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Showing posts with label John Cena. Show all posts
Showing posts with label John Cena. Show all posts

Tuesday, December 16, 2025

The Bitter Pill 6: John Cena Gives Up


For more than two decades, WWE superstar John Cena lived by a pair of three-word mottos: “Hustle, loyalty, respect” and “Never give up.” Across nearly 25 years, he granted hundreds of Make-a-Wish requests, served as the undisputed face of WWE, and crafted a heroic legacy that spanned multiple generations of fans.

In July 2024, Cena announced that he would retire at the end of 2025, breaking the hearts of millions of wrestling fans. Yet the announcement also sparked immediate intrigue. Who would Cena face on his way out? Old rivals? Dream matches? A final spotlight on rising talent?

Few could have predicted what followed.

Cena’s 18-match retirement tour featured several notable moments: a second-place finish in the Royal Rumble, a victory inside the Elimination Chamber, and the most shocking development of all: his long-awaited heel turn. After years of fan speculation, Cena finally embraced the dark side, aligning himself with The Rock and Travis Scott, stunning the wrestling world by delivering a low blow to Cody Rhodes at the conclusion of Elimination Chamber.



For years, fans begged to see the company’s white knight bend the rules but Cena always resisted, determined to preserve his family-friendly image. When it finally happened, it felt historic - although the storyline ultimately lacked follow-through once Dwayne and Travis unexpectedly vanished from television.

Still, the heel turn opened the door for fresh matchups for a few months. Cena squared off against top babyfaces including Cody Rhodes, CM Punk, Sami Zayn, and longtime admirer R-Truth. Along the way, he broke Ric Flair’s long-standing world championship record, capturing a historic seventeenth title. But without meaningful direction, Cena’s villain run always felt temporary and quickly ran out of steam, not to mention that fans continued to cheer him despite his dastardly deeds. Entertaining as it was, it seemed inevitable that he would finish his career the way he started it - as a hero.

Eventually, he did pivot back to his old, righteous character. After a brief, almost abrupt redemption, the WWE Universe welcomed him back with open arms. Cena closed out his tour with strong performances with and against familiar foes like AJ Styles, Sheamus, and Rey Mysterio. He even defeated Dominik Mysterio to capture the Intercontinental Championship - the only major title that had eluded him - officially making Cena a Grand Slam Champion in the twilight of his career.



His final opponent was decided via a 16-man “Last Time Is Now” tournament featuring WWE and NXT talent, along surprise appearances from ex-WWE stars Zack Ryder and Dolph Ziggler. From early on, rumors pointed toward Gunther as the scripted winner. Gunther, who returned from an injury that kept him out of action for several months, had already established himself as a multi-time champion and recently retired Goldberg in the summer of 2025, and a probably “career ender” reputation wouldn’t be an unrealistic angle.

For some fans – myself included - that outcome felt potentially underwhelming. Cena’s final match seemed better suited for a long-standing rival like Randy Orton or The Miz, or even an impossible dream opponent like Edge, who is currently contracted by WWE’s main rival, AEW. But the rumors proved true. Gunther won the tournament and earned the right to face John Cena in his retirement match at Saturday Night’s Main Event in Washington, D.C.

The match itself was fine. It wasn’t a highlight-reel classic like Cena’s bout with AJ Styles, nor was it a one-sided demolition like his loss to Brock Lesnar. As the tour progressed, Cena showed signs of slowing down - precisely the reason he chose to retire while still capable. He wasn’t bad; he was simply no longer prime Cena. Against a methodical opponent like Gunther, that worked. The slower pace fit the moment.

The crowd was firmly in Cena’s corner, louder and more unified than perhaps any audience of Cena’s storied career. There seemed to be a genuine belief that he could pull off one last victory.

Industry tradition suggests otherwise. Retirement matches are often about passing the torch, and legends typically go out on their backs, looking up at the lights. Ric Flair did it. Kurt Angle did it. Batista did it. The Undertaker did it. Goldberg lost consciousness in his last match with Gunther. That’s just how wrestling works.

But John Cena felt different. It felt like maybe - just maybe - WWE would let us see Cena’s hand raised one last time.

In the episode or two preceding Saturday Night’s Main Event, Gunther promised he would make Cena go against everything he preached; he promised to make Cena give up.

That idea alone felt wrong. The man whose entire career was built on “Never Give Up” was not going to tap out. Not in his final match.

Throughout the bout, Cena delivered his signature offense - the Five Knuckle Shuffle, the “five moves of doom,” and multiple Attitude Adjustments, including one through the announce table and another from the middle ropes. Gunther kicked out every time. He fought back relentlessly, chopping Cena down and repeatedly locking in the sleeper hold - the same move that ended Goldberg’s career.



Surely they weren’t going to make John Cena submit.

…Right?

As the match wore on, Cena struggled to stay upright, narrowly escaping defeat multiple times. The crowd roared, chanting “Don’t give up!” and unleashing venom toward Gunther, urging their hero onward.

But time and time again, Gunther cinched in that sleeper hold, and Cena started to fade. Finally, in a moment that will be talked about and debated for years to come, John Cena smiled.

And then, softly, he tapped out.

John Cena gave up.

This just felt wrong. Cena didn’t look overpowered. He didn’t look completely out of gas. He just looked tired - disappointed, even. Sad. The moment felt symbolic, as if Cena were quietly acknowledging, “My time is over. The job is done.”

This week on his social media accounts, Cena posted a captionless image of Obi-Wan Kenobi smiling just before being struck down by Darth Vader. The comparison spoke for itself.

The crowd, meanwhile, was stunned into near silence as Gunther’s hand was raised. A smattering of applause followed - more out of appreciation for Cena than appreciation of the moment itself - but it hardly resembled the sendoff WWE likely envisioned. Wrestlers soon filed to the ring, led by WWE Chief Content Officer Paul “Triple H” Levesque, who was met with loud boos and profanity-laced chants. The tonal shift was jarring: from Cena’s shocking defeat to Triple H laughing and grinning as he gestured toward the video board, where a triumphant highlight package of Cena’s career began to play.



Fans could do nothing but watch in disbelief as the curtain fell on an unrivaled career during a moment that should have felt triumphant but simply didn’t.

Yahoo! Sports journalist Ariel Helwani addressed Cena’s retirement on his podcast, The Ariel Helwani Show, pushing back against the familiar argument that this was “what wrestling tradition demands”:

“People will say, ‘This is what John wanted - he wanted to give back to the business.’ And to that I say that’s nonsense. That ideology belongs to wrestling in the ’70s and ’80s, not the era we’re living in now. Who wanted to see John Cena lose again and again in his final months? And not only does he lose his retirement match, but the guy who told us for over 20 years to never give up loses by submission. The match never should have been Cena vs. Gunther, and it sure as [expletive] never should have ended with Cena tapping out.”

Helwani also suggested that WWE may as well have told its audience, “You want this? Well, here’s the exact opposite.” During the match, fans loudly chanted “Super Cena,” a nickname once used mockingly by detractors who resented his seemingly invincible booking. On this night, however, the chant carried nostalgia and affection. The fans were trying to will him to victory. And what they received in return was a version of John Cena who abandoned the very mantra that defined his career, tapping out and exiting with a whimper.

Bleacher Report echoed that frustration, criticizing Cena’s retirement run as a whole and calling it a program that “largely missed the mark,” citing inconsistent storytelling, the failed heel turn, and a lack of meaningful payoff. What should have been a legacy-defining farewell instead became a wave of nostalgia filled with squandered opportunities.

The larger problem for WWE is that moments like this tend to linger with its audience. Last weekend, fans in Washington were taunting Gunther for having tapped out to Jey Uso at WrestleMania last April; there is little chance they’ll forget that he ended John Cena’s career via one of the most pathetic-looking tap-outs of all time.

WWE may be comfortable doubling down on the idea that this was “best for business,” and to Gunther’s credit, his character thrives in hostility. But Cena’s farewell wasn’t supposed to be about solidifying Gunther as a star. It was supposed to be about John Cena.

At a time when WWE is steadily pricing fans out of live events and television programming, the company had a chance to give its audience something simple and rare: a joyful goodbye. A victory lap. A final image worthy of the man who carried the brand for a generation.

