I've been a subscriber to Major League Baseball's streaming service, MLB.TV, for a few years now. This means that I pay a yearly fee to be able to watch most regular season baseball games whenever I want. Generally, I find this to be a pretty good value because baseball is an easy sport to throw on the ol' iPad and semi-watch in the background while I do other stuff like chores or play video games. Over the past few seasons, I've been able to watch a lot of baseball, and I love it!
During the 2018 season, curiosity got the best of me and I decided to keep track of every single game that I watched on the app, which teams played, which team's broadcast I tuned into and who won and lost each game. This, I thought, would be a good way to determine whether subscribing to MLB.TV is a good value for the price I pay.
Soooooo I've got some stats for you, but I must first lay down a quick disclaimer:
Last year was probably not the best season for me to keep track of these stats. I didn't watch as much as I have in past years, largely due to the fact that I pretty much put my social life on hold for a couple months last summer to binge-watch "LOST." You see, I had been asked to be a participant in a LOST panel at FanX Salt Lake Comic Convention, so I figured I'd study up and do my homework to ensure that I gave the fans what they wanted. I watched the whole thing, took tons of notes and wrote a bunch of blogs - only to learn that the panel had been scrapped without my knowledge!! Long story short (too late!), I sacrificed a lot of baseball-watching in favor of another run through my favorite TV show, but all for naught. Good times. With that in mind, the number of games I watched during the 2018 season was likely far below what I averaged in past seasons.
On top of that, last season just wasn't a good one for most of the teams I like watching. The Texas Rangers were terrible, the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim were about average, and other teams like the Washington Nationals and Seattle Mariners were pedestrian, at best. Typically, that doesn't get me very enthused to sit down and watch my favorite teams lose regularly.
But with no further ado, here are the meaningless stats I compiled:
Total Games Watched and Amount Paid Per Game:
Among the 30 teams in the league, there are a total of 4,860 games in an entire season.
Due to ridiculous blackout restrictions, I cannot watch any Colorado Rockies or Arizona Diamondbacks games, which makes no sense because there are no professional teams within eight hours of Salt Lake City; it's not like I'm hurting ticket sales.
Most nationally televised games (Fox, ESPN, etc.) are also restricted and therefore unviewable on the app.
The 2018 MLB season ran from March 29, 2018 - October 1, 2018. That's 186 days. Realistically, I could only watch about one or two games every day, assuming there are games every single day (which there aren't).
Assuming I were crazy enough to watch all or part of two baseball games every day for 186 days, that would be a total of 372 possible games. In order to account for unwatchable Rockies and Diamondbacks games (and games played by any other team against Colorado or Arizona), as well as nationally televised games, I will subtract 5% (19 games) from the realistic maximum, bringing the amount of games I plausibly could have watched, if that's all I ever did, to about 353 games.
I kept track of 42 games that I watched in the 2018 season, either partially or from start to finish.
This all means that I only watched about 11% of the games that I realistically had access to.
Based on the dollar amount I paid per year, divided by the number of games I watched, I figure that I paid about $2.85 per game watched.
Win-Loss Records for Teams Whose Broadcast I Watched:
In almost every case, watching a game on MLB.TV allows the viewer to choose which broadcast they tune into. Here are the win-loss records for teams whose broadcast I chose:
St. Louis Cardinals: 2-0 (1.000)
Chicago Cubs: 1-0 (1.000)
Kansas City Royals: 1-0 (1.000)
Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim: 6-2 (0.750)
Los Angeles Dodgers: 3-2 (0.600)
Atlanta Braves: 1-1 (0.500)
Texas Rangers: 8-9 (0.470)
Washington Nationals: 1-2 (0.333)
San Diego Padres: 0-2 (0.000)
Seattle Mariners: 0-2 (0.000)
Overall Win-Loss Records for Every Team I Watched, Regardless of Broadcast:
Boston Red Sox: 2-0 (1.000)
St Louis Cardinals: 2-0 (1.000)
Tampa Bay Rays: 2-0 (1.000)
Kansas City Royals: 1-0 (1.000)
Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim: 6-2 (0.750)
San Francisco Giants: 3-1 (0.750)
Los Angeles Dodgers: 4-2 (0.666)
Atlanta Braves: 2-1 (0.666)
Houston Astros: 1-1 (0.500)
Milwaukee Brewers: 1-1 (0.500)
Texas Rangers: 8-9 (0.470)
Oakland A's: 3-4 (0.420)
Seattle Mariners: 2-4 (0.333)
Baltimore Orioles: 1-2 (0.333)
Chicago Cubs: 1-2 (0.333)
Philadelphia Phillies: 1-2 (0.333)
Washington Nationals: 1-2 (0.333)
San Diego Padres: 1-3 (0.250)
Detroit Tigers: 0-1 (0.000)
Minnesota Twins: 0-1 (0.000)
Cincinnati Reds: 0-2 (0.000)
New York Yankees: 0-2 (0.000)
The Hateful Eight:
Here are the eight teams that I didn't (*or couldn't) take time to watch a single time last year:
Arizona Diamondbacks*
Chicago White Sox
Cleveland Indians
Colorado Rockies*
Miami Marlins
New York Mets
Pittsburgh Pirates
Toronto Blue Jays
Other Fun Facts About Games I Watched:
I watched a Dodgers/Giants game that my brother Austin attended. It went deep into extra innings, Austin had to leave before it ended and the Dodgers lost, thanks to a monster game from Andrew McCutchen.
