Where Are They Now?: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)

Well, at least they're not aliens.

That was the rumor surrounding Michael Bay's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles reboot, which finally hit theaters this weekend. After an enormous public backlash from adults who didn't want their childhoods ruined, Mr. Bay (a notorious ruiner of childhoods) decided, apparently, to make sure the Turtles were, in fact, turtles, after all. I just saw the reboot this morning and, well... It wasn't as bad as everyone said it would be. It certainly didn't ruin my childhood or make me want to kill myself or anything. (I've honestly seen a review that said that.) And, you know what? If the new TMNT movie actually did ruin your childhood or make you want to kill yourself, you need to grow the heck up. Seriously. Like, stop going out to movies before somebody gets hurt. The new movie was all right, considering that my expectations were about knee-high, so there's that. I probably wouldn't recommend that you run out and see it, though, especially if you haven't seen "Guardians of the Galaxy" yet... because that movie rocked.

Anyway, all this turtle talk got me thinking: Whatever happened to the original live-action Ninja Turtles? I loved that movie back in 1990, but I can't for the life of me remember any of the actors who starred in it. Therefore, I took to the Internet this evening to discover the truth. A quick glance at IMDb will tell us everything we need to know. Let's get the run-down in the first-ever installment SotT: Underground's newest feature: "Where Are They Now?"

Movie: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)

Name: Judith Hoag
Role: April O'Neil
Where are they now?: After starring in a lead role in TMNT, Hoag would continue to have what we'll call a "busy" career in Hollywood, at the very least. She is presently one gig shy of hitting the illustrious "100 credit" mark on IMDb, having appeared in 99 different roles thus far. She landed sporadic spots on popular '90s TV shows like "Quantum Leap;" "Roseanne;" "Melrose Place;" "Walker, Texas Ranger;" "The Nanny;" "Nash Bridges;" "The X-Files" and "Touched by an Angel." In the new millennium, Hoag has been spotted in episodes of "Boston Public," "ER," "Without a Trace," "CSI: Crime Scene Investigation," "7th Heaven," "JAG," "Bones," "The Ghost Whisperer," "Grey's Anatomy," "Sons of Anarchy" and "The Mentalist." Now, that sounds like a lot, but, considering that she only ever appeared in more than one episode of "Melrose Place" and "Grey's Anatomy" (two episodes, each), that's really not that great. She did appear in three episodes of "Private Practice," 13 episodes of "Big Love" and 34 episodes of "Nashville," however, so she's raising the bar as she goes, which is nice. Other movie roles you may or may not recognize her from include her turn as Denise in 1998's "Armageddon," Rebecca in "Salt" (...Oh wait... not the Angelina Jolie movie? There was another "Salt"? I guess nobody cares, then...), and Sarah's Mom in "I am Number Four." Hey! I actually saw that movie. I had no idea it was her. Wow. Also, upon further reflection, I totally remember April O'Neil being way hotter...

Name: Brian Tochi
Role: Voice of Leonardo
Where are they now?: Tochi would go on to voice Leonardo in TMNT II and III. Post-half shell, Tochi would also provide his voice for a plethora of other characters on television. His robust resume includes work as a fighting hyena in "The Lion King" and additional voices in "The Prince of Egypt," "The Iron Giant" and "Mulan II." He has also lent his talent to characters on "Mortal Kombat: Defenders of the Realm," "Dexter's Laboratory," "Batman Beyond," "Johnny Bravo," "Kim Possible," "Static Shock," "Family Guy" and "Avatar: The Last Airbender."


Name: Corey Feldman
Role: Voice of Donatello
Where are they now?: Well, right off the bat, IMDb's list of roles that Feldman is best known for doesn't include anything after 1987, so... He was apparently not the voice of Donny in TMNT II, although he did reprise the role for TMNT III, which is really a shame because that movie was weird. He was a bank robber in "Maverick," a guy named Vic in 10 episodes of a show called "Dweebs" in 1995, and, uh, the next big role he got wasn't until 2004, when he was SPRX-77 in 52 episodes of "Super Robot Monkey Team Hyperforce Go!" Wow, this guy is pathetic. It is of note, I suppose, that he returned to the turtle scene last year, providing the voice of Slash in the most recent "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" animated series. In other words, this guy hasn't done anything cool in the past quarter-century. Disappointing.

