Underground Fight Club: Apocalypse Showdown

Overview, explanation and context:

In the event of a global apocalypse, you need a good team. Who hasn't sat around constructing fantasy survival teams at least once or twice in their life? Signs of the Times: Underground has come to make those fantasies a reality in a brand new undertaking known as "Underground Fight Club."

We recently asked eight people to construct an apocalypse survival team to battle for the ultimate supremacy in a playoff-style tournament, but we laid down a few guidelines.

1. First and foremost, we did not specify the type of apocalypse at hand - not a zombie apocalypse, nuclear strike or viral outbreak - this was simply meant to be a generic survival team, ready for whatever came next.
2. Each team would need to fill six specific roles, including at least one male, one female and one non-human. Those roles were as follows:
• The Action Hero: a fictional hero or real person known for their fighting and/or survival skills
• The Evil Genius: a fictional villain known for their intelligence
• The Wild Card: a fictional hero or villain or real person known for being devious, dishonest or disloyal
• The Specialist: a fictional character or real person known for having a useful talent or skill
• The Idiot: a fictional character or real person known for being stupid or annoying, or for making mistakes
• The Sacrificial Lamb: casualties are inevitable, and this character will be the first to go
3. We specified that no teams could use the same character, and we were forced a couple times to ask participants to provide alternate responses.
4. We had each team appoint a famous vehicle for transportation purposes.
5. Each participant chose a team color and gave a team slogan - neither of which will likely have any sort of impact on the competition
6. We indicated that any locations, stipulations or objectives for the tournament may be added at a later time.

The tournament - strengths, weaknesses, battle scenarios and bonus points:

Once the participants provided their teams, we jotted down notable strengths and weakness for every character that will be helpful in determining winners for each round of the playoff. We have not included the names of the people who created the teams, in an effort to make voting be a strategic choice instead of a popularity contest.

Based on suggestions provided in Facebook comments over the past week, locations and objectives have been selected and paired up as stipulations for each battle. The scenarios were assigned randomly to the playoff bracket before team match-ups were determined.

Each match-up includes advantages and bonus points. The advantage hints at characteristics or skills that might benefit a team while attempting to complete the given objective. For instance, if the task is to break out of prison, a lock-picking would  be a beneficial skill to possess. Additionally, each round offers bonus points for completing a side quest during the battle. The bonus points mean absolutely nothing and ultimately might not affect the outcome in any way. We're just messing around with some of this stuff, folks.

Ideally, those who take the survey to vote for winners will consider the strengths and weaknesses of each team before making a decision. This blog should be used as a companion guide to the surveys that are sent with each new round of the playoff. Follow-up blog posts will be published with full results and analysis from each round.

How do I play?

Links to the surveys for each round are posted at the bottom of this blog! The only answers that are required are your name and your winner for each round. Any creative thoughts you put into the optional questions are greatly appreciated and will help us tell a fun story once the results come pouring in. Thanks in advance for your time, your effort and your answers!

The teams:

With all of that in mind, let's meet the eight magnificent teams for the first-ever UNDERGROUND FIGHT CLUB:

TEAM INDY (Aaron Christensen)

• The Action Star: Henry "Indiana" Jones, Jr.
• Known from: Indiana Jones movie franchise
• Notable strengths: Archaeology/procurement of artifacts, teaching, notoriously handy with bull whip, high success rate against Western European enemies
• Notable weaknesses: Snakes, women, landing planes
• The Evil Genius: The Joker
• Known from: The Dark Knight
• Notable strengths: Criminal mastermind, fares well when improvising, seemingly impervious to physical pain, very persuasive leadership
• Notable weaknesses: Psychotically unpredictable, clinically insane
• The Wild Card: Catwoman
• Known from: Batman: Arkham video game franchise
• Notable strengths: Cat-burglary, agility/stealth, flirtatious personality, occasionally heroic
• Notable weaknesses: Sporadic moral compass, often lets romance get in the way of goals
• The Specialist: Ethan Hunt
• Known from: Mission: Impossible movie franchise
• Notable strengths: Espionage, infiltration, gadgetry, excellent driving skills, great runner and rock climber
• Notable weaknesses: Infrequently fooled by disguises, periodically incapable of protecting teammates
• The Idiot: Luis
• Known from: Ant-Man, Ant-Man & the Wasp
• Notable strengths: Attention to detail, burglary, infiltration
• Notable weaknesses: A bit long-winded
• The Sacrificial Lamb: C-3PO
• Known from: Star Wars movie franchise
• Notable weaknesses: Socially awkward, very slow, consistently loses parts/limbs
• Transportation: The A-Team Van
• Known from: The A-Team

