Wrestlemania 33 pre-show:
Neville defeats Austin Aries to retain the WWE Cruiserweight Championship
This was a decent match to kick off the show. I don't really follow "205 Live," so I wasn't very invested in the match and am not very familiar with Aries' career, but they had some good, high-flying action before Neville thumbed Aries in the eye and picked up the win.
Grade: B+
Best spot: Aries and Neville pulling off a series of acrobatic dives from the top turnbuckle
Mojo Rawley wins the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal
I truly thought this match would come down to the "Monster Among Men" Braun Strowman and the Big Show, who has repeatedly said that Sunday's pay-per-view would be the final Wrestlemania of his career. Big Show was originally rumored to have a match against Shaquille O'Neal, but that didn't pan out, which made me feel bad for Show, who has gotten into, arguably, the best shape of his career in these last six months. Relegating the giant to the kick-off show felt like a slap in the face - and that was before he got eliminated just a couple minutes into the match. Too bad. Strowman was also eliminated shortly thereafter, leaving a bunch of "mid-carders" to fight for the honor of taking home the trophy. In the end, it was Mojo Rawley, of all people, who picked up the win. I'm not on the "hype" train for Rawley, one half of the "Hype Bros" tag team, so I was disappointed by this match. I thought, if not Show or Strowman, that Sami Zayn, Luke Harper or Dolph Ziggler would have been a better winner, but hey - what do I know? Nothing, obviously.
Grade: C
Best spot: NFL star Rob Gronkowski enters the ring to assist Rawley
Dean Ambrose defeats Baron Corbin to retain the Intercontinental Championship
Didn't love this match. Ambrose is crazy, but he hasn't done much or had any momentum at all, really, during the most recent stretch of his championship reign. I don't care for Corbin, who has a couple cool signature and finishing moves, but has the charisma of a pile of rocks. There wasn't anything interesting about this match, other than Corbin screaming in agony at the top of his lungs a couple times, which was unintentionally hilarious.
Grade: D
Best spot: Corbin yells "Say goodbye to Dean Ambrose!" moments before losing the match
Main Card:
AJ Styles defeats Shane McMahon
AJ Styles is the most cheered-for villain in the WWE and it's not even close. People love this guy and, no matter how hard he tries to come off like a jerk that doesn't care about his fans, the audience just goes nuts for him. Shane McMahon, the aging son of WWE big wig Vince McMahon, is currently working as the commissioner of "SmackDown! Live" and has a reputation for pulling off insane stunts (most recently jumping from an enormous steel cage at Wrestlemania 32 last year), so I knew this match would be good. Shane pulled off a few show-stopping moves, including two failed attempts that would have brought the house down - jumping from the ring onto a commentator's table at ringside and trying a monster backflip off the top rope toward the end of the match. AJ was solid, as always, and pulled out the win after nailing McMahon with the Phenomenal Forearm.
Grade: A
Best spot: McMahon hits the Coast to Coast, jumping across the ring to kick a garbage can into Styles' face
Kevin Owens defeats Chris Jericho to win the United States Championship
Chris Jericho and I go way back - back to his days in WCW in the late '90s. The man is a legend on the microphone and one of my favorite wrestlers of all time. His storyline with former "best friend" Kevin Owens has been one of the best things WWE has had going in the past year. I thought Jericho and Owens were tremendous during their run leading up to Wrestlemania 33, and The List of Jericho is one of the greatest things ever invented. But don't even get me started on the "Festival of Friendship"! More like the "Festival of Betrayal." I knew Owens would win this match because Jericho is in a rock band that already has touring plans this summer, so this was the time for Y2J to drop his title. Owens should go on to be a really good champion, so I'm interested to see what he does next... but let us #NeverForget the Gift of Jericho. Drink it in, maaaaaaan!
