Our Apocalypse Showdown was rolling until a real-life apocalypse struck! For weeks, people around the world ransacked grocery stores to hoard all the toilet paper they could get their grubby little hands on. Panic and uncertainty abounded and actual things that were really happening delayed the production of our Round 2 results. Please forgive us. Somehow, we think you'll understand the struggle. Anyway, now that things have relatively settled down and Walmart shelves are beginning to look normal again, we've got a couple more stories for you to enjoy. Let's get to it.
As always, remember that a full breakdown of teams, characters, strengths and weaknesses can be found here.
Round 2 Results:
When last we left our intrepid teams,Team Manhattan and Team Superman had ventured into the mysterious depths of Sherwood Forest, and Team Indy prepared for a triple-threat match against the wounded-yet-determined Team Romanoff and Team Danvers. It's time to find out what happened next.
Match-up A: Team Manhattan vs Team Superman - Strategic Warfare @ Sherwood Forest
- OBJECTIVE: Build a tree house fortress and launch a successful assault on the other team.
- STIPULATIONS: The Specialist must provide the blueprint for the structure. The Evil Genius doesn't like the plan. The Sacrificial Lamb must die.
- ADVANTAGE: Military experience, Construction
- BONUS POINTS FOR: Easily providing or producing fire.
Through the heavy mists of the fabled forest, Team Manhattan and Team Superman picked out their ideal locations for construction - just hidden enough for safety, but just close enough for combat. Immediately, Daryl Dixon began piecing together a plan for his team's hideout; his years of makeshift construction during a zombie apocalypse had served him very well. The structure provided plenty of areas for snipers to take out the opposition, and it was heavily fortified near all the entrances. He smiled to himself, pleased with his work. But then, protruding out of the shadows, arose another building - the handiwork of Bryan Mills, who had a particular set of skill saws that tremendously aided his efforts. Quickly and efficiently, Team Superman's Specialist put together an impressive edifice, high atop the trees, under the watchful eye of Emperor Palpatine, who was used to overseeing these types of complex construction sites. Determined, however, Daryl and his partner, Lex Luthor, continued hammering, sawing and strengthening their tree house until it stood exactly equal to Team Manhattan's. It was a sight to behold, surely.
From a military perspective, Team Superman had a major advantage, with Benedict Arnold, Palpatine and Drax the Destroyer, who had all seen many a fight in their day. The same could not be said, unfortunately, for the likes of Nacho Libre and Nancy Pelosi, on the other side of the battlefield. The aspiring pro wrestler and the Speaker of the House were, quite simply, liabilities from the onset. With a guitar in hand, Nacho attempted to sing away his fears, while Pelosi scrambled to come up with a passive aggressive tweet to send in her final moments, but it was too late. They looked to the sky and saw an incoming missile, launched by Team Superman's Total Tank, and... well... that was the last thing they saw at all.
The tank continued to blast a barrage of ballistics toward Doctor Manhattan and his squad, but not every shot was accurate. One errant attempt helped Team Manhattan obtain fire, which Daryl Dixon put immediately to use, igniting his crossbow arrows and zipping them into the lofty tree branches of his opponents, ultimately catching Team Superman's fort ablaze. Dixon and his crew began to whoop and holler. Their cries of exultation carried across the forest and frightened poor Mrs. Peacock. Unsure of what to do, she dropped her drink, threw her hands in the air and began to run about, screaming at the top of her lungs. The timing of this was incredibly poor; she ran out to the front gate of the tree house just as a flaming crossbow arrow reached the doorway. The entry lit on fire rapidly, and the ignited straw and brush spread fast. Mrs. Peacock was trapped - fatally so - but the was war, Peacock! Casualties were inevitable. You can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs. Every good cook will tell you that.