Round 1 Match-up: Team Indy vs Team Rambo - Save a Dying Team Member @ Frozen Lake
Round 1 Result: Won vs Team Rambo

Round 2 Match-up: Team Romanoff vs Team Indy vs Team Danvers - The Escape Plan @ Airport
Round 2 Result: Lost vs Team Danvers

TEAM DANVERS (Dan Mortensen)

• The Action Star: Captain Marvel
• Known from: Marvel comics
• Notable strengths: Superhuman strength, flight, energy manipulation
• Notable weaknesses: Internet trolls/review-bombing
• The Evil Genius: Ruin
• Known from: Mistborn book series
• Notable strengths/weaknesses: Mind control, ability to create/destroy sentient life, can control and manipulate metal
• Notable weaknesses: Has no physical body, unable to affect the world directly
• The Wild Card: Benedict Arnold (Defected from Team Superman)
  
• Known from: American history
• Notable strengths: Military strategy, espionage, great at playing both sides
• Notable weaknesses: Patriotism
• The Specialist: Angus MacGyver
• Known from: MacGyver
• Notable strengths: Master of improvisation and gadgetry, superior knowledge of mechanics, tremendous ability to escape tight spots with limited resources
• Notable weaknesses: Has a mullet, prefers non-violent conflict resolution
• The Idiot: Austin Powers
• Known from: Austin Powers movie franchise
• Notable strengths: Sense of humor, espionage
• Notable weaknesses: Questionable taste in fashion, gullibility, highly susceptible to being hit in the groin
• The Sacrificial Lamb: Boromir
• Known from: The Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring
• Notable weaknesses: Played by Sean Bean, extremely meme-able
• Transportation: The TARDIS
• Known from: Doctor Who

Round 1 Match-up: Team Danvers vs Team Romanoff - Food and Resource Scavenging @ Shopping Mall/Food Truck Lot

Round 1 Result: Fought Team Romanoff to a draw

Round 2 Match-up: Team Romanoff vs Team Indy vs Team Danvers - The Escape Plan @ Airport

Round 2 Result: Won vs Team Indy and Team Romanoff

Finals Match-up: Team Superman vs Team Danvers - All-out War @ Abandoned Amusement Park

Finals Result: Lost vs Team Superman 

TEAM DEADPOOL (Josh Eden)

• The Action Star: Deadpool
• Known from: Deadpool movie franchise
• Notable strengths: Self-awareness, gunplay, practically invincible
• Notable weaknesses: Potty mouth, easily distracted, not someone you can bring home to Mom
• The Evil Genius: John Doe
• Known from: Se7en
• Notable strengths: Highly intelligent, skilled at manipulating law enforcement
• Notable weaknesses: Fundamentally pessimistic and immoral
• The Wild Card: Keyser Soze
• Known from: The Usual Suspects
• Notable strengths: Extremely elusive, keeps identity well-hidden
• Notable weaknesses: May or may not actually exist
• The Specialist: Smart Hulk
• Known from: Avengers: Endgame
• Notable strengths: Superior intelligence, unmatched strength, decent chef
• Notable weaknesses: A bit more passive than his previous, angrier self
• The Idiot: Joey Tribbiani
• Known from: Friends
• Notable strengths: Good friend, ladies man, knowledgeable about any topic that begins with the letter "V"
• Notable weaknesses: Simple-minded, immature, does not share food
• The Sacrificial Lamb: Agatha Trunchbull
• Known from: Matilda
• Notable weaknesses: Heartless, has no friends, can be overcome by large groups of children
• Transportation: Ecto-1
• Known from: Ghostbusters movie franchise

Round 1 Match-up: Team Deadpool vs Team Manhattan - Turf War @ Golden Gate Bridge

Round 1 Result: Lost vs Team Manhattan

TEAM KALADIN (Jesse Maxwell)