Grade: A
Best spot: Owens and Jericho string together a flurry of reversals, Owens reaches the ropes with one finger
Bayley defeats Charlotte Flair, Sasha Banks and Nia Jax to retain the RAW Women's Championship
Boooo. Bayley seems like a nice enough girl and I appreciate that she went from being a superfan of the WWE to being a bonafide superstar, but I just don't think she's a very good wrestler. Charlotte Flair is head-and-shoulders above the rest of the women's roster and, although I don't like her attitude, she has no business losing to Bayley at the biggest show of the year. This snaps Charlotte's undefeated streak at pay-per-views and prevents her from becoming a 5-time champ, and I'm ok with that because she went back-and-forth with that championship so much in the fall that I was getting sick of it, but losing to Bayley at Wrestlemania left a bad taste in my mouth.
Grade: C
Best spot: Bayley, Sasha and Charlotte dog-pile Nia Jax
The Hardy Boyz defeat Gallows/Anderson, Cesaro/Sheamus and Enzo Amore/Big Cass to win the RAW Tag Team Championship
In the most shocking event of the evening, Matt and Jeff Hardy returned to the WWE after an extended absence to win the RAW tag championship. I love ladder matches, and this one didn't disappoint. There were lots of great spots and a lot of moving parts, which made the bout fun to watch. I do legitimately feel bad for the other three teams, who have worked hard all year to make it to a championship match at Wrestlemania, only to lose to a team that hasn't even been part of the company for the better part of a decade, but that's the way the writers wanted it, I guess. The Hardys will be much better champions that Gallows and Anderson, who I think are two of the most boring guys on RAW, so that's good.
Grade: A-
Best spot: The Hardy Boyz return to WWE
Honorable mention: Jeff slightly botches a Swanton Bomb from the highest ladder, only hitting Cesaro, but narrowly missing Sheamus
John Cena and Nikki Bella defeat the Miz and Maryse
No bones about it, this was the worst match of the night. I like Cena, but my one issue with his is that he divorced his wife when he met Nikki Bella. That bugs. This match was nothing but a setup for Cena to propose to Nikki at the end of the match. I'd seen murmurings about it online, so I wasn't shocked by it. Their relationship, as pointed out constantly by the Miz in the last two months, is a bit hokey and seems a little fake, and watching Cena confess his alleged love in the middle of the ring while a large majority of the crowd booed and chanted "No! No! No!" was absolutely awkward and uncomfortable. Sucks to be the Miz, who I think has legitimate hatred for Cena. He had to go out there, slog his way through a joke of a match and lose so that Cena could have his "Wrestlemania Moment."
Grade: F
Best spot: Surprisingly, the crowd goes nuts for the Miz at several points during the match
Seth Rollins defeats Triple H
A year-long spat came to a close in this "unsanctioned match," which allowed Rollins who was, allegedly, not medically cleared to compete, to face off against his nemesis, Triple H. Because the WWE fictitiously couldn't be held responsible for the outcome of the match, all rules were thrown out the window, which allowed the boys to pull out a few weapons, including a table and Triple H's trademark sledgehammer. It was a brutal match, centering on Rollins' injured leg. Triple H methodically targeted the bad knee and Rollins sold it well, leading up to a convincing "underdog" win.
Grade: A
Best spot: Triple H accidentally sends his wife, Stephanie McMahon, through a table
Randy Orton defeats Bray Wyatt to win the WWE Championship
Months ago, I had hoped that the former allies, Orton and Wyatt, would get a big push as tag team champions. They only ended up holding the titles for about three weeks, which, for me, was one of the biggest disappointments in the last year. Orton turned on Wyatt a couple weeks after winning the Royal Rumble and I thought WWE dropped the ball with this storyline. Having Randy win the Rumble, only to refuse to face his then-stable mate, then to have him change his mind a month later, I thought, was sloppy and lacked focus. That storyline also led to the rushed Styles-McMahon feud, which I also thought was handled poorly. The other problem I had with this storyline was how much of it took place outside the ring in pre-recorded segments, like Randy burning down the Wyatt compound and Bray haunting Orton with supernatural visions. I wanted Bray to win this match and go on to have an extended reign as champion, which would have been a fun "era" for SmackDown!, but it was not meant to be - Orton "buried" Wyatt in a lackluster match with an anticlimactic finish.
