"Orient Express" is everything you could ask for in a murder mystery

There was a point in my life when I was obsessed with movie reviews. I loved reading them. I wanted to know which movies were good, which weren't and which ones I should spend my time and money on.

That is no longer the case. These days, there is only one movie critic that I completely trust.

Myself.

With that in mind, I completely avoided any reviews about "Murder on the Orient Express" because I didn't want any spoilers (as would be incredibly easy to find for a film such as this) and because I wanted to go in and make up my own mind.

It is of note that, without reading any reviews, I did see that the movie was "rotten" on Rotten Tomatoes (currently sitting at 58%) - yet IGN gave it a 9.1 out of 10 - and that Entertainment Weekly said... well... whatever they're trying to say here:

Um, ok. I don't know about you, but I don't understand about half of those words. Like, did somebody get a thesaurus for their birthday or something? Here is my quick, spoiler-free review of the movie, which I saw this morning:

It's a little slow, but that's deliberate.

• In order for a murder mystery to work, you've got to have an intricate cast of characters. In order for an audience to buy into those characters, you've got to take time introducing them and making viewers care about them. And in order for the audience to get sucked into the interweaving backstories of those characters, you've got to take time to explain things.
• Admittedly, I was a little in-and-out of consciousness for a bit toward the beginning of the movie, but that's not the film's fault. It's my fault because I'm an idiot and stayed up way too late last night, and I felt terrible about it because I was afraid that I'd miss a clue or an important conversation. Luckily, I think I was mostly all right.

It's stylish and looks great

• It almost made me wish I lived in that era and could have taken a trip on a fancy train like the Orient Express, until I realized how badly it probably sucked to be living in that era. The costumes were wonderful and the cinematography was tremendous, including one particular shot toward the end of the movie that I immediately recognized as a recreation of a very famous piece of art. It was a cool shot and most certainly done intentionally. Good work.

It's not funny - but it shouldn't be

• In a world where many moviegoers seem to think, "If it's not funny, it must not be good" (cc: any DC Comics movie), I am here to tell you that this logic is simply not true. I think I maybe laughed once or twice throughout "Orient Express," but come on, people - it's a murder mystery, not a comedy. Somebody on the train has been killed. That is hardly a laughing matter, if you ask me. If you want a movie that will try its darndest to make you laugh, go watch "Thor: Ragnarok," which tries too hard, in my opinion, to be funny.

It keeps you guessing - and, of course, I was wrong

• The mark of a good murder mystery is its ability to keep viewers guessing. There's a little thing called "misdirection," and I wasn't going to take that bait. Certainly, the most obvious suspect was not actually going to be the murderer. As one unfamiliar with any Agatha Christie novels, I went into the theater kept my eyes peeled for the smallest of hints, trying to discern who the killer may have been. In the end, I didn't guess correctly (which is a good thing, right?), but realized, in retrospect, that the explanation given at the film's conclusion added up and even somewhat crossed my mind toward the end of the movie.
• On a relatively similar note, I once guess the killer about halfway through a mystery novel. I was so proud of myself for finally getting it right, but was also simultaneously disappointed that the book wasn't written confusingly enough to trick me. It was at that moment that I realized that I'd rather be surprised by the ending than be right all along.

Conclusion

"Murder on the Orient Express" is everything you could ask for in a murder mystery. It's clever, well-acted, has a complex cast of potential suspects and a superb lead in director/actor Kenneth Branagh's double-mustached Hercule Poirot, and even hints at future installments, which I think is great. The plot is intricate and good enough to make me (a non-reader) want to pick up Agatha Christie books for more thrills. If you've got two hours to spare, I would highly recommend "Orient Express," a movie which is completely unique, in comparison to the current superhero-saturated box office, and, in terms of murder mysteries, about as good as it gets.

Rating

4 1/2 out of 5 stars

You may also be interested in:

• Vantage Point
• Clue
• Source Code

Virtual Roundtable: "Stranger Things: Season 2"

The second season of Netflix's cult favorite series "Stranger Things" is upon us, and many a nostalgia nerd have already plowed their way through the quick nine-episode run. We here at The Underground have gathered some of the brightest minds this side of the Jordan River to discuss in detail the zigs, zags, ups and upside-downs of this Fall's most binge-worthy show.