• The Action Star: Kaladin Stormblessed
• Known from: The Stormlight Archive book series
• Notable strengths: Natural leader and protector, has a constant desire to help all people, extremely lucky
• Notable weaknesses: Suffers from depression and hopelessness
• The Evil Genius: Professor James Moriarty
• Known from: Sherlock Holmes franchise
• Notable strengths: Genius-level intellect - particularly in math and science, capable of organizing elaborate crimes, decisively ruthless and malicious
• Notable weaknesses: Lacks dexterity, poor physical combat skills, not good with heights
• The Wild Card: Mystique
• Known from: X-Men comics
• Notable strengths: Shape-shifter, accelerated healing
• Notable weaknesses: Cannot mask scent, does not absorb powers/talents when assuming a different appearance
• The Specialist: Chuck Norris
• Known from: Walker Texas Ranger, The Expendables, The Way of the Dragon
• Notable strengths: Martial arts expert, all-around action superstar
• Notable weaknesses: Jokes stopped being funny several years ago
• The Idiot: Sokka
• Known from: Avatar: The Last Airbender
• Notable strengths: Great ability to adapt, reasonably adept in hand-to-hand combat, loyal to friends and allies
• Notable weaknesses: Constantly sarcastic and immature, typically the least skilled member of any group
• The Sacrificial Lamb: Korg
• Known from: Thor: Ragnarok
• Notable weaknesses: Lacks killer instinct, not good at online gaming
• Transportation: The Millennium Falcon
• Known from: Star Wars movie franchise

Round 1 Match-up: Team Kaladin vs Team Superman - Supply Raid @ University Campus/Soccer Stadium
Round 1 Result: Lost vs Team Superman

TEAM SUPERMAN (Austin Christensen)

• The Action Star: Superman
• Known from: DC comics
• Notable strengths: Unparalleled physical strength, superhuman hearing and speed, impeccable morality
• Notable weaknesses: Kryptonite, "whipped" by Lois Lane, hardcore mama's boy
• The Evil Genius: Emperor Palpatine
• Known from: Star Wars movie franchise
• Notable strengths: Highly persuasive, excels at mid-range combat, legendary Force-user
• Notable weaknesses: Hideously ugly, very bad track record in important battles
• The Wild Card: Lanfear (Defected from Team Danvers)
• Known from: The Wheel of Time book series
• Notable strengths: Master of disguise, astonishing beauty, insatiable lust for power, good with animals
• Notable weaknesses: Vastly inflated opinion of self, actively betrays allies
• The Specialist: Bryan Mills
• Known from: Taken movie franchise
• Notable strengths: Expert tracker, crack-shot with firearms, incredible stamina, highly protective of family
• Notable weaknesses: Holds a grudge, likely has serious legal troubles
• The Idiot: Drax
• Known from: Guardians of the Galaxy, Avengers: Infinity War
• Notable strengths: Skilled will daggers/swords, blind rage makes him a very good fighter
• Notable weaknesses: Metaphors, stealth
• The Sacrificial Lamb: Mrs. Peacock
• Known from: Clue (1985)
• Notable weaknesses: Social awareness, bad at keeping secrets, once blackmailed for being "thoroughly un-American"
• Transportation: Total Tank
• Known from: The Santa Clause

Round 1 Match-up: Team Superman vs Team Kaladin - Supply Raid @ University Campus/Soccer Stadium

Round 1 Result: Won vs Team Kaladin

Round 2 Match-up: Team Manhattan vs Team Superman - Strategic Warfare @ Sherwood Forest

Round 2 Result: Won vs Team Manhattan

Finals Match-up: Team Superman vs Team Danvers - All-out War @ Abandoned Amusement Park

Finals Result: Won vs Team Danvers

TEAM MANHATTAN (Cody Christensen)

• The Action Star: Doctor Manhattan
• Known from: Watchmen
• Notable strengths: Immortality, flight, shape and size manipulation, subatomic perception and control, clairvoyance
• Notable weaknesses: Highly unpopular public figure, lacks free will, tachyon fog obscures his view of the immediate past and future
• The Evil Genius: Lex Luthor
• Known from: Justice League animated TV series
• Notable strengths: Level 12 intellect, solved the Anti-Life Equation, good with technology, shrewd businessman with nearly limitless resources
• Notable weaknesses: Egotistical, prone to being double-crossed by partners, terminally ill from Kryptonite poisoning
• The Wild Card: Loki
• Known from: Thor movie franchise, Avengers
• Notable strengths: Master of manipulation and deceit, exceedingly mischievous, astral projection/shape-shifting
• Notable weaknesses: Suffers from intense sibling rivalry and jealousy, often overthinks plans
• The Specialist: Daryl Dixon
• Known from: The Walking Dead
• Notable strengths: Crossbow sharpshooter, proficient in hand-to-hand combat, skilled hunter, some experience in post-apocalyptic government
• Notable weaknesses: Suffers from PTSD, occasionally disappears without telling anyone, not a terrific "people person"
• The Idiot: Nacho Libre
• Known from: Nacho Libre
• Notable strengths: Moderately skilled professional wrestler, somewhat talented musician, has "eagle powers"
• Notable weaknesses: Suffers from delusions of grandeur, has feelings for a nun
• The Sacrificial Lamb: Nancy Pelosi
• Known from: American politics
• Notable weaknesses: State of the Union addresses
• Transportation: The Magic School Bus
• Known from: The Magic School Bus

