The Last Ship: The second recap

Warning: SPOILERS for the second episode of "The Last Ship" ("Welcome to Gitmo") to follow. Ye be warned.

Sunday night brought the five of us who are watching a brand new episode of Michael Bay's new naval drama. But first! - When last we left "The Last Ship," this is where we were:

• Most of the world's population is dying or dead from a mysterious virus.
• Dr. Scott is possibly the world's last hope of creating a vaccine.
• After debating whether to land in America, the ship turns around - and Quincy is not happy about it.

When we first join the intrepid crew of the U.S.S. Nathan James, that weasel, Quincy, is trying to talk Dr. Scott into letting him go on-shore at the re-fueling station at Guantanamo Bay. Later on in the episode, Quincy and Scott are both denied permission to leave the ship by Commander Chandler, so Quincy spends most of the episode meddling around with things he ought not. He's a weird dude. Obviously, he can't be trusted, but he doesn't really talk a whole lot. He just looks really nervous and walks around like a creep. It's strange and I don't know quite what to make of his character yet.

Meanwhile, the crew is having a hard time coping with the inevitability of their families, friends, and loved ones likely being dead. They hold a candlelight vigil of sorts (either that or a really lame rave, I guess) and reminisce about those they are missing. In what could likely be construed as an attempt to popularize the show with the rising generation of TV-watching Millennials, one crew member awkwardly uses the term "selfie" in her dialogue.

In a discussion with Chandler and a few others, Dr. Scott lays out the so-called "rules" of the deadly virus. Here are a few of the main points:

• The virus is airborne, which means that it is highly contagious, even from recently deceased corpses.
• Symptoms include coughing, bleeding sores and hemorrhaging, and, eventually, dementia and total blood loss.
• The virus' incubation period is likely 3-5 days, if Scott's somewhat-dated information is still accurate.
• Now that it has been artificially altered, Scott believes the virus to be stable and no longer capable of further mutation.
• Animals are probably immune - and, even if they did contract the virus, they couldn't transfer it to humans.
• One infected person could jeopardize the entire ship, simply by breathing.

Mike (or Mr. Adam Baldwin, as I like to call him) is having a hard time trusting Scott because she basically lied to the crew for four months, as outlined in last week's episode. "She's got a long way to go before she earns my trust," he says. But Mike tells Chandler that he still respects the naval chain of command and is will follow his orders.

The ship approaches Guantanamo Bay, where they hope to scavenge food and refuel. Though there are reportedly 9,000 people stationed at the base, the area appears to have been vacated. The crew splits up into four groups: one to stay on the ship, one to search the hospital for anything that might help Dr. Scott create a vaccine, another group to work on refueling, and a final group with Chandler that will be searching a warehouse for food. Let's focus on the three on-shore parties.

Hospital:

The hospital team immediately equips their oxygen masks, as to not inhale any contaminated air. Their oxygen tanks should last them one hour. As expected, the hospital is packed with deceased bodies (several of which are now rat-infested). From the ship, Dr. Scott is able to guide them around the hospital and successfully identify machines and supplies that will help with the creation of her vaccine.

Fueling station: Easily the least-exciting of the three groups, these guys basically just go, hook up to a pump, and start routing gasoline back to the ship.

Warehouse: Chandler leads his crew in slowly and they come upon a jeep with a (presumably dead) person dangling out the door. They pause and prepare to equip their masks, but are startled by some screaming lunatic who tells them to get out of the area immediately. Then the jeep blows up.

The lunatic, or "Tex," as he calls himself, announces that he is an uninfected American who, along with six other soldiers, had recently taken over the base. At this point, he says he is the last man remaining from his group, as the others were all taken out by a group of a dozen Al Qaeda fighters. He says that the terrorists are armed with RPGs and headed for the ship.

At this point, a series of gun fights break out, including all three of the on-shore U.S. groups. The group at the fueling dock has a bit of an issue when the valve gets stuck and eventually breaks off. The hospital team hits a bump in the road when they begin to run out of oxygen, then make their way to an exit that is locked from the outside and surrounded by Al Qaeda. And Chandler's group has their own set of issues when Tex is held hostage. However, Mike and the crew at sea save the day when they create a diversion that eventually frees Chandler and his men. The guys in the hospital make it out with nary a second to spare, oxygen-wise, and they take out the remaining Al Qaeda agents. All is well that ends well, as they say.

Another point of interest here is that Scott is sent inland to act as a medic and save a bleeding soldier's life. In a bloody sequence where the guy is leaking like a bullet-ridden gas tank, Scott patches up his artery, stabilizes his blood pressure, and regains much of the trust she had lost. Tex is recruited by Chandler and we will assuredly be seeing much more of him in episodes to come.

In the final sequence of episode, Mike tells Chandler that they food they brought back should last they five-to-six weeks and that their fuel tanks topped off at 96%. The lesbian, Granderson, reports that something tipped over in the lab (probably intentional *cough*Quincy*cough*) and they'll need to stay put for three-to-four hours until they can get it all back to normal. And then one officer on the bridge spots a ship on the radar, but can't quite make out its signature. Chandler calls over the radio and a woman's voice informs him that it is the crew of the Brittish HMS-Suffolk. Allegedly. Nobody is infected, but they're low on food. Since the Nathan James is stuck for a couple hours anyway, Chandler invites them on over for pot pies or something.

But guess what? They're not British. No, no. They're Russian. And the fabled "Last Ship" has something that those Russians want...