I watched as Albert Pujols got his 3,000th hit. The Angels beat the Mariners on the road.
I watched the Angels/A's game that my parents attended in Anaheim, as well. The Angels won and eventual Rookie of the Year Shohei Ohtani had a nice outing.
For the Record:
I went out to Dodger Stadium last season with my brother Austin. The Dodgers lost to the pitiful Padres, although that statistic is not reflected in the standings listed in this blog. Good times. Also, despite being essentially a regular hot dog, the Dodger Dog lived up to the hype and was mighty delicious.
So there you go. Them's the stats. Do with them as you please. Perhaps I'll keep track again in the 2019-20 season. Perhaps I won't. But at least now I can die in peace, knowing that all this pointless information is stored digitally online.
It's that time again - time for me to release another Valentine's Day playlist. But of course, this is not your standard lovey-dovey crap. No, no. This is an updated twist on the standard A-Town Playlist. I've taken the Valentine's Day playlist I made back in 2017 and done a couple things to it:
I've tinkered with the order a bit to lend a slightly different experience than in 2017.
I've swapped out 11 of the tracks for newer ones, including the likes of Cold War Kids, Elvis Presley, The Strumbellas, Ed Sheeran, Elton John, Selena Gomez, Justin Bieber and more!
With no further ado, I present this year's playlist, full of songs that talk about love or have "love" in the title... with a few slower songs mixed in there for all the couples out there... and tied up with a lovely rock-and-roll ribbon.
For those of you who either don't have Spotify or, for whatever reason, can't see the embedded playlist above, here is the full list of songs, with new additions to the playlist in italics:
Somebody to Love - Queen
All You Need Is Love - The Beatles
The Power of Love - Huey Lewis & the News
This Love - Maroon 5
Everybody Loves You Now - Billy Joel
Love Today - MIKA
It's Love - Chris Knox
Separate Ways (Worlds Apart) - Journey
You Can't Hurry Love - Phil Collins
Accidentally in Love - Counting Crows
Your Love - The Outfield
Whole Lotta Love - Led Zeppelin
An Old Fashioned Love Song - Three Dog Night
Love Shack - The B-52's
Pride (In the Name of Love) - U2
Love is Mystical - Cold War Kids
Interstate Love Song - Stone Temple Pilots
Electric Love - Børns
Love Drunk - Boys Like Girls
Love Runs Out - OneRepublic
Oh Love - Green Day
What You Call Love - Guster
What About Love - Heart
I'd Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That) - Meat Loaf
Gimme All Your Lovin' - ZZ Top
Love You Like a Love Song - Selena Gomez & The Scene
Wouldn't It Be Nice - The Beach Boys
She Drives Me Crazy - Fine Young Cannibals
Why Can't This Be Love - Van Halen
Let My Love Open the Door - Pete Townshend
Salvation - The Strumbellas
Big Love (Live) - Fleetwood Mac
I Want to Know What Love Is - Foreigner
Kiss From a Rose - Seal
Perfect - Ed Sheeran
Fall For You - Secondhand Serenade
More Than Words - Extreme
Can't Help Falling in Love - Elvis Presley
I Choose You - Sara Bareilles
Love Yourself - Justin Bieber
All of Me - John Legend
This Town - Niall Horan
Hard to Say I'm Sorry / Get Away - Chicago
You Give Love a Bad Name - Bon Jovi
It Must Have Been Love - Roxette
Don't Go Breaking My Heart - Elton John & Kiki Dee
Don't Tell Me You Love Me - Night Ranger
Tainted Love - Soft Cell
I Need a Lover - John Mellencamp
Long Train Runnin' - The Doobie Brothers
Perhaps these tunes will add a little levity, excitement and/or enjoyment to your day, whether listening at work, with a loved one or whilst crying alone in your bedroom as everyone else makes out. If you've got a song you'd like to see included in a future A-Town Playlist, let us know in the comments section below.
I've spent the greater part of the past five or six years attending or working for a comic convention. I have had so many incredible experiences with that stuff, and I truly am grateful and absolutely lucky to have been a part of it all. If I were to speak about one negative aspect of my involvement in that community, it would be that I've come to find out that some people let their fandom get the best of their brain and capacity for logical, reasonable, grounded thought. Simply put, some fans are idiots.