Be ye warned and forewarned that forthcoming will be MAJOR SPOILERS for "Stranger Things: Season 2." Do not proceed past this point unless you have either watched the entire season or really don't care.

All right. If you've made it this far, we will assume that you have watched both seasons of "Stranger Things" and will therefore not take time to explain who characters or nor go into great detail laying backstory for the events that take place in the show. You've watched. You know. We're all adults here.

What follows will be a compilation of answers that were given, with no collaboration between participants. Although some of the comments may ultimately wind up edited for length, clarity and/or punctuation and grammar, the content and intent thereof will remain unchanged. Before we get into the nitty-gritty, let's introduce today's panelists:

Aaron Christensen - Main contributor and creator of the "Signs of the Times" blog franchise; former journalist of Deseret News, Salt Lake Comic Con and college radio fame.

Amy Morgan - Two-time Virtual Roundtable contributor, lover of "This is Us," the one and only Christensen sister.

Mandi Russell - Hardcore gamer, cosplayer, double Instagrammer.

Abbie Sugihara - She talked to Aaron at church twice and made the happy mistake of commenting on his recent "Stranger Things" status updates.

Amanda Nelson - Underground contributor, Whovian, frequent world traveler.

Karrie Randall - First-time mom, party game champion, dressed as Barb for Halloween.

Brad Randall - Married to Karrie / Father of Lou, overall cool dude, dressed as Dustin for Halloween.

Suzzanne Bailey - Hilarious coworker, lover of Tom Hiddleston, wearer of amazing t-shirts.

Jena Alison - She says she's a passionate, organized mom. I say she is the granter of Comic Con wishes.

The time has come. Let's get it on!

Question 1 - What did you like most about Season 2? What was the most pleasant surprise?

Consensus: Everybody loves Steve. The character "pair-ups" were also a big hit with the panelists.

Mandi: My favorite thing about Season 2 was the building of characters. With every episode, a new layer was peeled back on each character and we learned more about them in a very natural way. The pairing of characters (Hopper & Eleven, Steve & Dustin) really brought out new aspects to each of their personalities, where we saw them define and realize who they really were. A perfect example was the episode where Steve and Dustin were walking along the train tracks. Steve began to mentor Dustin and was a real and true friend to him - he even let Dustin in on his haircare secrets!

Abbie: The character development for Steve & Hopper. (Talk about a major "glow-up.") Steve and Hop both act as father figures for the younger kids while maintaining their toughness.

Karrie: I loved the "team” that ended up together fighting off the demo-dogs and trying to free Will from the influence of the smoke monster. I loved the addition of Max and I loved the role that Steve played in helping the kids and Joyce. ... This season, I [also] really learned to love Joyce and Hopper and Will!

Suzzanne: I actually liked this season better than the first. I loved how we didn't spend a lot of time developing new characters, and the adventure started off from the word "go." The villain was better, scarier and more sentient than the Demogorgan from Season 1. Most pleasant surprise? The Steve/Dustin bromance. It was everything I didn't know I needed in my life.

Question 2 - What did you like least about Season 2? What was the biggest disappointment?

Consensus: The panelists really didn't like Episode 7, Max and Billy.

Mandi: My least favorite thing was meeting Eight. The gritty/grungy vibe of the mid-80s was great, and I loved what the Duffer brothers were going for, but it dragged and the characters weren’t lovable, let alone likable or relatable. I didn’t care for any of them, and Eight’s relationship with Eleven didn’t seem very deep. I believe that Eight will eventually want to reach out to Eleven and have a more serious connection with her, but I felt that she was using Eleven far more than helping her unlock her potential.

Suzzanne: I don't really think that they needed a human antagonist. The whole Billy storyline was kind of a waste of screen time that could have been given to more Eleven-and-Hopper scenes. ... I do wish we'd seen more Eleven interacting with the boys, beyond the brief scene at the Byers' house and at the Snow Ball.