The fans deserved better. John Cena deserved better. Instead, WWE chose an ending that undercut the very values its biggest star spent decades promoting.

I know it’s all part of the show - but for once, wouldn’t a happy ending have been enough?

Hustle, loyalty, respect. Never give up… unless it’s the final match of your career and the script says otherwise.



*****

The Bitter Pill is an ongoing series containing my thoughts on moments that make me wonder why I even watch sports (even the pre-determined ones) in the first place. For a nice jog down Pain Boulevard, read the other posts here. You can also try to find me on Facebook, follow me on Twitter (here and here), and explain why it's still real to you, dang it, in the comments section below.

Until next time.

Saturday, August 22, 2020

DC FanDome: The Suicide Squad Panel

Director James Gunn took the stage at DC FanDome to talk about his upcoming DC movie, "The Suicide Squad," and he brought some friends along for the ride.

Gunn recounted his love of DC Comics, and the Suicide Squad, in particular. "I remember reading the first issue of [Suicide Squad comics]," he said, in response to a fan question. His passion for DC Comics runs deep, to the extent that his favorite supervillain as a child was the little-known "Bat-Mite." Who knew?

Another fan asked which character Gunn was most excited to write about. "Harley Quinn," the director replied. "I have loved this character ever since [she was put] in animated shows. A lot of it was me writing for Harley, and a lot of it was Harley doing writing for me."

Jake from State Farm popped in to ask how many explosions and crashes are in the "Suicide Squad" reboot. "We have about as many explosions and crashes in this film as any film, ever," Gunn said. "We have quite a huge special effects explosion extravaganza for you."

Gunn made headlines months ago when it was announced that he would be introducing fans to a handful of incredibly obscure villains from DC Comics. "I think of this movie as a sequel to [Suicide Squad] comics," he said. "I think it has the spirit and the life-blood of [the comics], but I also like to take in new supervillains, like Polka-Dot Man and Ratcatcher, who have never been in the movies but have something to offer."

When asked about the veracity of Internet rumors and fan theories that have swirled around "The Suicide Squad," Gunn admitted, "Sometimes they've been right, and sometimes they've been wrong."

To put some of those rumors to rest, Gunn officially announced the main cast and their accompanying roles. (Thanks to IGN and IMDb for helping me double-check my notes.)

  • Viola Davis - Amanda Waller
  • Joel Kinnaman - Rick Flag
  • Michael Rooker - Savant
  • Lula Borg - Javelin
  • Margot Robbie - Harley Quinn
  • David Dastmalchian - Polka Dot Man
  • Daniela Melchior - Ratcatcher II
  • Idris Elba - Bloodsport
  • Nathan Fillion - TDK
  • Jai Courtney - Captain Boomerang
  • Pete Davidson - Blackguard
  • Sean Gunn - Weasel
  • Mayling Ng - Mongal
  • Peter Capaldi - Thinker
  • Alice Braga - Sol Soria
  • John Cena - Peacemaker
  • Storm Reid - Tyla
  • Joaquín Cosío - General Mateo Suarez
  • Jennifer Holland - Emilia Harcourt

Gunn then welcomed in many of the cast to play a head-to-head trivia game. Although it was done mostly just for fun, we did learn a few interesting facts about some of the characters in the movie, including that Elba's Bloodsport begins the movie in prison for shooting Superman.

Gunn called the cast the greatest one he's ever worked with, and noted that the film is editing "completely fluidly." It is currently slated for a 2021 release... but with COVID-19 still wrecking havic on the world, who knows if that will actually happen?

Finally, Gunn revealed some behind-the-scenes footage, which you can watch below, including the warning, "Don't get too attached."



Did this get you pumped for "The Suicide Squad"? Have you been keeping up with DC FanDome? Let us know in the comments below, find me on Facebook, or follow me on Twitter (here and here).

Monday, April 9, 2018

WrestleMania 34 recap and review


Once again, I watched WrestleMania so that you wouldn't have to. But you might as well have. Because it would have been free. But hey. You know. Whatever. With no further ado and no more gilding the lilly, let's break down, recap and review each of the matches for what was a stacked card and was intended to be the Super Bowl of professional wrestling. Here we go:


Matt Hardy wins the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

  • Recap: Overall, pretty standard for a battle royal match, but my original pick to win, Matt Hardy, ended up winning in the best way possible - by teaming with Bray Wyatt, who he recently... DELETED... in the hilarious "Ultimate Deletion" match two weeks ago. Bray illegally entered the match in its closing moments and saved Hardy from elimination, then greeted Hardy with a handshake and a hug after the bell. I've been hoping for these two to team up for a while, so I couldn't be happier.
  • SotT prediction: Elias (did not participate/late scratch from the card)
  • Grade: A

Cedric Alexander def. Mustafa Ali to win the WWE Cruiserweight Championship

  • Recap: A good match for the cruiserweight division, featuring two "face" characters (good guys) who mutually respect each other. Lots of high-flying action, as anticipated, but nothing totally jaw dropping.
  • SotT prediction: N/A
  • Grade: B

Naomi wins the WrestleMania Women's Battle Royal

  • Recap: It looked like an NXT takeover in the women's battle royal, as a bunch of women I genuinely have never seen teamed up to take out a lot of the big names from the main roster. As expected, the match came down to a showdown between Sasha Banks and Bayley, resulting in Bayley suckering Sasha in for a handshake, then unexpectedly throwing her over the top rope. It's another step in the direction of a heel turn for Bayley, which is entirely stupid because there isn't a mean bone in her entire body. However, Bayley failed to realize that Naomi had not been eliminated and Naomi quickly made Bayley "feel the glow" with a Rear View and a swift elimination. I never really care for those moments where a superstar plays possum for most of the match and comes back at the very end, so I wasn't a fan of this ending.
  • SotT prediction: Sonya DeVille
  • Grade: C

Seth Rollins def. The Miz and Finn Balor to win the Intercontinental Championship

  • Recap: The trio traded finishers back and forth for a good deal of the match, which was fun. Rollins nailed back-to-back Curb Stomps on Balor and The Miz before picking up a surprising pinfall victory.
  • SotT prediction: The Miz
  • Grade: B
  • Best Spots: The Miz hits the Skull Crushing Finale from the top rope, Balor hits the Coup de Grace on top of both opponents, Rollins tunes up the band before hitting the final Curb Stomp

Charlotte Flair def. Asuka to retain the SmackDown! Women's Championship

  • Recap: Both women showed off their athleticism with numerous reversals and counters and submission holds. Charlotte began bleeding from the arm mid-way through the match. The injury to her arm led to some (scripted) difficulty and, ultimately, a one-armed bridge into the Figure Eight lock, at which point Asuka tapped out, ending her 514-day undefeated streak. This was perhaps the most surprising WrestleMania moment since Brock Lesnar beat the Undertaker.
  • SotT prediction: Asuka
  • Grade: A
  • Best Spots: Charlotte comes out to Ric Flair's music, Asuka suplexes Charlotte off the ring apron, Charlotte takes Asuka from a spin with a backflip suplex off the top turnbuckle, "Charlotte was ready for Asuka!"
  • WrestleMania Moment: Asuka taps out for her first loss

John Cena update

As Charlotte celebrated on her way back up the ramp, a referee could be seen booking it to ringside. He immediately rushed to John Cena, who was sitting at ringside and told him something that Cena didn't appear to believe. However, after some coaxing, Cena hopped the barrier and sprinted up the ramp, past a bewildered Charlotte and backstage. Could the Undertaker be in the house?