Look at what fans have done to the Star Wars franchise. "Episode VII" was too similar to "A New Hope." Disney switched things up for "Episode VIII" and fans were outraged that the movie felt too different. I remember staying up way too late the night after I saw "The Last Jedi," just for the sake of checking out the online comments sections. Fans of the franchise have created change.org petitions to have "TLJ" stricken from Star Wars canon and cyber-bullied directors and actors to the extent of convincing them to abandon their social media accounts altogether.
I forgot how ridiculous some of this stuff was. It's truly spectacular.
The other major offender such fandom felonies is, without a doubt, the Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU). Don't get me wrong - I love Marvel movies. But to swear by one particular brand of the superhero genre as if every movie made by the rival studio is trash would be silly.
I have met many such fans, who believe that everything made by Marvel a masterpiece and anything coming from DC is a dumpster fire. (Note: Critics are equally guilty of this, if not even more so.) I have a couple co-workers who refuse to see "Aquaman," simply because it isn't Marvel. They have even turned me down when I ask whether they would go see DC's hottest new commodity should a friend pay for their ticket. Look, if they had gone and seen the movie and didn't like it, that's fine; I have no problem with that. But I don't understand why they are so violently opposed to going to a movie that they haven't even given the time of day. I'm sure my curiosity annoys them to no end, but I have yet to receive a valid response to the question, "Why?"
In the spirit of full transparency, I have seen "Aquaman" twice now, and I'd like to offer my thoughts about A) why it is a good movie and B) why no one should immediately dismiss it as garbage without seeing it.
"Aquaman" showed me something new
As a fan of comicbook-to-film adaptations for as long as I can remember, even I can admit that the genre is getting a bit tired. I even experienced a bit of "Marvel fatigue" after "Black Panther" (which was undoubtedly dispelled after seeing "Infinity War," which was tremendous). There is no sign that superhero blockbusters will slow down any time soon, so it is what it is, but I was pleasantly surprised with a lot of the stuff I saw in "Aquaman."
I enjoyed "Justice League," but I admit that it wasn't a great way to introduce three new heroes (Aquaman, Flash and Cyborg). Bruce Wayne tracks down Arthur Curry in some frostbitten corner of the globe, Arthur subsequently disappears for a good chunk of the movie, and he re-emerges to help the Justice League take down Steppenwolf. I thought Aquaman seemed like a cool character, but I just didn't really learn a whole lot about him. "Aquaman" gives us a proper introduction, showing us more about Arthur's character, including his childhood and inevitable acceptance of his heroic role. I feel much more connected to the self-proclaimed "Fish Man" now than I did beforehand.
Although we got a quick peek at the existence of an underwater society in "Justice League," we only saw a brief glimpse at what might be going on down there. "Aquaman" takes a literal deep dive into the Lost City of Atlantis, teaching us about its history and culture. The scenes where Arthur (and the audience) are introduced to the vibrant colors and jaw-dropping visuals of Atlantis are, arguably, the best scenes of the entire movie. Oh yeah, that scene heading down into The Trench was outstanding, as well.
As the film accustoms the audience to what life might be like under the ocean, we get some truly awesome stuff: really cool-looking ships, new weapons, incredible armor and PEOPLE RIDING SHARKS. And seahorses. And whales. The CGI is (almost without exception) pretty strong. Watching the characters' hair flow in the water is fascinating. As if that stuff wasn't enough, we get underwater fighting! I had heard that early reviews of "Aquaman" called it "underwater MMA," and that turned out to be pretty accurate. I can't remember ever seeing something like that in a movie theater. The gladiatorial bout between Arthur and Orm was a blast - much better than the trailers made it look - and the final battle is a flat-out special effects bonanza. If you can't have a good time with this movie - even the silly banter between Arthur and Mera (Saraha scene, I'm looking at you), I don't know what to tell you.
IMAX - a price worth paying
According to the way Warner Brothers was hyping it the movie, "Aquaman" viewers get "26% more screen" by seeing the show in IMAX, as opposed to a standard theater. Furthermore, I just learned that 90% of the movie was optimized for IMAX, as opposed to, say, "Mission: Impossible - Fallout," which I loved, but which I also knew only filmed the helicopter scene in IMAX; the rest of the movie was shot in standard definition.
I saw "Aquaman" in IMAX both times and I don't regret it at all. It's not the first time I've paid to see a movie in 70 mm, but it may be the most memorable experience I've had. I really enjoyed it. I would definitely recommend going with IMAX if you're on the fence about which format to choose. There is so much to see - particularly during those Atlantis scenes - that I think that having the biggest possible screen is the only way to go.
Introducing: Black Manta
Overall, I can't argue that the MCU is generously ahead of the DC Extended Universe right now, but I can contend that DC has a leg up in a couple areas: TV shows and big-screen bad guys. There are a couple Marvel villains that have ended up being really good (Loki and Thanos, primarily), but I'd say that, more often than not, the MCU misses on giving us truly interesting, memorable antagonists. In fact, one of the Marvel villains I remember the most was the Mandarin from Iron Man 3, but that's only because of how terribly Marvel botched that one.
