Five reasons why SPECTRE didn't suck

When SPECTRE, the latest James Bond blockbuster, hit theaters in November 2015, I couldn't help but feel that its response was underwhelming, at best. I saw it that first weekend and I thought it was a pretty good show. It wasn't Skyfall, but it wasn't bad. Now, months later and a couple weeks after its release on Blu-ray and DVD, I still don't sense that there is any more excitement about the film that before. Few (if any) of my friends and known associates talked about seeing the movie in theaters and I'm not aware of anyone that ran out to the store to pick it up, now that it's on sale.

I think we can all agree that Lea Seydoux is the least attractive Bond girl of all time, but, other than that, I have a hard time understanding why SPECTRE wasn't a very popular Bond movie. It sits at a measly 63% on Rotten Tomatoes with an equally mediocre rating from audiences. I can think of a couple things that I wasn't necessarily wild about, but I truly believe, overall, that it deserves a bit more credit than it received. I'd like to list five of them in this blog.

[From this point forward, SPECTRE will be discussed in detail, including major spoilers.]

The dead are alive

If nothing else, the enormous scope of the Day of the Dead celebration in Mexico is jaw-dropping. The camera work is tremendous, highlighted by a long, uncut take as Bond traverses the Mexican rooftops. Admit it: when that building comes down and Bond lands on the couch, you chuckled. The brief foot-chase that ensues amidst thousands of costumed extras is undeniably a sight to behold, reminiscent of the Mardi Gras scenes in 1973's Live or Let Die. Also, the helicopter does barrel rolls! Eat your heart out, Fox McCloud! ...And let's not forget Daniel Craig's superb skeleton suit. That thing is stylin'.

"Writing's on the Wall"

Before I had even heard the song, I had heard that some people were unhappy with Sam Smith's theme song, "Writing's on the Wall." I'm still not sure why anybody disliked it. Again, it's not "Skyfall," which Adele knocked out of the park for the last film, but the more I heard Smith's take on the song, the more I liked it. What's more, if you can manage to ignore the practically naked dancers in the title sequence, I've always thought that the Daniel Craig intros have been quite good at storytelling. The opening credits play on the nostalgia of fans of the Daniel Craig era, giving nods to characters from the previous three Bond films, including Javier Bardem's Silva (Skyfall), Eva Green's Vesper (Casino Royale) and our dearly departed M, iconically portrayed by Dame Judy Dench. (Rest her soul.) Once the opening credits wrap, Sam Smith and the folks at MGM have you raring to go as the stage is set for SPECTRE.

The car chase

The fancy cars. The unloaded ammunition. "New York, New York" blasting from the stereo. Bond practically pushing the slow driver out of his way, only to have the old man land perfectly in a parking spot with an airbag to the face. The flames from the exhaust and the ejector seat. That's a fun scene that gives you pretty much everything you could hope for from a Bond car chase.

Honorable mention: Bond's airplane scene that ultimately ends in him driving the dang thing through a barn. Oh, baby.

Batista

After his success in Guardians of the Galaxy, I was excited to hear that former WWE wrestler Dave Bautista had earned a role as a Bond villain. The dude is a beast, no bones about it, and he's as physically imposing as ever in this role. Hinx is right up there, in terms of physicality, with any other Bond baddie. Who else compares? Jaws, certainly, but is there anyone else as overpowering as Batista? One of my favorite moments of his during is the fight scene on the train when he swats a cooking pot out of the air with his forearm. (#baller) It's just a shame that he's used so little in the film. His death is implied as he gets whipped out of the train and any possibility of him returning in a future film is practically impossible, but hey - we can dream, can't we?

Honorable mention: It's also nice to see Q (Ben Whishaw) and the new M (Ralph Fiennes) in action - and out in the field! I like these new guys.

Franz Oberhauser: What's in a name?

Some might argue that SPECTRE's weakest aspect is its main villain. They might say that Christoph Waltz's Oberhauser was "just some boring guy that we all knew was going to end up being Bond's brother." They might say, "We knew they he was going to be Bond's long-lost brother simply by watching the trailer. Big whoop." Big whoop? Big whoop?? My goodness, people! Have you no knowledge of nor familiarity with Bond films past?

It is revealed during one of the movie's most tense plot points that Franz Oberhauser, the man with such historical ties to James Bond (yes, indeed, they are adoptive brothers) at some point in life changed his name, nay, his identity, becoming a man fictitiously renamed Ernst Stavro Blofeld. ERNST STAVRO BLOFELD, PEOPLE!! Blofeld is, like, Bond's arch-nemesis! He is the most classic of all James Bond villains! He either appeared in or made his presence known in at least seven other films, so, other than 007, himself, he should be the most recognized character in any of the movies. No? Is this not ringing any bells? Did a light bulb not go off in your mind when you saw him holding a white cat? Did you not realize that this is the character that inspired Austin Powers' "Doctor Evil"? I think the biggest problem with the Blofeld Bomb was that too many moviegoers had no idea who he was supposed to be. While I was geeking out of my mind, the majority of the theater was probably thinking, "Ernst who??" Ugh. So disappointing.

I mean, we should have seen it coming, right? Blofeld was the head of SPECTRE in the old movies. Why wouldn't he be the big wig in this one? But I had no idea. Not a clue. I didn't see it coming and was genuinely surprised by the reveal. The idea that Blofeld is "the author of all of [Bond's] pain" was a nice touch - that he was the one that orchestrated most (if not all) of Bond's tragic losses, including those of Vesper and M. Unbeknownst to us all, Blofeld has been pulling the strings all along.

