LOST: The Power of Letting Go

"Holding on is believing that there’s only a past; letting go is knowing that there’s a future." - Daphne Rose Kingma

A major theme in Season 6 of "LOST" - and, arguably, the main theme of the series - is something that the main character, Jack Shephard, has a really tough time doing - letting go.

Throughout most of the first five seasons of the show, Jack is a "fixer." It's what he does. He fixes things. Or he tries to fix things. It's a characteristic that makes him incredibly stubborn. He knows what he wants to do and he tries to do it, regardless of his probability of success, the advice he receives from others and (sometimes) logic. Fixing things motivates Jack and makes him feel successful. Failure or inability to solve problems frustrates Jack, often causing him to resort to shouting matches (often involving Sawyer or Ben Linus), physical violence (often involving Sawyer or Ben Linus) or complete resignation (as seen during his time being held at the aquarium by the Others in Season 3) - even to the point of contemplating suicide (see the Season 3 finale, for instance). With these personality traits in mind, the shift in Jack's attitude during Season 6 is quite remarkable. We see the evolution of "Destiny Jack" - less a "Man of Science" and more a "Man of Faith" than what we grew accustomed to over the span of 100-plus episodes.

The first major event that impacts Jack's mindset occurs in Season 6 Episode 5 ("Lighthouse"). Hurley takes Jack on a secret mission from the Island's then-Protector, Jacob, which ends with the duo ascending to a lighthouse they'd never before seen. At the top of the lighthouse, Jack is instructed to rotate a large dial to a certain angle. While doing so, Jack catches a glimpse of his childhood home being reflected in one of many large mirrors. Although this freaks Jack out (he essentially accuses Jacob of being a stalker), it accomplishes the Protector's intended goal - to help Jack understand how important he is to the "big picture."

From that point on, Jack has a change in attitude. He starts to buy into the idea that he is playing an important role in the plan set forth by Jacob. Rather than fighting against that plan, like he did during Season 2 at The Hatch, Jack shows faith in it by considering the well-being of everyone else on the Island, instead of only thinking about himself. Jack begins to say and do things that are not indicative of his previous demeanor. Ultimately, this leads to Jack accepting the role of new Protector of the Island. As the Island begins to self-destruct, Jack must say goodbye to the other Survivors (and, most notably, Kate, who he says that he loves during the series finale). He chooses to stay with the Island, letting go of the plans he had in mind for the entire series. His willingness to play a more important, less selfish role cost him his own life but spared the lives of many others.

It's hard to let go of things that we are afraid of losing or scared of changing. But, if managed properly, letting go can lead to tremendous personal growth. Elder Richard G. Scott of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints once discussed the process of change as having two parts:

“Recognize that you’ll go through two transition periods. The first is the most difficult. You are caging the tiger that has controlled your life. It will shake the bars, growl, threaten, and cause you some disturbance. But I promise you that this period will pass. How long it takes will depend upon the severity of your transgression, the strength of your determination, and the help you seek from the Lord. But remember, as you stand firm, it will pass.
“The second period is not as intense. It is like being on ‘battle alert’ so that you can fend off any enemy attack. That, too, will pass, and you will feel more peace and will have increased control of your life. You will become free.”

That freedom, for the Survivors of Oceanic Flight 815, comes in Season 6's "Flash-Sideways," as they gradually realize that they - at some point - have all died. Once the characters have become aware of this, they begin to congregate together at the church. Jack, naturally, is the last to come to this conclusion, despite having several "Flashes of Truth" throughout the final episode. Jack is, at long last, convinced by Kate to enter through the back of the chapel, whereupon he sees the long-lost coffin of his father, Christian Shephard. Jack approaches it and places his hand upon the box. Jack is immediately flooded with memories of his life on the Island and is then approached from behind by Christian. The following conversation ensues:

