I assume that if you took the time to pull up this blog post, you know what Pokémon is, so I'm not going to bore you by trying to explain it. I will, however, clarify that my knowledge of the franchise mainly stops a couple games in, so, despite there being 807 Pokémon (currently, at the time of writing), in my mind, there are only about 200 or so: the original 150 from the "Red" and "Blue" video games and the original TV show, plus a handful of others that I would recognize from later video games. For the purposes of this blog, I have only taken into consideration the original 150 monsters.
The idea behind this blog stems from a conversation I had with my siblings a couple days ago during a family vacation. While roasting S'mores, we discussed our favorite and least favorite Pokémon. We eventually wound up talking about those that we thought were the biggest disappointments. If you ever played any of the Pokémon video games, you understand from personal experience that there were some characters that initially looked amazing but ultimately didn't end up meeting your expectations. It happened to the best of us.
Let's break down ten of my biggest Poké-flops, in no particular order:
#132 Ditto
- Type: Normal
- Attributes: 1'0", 8.8 lbs.
- Rarity: Common
- Pokédex entry: Capable of copying an enemy's genetic code to instantly transform itself into a duplicate of the enemy.
- Why they should have been awesome: Ditto can mimic any Pokémon. On paper, that's an awesome stat. Plus, he just looks so cute!
- Why they weren't: In reality, nobody stuck with Ditto. The only move it knows is Transform and its primary power turns out to be little more than a gimmick, at best - certainly nothing you'd ever want to take into a serious battle. Also, if you've seen "Detective Pikachu," there's a great chance you've had nightmares about Ditto at some point since you left the theater.
#104 Cubone
- Type: Ground
- Attributes: 1'4", 14.3 lbs.
- Rarity: Common
- Pokédex entry: Because it never removes its skull helmet, no one has ever seen this Pokémon's real face.
- Why they should have been awesome: The skeleton mask is a baller costume choice, for sure. The boomerang bone is also a nice touch.
- Why they weren't: Mama drama! Cubone is frequently portrayed as a scared, lonely crybaby with major parental issues, completely negating the awesome character design.
#068 Machamp
- Type: Fighting
- Attributes: 5'3", 286.6 lbs.
- Rarity: N/A - Third evolutionary stage of Machop
- Pokédex entry: Using its heavy muscles, it throws powerful punches that can send the victim clear over the horizon.
- Why they should have been awesome: A four-armed pro wrestler? Heck yeah! He certainly looks like one of the strongest Pokémon in the Kanto region, and I know I wouldn't want to mess with a Machamp if I ever met one in a dark alleyway.
- Why they weren't: Raise your hand if you ever fought more than, like, four times with Machamp... Exactly. As far as I know, he just wasn't a very popular character in any of the video games. Missed opportunity, people. Missed opportunity.
#048 Venonat
- Type: Bug / Poison
- Attributes: 3'3", 66.1 lbs.
- Rarity: Uncommon
- Pokédex entry: Lives in the shadows of tall trees where it eats bugs. It is attracted by light at night.
- Why they should have been awesome: I hate bugs in real life, and I'm not too fond of them in the world of Pokémon, either, but, for some reason, I always thought Venonat looked cool. If nothing else, Venonat is unique; you'd definitely stand out if it was your main companion. I wanted to like him. I really did.
- Why they weren't: First of all, Venemoth is a crappy evolution that nobody likes, so if you ever chose to evolve a Venonat, the chances are that you never played with it ever again. Bug type Pokémon are weak against Fire types, which are some of the most commonly encountered and strongest monsters during trainer battles, and insects like Venonat are only super-effective against Psychic, Grass and Dark type creatures, which... isn't helpful at all, really.
#123 Scyther
- Type: Bug / Flying
- Attributes: 4'11", 123.5 lbs.
- Rarity: Rare
- Pokédex entry: With ninja-like agility and speed, it can create the illusion that there is more than one.
- Why they should have been awesome: Look at that thing! Look at those dang razor blade-arms!
- Why they weren't: Scyther could only be found in the Safari Zone or at Rocket Game Corner (depending on whether you were playing Red or Blue), which meant that it was incredibly difficult to find. Then, if you were lucky or rich enough to get your hands on one, you very likely already had a go-to squad, so adding a Level 10 or 15 Scyther would actually be a downgrade.
#108 Lickitung
- Type: Normal
- Attributes: 3'11", 144.4 lbs.
- Rarity: One - via trade for Slowbro
- Pokédex entry: Its tongue can be extended like a chameleon's. It leaves a tingling sensation when it licks enemies.