At a pivotal point in the film, Blofeld is gravely injured, leaving him his a nasty scar on one side of his face - his trademark physical feature. It was inevitable. It had to happen. And when it did, the transformation was complete. Guys... they rebooted Blofeld. Is that not amazing? What's even more exciting is that he didn't die. No, no. He's still alive and he'll be back for more movies. In my opinion, this is the best thing that came out of SPECTRE.

"Cuckoo!"

Conclusion

SPECTRE is a good Bond movie. It's not Skyfall and it's not Goldeneye, but, thankfully, it's not Moonraker or A View to a Kill, either. If this is Daniel Craig's final go in the tuxedo, you know what? He made me a believer. I was a harsh critic of his in the months leading up to his debut as 007 in Casino Royale and I think that Quantum of Solace was the worst Bond flick since Tomorrow Never Dies, but he was spectacular in Skyfall and did a good job in SPECTRE. He infamously insinuated that his days as James Bond were over, even commenting that he'd rather slit his wrists than do another movie. The degree of sarcasm contained in that comment is up for debate and it's also rumored that Craig is under contract for one more film, so I guess we'll see what happens. However, if this truly is his last movie, he got the girl (yuck) and rode off into the sunset, quite literally, so I suppose it would be a fitting end for his stint with the PP7. Only time will tell.

Did you see SPECTRE? Did you hate it? Did you like it? Was it the best/worst movie you've ever seen? Let SotT: Underground know in the comments below.

JAMES BOND WILL RETURN.

Confessions: I watched "The Bachelor"

I admit: for the first time in my life, I sat down and watched a full episode of ABC's "The Bachelor."

I went home to my family's house after work last night to change my clothes before heading to the gym. My mom was watching TV. I casually asked if she was watching "The Bachelor," which I was relatively aware had debuted the night before. She responded in the affirmative. She asked if I wanted to stay for dinner after my workout. I agreed. She had me right where she wanted me.

After returning from the gym and enjoying a dinner with my family, I prepared to return to my place. As I was getting ready to go, my mom asked if I wanted to stay and watch the girls (on the show) get introduced. I didn't really want to; I'd never watched more than a few minutes of those shows every now and then (I did a little research while debating whether or not to include Mormon contestants in my list of Latter-day Saints on reality TV - that's another topic for another time). Somewhat hesitantly, I decided to stay and watch the girls meet Ben, the new Bachelor. I figured a little quality time with my mom couldn't hurt. I didn't have any other plans last night, anyway.

I sat down as the first of the women were introduced. There was a dentist from Oregon (she's definitely trying way too hard to "Keep Portland weird"). There was a chick with an odd face that had a father with ALS. A cute single mom. A... "chicken enthusiast"? Is that her job or her character on the show? I was a bit confused. These, and many, many others, began arriving via limousine to meet the handsome chap. I learned very quickly that this was the time for these women to make their first impressions. The dentist showed up with a freaking enormous flower hat on her head. It fell off as she got out of the car and she quickly put it back on. One lady showed up with - and I kid you not - a wedding invitation, as though she assumes she will be the eventual bride... or winner... or whatever the ultimate goal is on this show.

It just kept getting better and better. (And when I say "better and better," I mean "worse and worse.") A girl got out of the limo with a unicorn mask on her head. I got excited when a cute girl from Salt Lake City showed up - and then she refused to speak a word of English to the guy! She only spoke in what I assume was Russian. So weird. Another contestant showed up in pajamas, telling Ben that she hopes he is the "onesie" for her. Somebody showed up on one of those so-called "hoverboards." One girl was allergic to gluten and she showed up, ironically, carrying a basket of bread. She told Ben that she was allergic to gluten so, instead of breaking the ice, she thought they could break bread, then commencing to smash the loaves all over the pavement at his feet. There was a Texan with a pony, a social media stalker, identical twins and an insecure redhead called "Red Velvet." There was one girl that I thought was pretty cute that came out of the limo with a football behind her back (double yes!). However, things got a little weird when she hitched up her skirt, hiked the ball and said, "I knew you were a catch." Ugh. So cheesy.

All of the women had arrived and it was time for Ben to join them inside. The host, Chris Harrison, appeared for a moment to ask Ben how he was feeling. I whole-heartedly expected Ben to say, "Can I get a hug? I want to cry." Shockingly, he maintained composure. Then Harrison began a sentence that had me on the edge of my seat. "You're 26," he said before a long pause. As a 29-year-old, I hoped that Harrison would choose his next words very carefully. "Too young to find love?" he asked. I laughed. At least he didn't say Ben was running out of time or something. So apparently 26 is "young," as far as the world's standards are concerned. Good to know.

It was around this point that I asked my mom how much time was left in the show. I wanted to go home. There was an hour left. Ugh. Gosh. I stayed for the remainder of the program. This was a train wreck that I couldn't stop watching.

Once inside the mansion, the high school drama commenced as if on cue. Obviously, these contestants were generally very insecure, surrounded by 25 other gorgeous women competing for the supposed affections of one very handsome man. (Their words, not mine.) Things got even more intense when two returning contestants showed up. The new women did not find this fair at all. How dare these two returning contestants show up?! To me, that just seems sad. "Hey, look, everyone! We failed the first time around and now we're back!" That's just strange, to me. The new girls see their prior experience on the show as some kind of advantage, but I don't understand what they mean by that.