Round 1 Match-up: Team Manhattan vs Team Deadpool - Turf War @ Golden Gate Bridge

Round 1 Result: Won vs Team Deadpool

Round 2 Match-up: Team Manhattan vs Team Superman - Strategic Warfare @ Sherwood Forest

Round 2 Result: Lost vs Team Superman

TEAM ROMANOFF (Suzzanne Bailey)

• The Action Star: Natasha "Black Widow" Romanoff
• Known from: Avengers movie franchise
• Notable strengths: Espionage, hand-to-hand combat, stealth, constantly changes hairstyle
• Notable weaknesses: Is the least popular person at work, didn't get a stand-alone movie after her character had been killed off
• The Evil Genius: Olivia Octavius
• Known from: Into the Spiderverse
• Notable strengths: Science, metal manipulation, skillfully utilizes four extra, mechanical limbs
• Notable weaknesses: Potential mental instability, needs to start using stronger passwords
• The Wild Card: Jayne Cobb
• Known from: Firefly, Serenity
• Notable strengths: Weapons expert, reliable mercenary, nearly fearless, impressively popular in some regions
• Notable weaknesses: Occasionally deterred by self-imposed honor code, is known to place self-interest above group welfare, wears an ugly hat
• The Specialist: Jonathan Pine
• Known from: The Night Manager
• Notable strengths: War veteran, excels at infiltration, combat expert, decent marksman
• Notable weaknesses: Falls in love with the wrong type of women
• The Idiot: Jar Jar Binks
• Known from: Star Wars movie franchise
• Notable strengths: Quite frequently does good things on accident, harbors decent relationships with political figures
• Notable weaknesses: Infinitely annoying, frequently uses made-up words
• The Sacrificial Lamb: Rocket Raccoon
• Known from: Guardians of the Galaxy, Avengers: Endgame
• Notable weaknesses: Itchy trigger finger, irrational temper
• Transportation: The Serenity
• Known from: Firefly

Round 1 Match-up: Team Romanoff vs Team Danvers - Food and Resource Scavenging @ Shopping Mall/Food Truck Lot
Round 1 Result: Fought Team Danvers to a draw

Round 2 Match-up: Team Romanoff vs Team Indy vs Team Danvers - The Escape Plan @ Airport
Round 2 Result: Lost vs Team Danvers 

TEAM RAMBO (Gayle Christensen)

• The Action Star: Rambo
• Known from: Rambo movie franchise
• Notable strengths: Special Forces soldier, unmatched war-survival skills, firearms expert
• Notable weaknesses: Suffers from PTSD, uses violence to solve problems, often acts recklessly and disregards orders
• The Evil Genius: Megatron
• Known from: Transformers franchise
• Notable strengths: Believes in victory by conquest, will attempt anything to achieve goals, skilled with power weapons, frequently resorts to the use of a disguise
• Notable weaknesses: Often feared by subordinates, arrogant yet cowardly, plans lack subtlety
• The Wild Card: Dr. Arliss Loveless
• Known from: Wild Wild West
• Notable strengths: Former soldier, charismatic political leader, knowledgeable in war strategy and tactics, throws lavish parties
• Notable weaknesses: Amputee, permanently confined to a steam-powered wheelchair, wanted for many crimes, often betrays those who trust him
• The Specialist: Q
• Known from: James Bond movie franchise
• Notable strengths: Gadgetry, science, technology
• Notable weaknesses: Old age, prefers to stay in the lab
• The Idiot: Barney Rubble
• Known from: The Flintstones
• Notable strengths: Loyal husband/father, hard-working employee, decent bowler
• Notable weaknesses: Easily pushed around by others, limited physical capability
• The Sacrificial Lamb: Elizabeth Warren
• Known from: American politics
• Notable weaknesses: Other politicians
• Transportation: The Oscar Meyer Weinermobile
• Known from: American pop culture

Round 1 Match-up: Team Rambo vs Team Indy - Save a Dying Teammate @ Frozen Lake
Round 1 Result: Lost vs Team Indy

***

LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE!!!

