#SLCC15 Flashback: A-Town vs the Animaniacs

In part two of the three-part, overly belated series to wrap up interview blogs from Salt Lake Comic Con 2015, I had the awesome opportunity to spend three minutes (yes, just three since the people in front of me took like 10 minutes each) with the voices behind the Animaniacs at the SLCC15 press conference in September. Not only are Rob Paulsen (Yakko), Jess Harnell (Wakko) and Tress MacNeille (Dot) supremely talented, they're also supremely nice, and I was thrilled to be able to get any time with them at all, to be honest, as these voice actors - and Harnell, in particular - have become a must-see (must-hear?) attraction at the past few Salt Lake Comic Con events. This was a cool interview for me, considering the fact that the Warner Brothers (and sister) taught me all I ever needed to know about U.S. capitals, presidents and all the words in the English language. (In retrospect, I'm not sure I truly realized in my young age how amazingly brilliant those songs were!)

In order to replicate the most authentic experience possible, instead of summarizing our conversation, journalism style, I've decided to transcribe it all and just post it like it happened. Enjoy!

--

SotT: Well, first of all, welcome back to you two [Jess Harnell and Rob Paulsen]…

Jess: “Thank you, pal. It’s good to be back.”

Rob: “Thank you. It’s good to be here.”

SotT: So, I was just wondering if you guys could talk about the last convention that you did here – I was working with the [Salt Lake Comic Con] staff at the time… I don’t know if anybody expected your panel to be as successful and popular as it was…

Rob: “Oh my [goodness]!”

Jess: “Was that crazy?”

SotT: It was crazy!

Rob: “It freaked us out!”

Tress MacNeille: “The panel, or the…?”

Jess and Rob: “The movie read.”

Jess: “Oh, Tress wasn’t there. It was a rock concert.” [See this full panel here!]

SotT: Yeah, it was amazing!

Tress: “Now, who was in that one?”

Jess: “Me, Rob and Jim [Cummings]. That was it.”

Rob: “Yeah, it was just Jimmy Cummings, Jess and me.”

Tress: “Just the three? Well, that’s all you need, really.”

SotT: It was crazy! And, you know, immediately, I went back to the site office and they were saying, “We have to get these guys back and we have to bring more of them.”

Jess: “Right! We got Tress MacNeille and Dee Bradley Baker, so I think we traded up.”

SotT: Yeah! So we’re excited to have you guys back. [To Tress] Is this your first time in Salt Lake City or have you been here before?

Tress: “Rob, Jess and I came here many years ago to the Warner Brothers tour, when we were touring the country… That was quite a few years ago. Yeah.”

SotT: Ok. Well, welcome back.

Tress: “Thank you. It’s beautiful here!”

Jess: “Love it.”

Tress: “I [had] friends who live in Park City, for a while. They’ve since moved … but I’m a little familiar with the state.”

Rob: “It is a really beautiful city.”

Jess: “Yeah, it’s beautiful.”

Rob: “…but everybody here connected with the convention – and I’m repeating myself – but everybody is just ‘top shelf.’ The whole organization is run so beautifully…”

Jess: “Yeah, it’s run beautifully.”

Rob: “…and we do a lot of these things – and I know, having [gotten to know] these organizers – the minutia and the logistics of running something like this…

Jess: “Oh my gosh.”

Rob: “…is freaking insane! So, to have it run so smoothly, where people show up, they meet you at the airport…”

Tress: “Yeah, I can’t even imagine the logistics!”

Rob: “…you walk out a door and two feet… there’s a car and you go and you’re checked in and your room is great and you show up… I mean, it’s fantastic. And the fans are out of their minds with excitement! Such a joy to be here!”

SotT: Well, we love you guys!

Rob: “Thank you! It shows!”

Jess: “We love you right back.”

Rob: “Right back at you!”

SotT: Thank you. One final question: if there was one character that you have not voiced yet that you would like to – like a dream character…

Rob: “Perry the Platypus! [Looks over at Dee Bradley Baker, who is sitting at the next table] Oh wait… [Rob and Tress laugh]”

SotT: Oh wait, hang on… he’s here! [Laughs]

Tress [in Irish accent]: “He’s sitting right there!”

Jess [in Irish accent]: “He’s right there.”

SotT: [To Dee] You better watch out for your job now! [All laugh]

Rob: “He wouldn’t have to worry.”

Tress: “You mean one that already exists or one that we would like to do?”

SotT: Either one. Either one. Just any character out there.

Tress: “Whose job do I want to steal?”

Rob: “You know, I got two call-backs for Fry on ‘Futurama’…”

Jess: “Oh yeah?”

Rob: “…which Billy West did, and they absolutely made the right choice. And, also, I got a call-back for Klaus the Fish on ‘American Dad’…”

Jess: “Didya?”

Rob: “…and Dee Bradley Baker is the voice of Klaus the Fish.”

Jess: “Once again!”

SotT: He got that one, too?!

Rob: “And, again, they made the right choice!”