The purpose of each episode is for the women to earn a red rose from the Bachelor at the end of the night. Getting a rose means that you can move on to the next round of dates. A few of these girls would not end up getting chosen and would have to go home at the end of the episode, so that was causing a whole bunch of paranoia at the mansion. Once Ben came into the room, the girls began fighting over him and trying to steal him away for a few minutes alone. On several occasions, a contestant would interrupt Ben's conversations with one of the other girls to procure him for herself. Uh... rudeness!! The weirdest part of this segment of the show was when the rose-topped dentist from Portland grabbed Ben, took him in the other room and made him lay down on the couch to examine his teeth and interrogate him about his flossing habits. If that happened to me on a first date, I can guarantee you that I'd never want to see that girl again. I'd go straight home, block her on Facebook and then write a hilarious blog about it, however.

Can I just say... I feel so bad for this dude. Not only does he have to surround himself with this drama for however many nights or weeks or months, but he has to supposedly settle on one to be his wife at the end of it all! If that's not the practical embodiment of fire and brimstone, I'm not sure what is.

At the end of the night, a couple girls got sent packing, including "Red Velvet," who will probably go home and cry about all of her insecurities, which is unfortunate. Sadly, a couple of the weirdos ended up getting roses, including the dentist chick (WHY?!?) and a girl named Lace, who has weird teeth and also would not merit a second date after freaking out about the lack of eye contact Ben gave her during the Rose Ceremony. So much drama! How does Ben do it?

Anyway, that was pretty much what happened in "The Bachelor" premiere that I still can't believe that I sat through. Now... I have a few things to say.

First of all, I love how all of these women (on the show and across America) are falling head-over-heels for Ben, who, as nice as he is (he honestly seems like a good guy), is telling every single girl on the show that she's gorgeous and he can't wait to spend time alone with them. As my brother Cody pointed out - yes, he watched the show, too, and is as guilty as I am - if I were to tell every girl in my singles ward how beautiful she was and kiss them all on the cheek right in front over everybody, I'd be run out of town on a rail for being a player, a womanizer and a liar. Why is it acceptable for Ben to do it, but not for me? Is it his money? His looks? The fact that he's on national television? Why the double standard? I guarantee you that if I tried THAT hard to get somebody to like me, they'd never give me the time of day ever again.

Secondly, is it a requirement that, to be on this show, you have to be totally wacky? Where are the normal girls that don't frame pictures of their chickens or dump their boyfriends for a guy they've seen on TV a couple times? Honestly, people! Ben has to marry one of these crazies! I feel so bad for him! I couldn't do it! Actually, there are several reasons why I couldn't be on a show like this: the cameras, the drama, the public displays of affection, the fact that I'd know my parents would be watching this all unfold before their very eyes... But, as funny as these two hours of TV were to me, can you believe that there is a dude out there that is actually living it?? If I learned one thing from online dating, it's that, in some cases, there is a reason why people are 34 and unmarried - and that reason is that you're a crazy psycho. No offense, but... IT'S TRUE!! If they were normal, especially considering how beautiful they are on the outside, why on earth would they still be single at this point in their lives??

Thirdly, I can't help but wonder... what is life like after the show ends? When the camera leaves, the hot air balloons are deflated and the wine ceases to flow? I once asked a girl who was obsessed with traveling what would happen if she finally got married and couldn't afford to go on week-long vacations three times a year. She responded, "...I'd really miss traveling." (Insert wide-eyed emoji here.) "The Bachelor" is not real life. It is not real dating. And it is not real love. Take away the cameras, the bottom-tier celebrity status and the fortune of it all and then - maybe then - will you be able to emulate a semi-realistic dating scenario. But what happens to these girls when Ben says, "Well, honey, do you want to go, like, Redbox a movie or something? Maybe pick up some McDonald's?" Will they still truly love him then? In my opinion that is certainly not based on any extensive research of the subject, I see "The Bachelor" and "The Bachelorette" as the fast track to a wild, three-year-long marriage. I'd assume that, in the majority of cases, I'm not far off. (Somebody back me up here.)

Lastly (and it pains me to admit it), I kind of want to watch a couple more episodes. Stay with me here. At the end of the premiere episode, they showed a few highlights of the upcoming season, which mainly included Ben and a plethora of contestants half-naked and making out in exotic locations and/or hot tubs, which is to be expected with this kind of smut, I guess, and I wouldn't watch for that, but at one point IT SHOWED A GIRL WITH A BLACK EYE!!! That wasn't a slap mark. That wasn't a claw mark. That looked like it came from a straight-up punch to the eyeball. How could you not want to watch that??

In conclusion, "The Bachelor" appears to be the most preposterous, brain-numbing, hilarious, immature, embarrassingly entertaining garbage I have seen on TV in a long time and I truly believe that it would do wonders for my self-esteem as a nearly 30-year-old bachelor (lower-case), myself. As I mentioned on social media last night, I'm single, but I'm not THAT single.

And thank Heaven for that.

The top TV moments of 2015 (that you probably didn't see!)