Name: Josh Pais
Role: Voice of Raphael
Where are they now?: Miraculously, it looks like Pais was able to break away from voice acting after leaving the soggy slums of his TMNT upbringing and star in some actual live-action roles. He showed up in a couple episodes of "Star Trek: Deep Space Nine" in the late '90s and would soon thereafter appear in an episode of "Sex and the City." He played a guy who probably got slashed to bits in "Scream 3" in 2000 and similarly probably got riddled with bullets when he spent a one-episode stint with "The Sopranos." He was an attorney in 16 episodes of "Law & Order" between 1990 and 2009 and has also been seen in six episodes of "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit" in the past 14 years. Currently, he can be seen as Stu Feldman on that "Ray Donovan" show that I keep seeing commercials for and still refusing to watch. As a side note, growing up as a big time "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" fan, Raphael was always my favorite, regardless of his "cool but rude" personality and his angsty moments in the 1990 film.

Name: Robbie Rist
Role: Voice of Michaelangelo
Where are they now?: Wow. You have GOT to check out this guy's IMDb picture. Haha. What is up with that?? This former child star (allegedly) scored the pizza-eating role of a lifetime when he was the voice of the sewer's resident party dude, Michaelangelo. After that, he was the voice of Star in 1995's animated rip-off of "Iron Will," "Balto," but then didn't really do a heck of a lot that I recognize until he provided the vocal stylings of a character on "Jackie Chan Adventures" in 2005. Admittedly, I never watched that show, either, but Jackie Chan is a famous guy, so Mr. Rist is successful by association. He looks like a pretty important character in the "Naruto" animated series, but I don't think my keyboard is properly equipped to type out that very foreign-looking name, so I won't try. He recently provided the voice for Stuffy on the popular children's program "Doc McStuffins." I have no idea who that is, but I bet my little nephews love him.

Name: Elias Koteas
Role: Wayne Gretzky Casey Jones
Where are they now?: Ok, I know I said Raphael was my favorite, but I freaking love Casey Jones. The dude was the original baller. Who in the world gets confused for the greatest hockey player of all time - while wearing regular clothes?! Casey Jones does, that's who. Koteas was in a bunch of junk (likely) that I've never heard of through the remainder of the 1990s, then he probably got blown to heck with Michelangelo on an episode of "The Sopranos." (Basically, I just assume that anybody who ever appeared on "The Sopranos" got whacked.) Other than that, it looks like he's been in a bunch of horror films ("Shutter Island" and "Zodiac," to name a couple) and he was also in "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" in 2008. Most recently, you may (or may not) have seen him in 13 episodes of "Combat Hospital" and/or 12 episodes of "The Killing" and/or 16 episodes of "Chicago P.D." But, if nothing else, he was Casey Jones. And he broke April O'Neil's swing.

Name: James Saito
Role: Shredder/Oroko Saki
Where are they now?: Shredder was a freaky, freaky dude. He was a constant thorn in the sides of our heroes, plus, he had that horrendously scarred face and perfected the art of the hand-popping-out-of-the-rubble technique. But who was the man behind the mask? Why, James Saito, of course! Yes, that same James Saito who was Chinese Mob Boss in "Home Alone 3," Korean Proprietor in "Die Hard with a Vengeance" and Korean Man in an episode of "Sex and the City." Skipping through a bunch of other minor appearances, you may remember him as Dr. Frank Chen in 26 episodes of "Eli Stone" or Judge Lee in the TV series "One Life to Live." I got all excited when I saw that he was in "Life of Pi," but "Older Insurance Investigator" really doesn't ring any bells for me. That was all awfully generic and nationality-specific. Hmm. Surely I'll find somebody with an exciting, memorable role sooner or later, right??

Name: Kevin Clash
Role: Voice of Splinter
Where are they now?: THIS GUY IS THE VOICE OF ELMO! HE IS ALSO THE VOICE OF BABY SINCLAIR FROM THE "DINOSAURS" TV SHOW! "Not the mama!!" Oh my gosh, Splinter wins!!!!! (Note: I have been reminded by Andrea Chapman that Kevin Clash has been in the news lately for... less-than-ideal circumstances. Touche. But still, at least he went on to do something with his career!)

