Where Are They Now?: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)

Well, at least they're not aliens.

That was the rumor surrounding Michael Bay's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles reboot, which finally hit theaters this weekend. After an enormous public backlash from adults who didn't want their childhoods ruined, Mr. Bay (a notorious ruiner of childhoods) decided, apparently, to make sure the Turtles were, in fact, turtles, after all. I just saw the reboot this morning and, well... It wasn't as bad as everyone said it would be. It certainly didn't ruin my childhood or make me want to kill myself or anything. (I've honestly seen a review that said that.) And, you know what? If the new TMNT movie actually did ruin your childhood or make you want to kill yourself, you need to grow the heck up. Seriously. Like, stop going out to movies before somebody gets hurt. The new movie was all right, considering that my expectations were about knee-high, so there's that. I probably wouldn't recommend that you run out and see it, though, especially if you haven't seen "Guardians of the Galaxy" yet... because that movie rocked.

Anyway, all this turtle talk got me thinking: Whatever happened to the original live-action Ninja Turtles? I loved that movie back in 1990, but I can't for the life of me remember any of the actors who starred in it. Therefore, I took to the Internet this evening to discover the truth. A quick glance at IMDb will tell us everything we need to know. Let's get the run-down in the first-ever installment SotT: Underground's newest feature: "Where Are They Now?"

Movie: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)

Name: Judith Hoag
Role: April O'Neil
Where are they now?: After starring in a lead role in TMNT, Hoag would continue to have what we'll call a "busy" career in Hollywood, at the very least. She is presently one gig shy of hitting the illustrious "100 credit" mark on IMDb, having appeared in 99 different roles thus far. She landed sporadic spots on popular '90s TV shows like "Quantum Leap;" "Roseanne;" "Melrose Place;" "Walker, Texas Ranger;" "The Nanny;" "Nash Bridges;" "The X-Files" and "Touched by an Angel." In the new millennium, Hoag has been spotted in episodes of "Boston Public," "ER," "Without a Trace," "CSI: Crime Scene Investigation," "7th Heaven," "JAG," "Bones," "The Ghost Whisperer," "Grey's Anatomy," "Sons of Anarchy" and "The Mentalist." Now, that sounds like a lot, but, considering that she only ever appeared in more than one episode of "Melrose Place" and "Grey's Anatomy" (two episodes, each), that's really not that great. She did appear in three episodes of "Private Practice," 13 episodes of "Big Love" and 34 episodes of "Nashville," however, so she's raising the bar as she goes, which is nice. Other movie roles you may or may not recognize her from include her turn as Denise in 1998's "Armageddon," Rebecca in "Salt" (...Oh wait... not the Angelina Jolie movie? There was another "Salt"? I guess nobody cares, then...), and Sarah's Mom in "I am Number Four." Hey! I actually saw that movie. I had no idea it was her. Wow. Also, upon further reflection, I totally remember April O'Neil being way hotter...

Name: Brian Tochi
Role: Voice of Leonardo
Where are they now?: Tochi would go on to voice Leonardo in TMNT II and III. Post-half shell, Tochi would also provide his voice for a plethora of other characters on television. His robust resume includes work as a fighting hyena in "The Lion King" and additional voices in "The Prince of Egypt," "The Iron Giant" and "Mulan II." He has also lent his talent to characters on "Mortal Kombat: Defenders of the Realm," "Dexter's Laboratory," "Batman Beyond," "Johnny Bravo," "Kim Possible," "Static Shock," "Family Guy" and "Avatar: The Last Airbender."


Name: Corey Feldman
Role: Voice of Donatello
Where are they now?: Well, right off the bat, IMDb's list of roles that Feldman is best known for doesn't include anything after 1987, so... He was apparently not the voice of Donny in TMNT II, although he did reprise the role for TMNT III, which is really a shame because that movie was weird. He was a bank robber in "Maverick," a guy named Vic in 10 episodes of a show called "Dweebs" in 1995, and, uh, the next big role he got wasn't until 2004, when he was SPRX-77 in 52 episodes of "Super Robot Monkey Team Hyperforce Go!" Wow, this guy is pathetic. It is of note, I suppose, that he returned to the turtle scene last year, providing the voice of Slash in the most recent "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" animated series. In other words, this guy hasn't done anything cool in the past quarter-century. Disappointing.

Name: Josh Pais
Role: Voice of Raphael
Where are they now?: Miraculously, it looks like Pais was able to break away from voice acting after leaving the soggy slums of his TMNT upbringing and star in some actual live-action roles. He showed up in a couple episodes of "Star Trek: Deep Space Nine" in the late '90s and would soon thereafter appear in an episode of "Sex and the City." He played a guy who probably got slashed to bits in "Scream 3" in 2000 and similarly probably got riddled with bullets when he spent a one-episode stint with "The Sopranos." He was an attorney in 16 episodes of "Law & Order" between 1990 and 2009 and has also been seen in six episodes of "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit" in the past 14 years. Currently, he can be seen as Stu Feldman on that "Ray Donovan" show that I keep seeing commercials for and still refusing to watch. As a side note, growing up as a big time "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" fan, Raphael was always my favorite, regardless of his "cool but rude" personality and his angsty moments in the 1990 film.