The older I get, the more I realize that nobody really likes most of the TV shows I watch. The unfortunate thing about that is that you guys missed out on some awesome stuff last year. With that in mind, I thought I'd rank the top TV moments of 2015 that you probably didn't see!:

5. Sleepy Hollow - Abby goes to the underworld

Following what critics deemed to be a disappointing second season, "Sleepy Hollow" has kicked things up a notch for season three. There's a new "big bad" and Ichabod is no longer tied down by Katrina, which has led to some good storylines with Betsy Ross. The big cliffhanger heading into the mid-season finale involved Abby sacrificing herself and entering Pandora's evil tree, heading down to the underworld, presumably. What's down there? Do we even really know? Does Abby have a plan? She's alive, I take it, but what awaits her in Pandora's demonic lair? I suppose we'll find out in a couple weeks, when "Sleepy Hollow" returns (on Fridays #gulp) in February.

Also, Ichabod Crane is still the greatest character on TV.

4. Gotham - The death of Fish Mooney

I think a lot of people probably bailed on "Gotham" mid-way through its rookie season, and I totally understand that because, as much as I wanted it to, season one just wasn't very good. Nevertheless, I have stuck with it for one reason or another and, thankfully, season two has really taken a couple steps in the right direction. One of my main issues with season one was Jada Pinkett Smith's portrayal of Gotham kingpin Fish Mooney. I hate-hate-hated that chick. I'm not sure what it was - the over-dramatic acting, her desire for gratuitous violence or that weird torture scene where her old-lady armpits were on full display, perhaps? - but I don't remember ever wanting a fictional character to die as much as I wanted her to bite the big one. Thankfully, Oswald Cobblepot came to our collective rescue, pushing the former Queen of Gotham off of a very high wall to her (implied) death. You know what? I never publicly thanked the Penguin for what he did, so let me just say, on record, "Thank you, Oswald, for killing Fish Mooney!" (Note: We didn't see her lifeless body, however, so I suppose the door is open for a potential return at some point in the future, but let's just cross our fingers and hope that doesn't happen.)

Honorable mention: My brother Cody brings up a great point: the scene in season two where Penguin and Riddler are singing a duet was hilarious - almost as good as Fish dying, but not quite.

Also worth mentioning: Gordon's elevator fight scene was classic (especially the 1:18 - 1:24 mark).

3. Survivor - Crazy Tribal Councils

While I'm not a huge fan of the "new school" strategy that these returning players are attempting to infuse into the game, I am still a die-hard fan of this series. To this day, THIRTY-ONE SEASONS LATER, I truly believe it to be one of the best shows on television. The most recent incarnation of the program, "Survivor: Cambodia - Second Chance," was pretty good. I liked the way the cast was selected - entirely by fans' votes. I thought they had a nice balance of fan favorites, villains and characters. Things began to get crazy about 75 percent of the way through the season, with a handful of immunity idol-driven blindside oustings and a couple crazy Tribal Councils that will live in "Survivor" lore for years to come. Two Tribals, in particular, stood out to me: the time when Stephen Fishbach tried to get cute and vote out Joe with "his own vote," only to get sent packing, himself, and the Tribal in the finale where Jeremy and Kelley Wentworth both used their hidden immunity idols, resulting in zero valid votes -- and Keith almost agreed to walk away from the game!! That was crazy. I'm glad Jeff Probst explained what had happened afterward because my parents and I were all left scratching our heads. Long live "Survivor."

2. The Flash - Who is Harrison Wells?

I binge-watched The CW's "The Flash" on Netflix a month or two ago and really enjoyed it. It wasn't as immature as "The Arrow" (which I only made it through about four or five episodes of before throwing in the towel) and wasn't as dark as "Gotham," which makes it a show you don't need to be ashamed of for watching. The best storyline of season one involves Barry Allen's relationship with his mentor, Harrison Wells (Tom Cavanagh). Because, out of all of the shows I'm discussing in this blog, I believe "The Flash" is a show that some of you might actually care to watch in the future, I will not spoil the surprise, but I will say this - it is crazy. (Unfortunately, since I watched the show on Netflix and not on The CW, I knew the secret beforehand.) Cavanagh plays that role like a pro and makes every episode great. I'm not a big DC Comics guy, other than Batman and a little Superman now and then, but "The Flash" is a fun, family-friendly show that I'd recommend if you've got the time and are looking for something to watch.

1. Wayward Pines - Going down?: Ethan Burke versus the Abbies

I absolutely loved "Wayward Pines" this summer. It was originally just a 10-episode "event," but, to my great pleasure, FOX has decided to renew it for a second season. How on earth are they going to follow up that ending? Good heavens. In spite of all the haters that made it their personal mission to tell me that they will never watch the show, I thought "Wayward Pines" was freaking awesome. And the scene, in my opinion, that was the most freaking awesome of all was when Ethan Burke took on the Abbies for the sake of that confusing community. The elevator scene in the season finale solidifies Sheriff Burke's status as a stone-cold baller for time and all eternity. The man is a legend. No doubt about it, it was a weird little show with a weird little ending, but I loved it. It was mysterious, exhilarating, scary and intriguing and I couldn't get enough of it. (By the way, I just picked "Wayward Pines" up at Best Buy for $16.99 - not a bad deal!)


What were your favorite TV moments from 2015? Comment below and let me know!

2015's best movies in 140 characters or less

As we come to the end of another year, we pause to reflect on the highlights from 2015. The next few days will certainly be filled with introspection, goal setting and quality time with our families, but let us take just a moment to ponder another important aspect of the past 365 days of our lives: the best movies of the year!