- Why they should have been awesome: Lickitung looks like a lot of fun. What's not to love about that goofy face and extra-long tongue?
- Why they weren't: As a rule of thumb, any "Normal" type Pokémon sucks. It's a fact. Check for yourselves. Furthermore, you have to trade for Lickitung in Versions Red and Blue, which means that its previous owner already gave it a nickname. "Marc." That's right. MARC. That's what Lickitung is called when you get him. Why on earth would you want to play with a Pokémon named Marc? Ugh. So stupid.
#134-136 Eevee's evolutions (Vaporeon / Jolteon / Flareon)
- Type: V: Water / J: Electric / F: Fire
- Attributes: V: 3'3", 29.0 lbs. / J: 2'7", 54.0 lbs / F: 2'11", 55.1 lbs.
- Rarity: N/A - Only available via elemental stone evolution of Eevee
- Pokédex entry: V: Lives close to water. Its long tail is ridged with a fin which is often mistaken for a mermaid's. / J: It accumulates negative ions in the atmosphere to blast out 10000-volt lightning bolts. / F: When storing thermal energy in its body, its temperature could soar to over 1,600 degrees.
- Why they should have been awesome: Water, Electric, Fire. Take your pick! And all of these Pokémon look really fancy. Which to choose? Which to choose??
- Why they weren't: Well, you can only get one Eevee in Red and Blue, and you only get to evolve it once, so you've got to choose wisely. More often than not, fear of making an unwise decision prevented me from evolving Eevee at all! Plus, if you're looking for an elemental creature, there are much better ones out there than any of these three.
#137 Porygon
- Type: Normal
- Attributes: 2'7", 80.5 lbs.
- Rarity: Unlimited - via purchase at Rocket Game Corner
- Pokédex entry: A Pokémon that consists entirely of programming code. Capable of moving freely in cyberspace.
- Why they should have been awesome: Porygon was the first completely synthetic Pokémon. That's pretty sick. The jagged, futuristic design is also really cool. Who among us hasn't ever coveted that nice, shiny toy at the top of an arcade prize wall?
- Why they weren't: You had to buy this dang thing from Rocket Game Corner. Had to! In Pokémon Blue, a Porygon cost 8,300 coins. In Pokémon Red, it cost a whopping 9,999! Did ANYONE save enough coins to buy one??
Editor's note: Mere hours after writing this blog, I was playing "Let's Go, Pikachu!" on the Nintendo Switch, making my way from Lavendar Town to Celadon City, when lo, and behold - a freaking Porygon was floating around in the bushes! Apparently, Porygon is a catchable Pokemon in the modern version of the old game! Coincidence??
And it only cost me a couple berries and like 5 Ultra Balls. Now, I guess I'll finally be able to tell whether or not Porygon actually sucks.
#093 Haunter
- Type: Ghost / Poison
- Attributes: 5'3", 0.2 lbs.
- Rarity: Uncommon
- Pokédex entry: Because of its ability to slip through block walls, it is said to be from another dimension.
- Why they should have been awesome: Haunter is easily one of the funniest Pokémon from the animated series. He has the best laugh! And he just seems so mischievous and fun!
- Why they weren't: Ghost type Pokémon aren't super useful in standard battles. They're only effective against Grass and Fairy types, and they're weak against Poison, Ground, Rock and other ghosts (which doesn't even make sense). There's a small window in the game where it can be fun to use ghosts (right after you first encounter them, typically), but it uses its luster quickly. Sadly, Haunter was not nearly as fun in the game as he was on TV.
#026 Raichu
- Type: Electric
- Attributes: 2'7", 66.1 lbs.
- Rarity: N/A - Second evolutionary stage of Pikachu
- Pokédex entry: Its long tail serves as a ground to protect itself from its own high voltage power.
- Why they should have been awesome: Everybody loves Pikachu, the face of the entire franchise. Surely, everyone would love a stronger, evolved version of the little lightning ball, right?
- Why they weren't: Wrong. Using a Thunder Stone is simultaneously one of the saddest and most disappointing decisions you could ever make in the game. After spending so much time nurturing and fighting with your beloved Pikachu, one use of the evolution stone will irreversibly take your pal away from you, never to return. I'm telling you - instant regret.
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How did we do? Were there any of the original 150 Pokémon that should have been included on the list? Which Pokémon were the biggest let-downs for you? Let us know in the comments section below, on Facebook or on Twitter.
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