Although I felt like they made Black Manta a little too empathetic in the beginning of "Aquaman," he is certainly one of the coolest-looking supervillains I've seen on-screen in a long time, regardless of the studio. Plus, that water-powered gun? Hoooooo boy, that was nice. While DC continues to figure out what it's doing with the Justice League (as speculation continues to swirl regarding the contracts of Henry Cavill and Ben Affleck), they appear to be setting Black Manta up as a recurring character for the foreseeable future.
The face of the future
The number one gripe about the DCEU is that it has been too dark, especially in contrast to Marvel's flashy style and (at times, overwhelming) sense of humor. Christopher Nolan's "Dark Knight" trilogy, although unrelated to the current batch of films, really set the tone for the DCEU, so we got a dark Superman movie in "Man of Steel" (did anybody really want Angry Superman?), followed by the much-maligned "Batman v Superman." We eventually got "Suicide Squad," which was basically a poorly received response to Marvel's "Guardians of the Galaxy." DC righted the ship in 2017 with the critically acclaimed "Wonder Woman" origin story, which gave audiences an uncharacteristic glimpse of hope in their dismal world.
"Aquaman" continues the trend of a lighter, more humorous tone for DC movies. One particular scene set in a biker bar (you know the one) had me laughing out loud. Arthur is "a bro" in many ways, and watching him reluctantly accept the mantle of leadership as a proverbial bridge between worlds was delightful. It may have been a rocky road to get to this point, but fans can feel confident that, for now, the Justice League is in good hands with Diana Prince and Arthur Curry.
Conclusion
If you're undecided about seeing "Aquaman" - or if you're a DC hater and have sworn off the DCEU completely - I ask you what I've asked my co-workers time and time again: "Why?"
For the Marvel superfans and the DC haters: To you, I would say a couple things. Not everything that Marvel touches turns to gold. Look at all those Netflix series that just got cancelled. Look at that show "Inhumans" that barely lasted a season. The "Thor" and "Iron Man" movies are anything but bulletproof. Get off your high horse and realize this: YOU CAN LIKE BOTH. It is totally fine to enjoy Marvel and DC movies. There is nothing wrong with that at all. If you lost faith in DC after that 1995 travesty known as "Batman Forever," like one of my co-workers did, know this: this is not "Batman Forever." I puked up pizza 25 years ago, but that isn't going to stop me from eating it now. This is a different age of filmmaking and, thankfully, you can raise the bar on your expectations quite a bit at this point. Give "Aquaman" a shot. And, while you're at it, go back and watch "Wonder Woman," because that was a pretty great movie, too. But, after all of this, if you, like that same co-worker, will absolutely not go see this movie under any circumstances go see "Aquaman" or any other DC property, lighten up and stop being such a brat.
For the rest of you: If you simply just don't know which movie you should check out this weekend, I'd definitely recommend "Aquaman," even for people who haven't fallen in love with superheroes. It's fun and doesn't require any prior knowledge of other DC movies. It's a good-looking movie and it will introduce you to some concepts that have never been this well-executed. It's a good movie for the family. Thirteen and up should do it, but there is nothing terribly objectionable and there isn't a particular demographic that would be inherently opposed to anything you'll see. And finally, it's just a good time. Sure, some "suspension of disbelief" is necessary, but if you've got an open mind and are looking to have some fun, this is the perfect movie for you.
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Have you seen Aquaman? If so, what did you think? If you haven't seen it yet, what are your reservations? Let us know in the comments below.
It's now a tradition - the year-end A-Town Playlist! 2018 marks the first year in which I seriously used the Spotify app to listen to music (and many, many podcasts) akt work, so I thought it would be fitting to compile 50 of my top songs from the past 12 months.
Although the playlist does contain some new songs that were released this year, it is largely comprised of my most frequently played Spotify tracks, including a few of my favorite bands, some classic hits and some tunes that I discovered along the way.
While you're listening, check out a few highlights:
I started the list with five songs that I constantly had on repeat, like the outrageous "Paradise by the Dashboard Light" by Meat Loaf (who I met at FanX this fall), "Africa" by Weezer (which I decided I like more than the original by Toto) and Panic! at the Disco's catchy "Say Amen (Saturday Night)."
Two of the first songs I listened to on Spotify this year, believe it or not, were "Meant to Be" by Bebe Rexha and Florida Georgia Line, and "Havana" by Camila Cabello. I don't know.
Summer 2018 was full of concerts for me; I saw REO Speedwagon/Chicago, the Pixies/Weezer and Dierks Bentley (my first country concert!) - and my playlist has been organized accordingly. One section is dedicated to great songs by each of those bands!
It was also fun to see that I have spent more than 24 hours listening to my favorite band, Weezer, this year. Thanks for the fun fact, Spotify!
Of course, what would this summer have been without adding a number from the "LOST" soundtrack? As you may recall, I spent weeks and weeks binge-watching my favorite TV show, taking extensive notes and writing a bunch of blogs, only to find out that the Comic Con panel I was scheduled to be a part of had been cancelled without my knowledge. Disappointing, to say the least.