Jess: “I could answer briefly by saying that I would love to at some point play either Batman or Superman, ‘cause how cool would that be? And I’d also really love to do Winnie-the-Pooh because my dear friend Jim Cummings, he does Winnie-the-Pooh and, like, girls lose their minds and I call him ‘Pooh Hefner’ when he does that, so I’d like to do Winnie-the-Pooh.”

SotT: How about you, Tress?

Tress: “You know what? I do all the girls’ voices, so…”

Jess: “She does! That’s true! All of them.”

Tress: “So you know, I can’t really, you know…”

Jess: “She’s covering all the bases.”

Tress: "I'm good."

--

Here is the nearly two-hour script read put on by SLCC15's incredible assortment of voice actors, which I missed because I was doing the LOST panel at the time. Enjoy it in its entirety below:

For more information about Salt Lake Comic Con or to purchase tickets to an upcoming event, visit saltlakecomiccon.com.

#SLCC15 Flashback: Emmanuelle Vaugier

As Salt Lake Comic Con gears up for their next convention in a couple weeks, SotT: Underground is taking a look back at the most recent convention in September 2015 in a three-part series that will revisit two previously unpublished interviews. Part One regards a brief interview with Canadian-born actress and model Emmanuelle Vaugier, who was kind enough to spend a few minutes at the Thursday morning press conference talking about her multi-faceted career and her thoughts about pop culture conventions.

Charlie Sheen with Vaugier on "Two and a Half Men"

Throughout her modeling career, Emmanuelle Vaugier has graced the covers of many magazines, such as FHM, Maxim and Esquire, but she is best known for her talented work as an actress. You might remember her from movies like Secondhand Lions, 40 Days and 40 Nights and the Saw franchise or from her numerous roles on TV shows including "Smallville," "CSI: NY," "Lost Girl" and "Two and a Half Men."

Acting was Vaugier's first love from a young age and she remembers always being fascinated by film and TV. Since she began performing at age seven, she has worked in many different genres - so many, in fact, that she had a hard time pinning down her personal favorite. "There was no specific genre that I wanted to do," she said. "I’ve been very lucky in my career, that I’ve had the opportunity to ... explore many different genres."

Now, with more than 20 years of professional experience, Vaugier has had roles in comedy, action, science-fiction and horror, among others, showcasing her impressive aptitude for cross-genre acting. When pressed to name her preferred style, she said broke the unwritten rules of the "What's Your Favorite Genre?" game and said, "I’d have to pick two: it would be action and comedy - action-comedy!"

Vaugier on "Human Target"

She also hesitated when asked to choose her all-time favorite role and had to resort to narrowing it down to two, instead. "'Two and a Half Men’ was a lot of fun," she responded. "Love… love, love, loved working on that show. And then, I would say, my character on 'Human Target.'"

Although Vaugier only appeared in two episodes of "Human Target" back in 2010, she went on to say that she would like to do that kind of action for a full series or for a feature-length film. "I [would] love to be in a movie like Salt or Mr. & Mrs. Smith," she said. "That stuff’s fun for me."

Vaugier is no stranger to pop culture conventions, having a handful of experiences under her belt, and she enjoys attending them. "You get to connect with your fans," she said. "You also get to connect with people that you’ve worked with – or not worked with. You make new friends. ... I’ve made some great friends, so it’s really cool. You get to bond with your cast-mates when they’re around, so it’s nice."

Vaugier's SLCC15 announcement

Salt Lake Comic Con 2015 wasn't Vaugier's first time in Utah. She recalled visiting a decade ago as part of a movie she was filming, and her trip last September was a nice reminder of Utah's breathtaking scenery. "This morning, driving to the convention, I was like, ‘Wow!'" she recalled. "It’s certainly stunning and the weather’s gorgeous. It's a beautiful place."

When she's not busy filming and modeling, Vaugier is a welfare activist, an animal lover and a talented equestrian. As part of her love for animals, she began her own charity, The Fluffball, for which she hosts annual fundraising events.

In 2016, Vaugier has gotten off to a busy start; she has already wrapped up several projects, including two TV movies and a recently completed film called Stranger in the House.

For all things Emmanuelle, follow her on Twitter and head on over to her website emmanuellevaugier.com.

For more information about Salt Lake Comic Con or to buy tickets to an upcoming event, visit saltlakecomiccon.com.

The truth was out there: Reviewing the X-Files revival

A few weeks ago, I got the chance to get a sneak peek at the premiere episode of the "X-Files" revival in preparation for an article I wrote for the Deseret News. Never previously had I seen an episode (or probably even a full minute) of "The X-Files," but I'll never turn down an opportunity to get my writing published, so I gladly accepted, watched the show and submitted my article. I figure that, since I dove in head-first by watching the first episode of the reboot, even though I didn't fully understand everything that was going on, I might as well keep watching the mini series; it was only going to be six episodes long, anyway.

So I watched it. I watched it all. And, as predicted, I didn't catch every Easter egg or reference to any of the old episodes from the original series, but hey, I thought the six-week episode "event" was pretty entertaining, overall. I thought it might be good, educational or entertaining to capture my thoughts electronically, on the heels of that crazy "series finale" and see if anyone actually has the guts to comment and open up correspondence with me. Time will tell.