In this blog, I'll count down my favorite movies of 2015 - and I'll do it Twitter-style - in 140 characters or less. (Disclaimer: Keep in mind that I did not see every movie that came out this year, nor am I listing every single show that I watched.) With no further ado, here are my top 15 movies. Let's get to it!

15. The Divergent Series: Allegiant (@Divergent)

• I struggled to finish the book. The movie wasn't any better. I'm losing faith in this series and I'm not looking forward to #Insurgent.

14. Tomorrowland (#TomorrowlandMovie)

• Biggest disappointment of the year, in my opinion. I fell asleep during a pivotal scene in the movie's "third act." No Space Mountain? #lame

13. The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 2 (@TheHungerGames)

• This was the "least good" of the four movies. Felt a bit too long - and I didn't love the ending of book it was based on, either. #TeamGale

12. Inside Out (@PixarInsideOut)

• A witty, clever movie about childhood depression. So sad. I saw it first at a drive-in theater, which was a terrible idea. #BingBongBingBong

11. Ant-Man (@AntMan)

• It definitely didn't suck as much as the previews made it seem. Better the second time. Funny, but not my favorite from Marvel's Phase Two.

10. Bridge of Spies (@BridgeOfSpies)

• Cold. Gray. Amazing. A fascinating story that kind of made me feel bad for the Russian. Tom Hanks is great, as we've all come to expect.

9. SPECTRE (@007)

• Not as good as #Skyfall, but a fun ride with a surprising twist that is a big payoff for long-time Bond fans. Also, Batista is a beast.

8. The Man from U.N.C.L.E. (@ManFromUNCLE)

• Bond with a sense of humor. A couple of truly laugh-out-loud scenes and a totally rockin' soundtrack. Cavill and Hammer make a good team.

7.  Mission: Impossible - Rogue Nation (@MissionFilm)

• Is there anything @TomCruise won't do? The airplane scene was definitely the best opening sequence of 2015. This tweet will self-destruct...

6. The Peanuts Movie (@PeanutsMovie)

• I'll be doggone if this wasn't the cutest little movie I've ever seen. A wonderful, G-rated family film that anyone can enjoy. #TwoThumbsUp

5. Avengers 2 - Age of Ultron (@Avengers)

• Not as good as the first one, but a great addition to the franchise. Gotta love those action scenes with all of the Avengers in action.

4. McFarland, USA (#McFarlandUSA)

• Having served Spanish-speaking, this movie nearly brought me to tears on several occasions - and I don't even like running! A 2015 must-see.

3. Jurassic World (@JurassicPark)

• A big-budget blockbuster with plenty of excitement and superb CGI. A step up from J.P. 2 & 3 and practically on par with the original film.

2. Creed (@creedmovie)

• Creed got me right in the feels like a sucker punch to the kidney. A worthy successor to the Rocky films. Hoping for a sequel. #GonnaFlyNow

1. Star Wars: Episode VII - The Force Awakens (@starwars)

• My most anticipated film of 2015 was absolutely worth the wait. It's now one of my new favorite movies and I'll definitely see it again.

Well, there you have it. What were your favorite movies of 2015? Feel free to comment below in as many characters as you so choose.

Happy new year, friends.

The Bitter Pill: My worst sports memories

It's on days like today when I wonder to myself why on earth I like sports. Although watching your team win the big game can be one of the most exhilarating experiences imaginable, let's be honest - that only happens once in a blue moon. In fact, as I thought quietly on my drive home from work today, I determined that devoting a lifetime to watching sports has brought me sadness and disappointment probably 95% of the time. I can think of one time - just one - in my entire life that "my team" has ever won a championship. Surely, the team that I have wanted to win has won occasionally, but only one time in my entire life has my actual team ever claimed the right to be called "number one." Those ain't good odds.

Imagine my elation when my Texas Rangers - a team that I have heavily invested in over the past several years - went from being the worst team in the Major Leagues to winning the pennant in the American League West a few weeks ago. Oh man, that was awesome! They made the playoffs and went nuts against the Toronto Blue Jays, who many picked to be the odds-on favorite to win this year's World Series, in the first two games of the five-game American League Divisional Series. We were up two games to zero, just one win away from a spot in baseball's Final Four - the American League Championship Series. Could it truly be happening? Were the Rangers the Team of Destiny? The series was shifting back to Arlington and there was no way they'd let the Blue Jays win three straight games.

Right??

The Rangers vs the Blue Jays (2015)

The Rangers came out flat in Game Three, losing 5-1 in Texas. I was really excited to watch this game because it was the one game in this entire series that I could actually watch live; the others were all televised at 2 in the afternoon, while I was at work. I was ready to break out my broom for the sweep last Sunday night, but it was not meant to be. I figured it was a rough outing and we'd get 'em Monday. But the Blue Jays came out swinging again and won Game Four, 8-4, shifting the series back to Toronto for a win-or-go-home Game Five today. Again, the game started in the afternoon and I was forced the follow the game via a combination of updates from MLB At Bat, Twitter, ESPN.com and my family members, who were watching the game at home.