The playing field had been narrowed, with deaths on each side. Benedict Arnold continued to blast away in the Total Tank, causing massive destruction to Team Manhattan's fortress. On the other side, Loki joined in with Daryl Dixon, launching flaming projectiles at their opponents. Lex Luthor joined in, too, donning his armored suit and loading up his laser cannons. The terrifying trio burned much of the area surrounding Team Superman's headquarters to the ground. Palpatine shot lightning from his fingertips as Drax ran, knives out, toward No Man's Land. Bryan Mills provided tactical support from behind a barricade.
With all of their teammates occupied, Superman and Doctor Manhattan floated high above the battle ground, meeting in the air half-way between the bases. Ultimately, it would come down to this. Which leader would reign supreme in a hand-to-hand battle of brawn and strength? A fist fight commenced, with each Action Star landing massive blows. Slowly, but surely, however, Superman gained the upper hand, using his superhuman strength, along with well-timed uses of his heat vision, to beat down the blue-skinned brainiac. One punch at a time, Kal-El pummeled his counterpart. As Manhattan lost strength, Superman was able to heave his deteriorating body into the surrounding treetops, scratching, whipping and tearing at his aqua-toned flesh. After several minutes of mayhem, Superman grabbed Doctor Manhattan by the shoulders and commanded him to submit. Reluctantly, aware of his impending defeat, Manhattan cried "uncle," knowing that it was the only way to spare his life and protect his remaining teammates. Superman unclenched his fist and slowly drifted back down to the ground. The gunfire ceased and the wounded soldiers that remained realized that the fight was over.
Team Superman regrouped, thankful that their teamwork had paid off, at long last. Dejected, defeated and dismayed, Doctor Manhattan, Lex Luthor, Loki and Daryl Dixon limped off into the shadows, enveloped by the fog, never to be seen again. After taking a moment to heal, Superman rallied his troops, for he knew that somewhere, on the other side of the proverbial bracket, there was one team left standing in their way of ultimate apocalypse supremacy. They'd just have to wait and see who it would end up being...
RESULT: TEAM SUPERMAN DEFEATS TEAM MANHATTAN
Match-up B: Team Romanoff vs Team Indy vs Team Danvers - The Escape Plan @ Airport
- OBJECTIVE: Be the first team to repair a decommissioned airplane and escape the location.
- STIPULATIONS: Only two members of the team can work on the plane. The Idiot does not understand what's going; one team member must spend the entire battle explaining it to them. The Sacrificial Lamb must die.
- COLLATERAL DAMAGE: C-3PO and every member of Team Romanoff and Team Danvers were injured in Round 1.
- ADVANTAGE: Mechanical, Vehicle expertise
- BONUS POINTS FOR: Hijacking another team's plane.
When last we left Team Romanoff and Team Danvers, they were crawling from the wreckage of a decimated food truck lot, with each of their members gravely injured. They were met but a victorious Team Indy, hot on the heels of their Round 1 victory at the Frozen Lake. All three teams knew that there was only one plan now - to escape the area via a nearby airport - but it was going to take a fight to get there.
Team Indy rushed to the asphalt arena with a frenzied fervor, hoping to capitalize on the near-exhaustion of their opponents. The sudden violence confused Luis, who had a plethora of questions that he demanded be answered before he could join in. With all other members of Team Indy focused on the action, Catwoman was forced to stay back with Luis and the salvaged scrap heap once known as "C-3PO," taking her out of the picture for the beginning of the brawl. Indiana Jones turned to encourage his team on to battle, but to his surprise, he couldn't find Joker anywhere. He must have taken off at some point. Nevertheless, the fight was heating up, and Indy and Ethan Hunt (both skilled hand-to-hand combatants) were ready to get down to business.