Anyway, here are my thoughts:

A beginning... for starters

I thought the first episode was pretty good. More than anything, I thought it did a great job catching up non-believers like me. It gave me enough background information to go off of without boring me or freaking me out. Enough to whet my whistle, you might say. I thought Joel McHale was surprisingly good as that know-it-all Internet host, Tad O'Malley. My favorite part of the premiere was the scene revolving around the conspiracy theory, where O'Malley and Mulder (David Duchovny) spout off rapid-fire, real-life instances where the government had been involved in shady business, unbeknownst to practically everyone else in the world. I liked that. The end of the episode, I assume, would have been a real kick in the pants for fans of the series, as the Cigarette Smoking Man made an ominous appearance, but that didn't mean much to me at the time. Perhaps the most important aspect of the first episode was that it made me curious about what else would happen throughout the other five episodes. It left me interested enough to keep watching. So... mission accomplished.

Human instinct... or was it??

My favorite episode - by far, probably - was Episode Three: "Mulder & Scully Meet the Were-Monster," or, as I like to call it, "The Episode with the Lizard-Man." In the third show, Mulder and Scully (Gillian Anderson) meet an eccentric man who claims to actually be a lizard that occasionally turns into a human. The sequence where the Lizard-Man explains how he first turned into a man, then immediately felt impressed to get his job, hate his job, quit his job, then un-quit his job were probably the funniest 15 minutes of television that I have seen in a long time. Bravo for that, "X-Files" revival. It was strange to me, not previously having known that there were infrequent "funny" episodes of the show, to watch an hour of TV that felt more like a comedy than anything else, but I really enjoyed that episode.

Free reign... but at what cost?

Having a short, pre-determined life is not a terrible way to go, as far as "TV events" go. It worked wonders for "Wayward Pines" last summer and had a similar effect on "The X-Files" this winter. I feel like having so few episodes to work with gives the producers, essentially, unlimited possibilities for their story. It's not like they have to "vamp" or stretch things out for a few episodes in the middle of the season - they don't have time for filler. It's heavy-hitting stuff from the get-go. But whereas "Wayward Pines" had one continuous storyline to build upon, "The X-Files" chose to play around with genres from week to week. Episodes One and Six were conspiracy thrillers. The aforementioned Episode Three was a comedy. Episodes Two and Four were horror-themed. And Episode Five was, what? Psychadelic, I guess? It was fun to see everything that they could do, incorporating all those different styles into one show, but I felt like it didn't totally hit home with me because they felt like one-off/monster-of-the-week shows that weren't entirely dependent on each other. Thinking back, other than the obvious connections between the premiere and finale, what were the running story arcs? Scully and Mulder's kid? But what else? Nothing, really, right? Agents Einstein and Miller showed up in Episodes Five and Six, so those episodes were somewhat connected, but that was really it. I feel like you could basically have watched Episodes One, Five and Six and called it good, totally ignoring the others. Am I wrong?

Fresh faces... for me

I really liked David Duchovny in this series. The dude just seems like a total baller. I thought he did a great job - and I'm not sure, obviously, what he was really like in the original series, but I thought he was awesome here. I also quite liked Robbie Amell as Agent Miller and it seems like, if they continued the series at some point down the line, he has been appointed as the chosen heir to the Throne of Mulder, no? Agent Scully was a bit different for me. I thought she was fine and, if I do say so myself, Gillian Anderson is looking way hotter in 2016 than she was in 1993. *cough* Anyway... But yeah... She had a lot of storylines that I didn't really dig that much - the DNA testing, her dying mother (rest her soul) and pretty much anything else related to a hospital. Nah, not for me. She and Duchovny are a great team, though, and I can see why so many people really love them.

The grand finale... the public outcry!

I thought the so-called "series finale" was really good. I thought it was a nice way to wrap a bow on the little revival, connecting the premiere with the final episode. (Tad O'Malley is back!) I thought it was quite an intense 45 minutes, from the disappearance of Mulder to the gradual and widespread decline of health in America, up to that final scene on the freeway. There was that Agent Reyes chick (Annabeth Gish) that showed up... She meant absolutely nothing to me. (A character from the past, I presume?) The showdown between Mulder and the Cigarette Smoking Man was another thing that I assumed would have been really powerful if I was more familiar with the show - don't get me wrong, it was tense and exciting, but I just have no connection to "Ol' Smokey." The finale was the classic race-against-time drama, where people are getting sick and dying and Scully has the cure, but there's traffic and she has to get out and run and all that... It was intense! I kept checking the timer on Hulu to see how they could possibly have wrapped things up in four minutes... two minutes... a minute-fifty...

Here's an honest question: are long-time fans of this series not totally and completely outraged by the way things ended?? Mulder is lying there in the car, dying. Heck, the entire continent is wasting away before our eyes! (A minute-twenty...) Like... is she going to jam the IV into his arm? Is he miraculously going to be healed? But even then, there are 45 seconds left in the episode... What about the other couple millions of people who are dying? What about them?? Then, suddenly, their kid shows up in his spaceship?? And beams a light down on them? But then what?? WHAT?!?