Deep breaths. In and out. I'm sorry. I just got so excited that I found a TMNT alumnus with a couple big roles that I actually recognized.

I'll do one more, just for the heck of it... because you are never going to guess a billion, trillion years, who walked away from 1990's cult classic "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles"  as the biggest star with the most recognizable face. It was none other than...

Name: Sam Rockwell
Role: Head Thug
Where are they now?: Sam Rockwell, who I didn't have any idea was even in this movie in the first place, landed a breakout role as Guy Fleegman in the hilarious 1999 film "Galaxy Quest." If you haven't seen "Galaxy Quest," go see it. Right now. Go. Rockwell was Eric Knox in the big-screen adaptation of "Charlie's Angels" in 2000 and appeared as Zaphod Beeblebrox in "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" in 2005. My fingers hurt after typing that last character's name. Rockwell has also picked up big roles in movies in the past decade, such as "Moon," "Frost/Nixon," "Iron Man 2" and "Cowboys & Aliens." And get this - he will star in the lead role of the rebooted horror classic "Poltergeist," which is currently in post-production and slated to be released in 2015.

So there you have it! Tell your friends you learned something new today. Who were your favorite characters from the original "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles"? Are you planning on seeing the Michael Bay reboot? Let us know by leaving a comment below. Now share this blog with your buddies and order yourself a pizza. Cowabunga, dudes!

The Last Ship: The first recap

Tonight, the Michael Bay-produced "The Last Ship" premiered on TNT. I'll be honest, probably the only reason I watched it was because Adam Baldwin is in it - and I love Adam Baldwin. Did anybody else catch it? If you did, let's recap what happened in the pilot episode, "Phase Six." NOTE: SPOILERS TO FOLLOW. Ye be warned.

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The show kicked off in some quarantine-looking camp in Egypt. Population: 85 million, the text on the screen says in a very "JAG"-like manner. I hope this show is not like "JAG." A doctor, who we later learn to be named Rachel Scott (played by Rhona Mitra, whoever that is), begins taking blood samples from some of the victims? Patients? Sick or diseased people? What do we call them? They look like lepers - splotchy, bubbly skin. As they say, it don't look good.

The show cuts to a naval base in Norfolk, Virginia. Different place, different time. Wait a second.
ADAM BALDWIN SIGHTING. Elsewhere, enter Commander Tom Chandler, played by Eric Dane, who appears to be the series' main protagonist. He meets Dr. Scott, who, along with a team of people who are presumably medical experts, have set up a lab on Chandler's ship. It might eventually be of note that 216 crew members are on-board the ship. Dr. Scott says she and her crew are studying "birds." Right. Chandler walks away and she holds up a cage of lab rats and glances skeptically at her colleague. I have a bad feeling about these two.


Four months later, Chandler and company are sailing at an unknown location in the Arctic. They are in a state of radio silence, which means they have no radio communication, no emails in or out, nothing. Their mission appears to be some kind of weapons testing. They track down a target on their radar and blast it to smithereens. Mission success, they report. They're going home. Allegedly.

Dr. Scott and her colleague are on land... er... ice... and digging for something, but a couple of Chandler's soldiers are coming to pick them up. Time to go. She says she needs more samples, but Chandler is demanding that they return to the ship.

Back on the ship, Adam Baldwin, or "Mike," as I believe he is called in the show, says he can't wait to get home to see how the Cubs are doing. They were "six games up" at the time they embarked. Red flag. Ok, first of all, there's no way the Cubs (bless their hearts) will ever be "six games up" on anything, and, secondly, the fact that he just said that the Cubs were winning means that there is no chance they'll still be winning once he gets home. Commander Chandler and Dr. Scott seem to have developed some kind of tension in the past four months and do not appear to be on good terms with each other. There is a lot of talk about "going home," which leads me to believe that there is not going to be a home for them to return to. (Like, have these people never watched movies before or something? Such ominous dialogue. Geez.) Back in the lab, samples of whatever Scott was collecting are being injected into the lab rats with no immediate on-screen results. Scott makes a phone call to... someone... saying that she needs more time and that her mission is being compromised. Subsequently, Chandler receives a phone call from... someone... explaining that their mission is being extended and that they must return to radio silence.