The Rangers jumped out to an early lead, which was pretty dang exciting for me. I caught a little bit of the game early on during my break at work and all was well. Then the seventh inning happened and my phone started blowing up. Apparently, I heard, the Rangers had scored on a fluke play where Toronto's catcher, Russell Martin attempted to throw the ball back to the pitcher, but accidentally hit the bat of Texas' Shin-Soo Choo. The ball was declared live and the Rangers plated a run, extending their lead and prompting the Toronto fans to start throwing garbage onto the field. Classy!! But the good times wouldn't last long. Soon thereafter, I'm told, the Rangers had three fielding errors in the bottom of the seventh and Jose Bautista blasted a three-run shot, putting the Blue Jays up for good. The Rangers etched their names in sports history as one of the only teams to ever choke away a 2-0 lead in a five-game series. Why? Why did this happen to me??

On a side note, after Bautista's monster home run, he flipped his bat in a manner that, in any other sport, would have penalized his team with a technical foul or a flag for excessive celebration/taunting, and that straight up ticks me off. I never had a strong opinion of the self-proclaimed "Joey Bats," but watching him in the ALDS has sure painted him in a negative light. The dude seems like a first-class whiner and a major jerk. Watch the video. See for yourself.

#THIS. Joey Bat Flip. https://t.co/CO59JyFCsa

— MLB (@MLB) October 15, 2015

Ugh. So the Rangers are out and I hate sports... For now.

Today's disheartening outcome got me thinking about all the other horrible sports memories I've ever had. I don't know why so many bad things happen to the teams I love, but it seems to be my lot in life. If ever you think that your life is no good, just take a look at all the times I've had my heart ripped out and stomped on. Maybe it will help you realize that your life could always be worse.

The Rangers vs the A's (2012-2013)

Apparently I became a Rangers fan a couple years too late. After back-to-back World Series losses in 2010 and 2011, I visited my uncle in Frisco, Texas, in 2012 and fell in love with the team. They would go on to have successful seasons that ultimately fell apart in September, thanks in large part to the hated Oakland Athletics. The A's practically single-handedly derailed the Rangers hopes for a long postseason run in both 2012 and 2013, including an unfortunate series of events that led to the Rangers needing a tie-breaker ("Game 163") against the Tampa Bay Rays in 2013. The Rangers and Rays would face off in a play-in game that year, which meant that the winner would make it into the Wild Card game for the American League and the loser would get the walk of shame on national TV.

To make a long story short, the Rays beat the Rangers soundly and I cried myself to sleep. Not really, but I could have.

The Cubs vs everybody (especially Steve Bartman)

Back in the days of my youth, I was a big-time Chicago Cubs fan. One of my favorite baseball players of all time was the now-infamous steroid user, bat corker and skin bleacher, Sammy Sosa. I LOVED Sammy as a kid. That dude was awesome. I remember growing up watching Sammy, Mark Grace, Ryne Sandberg and the gang on WGN as Harry Carey sang "Take Me Out to the Ballgame"! "Who's Harry Carey?", ask the bandwagon Cubs fans of today. Psssh! Who's Harry Carey?? Just one of the most legendary broadcasters of our time! Oh yeah, the Cubs and I go way back!

As I grew older and my intellect was sharpened, I came to the reluctant acceptance of the fact that the Cubs just plain sucked. They were never good. They never won. And watching losers, lovable though they were, gets old after about 15 years. So I shifted my attention away from the Cubs and actually gave up on baseball for a few years around the time that I went on my LDS mission.

One of the most infamous moments of all, of course, was the epic failure produced by poor Steve Bartman. The Cubs were on the fast track to the World Series in 2003, up three games to two against the Florida Marlins the a best-of-seven National League Championship Series. It was game six and the Cubbies were winning, 3-0. Then this happened and all heck broke loose...


Chicago would go on to lose the series and fade from national relevance for the next 12 years. The Cubs are back in the NLCS, which will start up in a few days and I'll be backing my dear Cubbies, now that my Rangers are eliminated (if for nothing more than the potential fulfillment of Back to the Future II's 30-year-old prediction).

Also, not to brag or anything, I can truly say that I was there, watching live on MLB At Bat, for Kris Bryant's first three strikeouts, so there's that, too.

The Saints vs the Seahawks (2010)

Are you ready for some football? My New Orleans Saints certainly weren't back in 2010, when they went up against the Seattle Seahawks in the 2010 NFC Wild Card game. Oh yeah, let me remind you that these were no ordinary Seattle Seahawks - these Seattle Seahawks made the playoffs with a sub-.500 record. They lost more games than they won that year. This happened in real life. This should have been a cakewalk for the Saints, who had come a long way since their lowly days of Aaron Brooks and Ricky Williams... back when I stupidly decided to cheer for a team with a long history of being incredibly terrible. Hey - these Saints had Drew Brees, one of the best quarterbacks in the entire league, and a high-powered offense that could put up 40 points almost at will.

I never had a good feeling about this game. I felt like there was a very good possibility that the Saints would fall flat on their faces. And my mom, a lifelong Seattle fan, was watching in the room with me. It was at this time that we were introduced to something now referred to as the "Beast Quake" - a gargantuan run by Marshawn Lynch of such monumental proportions that I honestly still have flashbacks about it. Behold:


I will give the Saints props, though. They brought me my one and only championship in 2009. That was a good night. Sadly, it only lasted about four hours.

The Utes vs TCU

Why stop with professional football? Why not talk about the football game that I was most amped-up for in my entire life? I was a student at the University of Utah in 2010, when my Number Five Utes squared off against the dreaded TCU Horned Frogs, who rolled into Salt Lake City ranked Number Three. College GameDay was in town. My brother Austin and I woke up at 4:00 in the blessed A.M. to attend the live national broadcast. It felt like the freaking Super Bowl.