Round 1 Results

Round 2 Results

Finals Results

Why, Randy? Why? - Monday Night RAW in Salt Lake City! - 02/03/20

I'm constantly getting emails from Ticketmaster with subjects like "Pre-order Disney On Ice Tickets Now!" I delete them immediately without thinking twice about it. But a couple months ago, when they sent me an email that announced that WWE Monday Night RAW was coming to Salt Lake City, I just couldn't help myself. I booked three tickets for my brother, my wife and myself without thinking twice.

I'd been to a couple WWE "house shows" in the past. Three times, I think. But I'd never been in attendance for a show that was going to be broadcast on live television. I was going, gosh dang it, and I was going to get on TV.

Flash forward several weeks. The date is January 26, 2020. The Royal Rumble. Rumors had been swirling around the Internet that WWE legend Edge would be coming out of retirement. Lo, and behold: there he was, coming into the Men's Royal Rumble at Number 21. You see, Edge had been forced to retire due to medical concerns in 2011, but after fighting his way back to health, he is now cleared for competition. It's a pretty amazing story, honestly.

Throughout his time in the Royal Rumble match, Edge teamed up with Randy Orton, who was one of Edge's old friends from back in the day. To make a long story short (too late), Edge got the best of Orton by unsuspectingly tossing the Viper over the ropes to eliminate his former ally in this match, which is, admittedly, "every man for himself." Part of the game.

The following night on Monday Night RAW, Edge came out to talk to the audience about his recovery and his triumphant return to the squared circle. Orton came out to congratulate Edge and reminisce about their glory days as a tag team. Suddenly (as he is infamously prone to do), Orton turned on Edge, hitting him with his signature RKO and unleashing a violent attack with a pair of steel chairs. RAW went off the air with the WWE Universe stunned by the heinous act.

The stage was set for RAW in Salt Lake City the following Monday.

Arriving at the arena

There was a really nasty snowstorm in Utah on Monday. Schools closed down. People had difficulty making it in to work. There were hundreds of auto accidents on the roads and freeways. It was bad. But the show must go on! Miranda, Cody and I made sure to leave with plenty of time to get downtown. Thankfully, the weather wasn't too bad and the roads were fine. We arrived at Vivint Smart Home Arena about 45 minutes before the wrestling was going to start - half an hour before RAW went live on USA Network.

While we waited, we took a few pictures of the set-up, including the traditional "Point at the Wrestlemania Sign" picture, which was fun. We also made sure to have our wrestling sign on hand, ready to go once the show went on the air.

It wasn't the funniest sign, it wasn't the most clever sign, but it was a sign that I thought had the best chance of getting us some screen time. It was the question of the week:

"Why, Randy? Why?"

"Main Event" and the RAW preview during "Modern Family"

To get the crowd warmed up, WWE taped two matches for one of their lesser-known programs, "Main Event." We watched as "The O.C." (Karl Anderson and Luke Gallows) easily put down Zack Ryder and Curt Hawkins, then Cedric Alexander defeated Shelton Benjamin. Decent matches in their own right. Just a taste of what was to come.

At one point, the ring announcer let us know that USA would be going live in 30 seconds to show the crowd as a preview for that night's RAW. Of course, this got everybody amped up. Gotta look good for the cameras!

I held our sign high above my head. Then I got nervous. I could see that there was a camera guy aiming right at me. I said, "Guys... We're going to be on TV."

The show went live. I could see in my peripheral vision that we were on the big screen. Here's what "Modern Family" viewers at home saw:

"Why, Randy? Why? We need to know!" Beautiful.

Randy Orton Addresses His Attack on Edge

Monday Night RAW kicked off with Randy Orton coming to the ring to explain why he attacked Edge last week. "I HEAR VOICES IN MY HEAD! THEY TALK TO ME, THEY UNDERSTAND, THEY TALK TO ME!"

Randy had arrived, and I knew this was my best chance of getting on TV for the entire night. I saw the camera man get into position. Showtime.