Jinder Mahal def Randy Orton, Bobby Roode and Rusev to win the United States Championship

  • Recap: As Fatal Four-way matches go, this one was generic, at best. Each wrestler got in their finishers, including a flurry of RKOs from Orton, but Mahal capitalized on a distraction by Sunil Singh, then hit the Khallas on Rusev for the 1-2-3. I've been a Jinder apologist for most of his push, but this was probably the worst possible outcome for this match. WWE had a perfect opportunity to blow the roof off of the Superdome if Rusev had won, but they went with Jinder who is the least popular and least likable of the four.
  • SotT prediction: Rusev
  • Grade: C
  • Best Spots: Randy RKOs English/Rusev/Mahal in rapid succession, crowd goes nuts for Rusev Day

"Rowdy" Ronda Rousey and Kurt Angle def Stephanie McMahon and Triple H

  • Recap: The last time Ronda Rousey was in a competitive ring was December 30, 2016. You wouldn't have known that by watching this match. All four competitors did not show any signs of ring rust, which was a concern going into WrestleMania. Triple H and Stephanie were the consummate villains, working well together and coming off as cocky, arrogant and above-the-rules. The match was booked wonderfully, keeping Angle in the ring and away from making a tag to Rousey for as long as possible. When Rousey did enter the ring, she looked surprisingly good, blasting Stephanie with power moves and a flurry of MMA punches and sending the crowd into a frenzy. McMahon blocked Rousey's initial attempts at an armbar and broke the hold with a rake to the eyes. However, she found herself unable to make a tag to her husband as he lay prostrate at ringside. This forced Stephanie to stay in the ring, but allowed her to get in some offense and forcing Rousey to play some defense. Triple H and Stephanie continued to bend the rules and take cheap shots, while Angle and Rousey both took a physical beating. One of Rousey's knees was visibly skinned and Angle ended the match with a black eye. Both duos hit tandem finishers before all was said and done, but it was Rousey who finally got Stephanie to tap with an absolutely vicious armbar. I'll be honest - I doubted Rousey from the very beginning, but she (and the other three, too) looked fantastic. Rousey's offense was impressive and she showed some actual wrestling prowess throughout. This match was quite a surprise to me, so color me "impressed" by Rousey's WWE debut.
  • SotT prediction: Rousey and Angle
  • Grade: A
  • Best Spots: Stephanie takes cheap shots before the bell, Rousey dominates with fast-paced offense, Triple H pulls the ref from the ring while counting a potential pinfall, Rousey squares up on Triple Angle's German Suplex combination, the teams trade tandem finishers, Stephanie looks horrified as Rousey snaps in the final armbar
  • WrestleMania Moment: Rousey dazzles with her in-ring debut

The Bludgeon Brothers def The Usos and The New Day to win the SmackDown! Tag Team Championship

  • Recap: First and foremost, what on earth happened during The New Day's entrance? Dancing pancake people?!? Wow. This match was a combination of power (Bludgeon Brothers), speed (Usos) and charisma (New Day). It was quick and unremarkable, and the freaking Bludgeon Brothers won the titles. Are. You. Kidding. This was a filler match, at best, that did not do justice to the remarkable year that The Usos and The New Day had. Total letdown.
  • SotT prediction: The Usos
  • Grade: D
  • Best Spots: Pancake midgets!! Xavier's afro. That was about it.

John Cena update:

Cena came out to the ring, only to be met by a referee who appeared to inform the 16-time WWE champion that the Undertaker was not here. As Cena got back out of the ring, the lights went out momentarily. However, Cena was met by Elias (who I really like). But this is the botch of botches. They just wasted a month of tremendous Cena promos only for the Undertaker not to show up at all. Elias was understandably greeted by deafening boos, and I can't blame the fans. This makes Undertaker look like an absolute yellow-bellied coward. Elias got in the ring and serenaded the fans until Cena got back in the ring and flattened The Drifter in less than a minute. The crowd continued chanting for Taker as Cena's music hit. A dejected Cena walked back up the ramp, when his music cut off, the lights turned out and Undertaker's coat and hat appeared in the middle of the ring. Phony lightning struck, the ring gear disappeared, and THE GONG HIT. The Elias segment totally sucked, but it looks like we've got ourselves a match.

The Undertaker def John Cena

  • Recap: Undertaker came out swinging, literally moving the fastest I've seen him go in like six years. This apparently was not the geriatric Undertaker of the past several WrestleManias. The match was booked to make Taker look like he's not messing around, but, to me, it looked like what they did for Goldberg when they brought him back a year and a half ago: keep it short, keep it quick - a borderline "squash match" - but the reality is that the dude is 53 years old and doesn't have the stamina to do what he once did. Cena got in one, maybe two offensive maneuvers, but Undertaker nailed a big chokeslam and the Tombstone Piledriver to pick up the win. I honestly think Taker's entrance was longer than the actual match. If only we could have seen these two fight at WrestleMania in their primes...
  • SotT prediction: The Undertaker
  • Grade: D
  • Best Spots: Undertaker sits up during the Five Knuckle Shuffle and Cena falls down in fear


Daniel Bryan and Shane McMahon def Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn

  • Recap: Owens and Zayn began the match with a sneak attack from behind, followed up by a brutal beating outside the ring. Owens powerbombed Bryan onto the ring apron, sidelining the returning fan favorite and forcing McMahon to start the match, 2-on-1. The commentators really played up what were purported to be real-life injuries for McMahon, which caught up to him in the ring, leading to a beatdown from Kevin and Sami as Bryan was being attended to my medics. Bryan eventually returned to the match, got the hot tag and hit all of his classic spots, which was great to see. He's had a long road to recovery and he deserves mountains of success. Bryan slapped the Yes! Lock on Zayn to make him tap, which means that Owens and Zayn have now been officially fired from SmackDown! Live. Time will tell whether they get picked up by Raw in the next couple weeks. It would not surprise me to see them show up in Kurt Angle's office tomorrow night.
  • SotT prediction: Owens and Zayn
  • Grade: B
  • Best Spots: Owens shouting ("Money, money, money, money ain't gonna save you now!" "You should have stayed retired!"), Shane hits Coast to Coast on Zayn from the opposite turnbuckle, Bryan gets the hot tag and hits KO/Zayn with alternating turnbuckle dropkicks, the Yes! Kicks, 
  • WrestleMania Moment: Daniel Bryan receives a huge ovation from the WWE Universe

Nia Jax def Alexa Bliss to win the Raw Women's Championship

  • Recap: Nia did the smart thing by immediately incapacitating Alexa's new best friend, Mickie James, as soon as the match started. From there, we got the typical antics from the champion - taking cheap shots, trying to run away with her belt and whining to the ref. That's part of what I like about Bliss' character. Her tantrums are the best. After several emotional moments, Nia took Alexa up to the middle rope and dropped her former friend to win her first Women's Championship. This was not the best match for either of the women, but will hopefully mark the end of their storylines together.
  • SotT prediction: Alexa retains and loses to Carmella on a Money in the Bank cash-in
  • Grade: C
  • Best Spots: Nia and Alexa scream at each other, Twisted Bliss to the outside, Nia's Samoan Drop off the middle turnbuckle

AJ Styles def Shinsuke Nakamura to retain the WWE Championship

  • Recap: The tensions had reached a boiling point. The Superdome crowd was buzzing. The "dream match" was underway. The optimistic way to look at this match would be "methodical and calculated." The pessimistic way to look at it would be "slow." They're both very precise, technical fighters, which is impressive, but sometimes approaching a match that way can be a slow burn for viewers. Mid-way through the match, the crowd seemed a bit bored. I thought I heard them singing a chorus of "Na Na Na Na, Hey Hey Goodbye." Perhaps a fan got ejected from the arena or something. After a back-and-forth battle, Styles hit his finisher and rolled Shinsuke over for the pinfall. The bout wound up being much more boring than it should have been. Too bad. I really thought that fight would have brought the house down. After the match, Styles and Nakamura embraced in the ring and Nakamura presented the title to Styles on one knee... then hit him with a low blow! He would later hit a Kinshasa knee strike on the outside of the ring before retreating back up the ramp. Ladies and gentlemen, Nakamura has turned heel!
  • SotT prediction: AJ Styles
  • Grade: B
  • Best Spots: Styles counters the Kinshasa into the Styles Clash, Nakamura heel turn!