What we learned:

• Dr. Scott can be trusted again.
• Quincy (still) cannot be.
• Tex joins the crew and will likely play a pivotal role as the show develops.
• Al Qaeda is not good. But, obviously, we already knew that.
• Aaaaaaand there are more Russians to be dealt with.

--

Next week, it looks like the Russians will be after "the doctor" - but which "doctor" do they want? The teaser for next week makes it look like they're after Dr. Scott. Did you watch the show? According to the lack of comments on my last review, either none of you did or maybe you just haven't gathered the courage to join the conversation. This episode was another one, in my opinion, that merely continued to lay the landscape of the show, explaining in a bit more detail how deadly the virus is and things of that nature, as well as developing Scott's character and casting further doubt on Quincy. We'll see what happens next week, but there's got to be some big kind of bombshell to really draw the audience in. POTENTIAL SPOILER: WHy is Quincy only credited for three episodes on IMDb? Could that be an ominous foreshadowing? It's not like I MEANT to find that out. I just wanted to see who somebody was and realized that, while everybody else was basically listed as appearing in 10 different episodes, Quincy, on the other hand, was not. So... hmm... Anyway... In the meantime, leave a comment below if you're watching the show. If not, well, comment on one of the other lovely Underground posts. Catch you guys later.

Are you ready for another exordium? Well here it is... - Meet Amanda Nelson

Hey Underground! I’m so excited to join this awesome community and share my feelings about entertainment with all of you. By the way, if you don't know what exordium is I give you permission to google it. I'm Amanda. I'm a 28-year old single geek who's alter ego works at a jewelry manufacturer of men's wedding rings. I attended BYU-Idaho for my bachelors degree and the University of Phoenix for my masters degree.

My love of pop culture and the geek world was like falling in love. Not that I know what that feels like (ha ha), but Jane Austen’s Pride And Prejudice pretty much sums it up. “I cannot fix the hour or the spot, or the look, or the words, which laid the foundation. It is too long ago. I was in the middle before I knew I had begun.” Yep, I just compared being a geek to being in love. I went from a girl who read books and didn’t “nerd out” over anything, to a girl who buys geeky shirts and attends cons. When I’m not trying to catch up on all of my favorite shows, hitting the movie theater with my movie theater popcorn and frozen Junior Mints, or shamelessly seeing what the latest celebrity gossip is, I love to read as many books as I can get my hands on, spend time with my awesome family, play the piano, and rock out to classic rock in my car. There you have it. I’m just a geeky girl who finally has an excuse to talk about things that cause normal people to squint their eyes and give me the “who are you?” look.  So bring on the apocalypse because I’m ready to go Underground.

The Last Ship: The first recap

Tonight, the Michael Bay-produced "The Last Ship" premiered on TNT. I'll be honest, probably the only reason I watched it was because Adam Baldwin is in it - and I love Adam Baldwin. Did anybody else catch it? If you did, let's recap what happened in the pilot episode, "Phase Six." NOTE: SPOILERS TO FOLLOW. Ye be warned.

--

The show kicked off in some quarantine-looking camp in Egypt. Population: 85 million, the text on the screen says in a very "JAG"-like manner. I hope this show is not like "JAG." A doctor, who we later learn to be named Rachel Scott (played by Rhona Mitra, whoever that is), begins taking blood samples from some of the victims? Patients? Sick or diseased people? What do we call them? They look like lepers - splotchy, bubbly skin. As they say, it don't look good.

The show cuts to a naval base in Norfolk, Virginia. Different place, different time. Wait a second.
ADAM BALDWIN SIGHTING. Elsewhere, enter Commander Tom Chandler, played by Eric Dane, who appears to be the series' main protagonist. He meets Dr. Scott, who, along with a team of people who are presumably medical experts, have set up a lab on Chandler's ship. It might eventually be of note that 216 crew members are on-board the ship. Dr. Scott says she and her crew are studying "birds." Right. Chandler walks away and she holds up a cage of lab rats and glances skeptically at her colleague. I have a bad feeling about these two.


Four months later, Chandler and company are sailing at an unknown location in the Arctic. They are in a state of radio silence, which means they have no radio communication, no emails in or out, nothing. Their mission appears to be some kind of weapons testing. They track down a target on their radar and blast it to smithereens. Mission success, they report. They're going home. Allegedly.

Dr. Scott and her colleague are on land... er... ice... and digging for something, but a couple of Chandler's soldiers are coming to pick them up. Time to go. She says she needs more samples, but Chandler is demanding that they return to the ship.

Back on the ship, Adam Baldwin, or "Mike," as I believe he is called in the show, says he can't wait to get home to see how the Cubs are doing. They were "six games up" at the time they embarked. Red flag. Ok, first of all, there's no way the Cubs (bless their hearts) will ever be "six games up" on anything, and, secondly, the fact that he just said that the Cubs were winning means that there is no chance they'll still be winning once he gets home. Commander Chandler and Dr. Scott seem to have developed some kind of tension in the past four months and do not appear to be on good terms with each other. There is a lot of talk about "going home," which leads me to believe that there is not going to be a home for them to return to. (Like, have these people never watched movies before or something? Such ominous dialogue. Geez.) Back in the lab, samples of whatever Scott was collecting are being injected into the lab rats with no immediate on-screen results. Scott makes a phone call to... someone... saying that she needs more time and that her mission is being compromised. Subsequently, Chandler receives a phone call from... someone... explaining that their mission is being extended and that they must return to radio silence.