That can't be how the series ends. I've thought all along that the whole "six-episode" premise was a ton of crap. I think they wanted to start with six episodes and see what the public reaction was. If it was popular (which it was - and which they knew it would be), they'd surprise everyone and either extend the season or have it continue with other seasons in the future. You've got to think that, with an ending like that - an ending that basically resolved nothing - they've got to have more seasons planned, right?

Right??

Conclusion... for now

Anyway, I'm just going to leave you hanging there, just like "The X-Files" left us all hanging this past Monday night.

Five reasons why SPECTRE didn't suck

When SPECTRE, the latest James Bond blockbuster, hit theaters in November 2015, I couldn't help but feel that its response was underwhelming, at best. I saw it that first weekend and I thought it was a pretty good show. It wasn't Skyfall, but it wasn't bad. Now, months later and a couple weeks after its release on Blu-ray and DVD, I still don't sense that there is any more excitement about the film that before. Few (if any) of my friends and known associates talked about seeing the movie in theaters and I'm not aware of anyone that ran out to the store to pick it up, now that it's on sale.

I think we can all agree that Lea Seydoux is the least attractive Bond girl of all time, but, other than that, I have a hard time understanding why SPECTRE wasn't a very popular Bond movie. It sits at a measly 63% on Rotten Tomatoes with an equally mediocre rating from audiences. I can think of a couple things that I wasn't necessarily wild about, but I truly believe, overall, that it deserves a bit more credit than it received. I'd like to list five of them in this blog.

[From this point forward, SPECTRE will be discussed in detail, including major spoilers.]

The dead are alive

If nothing else, the enormous scope of the Day of the Dead celebration in Mexico is jaw-dropping. The camera work is tremendous, highlighted by a long, uncut take as Bond traverses the Mexican rooftops. Admit it: when that building comes down and Bond lands on the couch, you chuckled. The brief foot-chase that ensues amidst thousands of costumed extras is undeniably a sight to behold, reminiscent of the Mardi Gras scenes in 1973's Live or Let Die. Also, the helicopter does barrel rolls! Eat your heart out, Fox McCloud! ...And let's not forget Daniel Craig's superb skeleton suit. That thing is stylin'.

"Writing's on the Wall"

Before I had even heard the song, I had heard that some people were unhappy with Sam Smith's theme song, "Writing's on the Wall." I'm still not sure why anybody disliked it. Again, it's not "Skyfall," which Adele knocked out of the park for the last film, but the more I heard Smith's take on the song, the more I liked it. What's more, if you can manage to ignore the practically naked dancers in the title sequence, I've always thought that the Daniel Craig intros have been quite good at storytelling. The opening credits play on the nostalgia of fans of the Daniel Craig era, giving nods to characters from the previous three Bond films, including Javier Bardem's Silva (Skyfall), Eva Green's Vesper (Casino Royale) and our dearly departed M, iconically portrayed by Dame Judy Dench. (Rest her soul.) Once the opening credits wrap, Sam Smith and the folks at MGM have you raring to go as the stage is set for SPECTRE.

The car chase

The fancy cars. The unloaded ammunition. "New York, New York" blasting from the stereo. Bond practically pushing the slow driver out of his way, only to have the old man land perfectly in a parking spot with an airbag to the face. The flames from the exhaust and the ejector seat. That's a fun scene that gives you pretty much everything you could hope for from a Bond car chase.

Honorable mention: Bond's airplane scene that ultimately ends in him driving the dang thing through a barn. Oh, baby.

Batista

After his success in Guardians of the Galaxy, I was excited to hear that former WWE wrestler Dave Bautista had earned a role as a Bond villain. The dude is a beast, no bones about it, and he's as physically imposing as ever in this role. Hinx is right up there, in terms of physicality, with any other Bond baddie. Who else compares? Jaws, certainly, but is there anyone else as overpowering as Batista? One of my favorite moments of his during is the fight scene on the train when he swats a cooking pot out of the air with his forearm. (#baller) It's just a shame that he's used so little in the film. His death is implied as he gets whipped out of the train and any possibility of him returning in a future film is practically impossible, but hey - we can dream, can't we?

Honorable mention: It's also nice to see Q (Ben Whishaw) and the new M (Ralph Fiennes) in action - and out in the field! I like these new guys.

Franz Oberhauser: What's in a name?

Some might argue that SPECTRE's weakest aspect is its main villain. They might say that Christoph Waltz's Oberhauser was "just some boring guy that we all knew was going to end up being Bond's brother." They might say, "We knew they he was going to be Bond's long-lost brother simply by watching the trailer. Big whoop." Big whoop? Big whoop?? My goodness, people! Have you no knowledge of nor familiarity with Bond films past?