A new "JAG"-like caption informs us that we are now two days into the mission extension. Chandler remains skeptical of Scott as she continues digging for samples. Amidst all the icy treasure hunting, Scott tells her colleague, whose name is apparently "Quincy," that she may have "got it." Within seconds, five Russian helicopters are bearing down on the ship - and Dr. Scott's frozen archaeological dig. What ensues is a mix of incredible marksmanship and bad CGI, as the helicopters launch RPGs at the ship and at a couple snowmobile-riding Americans. Somehow, the U.S. guards manage to shoot down one of the choppers with a handheld firearm, which is quite preposterous, if you ask me. But good for them. Meanwhile, Scott is scrambling to obtain more samples and there are some more crappy-looking explosions. One Russian hostage is taken and, upon interrogation, Chandler finds out that they were after "the cure."

After a delightful commercial break, Chandler is back to demanding answers from Dr. Scott. She explains, somewhat reluctantly, that a deadly viral outbreak occurred 7 months ago in Egypt. Government officials claimed that the outbreak was contained, but that was a lie. Her secret mission was to locate a primordial strain of the virus, which she believed to be located in the Arctic. The birds she had been studying had picked up the virus and spread it into "small clusters of Asia and Africa." At that point, the outbreak was classified as a "Phase Two." In the present day, the virus has spread to a "Phase Six" - a global pandemic. Eighty percent of the world's population is infected and Scott believes that what she has found here in the Arctic might be the only hope for mankind's salvation. Oh, and, of course, she knows all this because she broke the radio silence mandate with her own personal satellite phone. Tricky, tricky lady. Can't be trusted!

Commander Chandler receives a video conference call from America. It's the president of the United States. It's... a woman?? "I know," the woman says. "Last you heard, I was Speaker of the House." In this little video conference, we learn a couple interesting things:

• The president died two months ago. The vice president died a week later.
• The newly-named female president knows of a secure bio-lab on the coast of blessed North Carolina and will be sending coordinates to Chandler and his crew. She says it should be safe to start working on the creation of a vaccine there.
• Russia no longer has a functioning government.
• Most of the United States' population, along with armed forces is dead. "We have no allies. We have no enemies. Just a world of sick, dying people," she says.

Chandler and Adam "Mike" Baldwin are shown news clips which show the effects of the pandemic. London in flames, people rioting, people being herded like sheep, and the like. Chandler now believes that the "weapons testing" was a cover-up for what was actually happening. He wants to tell his crew everything. "I have news... from home..." he says. Cut to commercial. What? No epic "Independence Day" speech? Disappointing.

It seems like most of the phone lines are permanently down back in the real world. Only four members of the crew were able to reach loved ones. Chandler wants to head for a re-fueling station on the coast of France. There's a lesbian officer. Because there has to be. "Mike" Baldwin discovers that his son didn't make it. Aaaand... they're being fired upon. It's a nuclear bomb! It doesn't hit the ship, but sails off into the horizon, where it explodes, leaving a mushroom cloud in the distance and wiping out the ship's power. No explanation is given as to who fired the nuke or why it was fired into the middle of the ocean, so that was weird, but Chandler acts like a B.A. by nearly electrocuting himself to get the power back on. Strange sequence of events.

Now there's a cloud of nuclear radiation headed their way, so they've got to change their course. As they sail in another direction, they run into another ship just sitting there. It's... the Titanic?? Oh, apparently not. It's just some Italian ship that's just sitting there like a Carnival cruise gone wrong. After they don't respond to an attempted bridge-to-bridge radio call, Commander Electro decides that they'll board the ship, salvage all the food and fuel that they can, and get the heck out of dodge. Scott gives one final word of advice before boarding the ship: if the ship was taken out by the outbreak, the virus would be airborne and highly contagious. Their helmets must stay on at all times. (Obvious foreshadowing.)