A new "JAG"-like caption informs us that we are now two days into the mission extension. Chandler remains skeptical of Scott as she continues digging for samples. Amidst all the icy treasure hunting, Scott tells her colleague, whose name is apparently "Quincy," that she may have "got it." Within seconds, five Russian helicopters are bearing down on the ship - and Dr. Scott's frozen archaeological dig. What ensues is a mix of incredible marksmanship and bad CGI, as the helicopters launch RPGs at the ship and at a couple snowmobile-riding Americans. Somehow, the U.S. guards manage to shoot down one of the choppers with a handheld firearm, which is quite preposterous, if you ask me. But good for them. Meanwhile, Scott is scrambling to obtain more samples and there are some more crappy-looking explosions. One Russian hostage is taken and, upon interrogation, Chandler finds out that they were after "the cure."

After a delightful commercial break, Chandler is back to demanding answers from Dr. Scott. She explains, somewhat reluctantly, that a deadly viral outbreak occurred 7 months ago in Egypt. Government officials claimed that the outbreak was contained, but that was a lie. Her secret mission was to locate a primordial strain of the virus, which she believed to be located in the Arctic. The birds she had been studying had picked up the virus and spread it into "small clusters of Asia and Africa." At that point, the outbreak was classified as a "Phase Two." In the present day, the virus has spread to a "Phase Six" - a global pandemic. Eighty percent of the world's population is infected and Scott believes that what she has found here in the Arctic might be the only hope for mankind's salvation. Oh, and, of course, she knows all this because she broke the radio silence mandate with her own personal satellite phone. Tricky, tricky lady. Can't be trusted!

Commander Chandler receives a video conference call from America. It's the president of the United States. It's... a woman?? "I know," the woman says. "Last you heard, I was Speaker of the House." In this little video conference, we learn a couple interesting things:

• The president died two months ago. The vice president died a week later.
• The newly-named female president knows of a secure bio-lab on the coast of blessed North Carolina and will be sending coordinates to Chandler and his crew. She says it should be safe to start working on the creation of a vaccine there.
• Russia no longer has a functioning government.
• Most of the United States' population, along with armed forces is dead. "We have no allies. We have no enemies. Just a world of sick, dying people," she says.

Chandler and Adam "Mike" Baldwin are shown news clips which show the effects of the pandemic. London in flames, people rioting, people being herded like sheep, and the like. Chandler now believes that the "weapons testing" was a cover-up for what was actually happening. He wants to tell his crew everything. "I have news... from home..." he says. Cut to commercial. What? No epic "Independence Day" speech? Disappointing.

It seems like most of the phone lines are permanently down back in the real world. Only four members of the crew were able to reach loved ones. Chandler wants to head for a re-fueling station on the coast of France. There's a lesbian officer. Because there has to be. "Mike" Baldwin discovers that his son didn't make it. Aaaand... they're being fired upon. It's a nuclear bomb! It doesn't hit the ship, but sails off into the horizon, where it explodes, leaving a mushroom cloud in the distance and wiping out the ship's power. No explanation is given as to who fired the nuke or why it was fired into the middle of the ocean, so that was weird, but Chandler acts like a B.A. by nearly electrocuting himself to get the power back on. Strange sequence of events.

Now there's a cloud of nuclear radiation headed their way, so they've got to change their course. As they sail in another direction, they run into another ship just sitting there. It's... the Titanic?? Oh, apparently not. It's just some Italian ship that's just sitting there like a Carnival cruise gone wrong. After they don't respond to an attempted bridge-to-bridge radio call, Commander Electro decides that they'll board the ship, salvage all the food and fuel that they can, and get the heck out of dodge. Scott gives one final word of advice before boarding the ship: if the ship was taken out by the outbreak, the virus would be airborne and highly contagious. Their helmets must stay on at all times. (Obvious foreshadowing.)

On-board the cruise ship Italiano, the American crew searches for food. Oh great. The kitchen freezer is full of saran-wrapped bodies. Maybe somebody was just saving them for later? But as the crew reaches some kind of ballroom, we find that cannibalism is not a likely scenario, as pretty much everybody is dead. Wiped out by that nasty leprous disease. There's one old guy that's still barely breathing, so Scott draws blood from him. Psssh. Rude. Other crew members are booking it around the ship, carrying big bags of food, and then one dude trips down the dang stairway. Pop. Off comes the helmet. Niiiice. Also, he got a dead guy's blood on his face. Scott confirms that he's been exposed to the virus, so the guy does the next logical thing: he blows his own brains out. Man down. Man down. Commercial break.

A seaside burial is held for our dearly departed Franklin. Dr. Scott tells Commander Chandler that no one thought the virus would spread so quickly. She explains that the virus has a new gene now, which could only have been created with human intervention, meaning that some naughty, naughty person weaponized it. How dare they? The good news, however, is that the tampering means that the virus no longer needs to mutate to survive. It has been tamed, thus making it easier to vaccinate. The strains that Scott found in the Arctic will allow her to begin creating a cure.

Inside the ship, a crew member reports that a five-day-old message has come through from the president. North Carolina is no longer safe, but a new lab in Jacksonvill (Florida?) should be the ship's new destination. Another message has come through, as well. It's much larger - a video file. It's... Chandler's wife! She's alive, and so are his kids. His son and daughter join their mother on-screen. They're at his father's cabin. Everyone there is perfectly healthy, but they have not been able to contact a few other family members. Her sister did not make it out alive. Chandler gets emotional and his wife urges him to "get here, if you can."