It is revealed during one of the movie's most tense plot points that Franz Oberhauser, the man with such historical ties to James Bond (yes, indeed, they are adoptive brothers) at some point in life changed his name, nay, his identity, becoming a man fictitiously renamed Ernst Stavro Blofeld. ERNST STAVRO BLOFELD, PEOPLE!! Blofeld is, like, Bond's arch-nemesis! He is the most classic of all James Bond villains! He either appeared in or made his presence known in at least seven other films, so, other than 007, himself, he should be the most recognized character in any of the movies. No? Is this not ringing any bells? Did a light bulb not go off in your mind when you saw him holding a white cat? Did you not realize that this is the character that inspired Austin Powers' "Doctor Evil"? I think the biggest problem with the Blofeld Bomb was that too many moviegoers had no idea who he was supposed to be. While I was geeking out of my mind, the majority of the theater was probably thinking, "Ernst who??" Ugh. So disappointing.

I mean, we should have seen it coming, right? Blofeld was the head of SPECTRE in the old movies. Why wouldn't he be the big wig in this one? But I had no idea. Not a clue. I didn't see it coming and was genuinely surprised by the reveal. The idea that Blofeld is "the author of all of [Bond's] pain" was a nice touch - that he was the one that orchestrated most (if not all) of Bond's tragic losses, including those of Vesper and M. Unbeknownst to us all, Blofeld has been pulling the strings all along.

At a pivotal point in the film, Blofeld is gravely injured, leaving him his a nasty scar on one side of his face - his trademark physical feature. It was inevitable. It had to happen. And when it did, the transformation was complete. Guys... they rebooted Blofeld. Is that not amazing? What's even more exciting is that he didn't die. No, no. He's still alive and he'll be back for more movies. In my opinion, this is the best thing that came out of SPECTRE.

"Cuckoo!"

Conclusion

SPECTRE is a good Bond movie. It's not Skyfall and it's not Goldeneye, but, thankfully, it's not Moonraker or A View to a Kill, either. If this is Daniel Craig's final go in the tuxedo, you know what? He made me a believer. I was a harsh critic of his in the months leading up to his debut as 007 in Casino Royale and I think that Quantum of Solace was the worst Bond flick since Tomorrow Never Dies, but he was spectacular in Skyfall and did a good job in SPECTRE. He infamously insinuated that his days as James Bond were over, even commenting that he'd rather slit his wrists than do another movie. The degree of sarcasm contained in that comment is up for debate and it's also rumored that Craig is under contract for one more film, so I guess we'll see what happens. However, if this truly is his last movie, he got the girl (yuck) and rode off into the sunset, quite literally, so I suppose it would be a fitting end for his stint with the PP7. Only time will tell.

Did you see SPECTRE? Did you hate it? Did you like it? Was it the best/worst movie you've ever seen? Let SotT: Underground know in the comments below.

JAMES BOND WILL RETURN.

Confessions: I watched "The Bachelor"

I admit: for the first time in my life, I sat down and watched a full episode of ABC's "The Bachelor."

I went home to my family's house after work last night to change my clothes before heading to the gym. My mom was watching TV. I casually asked if she was watching "The Bachelor," which I was relatively aware had debuted the night before. She responded in the affirmative. She asked if I wanted to stay for dinner after my workout. I agreed. She had me right where she wanted me.

After returning from the gym and enjoying a dinner with my family, I prepared to return to my place. As I was getting ready to go, my mom asked if I wanted to stay and watch the girls (on the show) get introduced. I didn't really want to; I'd never watched more than a few minutes of those shows every now and then (I did a little research while debating whether or not to include Mormon contestants in my list of Latter-day Saints on reality TV - that's another topic for another time). Somewhat hesitantly, I decided to stay and watch the girls meet Ben, the new Bachelor. I figured a little quality time with my mom couldn't hurt. I didn't have any other plans last night, anyway.

I sat down as the first of the women were introduced. There was a dentist from Oregon (she's definitely trying way too hard to "Keep Portland weird"). There was a chick with an odd face that had a father with ALS. A cute single mom. A... "chicken enthusiast"? Is that her job or her character on the show? I was a bit confused. These, and many, many others, began arriving via limousine to meet the handsome chap. I learned very quickly that this was the time for these women to make their first impressions. The dentist showed up with a freaking enormous flower hat on her head. It fell off as she got out of the car and she quickly put it back on. One lady showed up with - and I kid you not - a wedding invitation, as though she assumes she will be the eventual bride... or winner... or whatever the ultimate goal is on this show.

It just kept getting better and better. (And when I say "better and better," I mean "worse and worse.") A girl got out of the limo with a unicorn mask on her head. I got excited when a cute girl from Salt Lake City showed up - and then she refused to speak a word of English to the guy! She only spoke in what I assume was Russian. So weird. Another contestant showed up in pajamas, telling Ben that she hopes he is the "onesie" for her. Somebody showed up on one of those so-called "hoverboards." One girl was allergic to gluten and she showed up, ironically, carrying a basket of bread. She told Ben that she was allergic to gluten so, instead of breaking the ice, she thought they could break bread, then commencing to smash the loaves all over the pavement at his feet. There was a Texan with a pony, a social media stalker, identical twins and an insecure redhead called "Red Velvet." There was one girl that I thought was pretty cute that came out of the limo with a football behind her back (double yes!). However, things got a little weird when she hitched up her skirt, hiked the ball and said, "I knew you were a catch." Ugh. So cheesy.