Team Danvers was forced to formulate a strategy on-the-go. Thankfully, Lanfear was able to put her healing powers to good use, slowly but surely restoring energy to her squad. Quickly, she replenished the health of her strongest teammates - Captain Marvel, Ruin and MacGyver. Those three joined in the fracas while Lanfear reluctantly stayed back, tending to the "owwies" sustained by Austin Powers. In what would later be seen as a major mistake, Lanfear attempted to sustain her healing of the International Man of Mystery while simultaneously trying to disguise herself as a protection. However, this caused an unpredictable surge of power to spark from her body over to Boromir, who sat nearby. The unexpected adrenaline that coursed through Boromir's veins was too much for him to handle. He stumbled forward, into the center of the parking lot, dazed, confused and unable to control his mortal frame. Knowing that there was not much else that he could do, the once-great warrior fell to his knees, light emanating from his eyes and mouth, his arms outstretched, and his body exploded into skeletal shrapnel, blasting out towards the competition. Boromir was gone, and it was a bit of a dramatic sight, but after all one does not simply die in the Underground Fight Club. He sacrificed himself for the greater good of his team.
Meanwhile, in the far corner of the parking lot - and searching for a temporary shelter - was Team Romanoff, which collectively scrambled for a way to recover from its Round 1 battle. Knowing that they were physically outmatched here, Black Widow knew that her number one recourse at this point would be to find a way out of there. She scanned the horizon for available aircraft carriers. Far in the distance, she she spotted three ships: a private jet, an aircraft carrier and her team's vehicle of choice - the Serenity. She needed a way to get her team over to their spaceship, and quickly. Jonathan Pine plotted out the quickest path to the runway as Natasha took potshots at members of Team Indy and Team Danvers. He thought he was onto something, and he called for his team to get moving. Rocket Raccoon pulled out his biggest guns and hopped up on top of an overturned food truck. The "trash panda" yelled at his team to get moving. He'd gladly provide cover. Olivia Octavius used her artificial appendages to her advantage, covering lots of ground in very little time. She was the first to reach the Serenity, and she put her genius-level intellect to good use, preparing the ship for take-off as quickly as possible. With Jar Jar Binks having sustained grave injuries in the previous round, he was lagging considerably behind. Romanoff called for her muscle, Jayne Cobb, to assist the Gungan across the parking lot and tarmac. Extremely disgruntled, Jayne slung one of Jar Jar's elastic arms around his neck and the unlikely duo limped their way to the ship.
Captain Marvel flew high above the action, blasting her photon-cannon arms down at the parking lot, sending vehicles sky high. The flying feminist was wreaking havoc with her superpowers. Knowing that he wasn't doing much good in his current, junky state, C-3PO came up with a plan. He pulled Catwoman and Luis close to him and whispered his final words: "Throw me." Catwoman and Luis paused for a moment, unsure what their droid companion meant, but then nodded in unison, knowing what needed to be done. They grabbed the robot by his metallic arms and legs, and heaved him with all their might at Miss Danvers. Of course, Captain Marvel saw this coming, and she blew him to bits way before the astromech reached his target. However, it provided enough of a distraction that Catwoman was able to whip Carol's ankle and yank her back down to the ground. Catwoman lunged up and began to claw Captain Marvel in a literal "catfight." Ruin saw the scuffle and rushed to aid his team leader. Indiana Jones and Agent Hunt were hot on his heals, fist flying. Luis watched in horror as the fight began to move north, toward the airport. Cautiously, he followed, as did Lanfear and Austin Powers, who healed as they moved.
The progress of that mini-battle stalled, though, when Rocket Raccoon broke out his biggest machine gun. He laughed maniacally as he fired at the brawling members of Team Indy and Team Danvers. When the two teams realized that they now had a common enemy, they quickly braced for cover behind scraps of concrete and metal, pausing their fight and creating a temporary alliance. Realizing what was about to happen, Rocket nervously glanced over his shoulder to ensure that the rest of his team had safely reached the Serenity. RAT-TAT-TAT! RAT-TAT-TAT-TAT! The raccoon continued to fire away, knowing that these could very well be his final moments of life. As he watched Jayne and Jar Jar stumble their way onto the ship, Rocket got a crazy look in his eye - the look of a mammal possessed. He reloaded his gun one final time and screamed with primal rage. He leapt high into the air, down into the rubble below, his gun blazing in the humid air. Instantaneously, Team Indy and Team Danvers joined forces to take out the Guardian of the Galaxy in a fit of violence that would have made Thanos proud. Within a few seconds, Rocket's gunfire had gone silent and an eerie silence fell across the land.