Once Randy got to the ring, we wouldn't let him get a word in. It was glorious. Of course, this is exactly how Randy wanted it. It was terrific TV, and you'll find a bunch of tweets and podcasts agreeing with that statement. It solidified Randy's new role as the vile villain and made the crowd look ridiculously rowdy. Every time Randy brought the microphone to his lips, we'd boo him even more loudly. Take a look at this clip:

If you look closely at around the :23 mark, you can see me holding up my sign in the background.

Randy left the ring without offering any type of explanation. It was a really solid way to start off the show and to keep some serious heat on Orton as the bad guy in this storyline.

Grade: A

Liv Morgan def. Lana, Ruby Riott returns

People stopped caring about the Rusev/Lashley, Liv/Lana rivalry like three weeks ago, and the match in Salt Lake City ended in an almost identical manner to the match last week, so this segment didn't move the needle much. Liv wins via pinfall.

When the match came to an end, the familiar music of Morgan's old ally, Ruby Riott, hit. Riott had been out of action for nine months, getting double shoulder surgery, but it looks like she is back and ready to compete. She came down to the ring, to a nice ovation from the crowd (including chants of "Ru-by!"), and greeted her former tag team member. But it wasn't long before Riott swerved and laid out Liv with a series of brutal blows. For good measure, Lana hit her finisher, leaving Liv lifeless in the middle of the ring.

Grade: C

Drew McIntyre def. 24/7 Champion Mojo Rawley w/ Riddick Moss

It's been a great couple of weeks for Royal Rumble winner Drew McIntyre. By eliminating Brock Lesnar at the Pay-Per-View, McIntyre instantly became a hero to the WWE Universe. The Salt Lake City crowd loved seeing the self-proclaimed "Sexy Scotsman," showering him with chants of "Drew! Drew! Drew!"

McIntyre told the current 24/7 Champion Mojo Rawley from the get-go that he'd Claymore his head off three seconds after he put down his microphone, and that prediction came true. He made quick work of Rawley, much to the delight of those in attendance. It was a quick match, but a nice way of making Drew look good and a fun opportunity for the fans to get behind McIntyre on his road to Wrestlemania.

Grade: B+

Buddy Murphy & AOP def. Kevin Owens & the Viking Raiders (6-man Elimination Tag match)

Elimination Tag matches are the best. When one competitor is pinned or submits, they have to go back to the locker room, and the match continues. I have not ever particularly been a fan of the Viking Raiders, but they were a lot of fun to watch live - especially the 300-pound Ivar's acrobatic cartwheels and dives. It was that same athleticism that cost the big man his spot in the match, however. A flying splash went awry and Ivar collided with the LED board on the far side of the ring, causing him to be medically removed from the match. Some dirty teamwork from the "Monday Night Messiah" Seth Rollins on the outside of the ring led to the elimination of Erik, leaving Kevin Owens to fend for himself, three-on-one.

Owens struggled to make any headway in the match, as any momentum was quickly nullified by his being outnumbered by Monday night's top heels. KO got a bit of daylight and managed to eliminate Murphy with a Pop-Up Powerbomb and Akam with a Stunner. The crowd was in a frenzy as Owens pummeled AOP's Rezar, but just when it looked like Owens might pull off the most improbable of upsets, a slight distraction from Rollins gave Rezar the space he needed. After two massive chokeslams, Rezar picked up the 1-2-3. Miranda and I could be seen in the background giving two definitive thumbs down.

After Rollins and his crew cleared the ring and made their way back up the ramp, the crowd gave Owens a well-deserved standing ovation for his efforts.

Grade: A

Aleister Black def. Eric Young

Last week, Aleister Black promised to take the fight to the RAW locker room instead of waiting for someone to pick... a fight... with him... He didn't waste any time in messing around with Eric Young, who was bleeding from the mouth early in the match. One Black Mass kick to the head later, Black picked up the pinfall victory.

After the match, Black took the mic and cut a promo about being whatever he wants to be. He uses a lot of metaphors and figurative speech, so I am not sure I really even know what he was talking about, but he is a man of mystery and so it shall be henceforth.

Grade: C

Angel Garza debuts, attacks Humberto Carrillo

Hot on the heels of DDTing Andrade's head into concrete, Humberto Carillo looked to make a statement in Salt Lake City. He was greeted by Andrade's manager, Zelina Vega, who has a new client - Angel Garza, who is Carillo's real-life cousin. This was Garza's main-roster debut, and should have been a big deal, but I'm not sure most of the crowd had any idea who he was, so it fell a little flat, in my opinion.

