So there I was on Saturday night, looking for something fun to do. I decided to head on down to Draper Park and catch a free concert. I was flying solo, but that's another blog for another day. I got there and found myself a lovely spot on the grass. Took a seat. Realized that I was sitting directly behind two large shade umbrellas that completely obscured my view of the stage. Fortunately, I was so far back that actually seeing the stage wasn't going to make much of a difference, anyway. Plus, once the sun went down, they put the umbrellas away.
The band I was there to see was a Canadian band called Brass Transit - a Chicago tribute band. For those of you that don't know what a tribute band is, that means that this band was playing covers of songs by the popular 70s and 80s band, Chicago. The poor chap sitting in his lawn chair directly to my left started making phone calls to his friends about five minutes into the concert. "Did you know Chicago was playing here tonight??" About 30 minutes later, he called somebody back and apologized. "They sound just like them! I could have sworn it was really Chicago." I felt bad for him.
I enjoyed the concert. I've liked the music of Chicago since I was a wee lad, so it was fun to go out in the good weather and hear some of their stuff played live. Plus, it was free, so what is there really to complain about?
How about the fact that all these freeloaders that want a free concert in the park bring all their whiny, rambunctious little Kindergarteners? At one point, I was surrounded by nine or 10 screaming, dancing kids on either side. They, at times, would bump into me or swing their light-up, glowing sabre inches from my head. What am I supposed to do? Push them away? Knock them over? Yell at them? Tell the guy who thought it was actually Chicago to keep his kids in line? So... I sat there and I did nothing. And I strained to hear the music admist the chaos. Eventually, they ran out of energy, so I was able to enjoy the rest of the evening (mostly), but seriously, people. If you're going to be taking all eight of your young children out in public - especially in a situation where other people are within a very close proximity for an extended period of time (two and a half hours, in this case), please be considerate. Not ONCE did either of the parents on my left or right tell their kids to tone it down or to take it easy. Not a single time! I considered just getting up and moving, but hey - I was there first... and I'm just lazy, I guess.
What are you supposed to do in those situations? Help me out, guys. Do you shatter the guy's dreams and tell him early on that it's not actually Chicago or do you let him enjoy it while his ignorance lasts? Do you purposely trip the little kids? Do you offer the parents some duct tape or handcuffs? Do you unleash your emotions like unto Vesuvius, embarrassing the folks bad enough that they get up and leave?
Eureka! I've got it! I'm going to start a petition to ban young children from public parks. Think of it now - no screaming, no dancing, no annoying whining to their parents... No little kiddies bumping into me as I attempt to listen to my free concert, no one to get in our way as we play football or frisbee. Less potential lawsuits waiting to happen, more peace and quiet, more relaxation for those wishing to picnic in the park. And, arguably best of all, less of a line for the merry-go-round and the big green slide. There's really no downside to this. It'd be amazing! Join with me now and ban young children from public parks!
If you'd like to add your name to the petition, you can leave a comment in the section below or you can follow us on Twitter - @SotTUnderground. Or both. Deuces.
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