All of the women had arrived and it was time for Ben to join them inside. The host, Chris Harrison, appeared for a moment to ask Ben how he was feeling. I whole-heartedly expected Ben to say, "Can I get a hug? I want to cry." Shockingly, he maintained composure. Then Harrison began a sentence that had me on the edge of my seat. "You're 26," he said before a long pause. As a 29-year-old, I hoped that Harrison would choose his next words very carefully. "Too young to find love?" he asked. I laughed. At least he didn't say Ben was running out of time or something. So apparently 26 is "young," as far as the world's standards are concerned. Good to know.

It was around this point that I asked my mom how much time was left in the show. I wanted to go home. There was an hour left. Ugh. Gosh. I stayed for the remainder of the program. This was a train wreck that I couldn't stop watching.

Once inside the mansion, the high school drama commenced as if on cue. Obviously, these contestants were generally very insecure, surrounded by 25 other gorgeous women competing for the supposed affections of one very handsome man. (Their words, not mine.) Things got even more intense when two returning contestants showed up. The new women did not find this fair at all. How dare these two returning contestants show up?! To me, that just seems sad. "Hey, look, everyone! We failed the first time around and now we're back!" That's just strange, to me. The new girls see their prior experience on the show as some kind of advantage, but I don't understand what they mean by that.

The purpose of each episode is for the women to earn a red rose from the Bachelor at the end of the night. Getting a rose means that you can move on to the next round of dates. A few of these girls would not end up getting chosen and would have to go home at the end of the episode, so that was causing a whole bunch of paranoia at the mansion. Once Ben came into the room, the girls began fighting over him and trying to steal him away for a few minutes alone. On several occasions, a contestant would interrupt Ben's conversations with one of the other girls to procure him for herself. Uh... rudeness!! The weirdest part of this segment of the show was when the rose-topped dentist from Portland grabbed Ben, took him in the other room and made him lay down on the couch to examine his teeth and interrogate him about his flossing habits. If that happened to me on a first date, I can guarantee you that I'd never want to see that girl again. I'd go straight home, block her on Facebook and then write a hilarious blog about it, however.

Can I just say... I feel so bad for this dude. Not only does he have to surround himself with this drama for however many nights or weeks or months, but he has to supposedly settle on one to be his wife at the end of it all! If that's not the practical embodiment of fire and brimstone, I'm not sure what is.

At the end of the night, a couple girls got sent packing, including "Red Velvet," who will probably go home and cry about all of her insecurities, which is unfortunate. Sadly, a couple of the weirdos ended up getting roses, including the dentist chick (WHY?!?) and a girl named Lace, who has weird teeth and also would not merit a second date after freaking out about the lack of eye contact Ben gave her during the Rose Ceremony. So much drama! How does Ben do it?

Anyway, that was pretty much what happened in "The Bachelor" premiere that I still can't believe that I sat through. Now... I have a few things to say.

First of all, I love how all of these women (on the show and across America) are falling head-over-heels for Ben, who, as nice as he is (he honestly seems like a good guy), is telling every single girl on the show that she's gorgeous and he can't wait to spend time alone with them. As my brother Cody pointed out - yes, he watched the show, too, and is as guilty as I am - if I were to tell every girl in my singles ward how beautiful she was and kiss them all on the cheek right in front over everybody, I'd be run out of town on a rail for being a player, a womanizer and a liar. Why is it acceptable for Ben to do it, but not for me? Is it his money? His looks? The fact that he's on national television? Why the double standard? I guarantee you that if I tried THAT hard to get somebody to like me, they'd never give me the time of day ever again.

Secondly, is it a requirement that, to be on this show, you have to be totally wacky? Where are the normal girls that don't frame pictures of their chickens or dump their boyfriends for a guy they've seen on TV a couple times? Honestly, people! Ben has to marry one of these crazies! I feel so bad for him! I couldn't do it! Actually, there are several reasons why I couldn't be on a show like this: the cameras, the drama, the public displays of affection, the fact that I'd know my parents would be watching this all unfold before their very eyes... But, as funny as these two hours of TV were to me, can you believe that there is a dude out there that is actually living it?? If I learned one thing from online dating, it's that, in some cases, there is a reason why people are 34 and unmarried - and that reason is that you're a crazy psycho. No offense, but... IT'S TRUE!! If they were normal, especially considering how beautiful they are on the outside, why on earth would they still be single at this point in their lives??

Thirdly, I can't help but wonder... what is life like after the show ends? When the camera leaves, the hot air balloons are deflated and the wine ceases to flow? I once asked a girl who was obsessed with traveling what would happen if she finally got married and couldn't afford to go on week-long vacations three times a year. She responded, "...I'd really miss traveling." (Insert wide-eyed emoji here.) "The Bachelor" is not real life. It is not real dating. And it is not real love. Take away the cameras, the bottom-tier celebrity status and the fortune of it all and then - maybe then - will you be able to emulate a semi-realistic dating scenario. But what happens to these girls when Ben says, "Well, honey, do you want to go, like, Redbox a movie or something? Maybe pick up some McDonald's?" Will they still truly love him then? In my opinion that is certainly not based on any extensive research of the subject, I see "The Bachelor" and "The Bachelorette" as the fast track to a wild, three-year-long marriage. I'd assume that, in the majority of cases, I'm not far off. (Somebody back me up here.)