Vega hyped up Garza as the best up-and-coming Latino talent in WWE, but the crowd wasn't having it. The crowd mocked Vega and Garza with constant "WHAT?" chants as they belittled Carrillo. Ultimately, Carrillo snatched the microphone from Garza (to which the crowd erupted into "Si! Si! Si!" chants), before being slapped in the face by Vega and jumped by Garza.

When Garza peeled back the padding at ringside in an effort to duplicate Carrillo's attack on Andrade from the week prior, the living legend Rey Mysterio came to the rescue. The crowd went nuts, and "6-1-9" cheers rang out through the arena as the show went to a commercial break. In my estimation, Mysterio's entrance got the loudest cheers of the night.

Grade: C+

Rey Mysterio def. Angel Garza via DQ

After a commercial break, the ref started a match between Mysterio and Garza, a showcase of the tremendous lucha libre tradition of professional wrestling and the future of the Cruiserweight division in WWE. The action was fast and furious, and a short time later, Garza was begging for a time-out, asking Mysterio to shake his hand. Mysterio declined that offer, and Garza countered by ripping off his tear-away pants and throwing them in Rey's face (one of his signature taunts, believe it or not). Garza came off as a decent heel, resorting to various underhanded tactics, event (unsuccessfully) attempting to rip Mysterio's mask off at one point - the ultimate sign of disrespect.

Garza looks to be a promising young talent, but it cannot be understated how good Rey looked in person. As far as I can recall, Rey Mysterio Jr. was the second professional wrestler that I ever saw on TV (the first being - WOOOOO - the Nature Boy Ric Flair). Here we are, probably 25 years later, and Mysterio looks like he's hardly lost a beat.

In the end, a gorgeous middle-rope flip to the outside put Mysterio ringside. A distraction by Vega allowed Garza to land a nasty kick and nail Mysterio with a head-first Hammer-lock DDT on the exposed cement, ending the match in a disqualification.

Grade: B

Charlotte Flair is confronted by NXT Women's Champion Rhea Ripley

The winner of the Men's and Women's Royal Rumble is guaranteed a championship match at Wrestlemania in April. While it only took McIntyre 24 hours to announce that he was going to challenge Brock Lesnar for the WWE Championship, Women's Royal Rumble winner Charlotte Flair has yet to make up her mind. "The Queen" came to the ring, touting he championship pedigree; she has held a women's championship belt 10 times in WWE. She's beaten the RAW Women's Champion Becky Lynch. She's beaten SmackDown! Women's Champion Bayley. Cue the music of NXT Women's Champion Rhea Ripley, who pinned Charlotte at Survivor Series in November. Charlotte didn't have time for that conversation on Monday night - but she will answer Ripley's challenge on this week's episode of NXT.

Grade: B

Asuka w/ Kairi Sane def. Natalya

The Kabuki Warriors are hilarious. The fact that neither of them are very good at English just makes them funnier to me. I love them. Asuka got a pretty good reaction from the crowd. Natalya doesn't strike me as having been popular with crowds any time in the past five years. Maybe more. But there is no denying that she is the consummate veteran of WWE's women's division and will certainly be a Hall of Famer one day.

I need to explain something here. I realized, about an hour and 20 minutes into this show, that loudly cheering, booing and WOOOOO-ing for long periods of time is exhausting, and it's bad for your throat. It was clear to me that the crowd was very quiet during some stretches of this match. It's not to say that these women are not supremely talented, it's just tough to maintain the level of energy we started the show with for four straight hours.

We had noticed that Natalya was pretty irritated at something during the match. Upon re-watching the show on Tuesday night, it appears that Asuka may have landed a couple hits and kicks that shouldn't have connected. At one point, Natty swears at Asuka and yells, "You want to shoot with me?" That's wrestle-speak for "You want to fight for real?" At one point, Asuka legitimately kicks Natalya square in the face, resulting in a shiner under the right eye. Just a brutal fight, from start to finish. After breaking free from a Sharpshooter, Asuka took advantage of a distraction from Kairi Sane and snapped on the Asuka Lock, causing Natalya to tap out.

Grade: B

Asuka calls out Becky Lynch

Immediately following her submission victory over Natalya, Asuka began screaming in Japanese and broken English for Becky Lynch. Lynch defeated Asuka at the Royal Rumble, but Asuka demanded a rematch, which "The Man" gladly accepted before avoiding a sneak attack by Sane and donning her "Just Deal With It" shades and making her way back up the ramp.