Amy: It's a tie between the weird love triangle between MadMax, Dustin and Lucas, and "The Lost Sister." I really don't care for Max or Lucas in the first place, so I just thought it was annoying. "The Lost Sister" could have been summed up into 5 minutes of actual important stuff. I was not that impressed with Eight and I hated seeing Eleven as this angsty teenage girl who ended up looking like a gothic teenage version of the Godfather. [Also,] Nancy and Jonathan sleeping together and them getting together with the weird P.I. to take down Hawkins Lab. I hated everything about that episode.

Aaron: Episode 7 was just plain terrible. I understand why they did it, but they could have basically condensed that whole episode into a five-minute Eleven training montage. If I ever re-watch this season, I'm skipping that episode. Also, Greaser Eleven is the worst. Also, that ridiculous will-they/won't-they scene with Jonathan and Nancy (AKA "Jancy"), which that they jacked straight out of "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom."

Brad: Episode 7. I get that they are trying to build on Eleven's character, but I didn't feel that story deserved an entire episode and I didn't feel it pushed the story further.

Karrie: Obviously, Episode 7 was a bit of a bust. I was excited to find out who 008 was and, while I am excited to see where that goes, that episode felt like a waste. I also thought that certain plot points were a little muddled and could have used a little more detail, like when Nancy and Jonathan went to lab and then met with that man who helped them send out the tape to all the newspapers. It just felt like they weren’t quite committed enough to that portion of the story. I also really wanted there to be more justice and closure for Barb and her family!

Abbie: "The Lost Sister" episode was garbage. The additions of Billy and Max also sucked. They provided no extra meaning to the plot. It’s like they were just... there.

Question 3 - Who was your favorite Season 2 character and why?

Amanda: Dustin. That kid has the best one-liners. His humor just makes it.

Brad: I really liked Will. I thought his acting was incredible.

Jena: Eleven. It was nice to see her be a kid.

Mandi: Steve. Selfless, caring and tough. 

Karrie: I loved both Joyce and Hopper. Joyce, because she seemed way less cuckoo in this season and I loved how she fought for her son. I loved that Hopper took Eleven in and how kind he was to Joyce.

Suzzanne: Steve! Talk about character development. He needed more to do, and he's way too good for Nancy.

Aaron: Gotta go with Steve. The man is a baller with glorious '80s hair.

Amy: Steve hands down. He is the best [dang] babysitter around!

Abbie: STEVE HARRINGTON. He had the greatest character development from Season 1 to Season 2. Plus, I’m also 100% here for his hair.

Question 4 - Who was your least favorite Season 2 character and why?

Consensus: Everybody hates Billy the Bully and his fancy through-the-legs layups.

Abbie: Billy. He was garbage. He served no purpose to the season except for giving us Steve’s confused “....Nancy?” when he woke up after getting beaten by Billy.

Amy: Max and Billy. They were crappy additions to the show that the [story] could have easily done without.

Suzzanne: Billy... UGH. He kind of took over Steve's throne as the school 'cool kid/king of the jerks' but I don't think that they really needed it.

Mandi: Max and Eight are tied for least fave. I feel like Max was thrown in as a P.C. necessity and Eight wasn’t at all altruistic - she was very selfish and manipulative.

Aaron: Mad Max and Billy were practically pointless. Honestly, when did Max ever do anything of value, other than illegally driving a car? Also, I didn't know Billy actually had a name until like Episode 5. I just called him "The Kid That Is Always Smoking on School Property."

Jena: The doctor. I thought he was slimy and didn't want him to be "good."

Question 5 - Who is the most underrated character of the series so far?

Brad: Lucas! Or Steve. Love them both.

Amanda: Hopper. His character development is great. I really can't [wait to] see what they do next with him.

Karrie: Joyce. She doesn’t get enough credit for all that she does and has done for Will and the others.

Jena: Joyce. She gets written off as crazy, when she's really the only one who's paying attention.

Amy: Bob. Sure, he was kind of a goofy guy, but he did so much to help the Byers, from being somewhat normal to escaping Hawkins Lab by knowing Basic.