Suddenly, a noise gradually filled the air: the sound of whirring jet engines. Slowly, the surviving members of Team Indy and Team Danvers peered over the wreckage to see something neither team thought possible - Team Romanoff was escaping in their spaceship. Majestically, the Serenity lifted off into the air above the battlefield. But then something happened - the engines sputtered. The ship began to spin in an unnatural circle... and then the ship exploded! It fell from the sky with a horror unseen since the Hindenburg of days gone by. The teams watched in terror and awe as they realized that Team Romanoff had just been eliminated. A hideous, chill-inducing cackle rent the air. Doctor Jones pulled up his trusty binoculars to see what was happening. On the ground next to the flaming heap that was the Serenity was a shadowy figure, leaping in the air with joy, howling with pleasure. It was Joker! Unbeknownst to the rest of his team, Joker had sabotaged the Serenity with explosives while everyone else was busy fighting. For good measure, Gotham's Biggest Problem took a rocket launcher and blew up the private jet. Only one plane remained.
Indiana and Captain Marvel glanced at each other, stunned. Then, after a momentary pause, Team Indy and Team Danvers broke out into a mad dash toward the airport. There was no more time for fighting. This had purely evolved into a struggle for survival. Ethan Hunt sprinted ahead of the competition (he was very good at running), shoved Joker out of the way and began to work on the cargo plane, making sure it was in working order. He figured his team had a good chance of escaping. He knew that Indy could fly a plane, at least, although he was unsure whether the team leader knew how to land. After a brief inspection and a few minor fixes, it looked like the plane was ready to take off.
As the rest of the combatants arrived at the runway, Joker run up to Indy, asking whether the Action Star saw the explosive mayhem. Indy insisted that this was no time for conversation and hurried his way toward the cargo plane. One by one, the remaining fighters arrived at the plane. A few hasty punches were thrown as the teams attempted to gain the upper hand. Catwoman hurried onto the plane, making three members of Team Indy safe and sound. Captain Marvel and MacGyver were there, too, Ruin and Lanfear scuffled on board, and, finally, Austin Powers was on board. More shoving, lots of shouting. Things were getting tense. Confounded, but not entirely surprised, Indy put his head in his hands and grumbled, "Where's Luis?!"
Indy and Ethan dejectedly looked outside the plane to see Luis and Joker sitting in the A-Team Van, chatting about the day's crazy adventures. Indy turned back around to see Captain Marvel charging a photon blast, right in his face. Unwilling to have his face melted off like so many Nazi henchmen before him, Indy knew that this would be an appropriate time to cut his losses and accept an unfortunate defeat. With their hands in the air, Indy, Ethan and Catwoman backed slowly off of the plane, conceding the victory to Team Danvers. Once the way was clear, MacGyver closed the hatch in the back of the plane and flew the plane off to safety, setting up an Apocalypse Showdown with Team Superman.
RESULT: TEAM DANVERS DEFEATS TEAM INDY AND TEAM ROMANOFF
Updated Playoff Brackets:
Finals Match-up:
Team Superman vs Team Danvers - All-out War @ Abandoned Amusement Park
- OBJECTIVE: Eliminate the other team.
- STIPULATIONS: One team member on each team must be killed in action. The Action Star is on the brink of exhaustion for the entire battle. The Specialist exposes a flaw in the other team's plan. The Wild Card switches teams. The Idiot causes a catastrophic problem for their team.
- ADVANTAGE: Weapons proficiency
- BONUS POINTS FOR: The new Wild Card being compatible with any of their new team mates AND if anyone on the team seems like they genuinely enjoy theme parks.
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