I went through a phase where I was listening to a bunch of cover songs. I've got that stint represented by The Struts' take on "Ballroom Blitz" and Bad Wolves' cover of "Zombie."
There was a point in time this year when I realized that I didn't have Billy Joel's classic "Scenes From an Italian Restaurant" in my iTunes. I quickly added it and listened to it a dozen or more times on Spotify. #NeverForget
Speaking of Billy Joel, my first concert of my entire life was Billy Joel and Elton John. I'm not sure I appreciated the magnitude of that show as much as I should have, so I went to see Billy last November. When I heard that Elton John is embarking on his final tour in 2019, I had to buckle down and get tickets. I've commemorated that occasion with a song by the Rocket Man, himself. I'll be seeing him live for the last time next September.
I was reminded how great The Beach Boys' "Wouldn't It Be Nice?" is as I played the much-maligned video game "Fallout 76," which features that song on its in-game radio.
Without a doubt, my most iconic fashion statement of 2018 was the glorious two or three weeks in which I sported a mustache. This I did in homage to Queen's legendary front man, Freddie Mercury, in anticipation of the film "Bohemian Rhapsody," which I highly recommend. While listening to the movie's soundtrack, I came across a song I had never previously heard - "Keep Yourself Alive," which quickly became one of my favorite tracks of the year.
I had to throw in "Take Me Home, Country Roads" - a song that has become somewhat of an annual thing in my home on Thanksgiving night. My mom plays the song on the piano while my siblings and I belt out a rousing rendition of John Denver's redneck anthem.
As the year drew to a close, I finally got a promotion at work (to do the job I've essentially been doing since April). The job comes with a slight pay raise, so I decided to celebrate by getting myself concert tickets to see a band I've loved for more than a decade - The Goo Goo Dolls. "Black Balloon" and "Slide" were just two of the songs I started listening to again in preparation for the show at USANA Amphitheater next June.
That's it for this year! Hope you enjoyed the music, friends. If you feel so inclined, let me know what your top songs of 2018 were in the comments section below.
And finally, for your information, if you use Spotify and would like to see some interesting statistics about your listening habits from 2018, head over to https://spotifywrapped.com/.
It has been TWENTY-EIGHT YEARS(!!) since "Home Alone" hit theaters. We know it, we love it, we've seen it a million times as each holiday season comes and goes. But have we ever LIVE BLOGGED ABOUT IT? In the immortal words of one Kevin McCallister, "I don't think so!" So join us, friends, neighbors, as we bring you our live, unfiltered thoughts, from start to finish, of this Christmas classic.
Note: You may also follow along on Twitter as the micro-blog rookie Miranda Johnson live-tweets the show here.
Grab a Pepsi, slam down some ice cream and call the cops, because HERE. WE. GO!
*****
I recently saw a meme that pointed out that Mr. McCallister must have been absolutely loaded to be able to afford that huge house AND a trip to Paris for most - if not all - of his extended family. That's a good point. What kind of business was he running? Was he a drug dealer? Was he in deep with the mafia or something? #ThingsToPonderAtNight
The lack of respect for authority is astounding as the movie kicks off. The McCallisters have a (supposed) police officer in their house, he's yelling at them - any of them - for some attention, and everyone completely disregards him. Incredible.
As a kid, I always thought the term "voltage adapter" was really weird.
These kids are SO RUDE to each other. That's one thing that has bothered me as an adult. I never realized how much name-calling and back-talking these little brats did to each other.
Why did Mr. and Mrs. McCallister allow Buzz to have such scandalous posters up in his bedroom? The kid seems like a perv.
"South Bend Shovel Slayer" is an awesome name for a serial killer or pro wrestler.
The Little Nero pizza delivery guy is a terrible driver. Can't be the first time he's run into something. He says that the pizzas cost $122.50. Out of curiosity, I looked up how much it would cost to order 10 pizzas (nine large pepperoni and one cheese pizza for Kevin) from Pizza Hut today:
If this were my family, we'd just go grab a bunch of Little Caesar's Hot 'N' Ready pizzas for $5 a pop and call it good, but hey, this is (possible drug lord) Peter McCallister we're talking about. He's taking the family to France. He can afford 10 Little Nero's pizzas. No sweat.
The scene where it gets all windy outside and the branch falls on the power lines always creeped me out as a kid. That is the scariest Christmas wreath of all time.
The power guys hit that statue, too lol... I always thought that annoying neighbor kid that gets mis-counted in the head count was McCaulay Culkin, for some reason. The dang kid starts going through their stuff in the van and takes a picture with one of their cameras. What a nosy little rascal. "Bring me back something French!" Who does this kid think he is??
Freaking Uncle Frank, stealing the fancy First Class silverware...
Who else was traumatized as a child by that dang furnace in the McCallisters' basement? So scary. Also, Kevin McCallister was way ahead of the curve with dat bed head hairdo. Truly, a fashion icon born a decade too soon.