Lastly (and it pains me to admit it), I kind of want to watch a couple more episodes. Stay with me here. At the end of the premiere episode, they showed a few highlights of the upcoming season, which mainly included Ben and a plethora of contestants half-naked and making out in exotic locations and/or hot tubs, which is to be expected with this kind of smut, I guess, and I wouldn't watch for that, but at one point IT SHOWED A GIRL WITH A BLACK EYE!!! That wasn't a slap mark. That wasn't a claw mark. That looked like it came from a straight-up punch to the eyeball. How could you not want to watch that??

In conclusion, "The Bachelor" appears to be the most preposterous, brain-numbing, hilarious, immature, embarrassingly entertaining garbage I have seen on TV in a long time and I truly believe that it would do wonders for my self-esteem as a nearly 30-year-old bachelor (lower-case), myself. As I mentioned on social media last night, I'm single, but I'm not THAT single.

And thank Heaven for that.

The top TV moments of 2015 (that you probably didn't see!)

The older I get, the more I realize that nobody really likes most of the TV shows I watch. The unfortunate thing about that is that you guys missed out on some awesome stuff last year. With that in mind, I thought I'd rank the top TV moments of 2015 that you probably didn't see!:

5. Sleepy Hollow - Abby goes to the underworld

Following what critics deemed to be a disappointing second season, "Sleepy Hollow" has kicked things up a notch for season three. There's a new "big bad" and Ichabod is no longer tied down by Katrina, which has led to some good storylines with Betsy Ross. The big cliffhanger heading into the mid-season finale involved Abby sacrificing herself and entering Pandora's evil tree, heading down to the underworld, presumably. What's down there? Do we even really know? Does Abby have a plan? She's alive, I take it, but what awaits her in Pandora's demonic lair? I suppose we'll find out in a couple weeks, when "Sleepy Hollow" returns (on Fridays #gulp) in February.

Also, Ichabod Crane is still the greatest character on TV.

4. Gotham - The death of Fish Mooney

I think a lot of people probably bailed on "Gotham" mid-way through its rookie season, and I totally understand that because, as much as I wanted it to, season one just wasn't very good. Nevertheless, I have stuck with it for one reason or another and, thankfully, season two has really taken a couple steps in the right direction. One of my main issues with season one was Jada Pinkett Smith's portrayal of Gotham kingpin Fish Mooney. I hate-hate-hated that chick. I'm not sure what it was - the over-dramatic acting, her desire for gratuitous violence or that weird torture scene where her old-lady armpits were on full display, perhaps? - but I don't remember ever wanting a fictional character to die as much as I wanted her to bite the big one. Thankfully, Oswald Cobblepot came to our collective rescue, pushing the former Queen of Gotham off of a very high wall to her (implied) death. You know what? I never publicly thanked the Penguin for what he did, so let me just say, on record, "Thank you, Oswald, for killing Fish Mooney!" (Note: We didn't see her lifeless body, however, so I suppose the door is open for a potential return at some point in the future, but let's just cross our fingers and hope that doesn't happen.)

Honorable mention: My brother Cody brings up a great point: the scene in season two where Penguin and Riddler are singing a duet was hilarious - almost as good as Fish dying, but not quite.

Also worth mentioning: Gordon's elevator fight scene was classic (especially the 1:18 - 1:24 mark).

3. Survivor - Crazy Tribal Councils

While I'm not a huge fan of the "new school" strategy that these returning players are attempting to infuse into the game, I am still a die-hard fan of this series. To this day, THIRTY-ONE SEASONS LATER, I truly believe it to be one of the best shows on television. The most recent incarnation of the program, "Survivor: Cambodia - Second Chance," was pretty good. I liked the way the cast was selected - entirely by fans' votes. I thought they had a nice balance of fan favorites, villains and characters. Things began to get crazy about 75 percent of the way through the season, with a handful of immunity idol-driven blindside oustings and a couple crazy Tribal Councils that will live in "Survivor" lore for years to come. Two Tribals, in particular, stood out to me: the time when Stephen Fishbach tried to get cute and vote out Joe with "his own vote," only to get sent packing, himself, and the Tribal in the finale where Jeremy and Kelley Wentworth both used their hidden immunity idols, resulting in zero valid votes -- and Keith almost agreed to walk away from the game!! That was crazy. I'm glad Jeff Probst explained what had happened afterward because my parents and I were all left scratching our heads. Long live "Survivor."