Grade: D-
Best spot: Wyatt haunts Orton by projecting worms and bugs onto the ring canvas - hadn't seen anything like that before
Brock Lesnar defeats Goldberg to win the WWE Universal Championship
I assumed Goldberg would lose this match, but after the other WWE title changing hands in the preceding match, I thought he might be able to hang onto the belt. Thankfully, this match was somewhat longer than Goldberg's last two PPV matches, which were each about a minute and a half each. Lesnar actually got in some offense, delivering 10 German suplexes to the champion, and Goldberg got in more than a few spears, so it ended up being a pretty brutal match. Goldberg landed a Jackhammer on Lesnar, and I thought the match was over, but the Beast Incarnate kicked out and turned the odds into his favor before hitting an F5 and scoring the three count.
Grade: A-
Best spot: Goldberg spears Lesnar through the barricade
Naomi defeats Alexa Bliss, Becky Lynch, Carmella, Natalya and Mickie James to win the SmackDown! Women's Championship
Didn't watch most of this match. Fast-forwarded through it because I thought it was obvious that Naomi would come back and reclaim the title she lost due to injury, in front of her hometown crowd. Lo, and behold, she did. Big whoop. I did play the match for a minute or two so that I could make fun of Becky Lynch screaming "STRAIGHT FIRE!!!", as she is so prone to do. Not sure which was more ridiculous: her stupid catch phrase or her moronic Pocahontas costume. What was up with that??
Grade: F
Best spot: When it ended
Roman Reigns defeats the Undertaker
I wasn't sure what would happen with this match. The Undertaker's historic Wrestlemania record was tarnished by losing to Brock Lesnar a couple years back and, since then, the Dead Man hardly makes any televised appearances and basically has only wrestled about once or twice a year. Taker has had an impressive 30-year career, but he's just not the same dominant force that he was back in the '90s and early 2000s. Taker's first Wrestlemania loss to Lesnar in 2015 was as shocking as it was embarrassing. The Dead Man looked just like that - dead. He could barely make his way around the ring (I think he had a legit concussion) and you could tell that he was past his prime. Thankfully, Taker looked much better last night than he did when he lost to Lesnar, but when he and Reigns botched a Tombstone Piledriver reversal not once, but twice in a row, you could tell that it was not going to end well for the Phenom. I was hoping that Reigns would embrace the hate that a majority of the WWE Universe has for him by cheating to win or otherwise disrespecting the Undertaker, but that didn't happen. Reigns showed some remorse as he bounced off the ropes three times and speared Undertaker before pinning him, but it looks like WWE will continue shoving him down viewers' throats as the "top guy" in the company for weeks to come. This was the perfect time to have Reigns turn heel, so I'm not sure why it didn't happen. After the match, Undertaker left his gloves, trenchcoat and hat in the middle of the ring as what appears to be a token of his retirement, which I think is a good thing for him, personally. I just wish he would have hung it up after going 20-0 at Wrestlemania. Twenty-three-and-two just doesn't have the same ring to it. Rest in peace, Undertaker.
Grade: C+
Best spot: Undertaker's presumed retirement
Overall grade: B
Wrestlemania is always a good show. They put on a heck of a spectacle. I was disappointed that most of my guys took the L this time around, but a lot of it was to be expected. I anticipated lots of titles changing hands but didn't love the way that those changes took place. It was the end of a tremendous career by Undertaker, but, as Bleacher Report so eloquently put it, the way that it ended - and who ended it - was a bitter pill to swallow.
Did any of you watch Wrestlemania? (Doubtful.) If so, what did you think? Let me know in the comments section below. And if not, well... You know what happens? You know what happens to people who don't interact with my blog posts?
YOU JUST MADE THE LIST!!
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