Suzzanne: Dustin. This kid is smart - he knows he needs his paddles for his curiosity voyage! He so many moments of bravery in this season (and a few stupid moments... of course your weird new friend is a baby demogorgan!) He wasn't completely useless without his friends either; he went looking for Mike and, when he couldn't find someone, he recruited Steve.

Aaron: That goofy police officer with the glasses. Did anybody dress up like him for Halloween? That would be a great costume.

Question 6 - Is there a character that you wish would have been killed off? If so, who and why?

Consensus: Brad and Karrie are the kindest of the panelists because they didn't want to kill anyone. Five points to each of them.

Abbie: Billy and/or MadMax.

Jena: The doctor. I don't see a reason for keeping him alive actually.

Aaron: I thought for a second that they were going to have to kill Will. That would have been crazy. Other decent options: Nancy, Max and Billy.

Amanda: I'm not a huge fan of Will. I feel like he is just there to further the story along, but I have no connection to him.

Mandi: Max. She is everything i hate in female protagonists: cocky, pushy and mysteriously better than anyone else at something. I’m sure she’ll be helpful next season, but they need to tone down her “holier than thou” attitude.

Amy: Either Max or Billy because they are the worst. Or the stupid P.I. conspiracy theory guy. He was just a part of the series to get Nancy and Jonathan to sleep together.

Suzzanne: Actually... Jonathan. He's a sweet kid, and I do believe that he would die for his brother. Something about him creeps me out, though. I think I'd like him a little better if he did some great self-sacrificing gesture so his baby brother could have a normal life. Is that mean? Maybe.

Question 7 - Was there anything you wish would have happened in Season 2 that didn't come to pass?

Amanda: I wanted the shadow monster to come out of the Upside Down!

Suzzanne: I wanted more Will. He was the such a central character in Season 1 and he wasn't featured a whole lot. I wanted to get to know him a little better.

Karrie: Some other part of Barb's story. I’m not sure what they could have done... but I️ would have liked to see something..

Mandi: I wish we could have seen more of the Upside Down. Are there any good or redeemable creatures there (like Dart?), or are they all inherently evil?

Abbie: Part of me is still waiting for Joyce and Hop to hook up.

Aaron: I was really hoping there would be a scene at some point where Joyce came home to discover an unconscious boy on her floor and a dead alien in her fridge.

Question 8 - Who or what is most to blame for the calamities that befell Hawkins, Indiana, in Season 2, and why?

Karrie: Technically, Eleven opened the gate. But she was doing that to try to save herself. So really, it’s the labs fault, and Papa's.

Amanda: Eleven. I mean she started the whole thing. The season connected completely to season one. Although, if not for Eleven there probably wouldn't be a show, so yeah.

Abbie: As much as I love her, probably Eleven. She opened the gate at the end of season 1, and by it staying open, the mess from the upside down seeped into Hawkins.

Aaron: Eleven, originally, but in Season 2, I put a lot of the blame on Dustin for keeping (and feeding) Dart. You know what? I blame the Three Musketeers!

Mandi: Bob! I loved him, but knew it wouldn’t end well the moment he told Will to “fight” the shadow monster.

Amy: Bob, because he told Will to stick up to the Mind Flayer/shadow monster. Dustin, because he raised a demo-dog. The pumpkin farmers for creating so much drama. Nancy because she's the worst. Above all, I blame the Mind Flayer for everything that happened in Hawkins.

Jena: The lab. Because, government.

Suzzanne: The Cold War.

Brad: I'm sure there's a better answer here, but I'm guessing Donald Trump is somehow behind it all.

Question 9 - #JusticeForBarb or #JusticeForBob?

Question 10 - Who should Nancy date?

Question 11 - How did you feel about Episode 7: "The Lost Sister"?

Question 12 - Whose powers would you rather have?

Question 13 - What is the best song featured in Season 2?

33.3% "Every Breath You Take" - The Police

22.2 % "Runaway" - Bon Jovi

11.1% "Should I Stay or Should I Go" - The Clash

11.1% "You Don't Mess Around with Jim" - Jim Croce

11.1% "Rock You Like a Hurricane" - Scorpions

11.1% "Whip It" - Devo

Question 14 - Is Stranger Things the greatest TV show of all time?