Braun Strowman and ??? def The Bar to win the Raw Tag Team Championship

  • Recap: Well, we finally found out who Braun Strowman's tag team partner was. And it was... some random little boy from the crowd? Really? Essentially, this made the match a handicap match because, despite the crowd's chants of "We want Nicholas!", there was no way that little kid was... wait a second - Braun just tagged the kid in! I HOPE HIS PARENTS SIGNED A WAIVER!!! Oh. He tagged back out immediately. Strowman hit a Powerslam and, um, I guess won the tag championship? I'm not sure what I'm witnessing here. Hey Vince, you've got a 10-year-old kid to hire. Are they going to bring him to Raw tomorrow night? This is a cool gesture, but um... What is this nonsense? It would have been better if Curt Hawkins was the partner. It would have been better if he just won by himself. Who came up with this idea? I didn't think there could possibly be a match worse than the Undertaker match, but I think they just proved me wrong.
  • SotT prediction: The Bar
  • Grade: F
  • Best Spots: Braun scares away the Mardi Gras characters, the crowd chants for Nicholas


Brock Lesnar def Roman Reigns to retain the WWE Universal Championship

  • Recap: I was getting tired before this match even started. Despite my best efforts to barricade myself away from interruptions, I still had to watch Mania delayed and it was 11 PM by the time this fight started. This is a long dang event and it lost momentum several matches ago. The proverbial natives were growing restless, as well; they began chanting "C-M-Punk!" just minutes into this one. CM Punk hasn't been in this company for YEARS. Get over it, people. Back to the match. Roman took an early trip to Suplex City. When all was said and done, Brock landed six German Suplexes and a slew of belly-to-bellies, so he took quite a pummeling. These two looked totally unsafe out there during some stretches of the match. That's always a concern whenever Lesnar involved. The way they were throwing each other around those announce tables looked legitimately dangerous. Roman hit a couple spears, but the crowd felt totally disengaged. They were cheering and booing things that had nothing to do with the action in the ring. Roman kicked out of four F-5s. The crowd continued to boo things that we could not see on-screen. Lesnar shouted the F-word and the Network had to censor it. I believe the crowd finally started the "BOR-ING" chant. An F-5 through one of the announce tables. RIP. Paul Heyman continually shouted for Brock to finish Roman off. The crowd chanted "This is awful." Roman got busted open BAD. Wow. He is really leaking from the head. This is the most blood on WWE programming in years. Roman hit a couple spears, but Brock countered one into a final F-5 and, believe it or not, Brock Lesnar retained his freaking championship. WHY?!? It's amazing that watching Brock retain is somehow more disappointing than Roman actually winning it. Just... wow. As one Twitter user put it, "The fans riot if Reigns wins because they don't want him at the top, they riot if he loses because they don't want a part-time champion. Absolutely never satisfied." He's not wrong there.
  • SotT prediction: Roman Reigns
  • Grade: D
  • Best Spots: Suplex City. And... that's about it.


NOTES


  • What was up with those terrible on-screen effects during some of the entrances (just Asuka and New Day, I think)? Absolutely terrible. Which millennial intern is responsible?
  • Both Royal Rumble winners lost their WrestleMania matches. Semi-weird.
  • Lots of title changes - just not the ones I was anticipating.
  • No cash-in from Carmella. It has been 295 days since she won the briefcase. She may hold onto that thing until the end of time, at this point.
  • Brock Lesnar is never going to lose that title. Never. Like, at this point, who is going to beat him?
  • My predictions were way off. I went 3-10, not including the Cruiserweight match that I didn't pick. Yikes. Not good.


AWARDS

Best Entrance: Shinsuke Nakamura
Best Match: As much as it pains me to say, I think it was Ronda Rousey.
Worst Match: Braun Strowman and Nicholas, with Undertaker/Cena coming in at a close second.
Biggest Surprises: Asuka tapping out, Shinsuke's low blow, how bored the audience was for the final hour and a half of the show
Probably the second or third best thing that happened: John Cena being a regular fan in the audience for the first hour of the show

Overall Grade: C


Well... there's always next year, I guess. I had really been looking forward to WrestleMania 34. I thought things were going pretty well, actually, at some point during the show. But somewhere, somehow, probably starting with the Bludgeon Brothers actually winning a match for once, everything went gradually, steadily and speedily downhill. The Undertaker match sucked hardcore. The Daniel Bryan match was ok, but not as good as it could have been. Nia and Alexa were lackluster. The so-called "Dream Match"... I mean, those two have put on better matching on SmackDown!, for crying out loud. The Nicholas thing was a total fiasco. And seriously. This was their chance to finally crown Roman and take this part-timing bum Brock Lesnar off our hands. The dude shows up for work like seven times a year, if we're lucky, and now we're stuck with him for the foreseeable future. Ugh. What a waste. It could have been such a good PPV, too. WWE better have some aces in the hole for the typically raucous "Raw After WrestleMania." They've dug themselves a huge hole with some of this stuff. Man...




I'm going to bed.

Saturday, April 7, 2018

Everything you need to know about WrestleMania 34


It's that time of year yet again! Over the past three years, it has become somewhat of a tradition for me to blog about professional wrestling. I defended wrestling in 2015 in one of my personal favorite blogs, then I gave a wondrous review of WrestleMania 33 in 2017. I am quite positive that none of you are planning on watching the show when it airs live on the WWE Network tomorrow night, but I figured I'd write this blog anyway.

WrestleMania is the biggest show of the year for World Wrestling Entertainment. It features all of the company's biggest stars, offers the biggest stakes and contains all the biggest surprises. The show is dang long - and if you watch it delayed, you'll likely be up until 1:15 in the morning like I was last year. Would. Not. Recommend. So watch it live. And watch it for free. Because you can watch it for free if you're a first-time subscriber to the WWE Network. You might as well. I always say that if you're only going to watch one or two PPV events each year, the Royal Rumble and WrestleMania are the shows you shouldn't miss. Plus, in this "PG Era," it's really not something you have to be ashamed about watching. It's not what it used to be and, if you give it a chance, it's actually a lot of fun.

Here's everything you need to know about WrestleMania and its accompanying Pre-show:

WrestleMania 34 Pre-show:


Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

  • Background: In 2014, WWE announced that they would hold the first annual battle royal to honor the legacy of one of the industry's biggest legends (literally). In this, the fifth annual battle royal match, at least 24 men (currently announced) will enter the ring and attempt to eliminate their opponents by tossing them over the top rope. The last man standing wins a large trophy in the likeness of Andre the Giant.
  • What to watch for: Essentially, this is a way for WWE to fit as many wrestlers from the main roster onto "the show" without having to book them in individual matches. "You've had a great year, but we don't have room for you, so you can join the Battle Royal for some screen time." That's really about it. There will probably be some fun moments (the NFL's Rob Gronkowski showed up last year), but nothing major will happen here since the match is going to be on the Pre-show.
  • The Smart Bet: Dolph Ziggler
  • The Popular Pick: "Woken" Matt Hardy
  • SotT Prediction: Elias

WrestleMania Women's Battle Royal

  • Background: Feminism at its finest. WWE loves pushing their "Women's Evolution" agenda, as has been blatantly obvious over the past two years (which is fine - but that's literally the only reason this match exists). Currently, 14 women have declared their entry, but this again is little more than a way to shove as much talent into one Pay-Per-View as possible.
  • What to watch for: The women's match will be a way to highlight the two relatively new factions, the Riott Squad and Absolution, and will also focus on tension between long-time friends Sasha Banks and Bayley.
  • The Smart Bet: Sasha Banks
  • The Popular Pick: Bayley
  • SotT Prediction: Sonya Deville

Cedric Alexander vs Mustafa Ali for the WWE Cruiserweight Championship

  • Background: WWE had to act fast when then-Cruiserweight Champion Enzo Amore got in some hot water with real-life domestic violence allegations, so they vacated the title and held a tournament on 205 Live, which I don't watch and therefore know next-to-nothing about.
  • What to watch for: Lots of high-flying action. I've seen Alexander in person several times and he is wildly athletic. This will likely be a very exciting match, but bears very little importance for main storylines in the company right now.
  • The Smart Bet: Even Money
  • The Popular Pick: No idea
  • SotT Prediction: No idea

Main Card:


The Usos (c) vs The New Day vs The Bludgeon Brothers for the SmackDown! Tag Team Championship