Until kickoff.

It didn't take TCU long to drive right down the field and score. "It can't be that bad," I thought. Then the Utes got the ball and punted. Then TCU strolled right back to the end zone and went up 14 points. It was honestly all downhill from there. The Utes got steamrolled and lost in embarrassing fashion, 47-7, for the world to see.


To this day, that was the worst football game I have ever seen. And I was there for it. The best part of the game was, sadly, my friend making a relatively obscene gesture toward the TCU fans after the Utes scored their one and only touchdown during "garbage time" in the fourth quarter. I hate TCU. Stupid Horned Frogs.

The Jazz vs Michael Jordan (1996-1998)

Michael Jordan ruined my life. Not kidding. People think I'm joking or being a baby about it, but I'm serious. Michael Jordan ruined my life.

I love the Utah Jazz more than any team in all of sports in all of the world and they made it to the NBA Finals TWO TIMES. IN A ROW. And we lost both times to stupid Michael Jordan and the stupid Chicago Bulls! I could go on and on and on about my hatred for His Airness, Phil Jackson, Dennis Rodman and the bunch, but I won't. That's another very long blog for another day.

Just watch this video and tell me that Michael Jordan didn't push off. I dare you to watch this video and tell me that Michael Jordan didn't push off.


"Michael Jordan pushed off." I'll put that on my headstone when I die.
Sports are a silly thing to get this upset about, but WE SHOULD HAVE WON THE NBA CHAMPIONSHIP!!! We should have won! The Jazz will never make it back to the NBA Finals. I have come to this conclusion on my own accord and I accept it. It sucks, but I know it's true. We will never make it back to that stage. Not in today's NBA. Our glory days are over - and Michael Jordan pushed off.

Honorable mention: Karl Malone and DDP vs Hulk Hogan and Dennis Rodman (1996)

Because I don't want to end this blog on that sour note of hatred and disgust, I'll lighten the mood a tiny bit by mentioning the last time that I ever prayed for the outcome of a sporting event...
That's right. I prayed that Karl Malone would beat Dennis Rodman at WCW's Bash at the Beach Pay-Per-View and I'm not ashamed to admit it.

Needless to say, Karl and DDP lost and I never prayed about sports ever again. It doesn't work, people. Take it from one who knows.

I take a minimal amount of solace in the fact that the Mailman got to hit the ref, Charles Robinson, with the Diamond Cutter after the match was over. Served him right. He deserved it.

What are your worst sports memories? Misery loves company in the comments section below.

SLCC15 - The Triumphant Return of Marina Sirtis

Marina Sirtis, best known for her role as Counselor Deanna Troi on "Star Trek: The Next Generation" and its movie spin-offs, made her triumphant return to Salt Lake Comic Con, Sept. 24-26, 2015.

As a two-time Salt Lake Comic Con guest, Sirtis has quickly become a fan favorite in Utah - and she loves the Beehive State right back.

"The people in Utah are really nice," she said in an interview for SotT: Underground. "Now, that could be because they're Mormons. ... Mormons are really nice people."

She jokingly asked, "[Mormonism is] the only difference between this state and every other state, right?"

But it's not just the Utah culture that Sirtis enjoys; she also has an incredible appreciation for the the way the convention is run. Her enthusiasm for the event was instrumental in helping Salt Lake Comic Con co-founders Dan Farr and Brandenburg recruit Marvel super-celebrities Chris Evans and Hayley Atwell for September's event.

Referring to Farr and Brandenburg, Sirtis said, "Every box that we want ticked as a guest at their convention, they tick ... each box and more. They treat us so well here. They spoil us, they respect us, they get it, you know? They realize that it’s a symbiotic relationship – that they need us as much as we need them. So, they just get it, and so it’s always wonderful to come back here."

The Utah Symphony also took advantage of Sirtis' short stay in Salt Lake, utilizing her as a narrator for their "Sci-Fi Spectacular!" concerts on Sept. 25-26. The experience would be a unique one for Sirtis.

"I haven’t done anything quite like this before," she said. "I did a long-form poem called ‘Enoch Arden’ with a pianist, but I’ve never done anything with a full symphony orchestra before."

Sirtis went on to explain, "What we’re doing at … Abravanel Hall is, virtually, every sci-fi theme you’ve ever heard, but done by a full orchestra."

There was one part of her upcoming opportunity that Sirtis was particularly excited for: "I think I’m going to be the first woman who ever says, ‘Space: the final frontier.'"

That phrase, of course, is the iconic line uttered most famously by "Star Trek" captains Kirk and Piccard.

Sirtis appeared as Counselor Troi in 176 episodes of "Star Trek: The Next Generation" and all four of the series' companion films. She also made appearances in episodes of "Star Trek: Voyager" and "Star Trek: Enterprise." Most recently, she has provided the voice of the on-ship computer for the online series "Star Trek Continues."

Of her experience as part of one of science fiction's most popular franchises, Sirtis said,"We had no idea that we would affect people’s lives the way we have. We were just a bunch of actors that got this great job. And I think, actually, had we known at the time, it would not have been a good thing. I think it’s better that we didn’t know that we were impacting people the way we were. To hear it now, it just makes us really proud. I mean, we hear so much, 'This was family time for us… My parents have since passed, but whenever I hear the theme song, it brings back fond memories.' We meet people from the Forces who’ve had umpteen surgeries after coming back from Iraq or Afghanistan, saying 'Watching your show is what got me through and kept me going…' So, as a lowly actress, I never imagined in my wildest dreams I would be involved in something that would change people’s lives."