Back on the coast of America, a crew mate informs the commander that there has been no radiation detected within a 100-mile radius. "We're home," Adam Baldwin says. Fat chance, buddy. Chandler says that the on-shore lab is 200 miles inland and he won't risk going ashore and must therefore stay on the ship. They have enough food for a week, but they only have 80 biohazard suits for the remaining 216 people on-board. Baldwin argues that they should draw lots to see which crew members get to "go home," but Chandler refuses and expects that his commands will be obeyed. He tells his crew that this ship is now "the safest place on Earth." Their mission now is to stay alive at sea until a cure can be found.


There's a cool shot of the ship out at sea and the camera cuts to the lab. Rats, still alive and presumably well, are shown in their cages. Dr. Scott's colleague, Quincy, is making a phone call. He seems nervous. In another language (perhaps Russian?), he refers to himself as "Seagull" as he addresses someone called "Arctic Fox." He is panicked that the ship is no longer stopping in America. They're turning the ship around.

What we learned:

• A crazy virus has overtaken the planet and affected at least 80% of the population in the past seven months.
• This ship of 217... er... 216 people appears to be completely free from exposure to the virus.
• The Russians are bad guys and somebody with an itchy trigger finger has access to nuclear bombs.
• The American government and military have been drastically altered by the outbreak and, at this point, may not even be functioning anymore.
• Somewhere out there is a cabin full of Chandlers who escaped unharmed - and they want their commander back.
• There's a doctor on-board that might be the only hope of restoring order to the world.
• ...but her colleague might be a psychotic double-agent with evil intentions.

--

So what did you think? Did you like the pilot episode? It raised a couple intriguing questions, with the most obvious one being whether Dr. Scott and Quincy can be trusted. But also, where did the virus come from and who weaponized it? According to the teaser that aired just after the episode, Dr. Scott will be confronting somebody about it at some point this season. But who could it be? Do you think the show is worth continuing to watch? And what's the over/under on how long this thing lasts before it inevitably gets cancelled? Right now, I'm thinking it might only make it one season, but hey - I've been wrong before. We'll see what happens.

On a scale from zero to five, I'd give the pilot three stars. It was ok. Not incredibly gripping just yet, but not a total waste of time. And hey, for a Michael Bay show, I'm shocked at the complete lack of teenage perversion, so that was a relief. We'll see where this thing goes. Maybe.

If you've got something to say, sound off in the comments below. It would be fun to get a little conversation going.

Father's Day haiku

According to dictionary.com, a haiku is a major form of Japanese verse, written in 17 syallables divided into 3 lines of five, seven, and five syllables. In honor of Father's Day, several Facebookers, including two members of The Underground, wrote haiku poems for their fathers on this special day.

"My dad is flying.

On a plane for work today.

I love him always."

- Tiffany Garner

"He gave to us life

And teaches us how to live

Two great gifts treasured."

- Jordan Holmes

"My daddy is great

He taught me how to fish well

And which books are best."

- Jordan Holmes

"I love my father.

He always works very hard.

Leroy Jethro Gibbs."

- Aaron Christensen

"It's not just today

But each and every day

Dads deserve respect."

- Steve Roush

"Dad is my hero

Loving care for my mother

Sweet husband and DAD."

- Gayle Christensen

"Jackie Chan movies

Knives, pens, camping, and surfing

'Hey, pull my finger.'"

- Jordan Holmes

"A quirky humor,

Overshadowed by pure love,

Makes my father great."

- Jessica Turner

Happy Father's Day to you, Dad, and all you other fathers out there, from everybody here at The Underground.

Lists: 10 things I hate about Facebook

You know, Facebook has been really good at a lot of things for a really long time. I like Facebook. I do. In fact, depending on who you ask, I probably like Facebook too much. But, in all honesty, I've found myself posting and "liking" things on Facebook less and less these days. And, in no particular order, here's why:

1. Birthdays. Don't get me wrong - I'm all about birthdays. In fact, my favorite day on Facebook every single year is undoubtedly my birthday. It makes me happy to see kind messages from my family and friends every year. I always make sure to thank each and every one of them for their wall posts. A couple years ago, actually, I had my account temporarily suspended by Facebook for "suspicious activity." I guess if you consider posting a "thank you" message on the wall of each person that told me "happy birthday," I'm guilty as charged. So that was weird and slightly depressing. But here are my two problems with birthdays: 1) It bugs me when people don't respond or even "like" when I tell them "happy birthday," and 2) I have this internal struggle every time I see that it is someone's birthday who didn't acknowledge me on my special day. Know what I mean? Like, if they can't take five seconds to wish me a happy birthday, why should I do the same for them? Inevitably, I do and they don't even "like" it. Rude.
2. "Seen 10:49am." I hate, hate, hate this feature of Facebook. As an eligible bachelor, the "Seen" feature of Facebook Chat is the absolute worst. "Hey, so-and-so, how was your day?" ... ... ... ... Check mark. "Seen 10:49am." No response. Are you kidding me? I KNOW YOU SAW THAT! SAY SOMETHING! In my opinion, multiple unanswered instant messages is grounds for unfriending. For heck's sake, at least when I text a girl and she doesn't respond for five weeks, there's a chance that she just didn't ever get the text.
3. Pictures with the opposite gender. When I post pictures on Facebook, I often try really hard to avoid posting pictures with girls. Why, you ask? Because, at least where I come from, if you take a picture with a girl and post it online, it means you're about to propose. I've done it before. Post pictures with girls, I mean. Not... nevermind. But yeah, seriously. I post one innocent picture with, like, a girl in my ward or something, and I start getting text messages from relatives. "Who's that girl??" "Uh... a girl in my ward." "She's cute!" "Um... sure. Yeah." "So do you like her?" "We were in the same group together at FHE. They assigned the groups and I didn't really have a choice in the matter." "Well you should ask her out!" "Oh. Yeah. Maybe." Bless their hearts.
4. Old people. And I use that term loosely, of course. But this seemed the next logical step after #3. I remember when Facebook first started and you had to have a college email address to sign up for an account. I think that was the only time I ever used my @snow.edu email address. Those were simpler times. Less tweenagers and less responsible adults. Bless their hearts. (I know I'm going to offend somebody with this blog, by the way. Oh well.) The problem with old people on Facebook, related or otherwise, is that they frown upon me acting my age. I'm 27 and that's pretty dang old. I know. But, for instance, I get really worried about members of my singles ward bishopric adding me on Facebook because... what if I post a picture with a girl?? What if I "like" a YouTube clip of a TV show where somebody gets shot?? What if I link something that had a minor swear word in it? :-/
5. Grammar. On the other end of the spectrum, "I just can't" with all these young people and they way they talk with their terrible millennial jargon. Worst. Grammar. Ever. And I freakin' hate how many periods. They. Use. When. They. Type. Talking like that was cool like four years ago but now I'm over it. Obvi. They're, like, totes lazy b/c they feel the need 2 abbreviate even the simplest of words. It's cray. U feel?
6. Hashtags. I HATE hashtags on Facebook. Hashtags don't belong on Facebook. Hashtags belong in one place (ok, maybe two) and that's it: Twitter and Instagram. On Twitter, if you want to see everyone who is talking about the #NBAFinals, you simply click on the hashtag and it brings it right up. On Instagram, if you want to see everyone who posted a picture of their #salad, you click the hashtag and there you go. But on Facebook, when I see people using hashtags like #wearethebestfriendsinthewholeworld #I #love #her #so #much, that's just plain annoying. #I? Really? What is that supposed to bring up? Another thing that needs to stop is people hashtagging the names of babies. Or just names in general. #PatrickDavid might be cute if that's your boyfriend or whatever, but, first of all, nobody cares, and, secondly, now we all know his middle name. Ha!
7. Quote attribution. Here's one that has really started bothering me in the last six months or so. I'm done with all these cheesy inspirational quotes. I'm totally fine if you want to quote an apostle or a scripture or something. Or Abraham Lincoln, I suppose. But what I really hate is when people attribute a quote to "Unknown." If you don't know who said a quote, you should either look it up or don't use it in the first place. "'The winds of change blow swiftly from the south.' - Unknown." Wow. So profound. I wish I knew who said it! The other horrible Facebook error that some people occasionally commit is to attribute a quote to themselves. Why?? "'There are two ways you can live your life: the right way and the wrong way.' - Aaron Christensen." Ok, first of all, who are you? Socrates? Since when did you become some profound philosopher? Also, if you want to attribute something to yourself, don't put your name on it! Posting a status IS attributing it to yourself, is it not? "Aaron Christensen: 'There are two ways you can live your life: the right way and the wrong way.' - Aaron Christensen." Seems a little redundant to me. Maybe I'm just out of touch.
8. Lack of interest. I figure that if a cute girl can post a status that says something bland like "The grass outside is growing slowly" and have it receive 80 "likes" in 14 minutes, I should receive at least a few "likes" when I post a DVD review. Generally, the only ones who like things that I post are my parents, my brother, and a couple cousins. Maybe my grandma, too, if she's online that day. She likes a lot of my stuff. I have always wanted to post a status that says, "Like this status if you've hidden me from your news feed," but I guess that wouldn't really work, now, would it?
9. Publicly visible "likes" and comments. This might be the main offender. With the evolution of Facebook, now people can pretty much see anything you click on at any point in the day. Even if you tried secretly "liking" something at 2:00 in the morning, there's a good chance it would be recycled for the news feeds of your parents and potential suitors when they log on at 8:45. It's not that I'm trying to "like" the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition or anything, but how can you Facebook-flirt with anybody by "liking" their profile picture these days? ("Who's the girl? You should ask her out!") I try not to "like" a whole lot anymore, unless it's Austin's status or a picture posted by either ESPN or Disneyland. Can't go wrong with that, right? I also try to keep my comments to a minimum for the same reason. Nothing is secret. Nothing is sacred.
10. Engagement pictures. And finally, maybe I'm just waxing bitter in my old age, especially since most of my high school classmates are either on their third child or third marriage by now... (*shakes head in disgust*) ...But is it obligatory to take that picture where the girl is leaning on the guy and awkwardly holding up her left hand to show off the ring? That's annoying. The great thing about my awkwardly posed Facebook engagement picture will be the text messages I get immediately after. "Who's the girl? She's cute. Do you like her?"

I can't be the only one feeling this way. What do you hate about Facebook? Or am I wrong entirely? Wouldn't surprise me. Leave a comment. And be sure to "like" this post on Facebook.

My chat with a cosplayer: Spotlight on Joanie Brosas

"Cosplay," as defined by the trusty dictionary.com, is "the art or practice of wearing costumes to portray characters from fiction, especially from manga, animation, and science fiction."