  • Background: The Usos have maintained the SmackDown! tag championships for a large portion of the past year. They have faced (and beaten) basically everyone on SmackDown! and have looked dominant doing it. The New Day are fan favorites and are easily the second best tag team for the Blue Brand. They will face the revamped tag team of (Luke) Harper and (Erick) Rowan, who apparently agreed to trade their first names for big, fake sledgehammers. The Bludgeon Brothers have brutalized a bunch of "local talent" recently and also notably injured members of the Usos and The New Day in the process.
  • What to watch for: Harper and Rowan will probably get booked as total bruisers, landing devastating power moves over the course of the match, while the Usos will take to the air and The New Day will find a way to cleverly incorporate pancakes.
  • The Smart Bet: The Usos
  • The Popular Pick: The New Day
  • SotT Prediction: The Usos
  • Analysis: If the Bludgeon Brothers win, we riot. That would be an absolute travesty. SmackDown! would really benefit from a roster shake-up post-Mania to pump some fresh blood into the tag division.
The Bar (c) vs Braun Strowman and ??? for the Raw Tag Team Championship

  • Background: Braun Strowman, everybody's favorite monster, single-handedly won a tag team battle royal on Raw a few weeks ago, earning a title shot at WrestleMania. The problem with that, though, is that Strowman has to have an opponent to compete for the belts.
  • What to watch for: Who will Strowman's partner be?
  • The Smart Bet: Braun Strowman and mystery partner
  • The Popular Pick: Braun Strowman and mystery partner
  • SotT Prediction: The Bar (probably)
  • Analysis: If Braun's partner is Big Show, Braun wins. If his partner is anyone other than Big Show, he loses. I feel like this is one area where the writers really blew it. They had several opportunities to reveal Strowman's mystery partner (or bend the rules and let him compete 2-on-1) and failed to do so. The Bar has had a great run and they're a fantastic tag team, but they've lost some steam and should probably move in another direction after WrestleMania, one way or the other. If Strowman loses, he should be placed squarely into the Intercontinental Championship mix, moving forward.
The Miz (c) vs Seth Rollins vs Finn Balor for the Intercontinental Championship

  • Background: The Miz has been an IC title mainstay for quite some time. He gave up the championship temporarily a couple months ago so he could go film a movie, but immediately got it back by defeating Roman Reigns on his first Raw back in action. Over time, Balor and Rollins confronted The Miz and demanded a shot at the belt, and the three have been at each other's throats for about a month now.
  • What to watch for: The Miz is one of the most talented wrestlers on the microphone and it would not surprise me to see him cut a great promo at some point during the night. 
  • The Smart Bet: The Miz
  • The Popular Pick: Finn Balor
  • SotT Prediction: The Miz
  • Analysis: This should be a very good match. I think The Miz genuinely loves holding this belt and he is the best "heel" character in the company right now. This would be a nifty time for the Miztourage (Bo Dallas and Curtis Axel) to double-cross their mentor, which I see as the only way The Miz loses his championship. This is my pick for the second best match of the night.
Randy Orton (c) vs Bobby Roode vs Jinder Mahal vs Rusev for the United States Championship

  • Background: Orton, Roode and Mahal have been battling each other for several months. Rusev, the underdog darling right now, is hotter than at any other point in his mid-card career, and is arguably the most universally cheered-for wrestler on the roster. He was added to the match in a late development on SmackDown!, perhaps to give the fans what they've been begging for - RUSEV DAY!
  • What to watch for: The fans are going to flip if Rusev wins the championship. His "Rusev Day" gimmick is the best thing since "The List of Jericho" last year.
  • The Smart Bet: Randy Orton
  • The Popular Pick: Rusev
  • SotT Prediction: Rusev
  • Analysis: I think Orton probably would have retained if this had stayed a triple threat match, but I think Rusev will pull off the upset here. To borrow a phrase from Bobby Roode, it will be absolutely... GLORIOUS!
Rumored: John Cena vs The Undertaker

  • Background: The Undertaker presumably "retired" after losing to Roman Reigns at WrestleMania 33. This brought his once-legendary WrestleMania record to 23-2. The show went off-air with Taker leaving his signature hat and trenchcoat in the middle of the ring, seemingly signifying that he was done with wrestling. John Cena was without an opponent for this weekend's show, so he called out the Undertaker a month ago on Raw. However, the Dead Man didn't take the bait, remaining completely silent each week. Cena has resigned to a fate of attending WrestleMania "as a fan," but there are rumblings that it's not whether the Undertaker will show up on Sunday night, but how.
  • What to watch for: Cena will undoubtedly be a high profile "fan" during the early stages of the show. It will be interesting to see how the writers will set up a potential response from the Undertaker - and how Cena deals with that response.
  • The Smart Bet: The Undertaker
  • The Popular Pick: Believe it or not, John Cena
  • SotT Prediction: The Undertaker
  • Analysis: This is the second storyline that I think WWE botched hardcore. Cena cut some amazing promos over the past month - so good, in fact, that the typically anti-Cena crowd was unanimously cheering for the former "Doctor of Thuganomics" on Monday night. That's something you don't witness very often. I think that the way they let this play out - with Undertaker remaining completely silent - made him look really bad. If he shows up Sunday and loses, that completely tarnishes his legacy, in my opinion. With that in mind, if he does show up, there is no way he's losing.
Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn vs Shane McMahon and Daniel Bryan

  • Background: For the past few months, SmackDown! General Manager Daniel Bryan has defended the villainous actions of Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn, often getting the injury-riddled GM in trouble with his superior, commissioner Shane McMahon. When K.O. and Zayn hospitalized McMahon two weeks ago, Bryan had to step in and "fire" them. K.O. and Zayn then turned their aggressions toward their bearded boss - on the same day that it was announced Bryan had been medically cleared to return to in-ring action. It was later announced that Bryan would team up with McMahon to fight against their attackers.
  • What to watch for: The crowd will love seeing Bryan return to action, after years of being sidelined, and the ramifications of the match are steep - if Owens and Zayn lose, they're completely fired from SmackDown!
  • The Smart Bet: Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn
  • The Popular Pick: Shane McMahon and Daniel Bryan
  • SotT Prediction: Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn
  • Analysis: Bryan/McMahon was the clear pick until it was announced that Owens and Zayn would be "fired" if they lost. Perhaps if the stipulation had been "If you lose, you're traded to Raw," it would be more believable that they'd lose, but they're not going to get totally fired. That's too bad, because it would be really great to see Bryan victorious.
"Rowdy" Ronda Rousey and Kurt Angle vs Stephanie McMahon and Triple H

  • Background: Rousey, formerly of UFC superstardom, has signed a full-time contract with WWE. During her contract signing at WWE's "Elimination Chamber" event, Raw GM Kurt Angle hinted to Rousey that Triple H and Stephanie McMahon solely hired her for their own gain - as a way to make her a glorified subordinate. This infuriated Rousey, who demanded a match with McMahon. Angle offered to make it a tag match, which Triple H agreed to.
  • What to watch for: This is WWE's first chance to show off their newest acquisition. Rousey has looked lousy so far, demonstrating a major lack of mic skills and a limited physical skill set, but social media would lead me to believe that she has been training very hard in the ring.
  • The Smart Bet: Ronda Rousey and Kurt Angle
  • The Popular Pick: Ronda Rousey and Kurt Angle
  • SotT Prediction: Ronda Rousey and Kurt Angle
  • Analysis: This is the most obvious no-brainer on the entire card. There is no way that Rousey loses her first match in the WWE. For entertainment purposes, this will be the match everyone is talking about on social media on Monday morning.
Alexa Bliss (c) vs Nia Jax for the Raw Women's Championship