"Buzz, your girlfriend! Woof!" First of all, that is a terrible picture of that girl. Second of all, why on earth would Buzz frame it?
Kevin is a great shot with the BB gun. Five-of-five shooting those little sports figures and the spatula. Very impressive.
Was "Angels with Filthy Souls" even a good movie? The world may never know. Of all the movies to watch, why did Kevin go with a black and white gangster film? Didn't the McCallisters have anything more... recent? "Top Gun" or "Goonies" or something? Was "Angels" a Christmas movie? Was that why he wanted to watch it? I guess the sequel that he watches in "Home Alone 2" was, right? I don't know. Things to ponder at night, I guess. "Keep the change, ya filthy animal!"
"Guys, I'm eating junk and watching rubbish! You better come out and stop me!" If ever there was a slogan for my adult life, that would be it, 100 percent.
Life goals: sledding down the staircase on an actual sled. However, let's talk about the geometry here. There is no way Kevin would be able navigate that properly. If he was going down the stairs at an even slightly straight angle, he would have crashed right into the wall. Props to him for making it work, though. He's an inspiration to us all.
The Wet Bandits show up to the McCallister home for the first time and are whispering so loudly that Kevin can clearly hear them through the walls. What, are they shouting?
"This is ridiculous. Only a wimp would be hiding under the bed. But I can't be a wimp - I'm the man of the house." (I say that to myself every morning before I go to work.) And then Kevin immediately goes outside, sees the South Bend Shovel Slayer and screams loudly in his face. Hilarious scene.
Side note: I have an aunt that kind of looks like Kevin's aunt with the big glasses.
You know what? RIP to John Heard, who passed away in the summer of 2017. His legendary role as Peter McCallister will live on in our hearts forevermore.
Kevin washed all his major crevices, including his belly button, which I don't think I have ever done before, but am super curious to do next time I bathe.
Buzz's life savings is like $34 lol
Life was so hard, back before you could simply Google whether a toothbrush was approved by the American Dental Association. Those poor people. Also, in my opinion, Jimmy from the drug store is one of the major villains in any Christmas movie. With one word ("SHOPLIFTER!"), he drew the ire of at least one moviegoer (me). Plus, look at that slicked-back hair. Can't stand that kid.
I love that Kevin can be running like 4 MPH and yet slide 100 feet to the other side of the ice skating rink. What a glorious slide by the young lad. I definitely burned through the knees of one pair of pants trying to pull a McCallister Slide across the Cultural Hall floor in my church one time. Would not recommend.
Harry doesn't like Marv's "calling card" of leaving the water running at the houses they burglarize. "All the great ones leave their mark," Marv argues. (In retrospect, flooding houses was not a good idea, was it, Marv?) "The Wet Bandits" is such a great name, though. 10/10 would make that my tag team name if I were a pro wrestler and, for some reason, couldn't use "The Big Ticket."
Things Marv and Harry like: stealing
Things Marv and Harry don't like: wrecklessly endangering pedestrians, churches, the dark (possibly)
Buzz, on whether he is worried for Kevin's safety: "No, for three reasons: A) I'm not that lucky, 2) we use smoke detectors, and D) we live in the most boring street in the United States of America, where nothing even remotely dangerous will ever happen. Period."
The Little Nero's delivery guy shows up again, hits the statue again, and informs Kevin that the price of one pizza is $11.80. Just in case anybody else was keeping track of pizza pricing.
Lip-syncing Kevin McCallister is my spirit animal.
Mama McAllister is so passive aggressive with the guy at the Scranton airport. I know that she left a kid at home, but it always bugs me when people are that outrageously rude. She offers to sell her soul to the devil! Whoa. The desperation!
Gus, the Polka King of the Midwest, has arrived! "Polka polka! Polka polka! No?" John Candy was a national treasure. RIP to him, too. Gus seems like such a nice guy, but it is painfully obvious that John Candy was not actually playing that clarinet.
Tic-Tac Santa is Porkchop from "Groundhog Day." #TheMoreYouKnow
The scene where Kevin finally meets the South Bend Shovel Slayer at the church always kind of melts my heart. First of all, good for Kevin for going to church alone. Second of all, I just feel so bad for the Shovel Slayer. Kids can be so mean when they start rumors. He's just a nice old man that loves his family and likes to shovel the sidewalks, but their false stories turned him into a monster. Christmas is a good reminder that most people are inherently good, despite their misunderstandings. Kevin and the Shovel Slayer have a nice conversation about overcoming fear - fear of the basement and fear of rejection - and the old man urges Kevin to get back home where he belongs.
As an outside observer, this would have been a great time for Kevin to be like, "You know, I am pretty sure these two guys are trying to rob my house. I know you're lonely. Would you like to come stay with me for a little bit to make sure my house is safe?" But hey, they don't pay me to write movie scripts, so what do I know?