On-board the cruise ship Italiano, the American crew searches for food. Oh great. The kitchen freezer is full of saran-wrapped bodies. Maybe somebody was just saving them for later? But as the crew reaches some kind of ballroom, we find that cannibalism is not a likely scenario, as pretty much everybody is dead. Wiped out by that nasty leprous disease. There's one old guy that's still barely breathing, so Scott draws blood from him. Psssh. Rude. Other crew members are booking it around the ship, carrying big bags of food, and then one dude trips down the dang stairway. Pop. Off comes the helmet. Niiiice. Also, he got a dead guy's blood on his face. Scott confirms that he's been exposed to the virus, so the guy does the next logical thing: he blows his own brains out. Man down. Man down. Commercial break.

A seaside burial is held for our dearly departed Franklin. Dr. Scott tells Commander Chandler that no one thought the virus would spread so quickly. She explains that the virus has a new gene now, which could only have been created with human intervention, meaning that some naughty, naughty person weaponized it. How dare they? The good news, however, is that the tampering means that the virus no longer needs to mutate to survive. It has been tamed, thus making it easier to vaccinate. The strains that Scott found in the Arctic will allow her to begin creating a cure.

Inside the ship, a crew member reports that a five-day-old message has come through from the president. North Carolina is no longer safe, but a new lab in Jacksonvill (Florida?) should be the ship's new destination. Another message has come through, as well. It's much larger - a video file. It's... Chandler's wife! She's alive, and so are his kids. His son and daughter join their mother on-screen. They're at his father's cabin. Everyone there is perfectly healthy, but they have not been able to contact a few other family members. Her sister did not make it out alive. Chandler gets emotional and his wife urges him to "get here, if you can."

Back on the coast of America, a crew mate informs the commander that there has been no radiation detected within a 100-mile radius. "We're home," Adam Baldwin says. Fat chance, buddy. Chandler says that the on-shore lab is 200 miles inland and he won't risk going ashore and must therefore stay on the ship. They have enough food for a week, but they only have 80 biohazard suits for the remaining 216 people on-board. Baldwin argues that they should draw lots to see which crew members get to "go home," but Chandler refuses and expects that his commands will be obeyed. He tells his crew that this ship is now "the safest place on Earth." Their mission now is to stay alive at sea until a cure can be found.


There's a cool shot of the ship out at sea and the camera cuts to the lab. Rats, still alive and presumably well, are shown in their cages. Dr. Scott's colleague, Quincy, is making a phone call. He seems nervous. In another language (perhaps Russian?), he refers to himself as "Seagull" as he addresses someone called "Arctic Fox." He is panicked that the ship is no longer stopping in America. They're turning the ship around.

What we learned:

• A crazy virus has overtaken the planet and affected at least 80% of the population in the past seven months.
• This ship of 217... er... 216 people appears to be completely free from exposure to the virus.
• The Russians are bad guys and somebody with an itchy trigger finger has access to nuclear bombs.
• The American government and military have been drastically altered by the outbreak and, at this point, may not even be functioning anymore.
• Somewhere out there is a cabin full of Chandlers who escaped unharmed - and they want their commander back.
• There's a doctor on-board that might be the only hope of restoring order to the world.
• ...but her colleague might be a psychotic double-agent with evil intentions.

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So what did you think? Did you like the pilot episode? It raised a couple intriguing questions, with the most obvious one being whether Dr. Scott and Quincy can be trusted. But also, where did the virus come from and who weaponized it? According to the teaser that aired just after the episode, Dr. Scott will be confronting somebody about it at some point this season. But who could it be? Do you think the show is worth continuing to watch? And what's the over/under on how long this thing lasts before it inevitably gets cancelled? Right now, I'm thinking it might only make it one season, but hey - I've been wrong before. We'll see what happens.

On a scale from zero to five, I'd give the pilot three stars. It was ok. Not incredibly gripping just yet, but not a total waste of time. And hey, for a Michael Bay show, I'm shocked at the complete lack of teenage perversion, so that was a relief. We'll see where this thing goes. Maybe.

If you've got something to say, sound off in the comments below. It would be fun to get a little conversation going.