  • Background: Former best friends Bliss and Jax have recently been at odds after a live mic caught Bliss talking trash about her former ally. This set Jax off, causing her to trash a locker room and eventually leading to their Mania match.
  • What to watch for: This is Jax's first title shot, which is long overdue. Jax has been underutilized for the majority of her run on Raw, so this should be her time to shine. On the other hand, Bliss has been a great villain and is adept at finding loopholes and shortcuts to victory. The two have great chemistry on Raw and are real-life BFFs, so this should be a well-worked fight with a satisfying finish.
  • The Smart Bet: Alexa Bliss
  • The Popular Pick: Nia Jax
  • SotT Prediction: Alexa Bliss retains, Carmella successfully cashes in her Money in the Bank contract
  • Analysis: The third thing that WWE has handled terribly has been Carmella's Money in the Bank contract. To make a long story short (too late), Carmella just wasn't the right woman to win that opportunity. I literally can't remember the last time she won a televised match, but yet she has held that briefcase, which grants a guaranteed title shot at any time, for nearly 300 days. Typically, the successful Money in the Bank cash-ins have come when the champion has been laid out after a match or attack. I can see Alexa cheating to beat an angry Nia Jax, sending Jax into a fit of rage and a post-match beat-down. If Nia lays out Alexa, that would be the perfect time for Carmella to cash in.
Charlotte Flair (c) vs Asuka for the SmackDown! Women's Championship

  • Background: Asuka, who holds an undefeated streak dating back to October 7, 2015, won the Women's Royal Rumble match in January, which guaranteed her a title shot at WrestleMania. She decided to face Charlotte Flair, daughter of 16-time world champion Ric Flair, who is arguably the most talented female superstar the company has seen in the better part of a decade.
  • What to watch for: Either Asuka will win her first championship, which people have been anticipating since she joined the main roster, or Charlotte will snap Asuka's streak.
  • The Smart Bet: Asuka
  • The Popular Pick: Asuka
  • SotT Prediction: Asuka
  • Analysis: I highly, highly doubt they'd break Asuka's streak without her winning a title first. I mean, of all the places to break it, WrestleMania is the best opportunity, but I don't see it happening.
AJ Styles (c) vs Shinsuke Nakamura for the WWE Championship

  • Background: Nakamura won the Men's Royal Rumble and decided to face his long-time frenemy, AJ Styles. The two formerly wrestled together in Japan, so they're no strangers to each other. The match is being hailed as a "WrestleMania Dream Match" by many.
  • What to watch for: Styles is widely considered to be the best in-ring performer in WWE today, and Nakamura's unorthodox fighting style makes him one of the most exciting wrestlers. This match is my pick to be the showstopper of the night - easily an early "match of the year" candidate, by all indications leading up to the fight.
  • The Smart Bet: Shinsuke Nakamura
  • The Popular Pick: Shinsuke Nakamura
  • SotT Prediction: AJ Styles
  • Analysis: I successfully picked Shinsuke to win the Royal Rumble, and I'm glad he's getting this opportunity. I always imagined him winning, but I've recently thought about it and think that too many other titles will be changing hands - and the odds of WWE going with two new champions that really struggle speaking English might not be the best way to go. I think Shinsuke has a better chance of losing his match than Asuka does, so I'm going to have to go with AJ, although I would love to see Shinsuke with his hand raised at the end of what will quite possibly be the best match of the evening.
Brock Lesnar (c) vs Roman Reigns for the WWE Universal Championship

  • Background: Brock Lesnar defeated Goldberg last year to win the Universal Championship. The company loves the idea of Roman Reigns as "the next big thing," but fans long ago grew tired of having Reigns shoved down their throats, therefore developing a brazen hostility toward him which has been festering for years.
  • What to watch for: It's time for Reigns to take a trip to Suplex City! Count the number of German suplexes that Lesnar inflicts upon Roman; there will be plenty of them. The match will certainly end with the two trading finishing moves back and forth until both are nearly incapable of continuing.
  • The Smart Bet: Roman Reigns
  • The Popular Pick: Roman Reigns
  • SotT Prediction: Roman Reigns
  • Analysis: I heard rumors about this match BEFORE LAST WRESTLEMANIA. It's widely known that Vince McMahon loves Roman Reigns and envisions him as "the guy" to take the torch from Cena, much to the WWE Universe's dismay. Lesnar has been a part-time champion for an entire calendar year and he's got to lose the strap this weekend. He's got to. Either give the championship to somebody else or make Lesnar go full-time and defend his championship at every major PPV - not just four times a year or whatever nonsense he just pulled. Somewhat unfortunately, Roman is the only hope we've got this time around.
  • Closing moments: If this match closes the show, which I believe it's supposed to, I think there is going to be a surprise attack on Roman Reigns. My prediction is that Samoa Joe returns from injury and blindsides Roman, then proceeds to beat the holy heck out of him. The show closes with a close-up shot of Joe's sweaty, drooling face as he glares nastily into the camera with the Universal Championship belt raised high above Reigns' prostrate body.

So there you have it! That's all you need to know about WrestleMania 34! And if, by chance, you didn't actually read this blog, you'll get little vignettes before each match to recap the storylines. I'll post a recap blog after the show to grade the matches and break down all the highs, lows and utterly ridiculous surprises that will be in store. Enjoy the show!

Monday, April 3, 2017

Wrestlemania 33 recap and review

Well, I watched Wrestlemania 33 last night. This should not really be surprising to any of you who keep up with my life, as I've come out of the "pro wrestling closet," so to speak, a bit in the last couple years. I wrote a blog about wrestling in 2015, met Hulk Hogan and John Cena at Salt Lake Comic Con events and attended a live event in Salt Lake City in February. With my main man Goldberg returning to the squared circle a few months back, I've been keeping an eye on the WWE a bit more closely, as of late. With that said, I figured I might as well write up a recap of last night's action with a few thoughts and highlights. Here you are:

Wrestlemania 33 pre-show:


Neville defeats Austin Aries to retain the WWE Cruiserweight Championship

This was a decent match to kick off the show. I don't really follow "205 Live," so I wasn't very invested in the match and am not very familiar with Aries' career, but they had some good, high-flying action before Neville thumbed Aries in the eye and picked up the win.

Grade: B+
Best spot: Aries and Neville pulling off a series of acrobatic dives from the top turnbuckle

Mojo Rawley wins the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

I truly thought this match would come down to the "Monster Among Men" Braun Strowman and the Big Show, who has repeatedly said that Sunday's pay-per-view would be the final Wrestlemania of his career. Big Show was originally rumored to have a match against Shaquille O'Neal, but that didn't pan out, which made me feel bad for Show, who has gotten into, arguably, the best shape of his career in these last six months. Relegating the giant to the kick-off show felt like a slap in the face - and that was before he got eliminated just a couple minutes into the match. Too bad. Strowman was also eliminated shortly thereafter, leaving a bunch of "mid-carders" to fight for the honor of taking home the trophy. In the end, it was Mojo Rawley, of all people, who picked up the win. I'm not on the "hype" train for Rawley, one half of the "Hype Bros" tag team, so I was disappointed by this match. I thought, if not Show or Strowman, that Sami Zayn, Luke Harper or Dolph Ziggler would have been a better winner, but hey - what do I know? Nothing, obviously.

Grade: C
Best spot: NFL star Rob Gronkowski enters the ring to assist Rawley

Dean Ambrose defeats Baron Corbin to retain the Intercontinental Championship

Didn't love this match. Ambrose is crazy, but he hasn't done much or had any momentum at all, really, during the most recent stretch of his championship reign. I don't care for Corbin, who has a couple cool signature and finishing moves, but has the charisma of a pile of rocks. There wasn't anything interesting about this match, other than Corbin screaming in agony at the top of his lungs a couple times, which was unintentionally hilarious.

Grade: D
Best spot: Corbin yells "Say goodbye to Dean Ambrose!" moments before losing the match

Main Card:


AJ Styles defeats Shane McMahon

AJ Styles is the most cheered-for villain in the WWE and it's not even close. People love this guy and, no matter how hard he tries to come off like a jerk that doesn't care about his fans, the audience just goes nuts for him. Shane McMahon, the aging son of WWE big wig Vince McMahon, is currently working as the commissioner of "SmackDown! Live" and has a reputation for pulling off insane stunts (most recently jumping from an enormous steel cage at Wrestlemania 32 last year), so I knew this match would be good. Shane pulled off a few show-stopping moves, including two failed attempts that would have brought the house down - jumping from the ring onto a commentator's table at ringside and trying a monster backflip off the top rope toward the end of the match. AJ was solid, as always, and pulled out the win after nailing McMahon with the Phenomenal Forearm.

