second - Harrison Ford is getting older. Certainly, he couldn't play that role forever. There was a great article by Entertainment Weekly about what 2015 taught us about iconic characters getting older and dying that you should check out if you haven't already.

Secondly, and more importantly, they needed to have Kylo Ren do something that really made the audience hate him. In pro wrestling terms, they call this "getting over." It's a simple concept - the bad guy wrestler comes out, grabs the mic and insults the crowd. Says their town smells bad and their sports teams suck. Instant hatred. Make Kylo Ren kill one of the beloved characters in the history of Hollywood, create an instant villain. (That theory about Han being the one who activated the lightsaber is rubbish, but I do like the comic about why Chewie didn't go for a headshot, which I've included to the side.)

As soon as Han told Chewbacca that they'd split up to set the bombs in the Starkiller Base and they'd meet back later, I knew there would be no meeting back later. I hoped it wouldn't happen, but having Finn and Rey watching from a distance made Han's fate practically inevitable. Sure enough, just moments later, Han confronted Kylo and got a lightsaber through the chest.

Gosh dang it.

But, moving forward, the death of Han Solo will turn out to be a pivotal moment in the current trilogy, just like Qui-Gon Jinn's death was instrumental in the development of Obi-Wan Kenobi and the death of Obi-Wan Kenobi was instrumental in the development of Luke Skywalker. Han was a role model for Finn and a father figure for Rey, so it will be interesting to see how it affects them in the next couple movies.

Kylo Ren

We don't have a lot of background information about Kylo Ren's upbringing. We know that he's a Solo - the son of Han and Leia. We know that he was raised as a Jedi by Luke Skywalker, but he saw something in the teachings of Supreme Leader Snoke that seduced him to the Dark Side. He turned on his mentor, causing Luke to go into exile. He's got a crazy-short fuse and a preposterous temper. Also, he's not very well trained with the Force.

I think Kylo Ren is a cool character. Notably, he's got the most ballin' lightsaber since our dearly departed Darth Maul. Additionally, his fury makes him a much different type of villain than Darth Vader; Vader was a pretty calm and collected guy, and Kylo's unpredictability is dangerous. The guy is a loose cannon and that's kind of exciting. I will mention my least favorite thing about Kylo, though - as soon as he took off his mask, I immediately wanted him to put it back on. Way cooler with the mask on, bro. But it did calm my fears that he was secretly Luke in disguise, so that was a major relief, thankfully.

I have a brother who absolutely HATES Kylo Ren. He thinks he's a pansy. A wuss. A loser. You know, it probably wasn't Kylo's best showing. But let us remember that he, like Rey, are presumably very "green," in terms of Force usage, so we can't truly have expected them to come out, guns blazing. I'm ok with Kylo not being an all-star right off the bat, though. It leaves PLENTY of room for growth, and we know that Kylo will return much stronger in Episode VIII. He's going to complete his training and he'll be back with a vengeance. Plus, he's going to have a nasty scar on his face, so that will be intense.

Side note: Lil' Kylo is probably the greatest thing to come out of this movie.

Also: this video is hilarious.

Jedi Master Luke Skywalker

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A new New Hope... allegedly

I know there are plenty of similarities between Episode IV and Episode VII. I recognized them as soon as I saw them, long before I read anyone's blogs about them. Are the movies similar? Yes. Is it a "modern remake"? No. People need to chill out when they go to the movies. That's what I think.

And even if it was a remake, people should just be glad they chose Episode IV and not Episode II.

I loved Episode VII. I thought it was great. I was stoked to see it and I was pumped when I left. I would easily consider it one of my two favorite Star Wars movies so far. (Return of the Jedi was my favorite movie for years as a kid!) Was it perfect? Probably not. Did it suck? Definitely not. (People say dumb things to get attention.) I found it entertaining from start to finish and can't wait for Episode VIII to hit theaters in 2017!

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What did you think of Episode VII? Did you have a favorite moment? Did you cry? Was there something you didn't care for? Let me know in the comments below and, until next time,

May the Fourth be with you!