Name: Robbie Rist
Role: Voice of Michaelangelo
Where are they now?: Wow. You have GOT to check out this guy's IMDb picture. Haha. What is up with that?? This former child star (allegedly) scored the pizza-eating role of a lifetime when he was the voice of the sewer's resident party dude, Michaelangelo. After that, he was the voice of Star in 1995's animated rip-off of "Iron Will," "Balto," but then didn't really do a heck of a lot that I recognize until he provided the vocal stylings of a character on "Jackie Chan Adventures" in 2005. Admittedly, I never watched that show, either, but Jackie Chan is a famous guy, so Mr. Rist is successful by association. He looks like a pretty important character in the "Naruto" animated series, but I don't think my keyboard is properly equipped to type out that very foreign-looking name, so I won't try. He recently provided the voice for Stuffy on the popular children's program "Doc McStuffins." I have no idea who that is, but I bet my little nephews love him.

Name: Elias Koteas
Role: Wayne Gretzky Casey Jones
Where are they now?: Ok, I know I said Raphael was my favorite, but I freaking love Casey Jones. The dude was the original baller. Who in the world gets confused for the greatest hockey player of all time - while wearing regular clothes?! Casey Jones does, that's who. Koteas was in a bunch of junk (likely) that I've never heard of through the remainder of the 1990s, then he probably got blown to heck with Michelangelo on an episode of "The Sopranos." (Basically, I just assume that anybody who ever appeared on "The Sopranos" got whacked.) Other than that, it looks like he's been in a bunch of horror films ("Shutter Island" and "Zodiac," to name a couple) and he was also in "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" in 2008. Most recently, you may (or may not) have seen him in 13 episodes of "Combat Hospital" and/or 12 episodes of "The Killing" and/or 16 episodes of "Chicago P.D." But, if nothing else, he was Casey Jones. And he broke April O'Neil's swing.

Name: James Saito
Role: Shredder/Oroko Saki
Where are they now?: Shredder was a freaky, freaky dude. He was a constant thorn in the sides of our heroes, plus, he had that horrendously scarred face and perfected the art of the hand-popping-out-of-the-rubble technique. But who was the man behind the mask? Why, James Saito, of course! Yes, that same James Saito who was Chinese Mob Boss in "Home Alone 3," Korean Proprietor in "Die Hard with a Vengeance" and Korean Man in an episode of "Sex and the City." Skipping through a bunch of other minor appearances, you may remember him as Dr. Frank Chen in 26 episodes of "Eli Stone" or Judge Lee in the TV series "One Life to Live." I got all excited when I saw that he was in "Life of Pi," but "Older Insurance Investigator" really doesn't ring any bells for me. That was all awfully generic and nationality-specific. Hmm. Surely I'll find somebody with an exciting, memorable role sooner or later, right??

Name: Kevin Clash
Role: Voice of Splinter
Where are they now?: THIS GUY IS THE VOICE OF ELMO! HE IS ALSO THE VOICE OF BABY SINCLAIR FROM THE "DINOSAURS" TV SHOW! "Not the mama!!" Oh my gosh, Splinter wins!!!!! (Note: I have been reminded by Andrea Chapman that Kevin Clash has been in the news lately for... less-than-ideal circumstances. Touche. But still, at least he went on to do something with his career!)

Deep breaths. In and out. I'm sorry. I just got so excited that I found a TMNT alumnus with a couple big roles that I actually recognized.

I'll do one more, just for the heck of it... because you are never going to guess a billion, trillion years, who walked away from 1990's cult classic "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles"  as the biggest star with the most recognizable face. It was none other than...

Name: Sam Rockwell
Role: Head Thug
Where are they now?: Sam Rockwell, who I didn't have any idea was even in this movie in the first place, landed a breakout role as Guy Fleegman in the hilarious 1999 film "Galaxy Quest." If you haven't seen "Galaxy Quest," go see it. Right now. Go. Rockwell was Eric Knox in the big-screen adaptation of "Charlie's Angels" in 2000 and appeared as Zaphod Beeblebrox in "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" in 2005. My fingers hurt after typing that last character's name. Rockwell has also picked up big roles in movies in the past decade, such as "Moon," "Frost/Nixon," "Iron Man 2" and "Cowboys & Aliens." And get this - he will star in the lead role of the rebooted horror classic "Poltergeist," which is currently in post-production and slated to be released in 2015.

So there you have it! Tell your friends you learned something new today. Who were your favorite characters from the original "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles"? Are you planning on seeing the Michael Bay reboot? Let us know by leaving a comment below. Now share this blog with your buddies and order yourself a pizza. Cowabunga, dudes!