Grade: A
Best spot: McMahon hits the Coast to Coast, jumping across the ring to kick a garbage can into Styles' face

Kevin Owens defeats Chris Jericho to win the United States Championship

Chris Jericho and I go way back - back to his days in WCW in the late '90s. The man is a legend on the microphone and one of my favorite wrestlers of all time. His storyline with former "best friend" Kevin Owens has been one of the best things WWE has had going in the past year. I thought Jericho and Owens were tremendous during their run leading up to Wrestlemania 33, and The List of Jericho is one of the greatest things ever invented. But don't even get me started on the "Festival of Friendship"! More like the "Festival of Betrayal." I knew Owens would win this match because Jericho is in a rock band that already has touring plans this summer, so this was the time for Y2J to drop his title. Owens should go on to be a really good champion, so I'm interested to see what he does next... but let us #NeverForget the Gift of Jericho. Drink it in, maaaaaaan!

Grade: A
Best spot: Owens and Jericho string together a flurry of reversals, Owens reaches the ropes with one finger

Bayley defeats Charlotte Flair, Sasha Banks and Nia Jax to retain the RAW Women's Championship

Boooo. Bayley seems like a nice enough girl and I appreciate that she went from being a superfan of the WWE to being a bonafide superstar, but I just don't think she's a very good wrestler. Charlotte Flair is head-and-shoulders above the rest of the women's roster and, although I don't like her attitude, she has no business losing to Bayley at the biggest show of the year. This snaps Charlotte's undefeated streak at pay-per-views and prevents her from becoming a 5-time champ, and I'm ok with that because she went back-and-forth with that championship so much in the fall that I was getting sick of it, but losing to Bayley at Wrestlemania left a bad taste in my mouth.

Grade: C
Best spot: Bayley, Sasha and Charlotte dog-pile Nia Jax

The Hardy Boyz defeat Gallows/Anderson, Cesaro/Sheamus and Enzo Amore/Big Cass to win the RAW Tag Team Championship

In the most shocking event of the evening, Matt and Jeff Hardy returned to the WWE after an extended absence to win the RAW tag championship. I love ladder matches, and this one didn't disappoint. There were lots of great spots and a lot of moving parts, which made the bout fun to watch. I do legitimately feel bad for the other three teams, who have worked hard all year to make it to a championship match at Wrestlemania, only to lose to a team that hasn't even been part of the company for the better part of a decade, but that's the way the writers wanted it, I guess. The Hardys will be much better champions that Gallows and Anderson, who I think are two of the most boring guys on RAW, so that's good.

Grade: A-
Best spot: The Hardy Boyz return to WWE
Honorable mention: Jeff slightly botches a Swanton Bomb from the highest ladder, only hitting Cesaro, but narrowly missing Sheamus

John Cena and Nikki Bella defeat the Miz and Maryse

No bones about it, this was the worst match of the night. I like Cena, but my one issue with his is that he divorced his wife when he met Nikki Bella. That bugs. This match was nothing but a setup for Cena to propose to Nikki at the end of the match. I'd seen murmurings about it online, so I wasn't shocked by it. Their relationship, as pointed out constantly by the Miz in the last two months, is a bit hokey and seems a little fake, and watching Cena confess his alleged love in the middle of the ring while a large majority of the crowd booed and chanted "No! No! No!" was absolutely awkward and uncomfortable. Sucks to be the Miz, who I think has legitimate hatred for Cena. He had to go out there, slog his way through a joke of a match and lose so that Cena could have his "Wrestlemania Moment."

Grade: F
Best spot: Surprisingly, the crowd goes nuts for the Miz at several points during the match

Seth Rollins defeats Triple H

A year-long spat came to a close in this "unsanctioned match," which allowed Rollins who was, allegedly, not medically cleared to compete, to face off against his nemesis, Triple H. Because the WWE fictitiously couldn't be held responsible for the outcome of the match, all rules were thrown out the window, which allowed the boys to pull out a few weapons, including a table and Triple H's trademark sledgehammer. It was a brutal match, centering on Rollins' injured leg. Triple H methodically targeted the bad knee and Rollins sold it well, leading up to a convincing "underdog" win.

Grade: A
Best spot: Triple H accidentally sends his wife, Stephanie McMahon, through a table

Randy Orton defeats Bray Wyatt to win the WWE Championship

Months ago, I had hoped that the former allies, Orton and Wyatt, would get a big push as tag team champions. They only ended up holding the titles for about three weeks, which, for me, was one of the biggest disappointments in the last year. Orton turned on Wyatt a couple weeks after winning the Royal Rumble and I thought WWE dropped the ball with this storyline. Having Randy win the Rumble, only to refuse to face his then-stable mate, then to have him change his mind a month later, I thought, was sloppy and lacked focus. That storyline also led to the rushed Styles-McMahon feud, which I also thought was handled poorly. The other problem I had with this storyline was how much of it took place outside the ring in pre-recorded segments, like Randy burning down the Wyatt compound and Bray haunting Orton with supernatural visions. I wanted Bray to win this match and go on to have an extended reign as champion, which would have been a fun "era" for SmackDown!, but it was not meant to be - Orton "buried" Wyatt in a lackluster match with an anticlimactic finish.

Grade: D-
Best spot: Wyatt haunts Orton by projecting worms and bugs onto the ring canvas - hadn't seen anything like that before

Brock Lesnar defeats Goldberg to win the WWE Universal Championship

I assumed Goldberg would lose this match, but after the other WWE title changing hands in the preceding match, I thought he might be able to hang onto the belt. Thankfully, this match was somewhat longer than Goldberg's last two PPV matches, which were each about a minute and a half each. Lesnar actually got in some offense, delivering 10 German suplexes to the champion, and Goldberg got in more than a few spears, so it ended up being a pretty brutal match. Goldberg landed a Jackhammer on Lesnar, and I thought the match was over, but the Beast Incarnate kicked out and turned the odds into his favor before hitting an F5 and scoring the three count.

Grade: A-
Best spot: Goldberg spears Lesnar through the barricade

Naomi defeats Alexa Bliss, Becky Lynch, Carmella, Natalya and Mickie James to win the SmackDown! Women's Championship

Didn't watch most of this match. Fast-forwarded through it because I thought it was obvious that Naomi would come back and reclaim the title she lost due to injury, in front of her hometown crowd. Lo, and behold, she did. Big whoop. I did play the match for a minute or two so that I could make fun of Becky Lynch screaming "STRAIGHT FIRE!!!", as she is so prone to do. Not sure which was more ridiculous: her stupid catch phrase or her moronic Pocahontas costume. What was up with that??

Grade: F
Best spot: When it ended

Roman Reigns defeats the Undertaker

I wasn't sure what would happen with this match. The Undertaker's historic Wrestlemania record was tarnished by losing to Brock Lesnar a couple years back and, since then, the Dead Man hardly makes any televised appearances and basically has only wrestled about once or twice a year. Taker has had an impressive 30-year career, but he's just not the same dominant force that he was back in the '90s and early 2000s. Taker's first Wrestlemania loss to Lesnar in 2015 was as shocking as it was embarrassing. The Dead Man looked just like that - dead. He could barely make his way around the ring (I think he had a legit concussion) and you could tell that he was past his prime. Thankfully, Taker looked much better last night than he did when he lost to Lesnar, but when he and Reigns botched a Tombstone Piledriver reversal not once, but twice in a row, you could tell that it was not going to end well for the Phenom. I was hoping that Reigns would embrace the hate that a majority of the WWE Universe has for him by cheating to win or otherwise disrespecting the Undertaker, but that didn't happen. Reigns showed some remorse as he bounced off the ropes three times and speared Undertaker before pinning him, but it looks like WWE will continue shoving him down viewers' throats as the "top guy" in the company for weeks to come. This was the perfect time to have Reigns turn heel, so I'm not sure why it didn't happen. After the match, Undertaker left his gloves, trenchcoat and hat in the middle of the ring as what appears to be a token of his retirement, which I think is a good thing for him, personally. I just wish he would have hung it up after going 20-0 at Wrestlemania. Twenty-three-and-two just doesn't have the same ring to it. Rest in peace, Undertaker.