Despite opinions held by myself and WWE commentator Corey Graves, among others, that Becky Lynch's popularity is beginning to fade, you wouldn't have been able to tell by the reaction Becky got from the Salt Lake City crowd. The people still love her. Becky will defend her title against Asuka on next week's edition of Monday Night RAW.

Grade: B+

Ricochet def. Bobby Lashley and Seth Rollins to become the #1 Contender for the WWE Championship

Before the match, Rollins cut a promo to talk about how the WWE Universe has turned on him over the course of the past year. A year ago, the fans rejoiced as he beat Brock Lesnar for the WWE Championship. Now, the fans mercilessly boo the prospect of Rollins getting another title shot. If you look closely, you can tell that something else has grabbed the fans' attention before Rollins stops talking. Folks in the industry would say that the crowed "popped" for something off-screen.

The truth is that we saw the high-flying Ricochet taking his spot on the entrance ramp, preparing to be introduced. The third, least popular combatant in the match was "The All Mighty" Bobby Lashley, who is by all accounts a mountain of a man; the dude is jacked. But I'm not sure that anybody actually thought he had any shot at winning this match.

The main event was a nice blend of agility, technical prowess, speed and sheer force, and watching the contrasting styles of the three men was a lot of fun. With the match being contested under triple-threat rules, it meant that the match could not end in a count-out or disqualification, opening the door for the inevitable interference from Murphy and the Authors of Pain. Rollins' lackeys joined in on the action, leveling Lashley and Ricochet with no remorse. Moments later, Kevin Owens' music hit and KO and the Viking Raiders, still peeved over their loss earlier in the evening, came to even the odds. Owens and Erik pummeled the AOP with steel chairs. The brawl spilled into the crowd, through a tunnel just below our seats.

Lashley briefly took control with a flurry of shoulder blocks, spine busters and suplexes. Ricochet unleashed a variety of quick kicks and strikes. Rollins got some offense in, with a few attempted pinfalls and a turnbuckle bomb to Ricochet. In the highest spot of the match, Lashley hit a gigantic double suplex from the top turnbuckle. The crowd burst into "This is awe-some!" chants - a staple of WWE programming. Soon thereafter, Ricochet launched into his 450 Splash from the corner, hitting Lashley and covering him for a pinfall victory! Ricochet is the new Number 1 contender for the WWE Championship. This means he'll face Brock Lesnar at the company's next Pay-Per-View in the next few weeks.

Ricochet's joy was short-lived, however, as we saw a huge figure absolutely booking it down the entrance ramp. It was Brock Lesnar! The Beast, followed by his advocate, Paul Heyman. Lesnar slid into the ring and tossed Ricochet like a rag doll with his patented F-5 suplex as the show went off the air.

Grade: A

Seth Rollins confronts Ricochet

After the show went off the air and the ring finally cleared, Rollins got back on the mic, congratulating Ricochet on his victory. He asked for a handshake as a sign of good will, but the crowd wasn't buying it. Rollins asked the audience if they were accusing him of being a liar, to which many fans responded in sing-song: "You're a liar!" As the two wrestlers went in for the handshake, Ricochet noticed that Rollins' motives were not genuine and was a step ahead when the so-called "Messiah" attempted to blindside the new Number 1 Contender. Ricochet laid out Rollins in the middle of the ring, much to the elation of the fans who hadn't yet made their way to the exit, putting a wonderful cap on a heck of a show and sending the WWE Universe home happy.

My recap / Their recap:

So there you have it! Overall, we had a really good time. four hours is a long time to sit in a seat, screaming your lungs out, but WWE always puts on a good show, and I think that the audience had a great time. We re-watched the whole episode on Tuesday night and had a fun time looking for ourselves in the background and watching the stuff that we didn't catch in person. If you've never given live pro wrestling a shot, give it a chance sometime. You might actually enjoy yourself!
If this wasn't enough for you, take a look at the top 10 moments from RAW, as selected by WWE's social media team in this five-minute video:

Did you catch the show? Did you see me LIVE on TV?? Do you hate professional wrestling? Let me know in the comments below. As always, you can follow me on Twitter (@atownmania and @sottunderground) or look me up on Facebook, if you really want.
And that's the bottom line...