JACK: Dad?
CHRISTIAN: Hello, Jack.
JACK: I don't understand. You died.
CHRISTIAN: Yeah. Yes, I did.
JACK: Then how are you here right now?
CHRISTIAN: How are you here? [Emphasis added.]
JACK: I died too...
CHRISTIAN: It's okay. It's okay. It's okay, son.
JACK: I love you, dad.
CHRISTIAN: I love you too, son.
JACK: You... Are you real?
CHRISTIAN: I should hope so. Yeah, I'm real, you're real, everything that's ever happened to you is real. All those people in the church... They're real, too.
JACK: They're all... They're all dead?
CHRISTIAN: Everyone dies sometime, kiddo. Some of them before you, some long after you.
JACK: But why are they all here now?
CHRISTIAN: Well there is no "now" here.
JACK: Where are we, dad?
CHRISTIAN: This is the place that you - that you all - made together, so that you could find one another. The most important part of your life, was the time that you spent with these people. That's why all of you are here. Nobody does it alone, Jack. You needed all of them, and they needed you.
JACK: For what?
CHRISTIAN: To remember... and to let go.
JACK: Kate... She said we were leaving.
CHRISTIAN: Not leaving, no. Moving on.
JACK: Where are we going?
CHRISTIAN: Let's go find out.

Jack needed to learn how to let go. He held on for as long as he could, but letting go and moving on was what finally allowed him to be free. There is a powerful lesson to be learned here. Over the course of the series, Jack was an influential (though sometimes divisive) leader for the Survivors. The fruits of his leadership brought him great joy and, at times, great sorrow and pain. By clinging onto the memories and proverbial baggage of his past, he prevented himself from moving on to the life that was waiting for him. How often are we guilty of doing the same? Whether we are stuck reliving our high school or college years, stuck holding onto a bitter grudge, constantly looking back on an old job that we loved or endlessly spinning the wheels in a bad relationship, letting go can provide us a path to a brighter future.

Certainly, it is normal to fear change or the loss of something we have been hanging onto for such a long time. Loss is practically inevitable in the process of change, so it is important for us to understand the difference between giving up and letting go. We're not quitting; we're moving on to something better.

Author Joseph Campbell said, "We must be willing to let go of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us."

In his talk "Progress Through Change," Elder Marvin J. Ashton said:

“How often in life do we set our own roots into the soil of life and become root-bound? We may treat ourselves too gently and defy anyone to disturb the soil or trim back our root system. Under these conditions we too must struggle to make progress. Oh, change is hard! Change can be rough. …
“We need not feel that we must forever be what we presently are. There is a tendency to think of change as the enemy. Many of us are suspect of change and will often fight and resist it before we have even discovered what the actual effects will be. When change is thought through carefully, it can produce the most rewarding and profound experiences in life. ...
“As opportunity for change reaches into our lives, as it always will, we must ask, ‘Where do I need development? What do I want out of life? Where do I want to go? How can I get there?’ Weighing alternatives very carefully is a much needed prerequisite as one plans changes. In God’s plan we are usually free to choose the changes we make in our lives and we are always free to choose how we will respond to the changes that come. ...
“Yes, there is pain in change, but there is also great satisfaction in recognizing that progress is being achieved. Life is a series of hills and valleys and often the best growth comes in the valleys.” [Emphasis added.]

One of the beautiful things about the final moments of the "LOST" finale is that it shows us that Jack and the other Survivors didn't have to completely abandon their past. That's not what this concept is asking us to do. Just let go of anything that's dragging you down or holding you back. Rather than dwelling in the past (for better or worse), the Survivors of Oceanic 815 embraced the best parts of their lives and cultivated those experiences into "a place where [they could] be with the ones [they] love, and not have to ever think about [the] Island again," as Desmond explained in the finale.

We teared up as Jack and Locke finally figured things out, culminating in Jack healing John's paralysis. We watched Ben and Locke forgive each other outside of the church for their terrible relationship on the Island. And, finally, we saw the joyous gathering of Survivors in the chapel as the series drew to a close. After 121 hours of cliffhangers and unhappy endings, we got an episode where there were smiles on everyone's faces as the screen went black. What a payoff, and what a profound message.

While searching for quotes about change, I stumbled across this one - and I hate when people quote "unknown authors" - but I liked this message, as it related to Jack's character progression in "The End":

"Growth is painful. Change is painful. But nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don't belong."

My advice to you, then, is to evaluate your lives, figure out if there is something you need to let go of and then use that change to get to where you belong. It's worth a shot, right?

As always,

Namaste... and good luck.