Grade: C+
Best spot: Undertaker's presumed retirement

Overall grade: B


Wrestlemania is always a good show. They put on a heck of a spectacle. I was disappointed that most of my guys took the L this time around, but a lot of it was to be expected. I anticipated lots of titles changing hands but didn't love the way that those changes took place. It was the end of a tremendous career by Undertaker, but, as Bleacher Report so eloquently put it, the way that it ended - and who ended it - was a bitter pill to swallow.

Did any of you watch Wrestlemania? (Doubtful.) If so, what did you think? Let me know in the comments section below. And if not, well... You know what happens? You know what happens to people who don't interact with my blog posts?

YOU JUST MADE THE LIST!!

Saturday, December 31, 2016

Unpopular Opinion: 2016 actually didn't suck

You can't escape the negativity these days. It's all over Facebook, moreso than on Twitter lately - although I did get my first-ever death threats this year, over something that I ended up being right about, which is hilarious - and, quite often, getting online is super depressing. Everybody has an ax to grind, a fight to pick and a reason to complain. People are still upset about the election results, Latter-day Saints are losing their faith over the Mormon Tabernacle Choir accepting an invitation to perform at the Inauguration, cop-killing has become a viable outlet for frustration, we're protesting everything (remember when that guy started a petition to shut down Rotten Tomatoes??) and the nerds won't stop blaming 2016 - the year - for killing their favorite celebrities. As if it has a mind of its own. As if it decides who lives and who dies. They're clamoring for 2017 to hurry up and arrive so famous people will stop passing away. (Sorry, kids, but it's not like people will magically stop dying on January 1.) I've seen people on Facebook making ridiculous statements like "Let's never do 2016 again." (News flash: that's literally impossible.) The culmination of it all is driving me nuts.

2016 is the angriest year I can ever remember. We are constantly looking for others to blame for our problems. This leads to a whole lot of arguing and a whole lot of unhappiness. Many times, I think it's like we are looking for reasons to get mad. This generation (my generation) has the thinnest skin in the history of the world, and when we've run out of reasons to be offended for ourselves, we go so far as to look for reasons to get offended for others. (For example, white people becoming outraged over the name of the Washington Redskins or straight non-Mormons trashing the Church for its so-called "policy change" a while back.)

I'm trying to think which would be a better slogan to sum up what happened this year: "2016: Protest everything!" or "2016: The butt-hurt was real." I'm open to suggestions.

But, of course, I can't post any of this on social media because it's 2016, the year in which my opinion and most of the things I believe became wrong. You read that right. My opinion is wrong.

Uh, ok.

Back when I used to blog all the time -- I can't imagine writing a weekly, un-fact-checked, non-P.C. opinion blog these days - I'd get crucified -- I used to have people vote for the best Signs of the Times in that particular year. In 2016, I realized that A) nobody really reads my blog anymore (thus the lack of posting) and B) nobody really cares what I'm doing in life, so I've decided to scour my Facebook and Instagram posts and determine 2016's best moments myself.

As far as I can see, I'm in the vast minority here - call it optimism, call it stupidity - or maybe I'm just wrong again, but I actually think 2016 was a pretty good year. A pretty awesome year, in fact. I'm not going to make you do anything, but I think it might be good for you, if you haven't already, to take a few minutes and think back about all the good things that happened to you this year. It certainly made me feel better about life. It has helped me realized that I'm doing ok and that a lot of the crazy stuff going on in the world usually has no direct impact on me, personally. (R.I.P. Carrie Fisher, for sure, but, no offense, her death does not truly affect my life whatsoever.)

In chronological order, here is a list of good things that happened to me in 2016:


  1. I got a new nephew, #MegaMax, and he is the cutest little Charlie Brown doppelganger you'll ever see. Max is awesome!
  2. I got to work for Salt Lake Comic Con for FanX 2016 and met some cool celebrities, like LeVar Burton, Jason Isaacs, Dean Cain and Jeremy Renner!
  3. My sister, Amy, got married to Cole Morgan! Cole is an awesome guy and we're so glad to have him in the family.
  4. Austin and I got laid off from Allstate. That pretty much sucked because being laid off is never fun, but I basically got two months of paid vacation, so that was fun.
  5. Whilst unemployed, I took my first spontaneous road trip and drove to San Diego with Austin, Lex and Max! We did some fun things down there, including going to a Padres game, where they beat the Yankees on a walk-off home run. We met up with my Uncle Ryan during the game, which was cool, and Austin and I bumped into Yankees manager Joe Girardi outside the stadium.
  6. I also go to help the Comic Con social media team for Salt Lake Comic Con 2016, where I met WWE legend John Cena! (My Halloween costume this year was spot on, too, by the way.)
  7. I saw some great concerts this year, including Chicago, one of my all-time favorite classic rock bands. Coincidentally, it was one of the worst dates I've been on in years, but I had a great time, regardless of how bored she was. Her loss.
  8. Check this one off the bucket list: I finally saw my absolute favorite band in concert - WEEZER! It was everything I hoped it would be, and it was the first concert I can remember where I actually knew all the songs that were played. I had a great time with Amy, Cole, Cody and my friend Laura.
  9. I got a chance to go back and work for the Deseret News again in August! I had a great experience and was able to write some great articles and do some good interviews. They didn't choose to hire me full-time, but, if I'm being honest, I knew they wouldn't. Their loss. I got a different job in September and I'm doing just fine.
  10. My mom let Cody and me bum along on her business trip to Baltimore. In a week-long trip, we toured Baltimore, Washington D.C. and even spent a day in Philadelphia. It was one of the greatest trips I have ever gone on, and I totally fell in love with National Harbor, Maryland. Look at that sunset!
  11. While on the east coast, I went to Major League Baseball games in Baltimore and Washington, D.C., seeing the Orioles and Nationals play on back-to-back nights. We also took tours of the Orioles, Nationals and Philadelphia Eagles' stadiums, which was a lot of fun. Best of all, I got to meet the Racing Presidents before the Nationals game! It was a dream come true!
  12. My family finally moved out of their rental house in Sandy. We had some great memories in that place, but we're sure glad they were in a position to get out. They're in a nice, brand new house in Bluffdale now and that has been a real blessing for us.
  13. But that new house was out to get me! I took a tumble on their hardwood floor on Halloween night, partially dislocating my kneecap and straining some of the muscles in my left leg. Thankfully, with the help of a knee brace, some compression pants and some self-imposed physical therapy, I'm feeling a lot better now. Not 100% yet, but I'm getting there.
  14. I turned 30! Oh, gosh, I'm old.
  15. I'm still not married, but I did make some good friends this year, including the guys in the Union YSA elders quorum presidency. The four of us chipped in to buy a photo shoot during a service auction and I think the pictures turned out great. Additionally, one of my favorite things from 2016 was the creation of Men's Night, which started out as an idea to get all my brothers and brother-in-law together to go see Batman v Superman, but morphed in to an almost-monthly tradition of going out with my friends (and sometimes even my sister, sisters-in-law and other various female friends) to see action movies. This year, we saw BvS, Captain America: Civil War, X-Men: Apocalypse, Suicide Squad, Jack Reacher: Never Go Back and Assassin's Creed, and had a great time. I can't wait to continue this tradition next year.
  16. I got to spend Christmas with my family! I love the holidays and it was a lot of fun having everyone together for the weekend.
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There's my year in review! What are some of the best things that happened to you in 2016? Feel free to comment, if you feel so inclined.

I know it's easy to focus on the negative, to dwell on everything bad that happens and to complain about everything. I do it quite often, myself. Bad things happen to everyone. I've tried hard these past 12 months to make a conscious effort to look for things that are going well in my life. For things that make me happy and for the many blessings I receive on a daily basis. I'm even thankful for you, whoever you are, for actually reading this post. But, more than that, I'm eternally grateful to God, who has blessed me with an amazing family, some really good friends and a lot of great opportunities in my life, even in 2016, that dreaded year that so many people are calling the "worst year ever." Good things are happening each day. It's up to us to find them.

Here's to a happier, kinder and even better new year in 2017! Be excellent to each other and party on, dudes.

Happy New Year,

Aaron