That seemed really weird to me back in September of 2013. There I was, a first-time convention-goer  at Salt Lake Comic Con. I basically refused to dress up. "Dressing up is for losers," I said. So there I was in my Back to the Future t-shirt (which is very cool, mind you), but I was faced with a dilemma. As part of the non-costumed minority, I realized that I was the loser! I was the one who felt like he didn't fit in. Dressing up, it seems, can be cool if you do it right. And nobody does it better than people like professional cosplayer Joanie Brosas.

Brosas' life took an unexpected turn when she was in attendance at a Star Trek convention several years ago and was approached by Dan Farr, the eventual founder of Salt Lake Comic Con. Farr, at that time, was heading a 3D modeling company called DAZ 3D. Brosas was dressed in her favorite Star Trek costume - an Orion slave - and Farr asked if she wanted to go model for his company's booth. That chance encounter led to a dramatic shift in Brosas' modeling career and her eventual relocation to the Salt Lake Valley.

These days, although she maintains a normal job on the side, Brosas still tries to attend as many conventions as possible, including an annual trip down to the Star Trek show in Las Vegas. Her love for costuming has turned into a bit of an obsession - but for good cause, as she has occasionally been asked to appear as a special guest with other professional cosplayers.

One such convention where Brosas made a special appearance was April's Salt Lake Comic Con FanXperience. As part of the media, I was put in an opportunity during the convention to interview several of the pro cosplayers, including LeAnna Vamp, Kristen Hughey and Nicole Marie Jean. But with Brosas living here locally, I figured I had better talk to her, too. It was probably the most nervous I've ever been in my entire life and I had to promise each of them that I was with the newspaper and not just some pervert or something. Anyway, I recently sat down with Miss Brosas to talk to her about her life, her career, her fascination with all things science fiction and the reason behind why Utah is such a nerdy state. Here are some of the highlights from that interview.

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Signs of the Times: When you do cosplay, describe your style to me. Is the Star Trek [costume] your favorite one or do you have a theme for your other costumes, as well?

Joanie Brosas: I don’t really have a theme. I mean, Star Trek is obviously my favorite. Like, I love talking about "Star Trek." I want to dress up in things that I can talk about with other people because it’s like… I absolutely love it. I’m working on Chun-Li [from "Street Fighter"]. I keep getting frustrated with it, but I’m working on it! That was the first video game I ever played – "Street Fighter 2" – and I loved it, and, like "Kirby," I play "Kirby,’"but I don’t know what I would dress up [as] in "Kirby." …  I know there’s a lot of women out there that aren’t exactly comfortable or secure with themselves and I’m, like, super tiny. I’m super petite. ... I’m trying to just encourage girls to just be comfortable with themselves. I didn’t really start getting comfortable with myself until I started modeling and seeing what I look like on camera. I’m like, "I can be that pretty." So, I just try to do it to encourage other girls.

SotT: How many costumes do you have?

JB: Oh my goodness. They’re like one-and-dones. I am so cheap! (Laughs) But that’s also my other kind of theme, I guess you could say, is kind of, you know, going on a budget because you find what’s in your closet and do it because you’re out there to have fun. Some people are more about accuracy and stuff, you know? As long as it makes sense when you see it and people will be like, "Oh! I know that!" That’s kind of the goal, but, you know, it’s whatever you’ve got and then, you know, just work towards it. ... I’ve got my Vampirella ... I’ve got my Aphrodite IX… I did a Felicia cosplay at one point, but that one definitely was a one-and-done because it was all glue (laughs) ... and then my Orion Slave. I’d say at least four or five so far. I’m getting more as I go, but yeah: four or five, right now. I’ve got three more in the making.

SotT: I saw on Twitter the other day that you asked what movie-quality costume you would want. What is your answer to that question?

JB: Oh my gosh! So I was thinking about this the other day and I really, really want a "Halo" costume. That would be just mind-blowing, for one, but I want it to be pink! I want a pink Master Chief costume. I think it would be so awesome, but I know – I’ve been looking up tutorials and they are so hard! You need, like, a workshop for it. But one of these days! One of these days I’m going to have help, I’m going to do it. Yes. [Even] if it’s foam an plastic, I’m going to do it. (Laughs)

SotT: What do you like the most about doing cosplay?

JB: Talking to people. It just gets people talking. Yeah, it’s definitely just… I don’t know. It’s finding people that love what you love and getting to talk about it because, I mean, as you can see, I’m a talker. (Laughs) I talk way too much. I love, I mean, even the whole… the biggest conversation starter is Star Wars versus Star Trek – and you get that all the time, but it’s just a conversation starter where you can get to know people. There’s people from, like, Germany. You get people from Ireland. Everywhere. You get different kinds of people and they just come together to love the same thing. It’s awesome.

SotT: What is the most difficult thing about it?

JB: Oh my goodness. I guess, finding the confidence to do them sometimes? Me, being as small as I am, there [are] a lot of women out there – and I love these women. They’re the most [awesome] women in the world. They have curves or they got curves, you know? And sometimes, I’m just not feeling it today. I kind of focus on my abs because, you know, you feel flat-chested some days.

SotT: I know the feeling. I feel your pain.

JB: There you go! See? It’s … just getting the confidence and what gets me there is saying, "You know, there are other girls that are feeling the same way that I do. Go out and show them that they can do it, too." It’s really hard. It’s like waking up in the morning and saying, "You know what? I’m doing it. Just do it. Get it on." And people love it. People end up loving it. And that’s what changes my mind.