The church bells ominously chime and Kevin gets to stepping. The time as come. "This is my house. I have to defend it!"
How long would it realistically have taken for Kevin to set the traps in his house? Certainly, this preparationwould have taken several hours, if not all day long. The odds of him getting everything planned and set within one or two hours are not high. Nine o'clock is a very late time for a little kid to be eating dinner, by the way.
BB gun shot right to the groin. If you were wearing jeans, I have a feeling this might sting for a second, but it wouldn't likely do lasting damage. A BB gun shot between the eyes from close range, on the other hand, would be pretty dangerous. You could easily lose vision if that pellet goes a millimeter in the wrong direction.
Marv trying to break into that basement door with his crowbar without realizing that the door was unlocked to begin with always makes me laugh.
Getting hit in the face with an iron from that distance would legit knock you out. After about two steps up a staircase covered in tar, I would either A) not go up those stairs or B) be looking at my feet for every step. Marv, of course does not see the nail before putting his foot right through it and letting out a LEGENDARY scream.
How does Harry not notice that the doorknob is glowing red before touching it? Wouldn't he be able to smell something burning? He burns the crap out of his hand before deciding to try the other door, where he promptly gets his head burned by a blow torch. AND HE JUST STANDS THERE AND TAKES IT! If my head was on fire for even a fraction of a second, I would get the heck out of dodge. I would not stand there and let it continue to burn me.
After an astoundingly quick recovery, Harry gets breaks into the house and is soon thereafter covered in industrial glue and feathers. Marv sees an open window and yells to Harry that he's coming in. Harry sticks his legs in the window and doesn't just gently step through like a normal person. No, he stomps his feet down, right on top of some Christmas ornaments. After that, he continues to step on the ornaments. Dude. Take bigger steps!! This, of course, leads to the classic exchange:
Harry: "Why the [heck] did you take your shoes off?"
Marv: "Why the [heck] are you dressed like a chicken?"
Marv and Harry are consecutively hit in the fact by swinging paint cans, which would lead to certain and immediate death. Somehow, there is no blood anywhere and the worst thing that happens is that Harry loses his iconic gold tooth. They miraculously get up and stumble over a knee-high tripwire. Buzz's tarantula crawls onto Harry's chest, and Marv reacts instinctually by whacking Harry in the ribs with his crowbar. These guys are absolute morons. I mean, couldn't he have just used the crowbar to scoot the spider off of his friend before taking a swing?
I always thought that Kevin comparing the crooks to a horse's rear end was a strange choice of words. I certainly don't know any 8-year-olds that talk like that. The Wet Bandits fall from 20 or 30 feet in the air and swing on a rope right into the brick side of the house.
After a quick trip over to the neighboring Murphy home, which was previously robbed and flooded by Marv and Harry, Kevin uses the worst fake adult voice imaginable to call the cops, and a timely save by the South Bend Shovel Slayer saves our puny protagonist from his would-be murderers. Foiled! Outsmarted by a kindygartner!
Kevin smiles as he watches Marv and Harry get hauled away in cop cars. We fast forward to the next morning, with the house immaculately cleaned, as if nothing happened at all. Do not tell me that Kevin did that by himself. Did the cops hire some cleaning company to come over at midnight or something? Mrs. McCallister returns home and greets her son with an apology for leaving him stranded at home. They embrace as the rest of the family is somehow just a minute behind. Kevin looks outside and sees a joyous reunion between the Shovel Slayer and his family. Precious.
Kevin is an incredible little liar; the family has no idea that their home was a nearly burglarized war zone just hours earlier. (Wouldn't the cops still be all over that street? Certainly, law enforcement would want to inform the McCallisters of the previous evening's felonious festivities.) Peaceful music plays as the family is reunited at home for the holidays. But, just when you thought we had a flawless, happy ending, it looks like Kevin and/or the cleaning company missed a couple minor details. Papa McCallister finds Harry's gold tooth on the floor, and a yell from Buzz indicates that he is furious to find that his room remains in shambles.
Cue the credits.
*****
What a show. It's definitely an all-time favorite of mine, but spending a couple hours making fun of it and looking for plot holes and logical impossibilities was a good time, too. That's all we've got for now! We hope you've enjoyed the blog and our live tweets.
I was at a Utah Jazz game last night when I saw the news - WWE's Universal Champion, Roman Reigns, was relinquishing the title due to a resurgent case of leukemia.
That's pretty devastating news for the company and, more than anything, for the man, himself. For the better part of six years, Roman Reigns and his dominant faction, The Shield, have been at the top of the pro wrestling world, with Reigns, in particular, receiving a heavy push from the creative team. For the most part, this didn't sit well with the so-called "WWE Universe," as fans would have preferred other stars (like Daniel Bryan and, more recently, Braun Strowman) to be the company's top guy. The result of WWE's insistence in making Reigns the perennial Main-Eventer resulted in a chorus of boos accompanying him whenever he showed his face, including one notable promo after Reigns beat the Undertaker at Wrestlemania, where Reigns was booed harshly for nearly 10 minutes (language warning for that hyperlink).