Amanda: Close. It just has so much to love about it. Great characters and plot, but I don't know if anything can beat "The X-Files."

Jena: Not quite, but it's still fantastic. "Doctor Who" and "LOST" are at my top.

Suzzanne: Greatest show of all time? No. An amazing show that has mass appeal and is wildly entertaining? Abso-freaking-lutely. This show has great appeal because it is a mix of sci-fi, suspense, comedy, mystery, and nostalgia. It's just great. The re-watch value is high, and it gives you a lot to talk about.

Mandi: It's my favorite new show, for sure. It’s instantly nostalgic, has iconic references and pop culture moments, but is unique and not at all kitschy or overplayed. I really love how they develop the characters and make it just creepy enough to really suck you in.

Amy: I don't know about "all time," but I do think it's a great TV show. It's kind of a thriller, but it's funny enough to keep me coming back for more. I also love the '80s theme! The songs, the style, the glasses, the Eggos... It's all so perfect!

Brad: No. It is not. But it is a wonderful popcorn binge-worthy entertainment choice that is a hit with many teens and adults alike. When does that happen?

Abbie: Debatable. I love it, but I also know people who don’t, usually because Sci-Fi isn’t something they get into. All things considered: 11/10 would recommend to anyone.

Karrie: Yes.

Aaron: I give it 8/10 stars, but no. The greatest TV show of all time has already been made... and its name is "LOST"!

Question 15 - Make a bold prediction about Season 3 or beyond.

Mandi: I think the Mind Flayer has its sights set on Eleven. My guess is it realized her strength and it will possess her.

Jena: We see more of the lost siblings.

Brad: I think Season 3 expands [the story] outside of just Hawkins. Hawkins is the central area, but bigger powers get involved and more havoc unleashes.

Amanda: The earth is destroyed and they all get stuck in the Upside Down.

Abbie: As much as I hated the "Lost Sister" episode, I’m hoping that it serves a greater purpose than some minor character development for El. I think there’s potential for something great with her story.

Karrie: Billy is going to end up a good guy. Joyce and Hopper end up together.

Suzzanne: The Mind Flayer uses another telekinetic kid to open a gate and it comes for the town of Hawkins. Eight is brought into the story by Eleven to try to help trick the Mind Flayer and save the day.

Aaron: Somebody finally gets the guts to say, "You know what? I'm moving to Omaha."

Amy: [HOT TAKE ALERT!!!] Hopper and Dustin are going to be the new hosts for the Mind Flayer. (They both got stuff in their mouths in the tunnels and it may be something that causes an infection.)

BOOM! There you have it! What do you think? Do you agree? Disagree? Did we miss anything you wanted to discuss? Sound off in the comments section below. But not on Facebook. No, no. Not on Facebook for a couple more weeks, lest your friends unleash fury upon you for ruining Episode 7 for them.

See ya on the flip side. 🙃


For more "Stranger Things," check out our Season 2 Power Rankings by clicking here.

"Stranger Things: Season 2" Power Rankings

"Stranger Things" is all the rage right now, which got me thinking about which characters are most beloved by my fellow binge-watchers of America. I devised a way to determine this, based on a popular method used in sports called "Power Rankings."

According to Wikipedia, "Power ratings are numerical representations of competitive strength, often directly comparable so that the game outcome between any two teams can be predicted. Power rankings can be directly provided (e.g., by asking people to rank teams) so that the highest rated team earns the #1 rank."

With that in mind, I asked my online acquaintances to rank characters from Season 1 and Season 2 of "Stranger Things" to see where they stacked up. Here are the results:

Season 1 Power Rankings:

Season 2 Power Rankings:

Biggest Movers: Steve Harrington, +4; Eleven, -3; Nancy Wheeler, -3

Dropped from rankings: Mr. Clarke, Barb Holland

New this season: Bob “The Brain” Newby, MadMax Mayfield, Eight / Kali, Billy Hargrove

For more "Stranger Things," check out our Virtual Roundtable by clicking here.