SotT: Do guys give you a hard time? Do you have a lot of trouble with guys being perverts or being creepy?

JB: You have to expect it. ... I just laugh it off because it’s funny. ... I really don’t care. I do a lot of motorcycle shows and those are probably the most kind of crazy people out there who’ll say whatever they want, you know? So I’m kind of immune to it. I get it a lot, so it’s just funny. I love it. ... I get a lot of negative stuff. I get "Eat a cheeseburger" like 20 times a day. Whoop-dee-do. I don’t care.

SotT: "No, YOU go eat a cheeseburger."

JB: Exactly.

SotT: Did you have a good time at FanX?

JB: I did. Yeah. I wish I could walk around more. I usually don’t and then I forget to eat. It’s all bad. You just kind of go on auto-pilot. You talk to people, and then you realize that it’s 8:00 at night. You’re like, "OK, it’s done."

SotT: "I should probably go eat some lunch or something."

JB: Exactly, yeah. I just… I don’t walk around much and I guess I don’t enjoy them as much because I don’t get out there. I just need a reminder – like, I need an alarm clock on my phone to say, "Hey, go out and have fun a little bit."

SotT: When you’re doing conventions, do you have celebrities that you want to see? Like, is there anybody where you get star-struck a little bit?

JB: Oh, star-struck? I don’t know. I don’t get too often star-struck. I get star-struck about the stupidest things. Well, not "stupid." They’re not stupid to me, but first, some people are like, "Who is that?? I don’t even know who that is." My favorite author – and [he’s] actually local; I went to one of his signings – is Brandon Mull. I’m sure you know his books. I am like a super-fan of his books. He has my favorite books. I love Harry Potter, but I love his books more. That’s a lot to say. I love Harry Potter; I love [Brandon Mull’s] books. I flipped out when I saw him! It was the dumbest thing. … I can talk to William Shatner, [but] I kind of freaked out a little [after meeting Brandon Mull]. I didn’t freak out so much to meet him, but after, like, I flipped. But when I talked to him, my hands were sweating and I was like, (screams), and I couldn’t stop talking… They actually had to say, "Well, we’ve got a lot more people to go…" I was like, "OK-I-gotta-go-bye!" Ugh. It was crazy. But yeah, so I get a little bit star-struck on those people. My favorite person to meet is Brent Spiner.

SotT: Did you meet him at FanX?

JB: I met him at my first Star Trek convention and I’ve talked to him at every single convention [that we’re both at]. He remembers me and I love it. It makes me so happy. He’s so awesome. He’s so funny and he’ll sit there and talk to you for five, ten minutes – it doesn’t matter how long his line is. He will dedicate himself to each person in line and he’s so awesome.

SotT: There was an article that recently went viral about Utah being the “nerdiest state.” Some of the criteria there was, like…

JB: Star Wars, Star Trek, Dungeons and Dragons…

SotT: Cosplay was one of them.

JB: I didn't know that!

SotT: And Utah was number one [in that category].

JB: “Because everybody knows how to sew here! Like, everybody! I don’t, really. I got a sewing machine, I learned it… I’m not like a pro, but lots of people know how to sew here! So I understand that. There’s EA here, there’s eBay, there’s tons of video game places, so I don’t doubt it at all. We’re huge geeks. I went to a Star Trek convention once, I dressed up as an Orion slave, I met three other Orion slaves – which nobody dresses up as … - and there were two dudes and one girl – the sweetest people you’ll ever meet – but we were like, "Oh hey, you’re an Orion [slave]. Let’s all take a picture together!" And we were all from the same state! It was really, really weird. So yeah, I totally understand that.

SotT: I was going to see if you knew why [Utah was number one], but everyone knows how to sew. Good point.

JB: Yeah, sewing – if you know how to sew. Plus … I think it was "Game Informer" magazine? It was showing all the top schools for video game designers and stuff – and this is one of the states where – I don’t know if it’s in, like, third place in the country or whatever – but it’s one of the top states for computer graphics, all that stuff. ... [Utah is] full of talented people and I think they’re, like, nerdy-talented people, you know?

SotT: The last question I have is that we talked a lot about why you’re doing it – to encourage people and things like that – so I was just wondering what advice you have for people who are thinking about getting into it or people that are [already] into it, but struggling to get going or whatever. What advice would you have for people like that?

JB: I would say, "Just do it." Even if you don’t have all the parts, get something that looks like all the parts. If people aren’t going to understand the costume, make sure they’re going to understand it. I mean, look in the mirror and say, "Are they going to know who this is?" OK, if they’re going to know who it is, you’re fine. Go to thrift stores – because I think all of us [cosplayers] go to thrift stores.

SotT: That’s another thing we have a lot of in Utah. Thrift stores.

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Joanie Brosas can be found on Twitter at @TheOrionSlave.

How "American Idol" messed things up

Well, I haven't been blogging much lately. Sorry about that. But it's all for a good cause, I assure you. For those of you who don't know, I have been writing for the Deseret News in Salt Lake City for the past month and a half. It has been totally awesome and I absolutely love it. However, that does give me considerably less time to just sit down and write "for fun" these days. As part of my job with the newspaper, I have had the fun opportunity to follow the journeys of a handful of Utah girls that were featured on season 13 of "American Idol." That opportunity came to an abrupt end after last night's "Top 15" girls took the stage. Well, I mean to say that some of the "Top 15" took the stage. And that's where my issue really begins.