Things were different last night. Fans booed as Reigns came to the ring, as usual, but Roman seemed different this time. He looked humbled. Sad. He proceeded to cut an earnest promo, explaining that he has been battling leukemia for the past 11 years. The boos subsided. Reigns said that, because of the returning illness, he will have to leave the company to get things in order and spend time with his family. He laid the championship belt down in the middle of the ring as fans chanted, "Thank you, Roman!" Reigns walked up the ramp to the stage, where he was joined by fellow Shield members Dean Ambrose and Seth Rollins, both of whom were visibly shaken and were wiping tears from their faces. The three embraced and engaged in their trademark fist bump. The audience applauded, knowing that, despite Reigns' promise to return stronger than ever, this could very well be the end of an era.
Needless to say, it was a somber way to kick off WWE's three hours of programming. Throughout the night, the announce team of Michael Cole, Corey Graves and Renee Young recapped the unfortunate predicament, outlining how upcoming Pay-Per-View events would be impacted by Reigns' sudden departure. Several on-air segments were dedicated to the outpouring of support coming in on social media from other WWE superstars and fans. Even the braggadocios loudmouth Paul Heyman was noticeably affected by the night's events, as he gave an impressive promo that not only honored Reigns' hard work but eventually transitioned into hype for his client Brock Lesnar's upcoming match, which was directly altered by the vacated championship. Braun Strowman, who will square up with Lesnar in that title bout also mentioned Reigns' illness when coming out to confront Heyman.
The main event for the evening featured Rollins (the current Intercontinental Champion) and Ambrose facing the Raw Tag Team Champions, Dolph Ziggler and Drew McIntyre. It would be fitting, I thought, if they were to allow the titles to change hands on this night, as as show of respect for Reigns, although it would be a little odd for Rollins to then become a dual champion. Nevertheless, after a distraction by Strowman drew McIntyre away from the ring, Rollins rolled up Ziggler for the ol' 1-2-3. The Shield had become the new tag team champs on an emotional night for everyone involved. Ambrose and Rollins (whose relationship had been on rocky ground for the past few weeks) embraced in the middle of the ring, clutching their newly won title belts.
And then this happened:
The Lunatic Fringe finally snapped. Literally a minute after becoming a tag team champion, he turned on one of his best friends, to the absolute shock of the entire arena. Wrestling fans have long anticipated an Ambrose "heel turn," but it was widely speculated that it would happen closer to Wrestlemania in Spring of 2019. Nobody expected it to happen this soon. And, based on the number of F-words I saw on Twitter, nobody expected it to happen on this night. Fans were stunned. Fans were caught totally unsuspecting. Fans were flat-out disgusted by it all.
I actually kind of loved it.
As I watched late last night, I had no idea what was going to happen. I figured they'd probably win the match, then, as they celebrated, I figured Roman would probably greet them at the top of the ramp and the show would go off-air as they embraced.
It came out of nowhere. I found myself audibly, involuntarily laughing out of the surprise of it all. I did not see that ending coming. It was all orchestrated so well. From finally getting everyone to cheer for Roman to his tag partners winning the championships at the end, it had been a nice There-Are-Things-Bigger-Than-Wrestling type of episode. Something for people to feel good about. Then, it all came to a crashing halt with one of the most brutal beat-downs in recent memory. "Raw" has been a bit stale lately. It's three hours long, week in and week out, and it often lacks any major twists or veering character paths. This swerve by Ambrose got the WWE Universe with the double sucker punch - once because fans generally love The Shield and again because it happened on the night when Reigns broke "kayfabe" by discussing a very personal matter.
I'd argue that this is the biggest, most monstrous, dramatic heel turn of the modern era. I can't, off the top of my head, think of a story arc that was this impactful or well executed since The Shield broke up the first time, back in 2014. As a podcast I listened to, ironically enough, yesterday morning pointed out, fans probably would have loved it if Dean had turned heel by attacking Roman, so having Dean attack Seth LAST NIGHT, just moments after winning that match, was a stroke of genius. There is nothing Dean could have conceivably done to get the crowd against him. In one five-minute segment of a show, he became, quite possibly, the biggest heel the company has seen in a long, long time.
The audience's reaction was incredible, too. The last time I saw anything get a reaction like that was back when Undertaker's Wrestlemania streak was broken. It was absolutely glorious.
Re: Dean Ambrose heel turn - This is a candidate on the Mount Rushmore of #WWE fan reaction shots. Priceless. #RAWpic.twitter.com/Zxnqt77LjO
I get why some people thought it was bad timing or in poor taste to pull a move like that on the same night that Reigns relinquished his title due to a terrible real-life struggle, but man. I thought this was storytelling at its finest. Bravo, WWE. Nice work.
Oh, and by the way, we also got an Elias face turn! Yes! The classic guitar smash! All in all, it was a great night for sports entertainment, if you ask me.