2. The Flash - Who is Harrison Wells?

I binge-watched The CW's "The Flash" on Netflix a month or two ago and really enjoyed it. It wasn't as immature as "The Arrow" (which I only made it through about four or five episodes of before throwing in the towel) and wasn't as dark as "Gotham," which makes it a show you don't need to be ashamed of for watching. The best storyline of season one involves Barry Allen's relationship with his mentor, Harrison Wells (Tom Cavanagh). Because, out of all of the shows I'm discussing in this blog, I believe "The Flash" is a show that some of you might actually care to watch in the future, I will not spoil the surprise, but I will say this - it is crazy. (Unfortunately, since I watched the show on Netflix and not on The CW, I knew the secret beforehand.) Cavanagh plays that role like a pro and makes every episode great. I'm not a big DC Comics guy, other than Batman and a little Superman now and then, but "The Flash" is a fun, family-friendly show that I'd recommend if you've got the time and are looking for something to watch.

1. Wayward Pines - Going down?: Ethan Burke versus the Abbies

I absolutely loved "Wayward Pines" this summer. It was originally just a 10-episode "event," but, to my great pleasure, FOX has decided to renew it for a second season. How on earth are they going to follow up that ending? Good heavens. In spite of all the haters that made it their personal mission to tell me that they will never watch the show, I thought "Wayward Pines" was freaking awesome. And the scene, in my opinion, that was the most freaking awesome of all was when Ethan Burke took on the Abbies for the sake of that confusing community. The elevator scene in the season finale solidifies Sheriff Burke's status as a stone-cold baller for time and all eternity. The man is a legend. No doubt about it, it was a weird little show with a weird little ending, but I loved it. It was mysterious, exhilarating, scary and intriguing and I couldn't get enough of it. (By the way, I just picked "Wayward Pines" up at Best Buy for $16.99 - not a bad deal!)


What were your favorite TV moments from 2015? Comment below and let me know!

2015's best movies in 140 characters or less

As we come to the end of another year, we pause to reflect on the highlights from 2015. The next few days will certainly be filled with introspection, goal setting and quality time with our families, but let us take just a moment to ponder another important aspect of the past 365 days of our lives: the best movies of the year!

In this blog, I'll count down my favorite movies of 2015 - and I'll do it Twitter-style - in 140 characters or less. (Disclaimer: Keep in mind that I did not see every movie that came out this year, nor am I listing every single show that I watched.) With no further ado, here are my top 15 movies. Let's get to it!

15. The Divergent Series: Allegiant (@Divergent)

• I struggled to finish the book. The movie wasn't any better. I'm losing faith in this series and I'm not looking forward to #Insurgent.

14. Tomorrowland (#TomorrowlandMovie)

• Biggest disappointment of the year, in my opinion. I fell asleep during a pivotal scene in the movie's "third act." No Space Mountain? #lame

13. The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 2 (@TheHungerGames)

• This was the "least good" of the four movies. Felt a bit too long - and I didn't love the ending of book it was based on, either. #TeamGale

12. Inside Out (@PixarInsideOut)

• A witty, clever movie about childhood depression. So sad. I saw it first at a drive-in theater, which was a terrible idea. #BingBongBingBong

11. Ant-Man (@AntMan)

• It definitely didn't suck as much as the previews made it seem. Better the second time. Funny, but not my favorite from Marvel's Phase Two.

10. Bridge of Spies (@BridgeOfSpies)

• Cold. Gray. Amazing. A fascinating story that kind of made me feel bad for the Russian. Tom Hanks is great, as we've all come to expect.

9. SPECTRE (@007)

• Not as good as #Skyfall, but a fun ride with a surprising twist that is a big payoff for long-time Bond fans. Also, Batista is a beast.

8. The Man from U.N.C.L.E. (@ManFromUNCLE)

• Bond with a sense of humor. A couple of truly laugh-out-loud scenes and a totally rockin' soundtrack. Cavill and Hammer make a good team.

7.  Mission: Impossible - Rogue Nation (@MissionFilm)

• Is there anything @TomCruise won't do? The airplane scene was definitely the best opening sequence of 2015. This tweet will self-destruct...

6. The Peanuts Movie (@PeanutsMovie)

• I'll be doggone if this wasn't the cutest little movie I've ever seen. A wonderful, G-rated family film that anyone can enjoy. #TwoThumbsUp

5. Avengers 2 - Age of Ultron (@Avengers)

• Not as good as the first one, but a great addition to the franchise. Gotta love those action scenes with all of the Avengers in action.

4. McFarland, USA (#McFarlandUSA)

• Having served Spanish-speaking, this movie nearly brought me to tears on several occasions - and I don't even like running! A 2015 must-see.

3. Jurassic World (@JurassicPark)

• A big-budget blockbuster with plenty of excitement and superb CGI. A step up from J.P. 2 & 3 and practically on par with the original film.

2. Creed (@creedmovie)

• Creed got me right in the feels like a sucker punch to the kidney. A worthy successor to the Rocky films. Hoping for a sequel. #GonnaFlyNow

1. Star Wars: Episode VII - The Force Awakens (@starwars)

• My most anticipated film of 2015 was absolutely worth the wait. It's now one of my new favorite movies and I'll definitely see it again.

Well, there you have it. What were your favorite movies of 2015? Feel free to comment below in as many characters as you so choose.

Happy new year, friends.