I hadn't watched "American Idol" in years. The last time I watched was back when I furiously voted to prevent Adam Lambert from winning. (Check!) So it had been, what? Five years, I think, since I'd tuned in. Too many old judges leaving, too many new judges coming in, and too many new judges leaving. It was too confusing, too dramatic, and, let's be honest - once Simon Cowell left, so did most of the viewers. With this new opportunity to follow the show, I actually found myself really getting into it. The new judges - especially Harry Connick, Jr., on whom I have quite the man-crush - are fantastic, they're family friendly, and they're fun to watch. "'American Idol' may finally have revived itself!" I thought.

When the shows went live last night, things went downhill fast.

After over 200 contestants were given golden tickets to fly out to Hollywood Week, the judges had slowly slimmed their numbers down to 30 - 15 guys and 15 girls. Among the 15 girls were two Utah contestants. I thought they were both pretty good, so I was excited to see if they could crack the Top 10 this week.

"Idol" introduced a new "Rush Week" concept, which I'm not sure I totally understand. Seacrest likened it to the Greek system that is not uncommon in many an American university, saying that "Idol" would showcase its talent, then America would get a chance to "pledge" their allegiance to the contestants they liked most. Then he dropped the bombshell, explaining that only 10 of the 15 girls in the backstage holding room would get the opportunity to perform for America's votes.

I thought our Utah girls would be in, easy. They'd both been pretty popular throughout the auditions stages and even got their fair share of face time, so I wasn't too concerned. Five performances later, I started to worry. Six, seven, eight. There were only two spots left and neither of the Utahns had been called to the stage. The ninth name didn't belong to either of the girls, which meant that at least one of them would be going home. When the judges described their 10th performer as a "big personality," it was almost like you could see the excitement drain out of our poor Utah girls' faces. It wasn't going to be them. I knew it and they knew it. They were both going to be eliminated.

Five minutes later, the two Utahns, along with three other unfortunate contestants, were beckoned to the stage, where they were promptly thanked for their time and dismissed. The credits rolled, Seacrest plugged the next night's show, and that was it.

"Thanks for playing." Photo: American Idol / Fox

That's just plain stupid.

Why did they narrow the field down to 15 when they knew all along that five of them wouldn't get to perform? Why didn't they just narrow it down to 10 to begin with?

Why drag it out for the girls? They kept them cooped up all night long with cameras in their faces and, in the end, they wouldn't even get a whiff of that live, national airtime. Why not just eliminate them at the beginning of the show?

I'm sure the network's answer to my last question is simple: ratings. If you eliminate five girls right off the bat, people like me, who were specifically watching for two girls that wouldn't even get a chance to sing, would tune out right then. (In fairness, I would have.) But here's the thing - some of the 10 girls that did perform were terrible! Nerves got the best of at least four of the contestants, in my opinion, partially because they were forced to run down an incredibly long hallway right before getting to the stage (and J-Lo pointed that out twice), but also because they didn't know that they would actually be singing until about two minutes before the music hit. Letting the girls know whether they would actually be going on stage that night would have allowed them time to mentally prepare for their performance.

Another big problem I had last night was the same problem I have with many talent-based reality shows: I felt like, for the first time all season, I was being force-fed liberal lifestyles.

One contestant, openly lesbian, complained in one of last week's shows that, no matter how talented she was, many people would hate her simply because of the lifestyle she has chosen to live. No offense, and bless her heart, but living an alternative lifestyle should not guarantee you more airtime than anybody else. Obviously, FOX is not going to admit to that, but I can almost guarantee that this girl was given a shot to perform in order to avoid any potential backlash by the LGBT community if she was dismissed as one of the "remaining five." After her performance, she was greeted by a prolonged standing ovation. Seacrest made a point to comment that the singer's "two moms" must be proud. J-Lo looked like she was on the verge of tears. I'm sorry, but I thought this was a singing competition!

Other spots in the Top 10 were given to those who had big personalities or caused some sort of ruckus in Hollywood week and one spot was given to a girl who said she wanted to be remembered for her brightly colored lipstick. Lipstick Girl botched her song - probably the worst performance of the night, in my opinion - but my, those were some big, bright lips!

The final thing that really bothered me about last night's performance what how incredibly liberal the audience was. For the third time this season, Harry Connick, Jr., called out a young female contestant for singing "Paris (Ooh La La)" by Grace Potter & the Nocturnals. After the performance, Connick asked the 18-year-old to speak the first two lines of the song.

"You've got me down on the floor," she recited. "So what you bring me down here for?"

In his post-performance feedback, Connick repeatedly asked the contestant if that was the kind of girl she wanted to be seen as. He asked her what the song was about. The girl responded that it was about a woman who gets what she wants. The largely female studio audience roared its shrill, high-pitched approval. The wild support from the audience really bothered me. Editing in the season so far has really tried to put Connick in a negative light, often referring to him as "Harsh Harry," but I've got no problem with him calling these girls out for inappropriate song choices.

In the end, my days of covering "American Idol" have run their course and I won't likely set time aside to watch the show for the remainder of the season, other than maybe an occasional glance to see who's doing well. With NBC's "The Voice" starting up next week, I needed to clear four hours of time from my busy schedule of TV watching, anyway. I just wish that "Idol" would have left off on a more positive note.

A-Town, out.