Provo's Waffle Love finishes second in 'The Great Food Truck Race'

Season 6 of Food Network's reality competition program "The Great Food Truck Race" came to an end Sept. 27, as Provo's upstart Waffle Love was edged out by Pho-nomenal Dumplings from Raleigh, North Carolina, for the show's grand prize of $50,000.

This season, "The Great Food Truck Race" pitted seven professional food trucks against one another in a race across Route 66 that spanned from the Santa Monica Pier in California to Chicago. During each leg of the race, teams went head-to-head in two challenges that combined cooking and salesmanship. At the end of each episode, the team that had earned the least money was eliminated.

Two of the season's strongest teams squared off in the final episode. Prior to the finale, Waffle Love had never finished in lower than second place after any leg of the race. On the other hand, a shaky sixth-place start in the season premiere didn't stop the Pho-nomenal Dumplings truck, which consistently improved as the season progressed. The all-female truck earned top-three finishes from the third episode onward.

The season finale's first cooking competition, known as a "truck stop" challenge, took place in St. Louis, where the teams had 90 minutes to prepare St. Louis-style beef, pork and chicken dishes for a duo of food critics. While the judges said that Waffle Love's pork was "cooked perfectly," they noted that the chicken was missing a bit of salt and that the ground beef dish was a little overdone. Pho-nomenal Dumplings was picked as the winner for the event.

The trucks then headed to Springfield, Illinois, where they received instructions for the competition's grand finale.

The last challenge of the season — a "speed bump," as it's called on the show — required the food trucks to sell 50 Chinese dishes, 50 Italian dishes and 50 Greek dishes in designated sections of Springfield. After having sold enough food, the first team to cross the finish line would be crowned the champion. It was then revealed that Pho-nomenal Dumplings would receive an advantage for having won the "truck stop" challenge: they only needed to sell 20 Chinese dishes, which allowed the East Coast trio ample room for error and gained them a solid lead early in the challenge.

Pho-nomenal Dumplings breezed through its sales and moved on to the traditional "race" portion of the competition, driving toward the finish line at Chicago's Buckingham Fountain. Upon arrival, however, the show's host, Tyler Florence, informed the women that they had been selling their Greek dishes two blocks outside of the designated area, meaning that they'd have to go back and sell 50 additional meals within the proper boundaries.

While that geographical error could have ended up being disastrous, it wasn't a big enough blunder to cost Pho-nomenal Dumplings the victory. The truck from North Carolina managed to maintain a slight lead, despite having to re-do part of the challenge, and still crossed the finish line a few minutes ahead of Waffle Love.

Although the brothers from Provo didn't end up with the $50,000, they affirmed that there are some things in life that matter more than reality TV glory.

The Terrys, who come from what Adam Terry described on the show as "a big Mormon family of 14 kids," were able to practice their faith as members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints while on the road. Twice during the competition, the Waffle Love brothers made the controversial decision to attend church during two of the food challenges, while the rest of the teams continued to compete.

“We didn’t know that they were going to [have us] selling on Sundays," Adam Terry said in an interview for the Deseret News. "In our home business, ... we’re never open on Sundays because we believe that Sunday is not a day for business."

Adam Terry said that he and his brothers decided that Sunday worship, even in the middle of the competition, was non-negotiable.

"That’s just our way of staying true to who we are," Adam Terry said. "We weren’t going to go out on national TV and not follow the same business principles that we’ve been following this whole time."

With a dash of humor, he added, "Obviously, you could see that it was a stressful situation and we needed God in our lives more than ever, out on that ‘Great Food Truck Race.'"
The Terrys were very appreciative of the show's producers, who were initially unaware that the brothers came from a very religious background.

"They found out that we were [LDS] and it was cool that they were willing to embrace that part about us," Adam Terry said. "They weren’t going to make us not go to church or something, so [it was] just our choice and we were hopeful to represent well."

Ultimately, the decision to take a break from business on Sunday didn't end up hurting Waffle Love in the competition. After attending church in the first episode of the season, Waffle Love still finished in first place for that leg, $1,874 ahead of their closest competitors.

Religion aside, Adam Terry said that he and his brothers were able to learn a lot about their business and about themselves during their time on the show.

"We learned that we can really do anything," he said. "We learned that it didn’t matter what we were making, we could find a way to adjust to it and we can do anything."

He mentioned being particularly proud of the unusual grilled cheese waffle he and his brothers had to make during one of the show's food challenges.

He continued, "We also learned that we can compete with anyone in the nation, head-to-head. In fact, most of the time, we’re going to beat you, head-to-head. That was cool to find out."

Although the competition is over and the Terrys are back to business in Provo, Adam Terry said he remains overwhelmed with gratitude for the opportunity he had to be on the "The Great Food Truck Race."

"We were just super grateful for the opportunity to make it on the show," he said. "Every day on the show was a dream come true and being able to still keep our [religious] commitments while we were out there is something that we’re really proud of. We were able to still maintain our sense of integrity and the things that are important to us."

This article was picked up and published by the Deseret News on October 9, 2015.