Signs of the Times SUPERFIGHT: The Epic Eight and the Final Four Fighters

We are just a few more rounds away from absolute greatness and eternal glory, friends. You've tuned into Round 4 and Round 5 of the first-ever (and perhaps not only - who knows?) Signs of the Times SUPERFIGHT! We have been pitting some of the greatest historical figure and pop culture icons against each other in the weirdest fights conceived by man - and determined by artificial intelligence! We are down to the final eight combatants! It's getting REAL, people!

You, under no circumstances, should have made it this far without reading how on earth we got here in the first place, but in the rare event that you have, please do yourself a favor and read up on all of the action that you somehow missed:

First Round, Part 1    First Round, Part 2

Second Round    Third Round (Super 16)

Let's check in, quickly, on Microsoft Copilot, which is so graciously assisting us in this task. How's it going, Copilot?

With no more gilding the lily, as it were, let us proceed to the fourth round. Here, we're going to allow the AI to write up four paragraphs to determine the winner. We'll also be doing the fifth round in this post, in which Copilot will get an additional paragraph to decide our two finalists!

Onward!

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THE EPIC EIGHT

NORTHWEST BRACKET FINALS

Fighter 1: Wolverine

Fighter 1 Attribute: Can control machines

Fighter 2: Abraham Lincoln

Fighter 2 Attribute: Armed with red turtle shells

Scenario: Fighters have tiny T-Rex arms

Location: Haunted mansion

Winner Determined By: Best at evading intergalactic bounty hunters

AI Prediction: In the eerie setting of a haunted mansion, Wolverine and Abraham Lincoln face off with the peculiar handicap of having tiny T-Rex arms. Wolverine, with his ability to control machines, quickly assesses the mansion's old, creaky infrastructure. He uses his power to manipulate the various mechanical elements within the mansion, such as the ancient clocks, creaky doors, and even the ghostly apparitions that seem to be powered by hidden mechanisms. Abraham Lincoln, armed with red turtle shells, must rely on his strategic mind and the limited reach of his tiny arms to hurl the shells effectively.

As the battle progresses, the haunted mansion's spooky atmosphere adds to the tension. Wolverine's control over the mansion's machinery gives him an edge in navigating the labyrinthine corridors and avoiding the ghostly traps. He uses the mansion's hidden passages and secret doors to stay one step ahead of Lincoln. Meanwhile, Lincoln, with his historical knowledge and tactical prowess, tries to anticipate Wolverine's moves. He uses the red turtle shells to create barriers and distractions, aiming to slow down Wolverine's progress.

The real challenge, however, comes when intergalactic bounty hunters enter the scene. These relentless pursuers add a new layer of danger to the already intense battle. Wolverine's ability to control machines proves invaluable as he uses the mansion's defenses to fend off the bounty hunters. He reprograms the ghostly apparitions to attack the hunters and uses the mansion's traps to his advantage. Lincoln, despite his best efforts, finds it increasingly difficult to evade the bounty hunters with his limited arm reach and lack of technological control.

In the end, Wolverine's mastery over the mansion's machinery and his strategic use of the environment allow him to outmaneuver both Lincoln and the bounty hunters. His ability to stay hidden and manipulate the mansion's defenses ensures his survival. Lincoln, though valiant and resourceful, cannot match Wolverine's technological edge and adaptability. Thus, Wolverine emerges as the best at evading the intergalactic bounty hunters, securing his victory in this haunted and high-stakes showdown.

Winner: Wolverine

 

NORTHEAST BRACKET FINALS

Fighter 1: Mr. Rogers

Fighter 1 Attribute: Can stretch like rubber

Fighter 2: Forrest Gump

Fighter 2 Attribute: Can't turn left

Scenario: Fighters are elderly

Location: Jurassic Park

Winner Determined By: Roller Derby (Team sport: all fighters multiply by 5)

AI Prediction: In the thrilling and dangerous environment of Jurassic Park, Mr. Rogers and Forrest Gump, both elderly and wise, prepare for a roller derby match with a twist: each fighter multiplies by five, creating teams of five elderly Mr. Rogers and five elderly Forrest Gumps. Mr. Rogers, with his ability to stretch like rubber, brings a unique advantage to the game, while Forrest Gump's inability to turn left adds an interesting challenge for his team. The roller derby track winds through the park, with dinosaurs occasionally making unexpected appearances, adding to the excitement.

As the match begins, Mr. Rogers' team uses their stretching abilities to maneuver around the track with surprising agility. They can extend their limbs to block opponents and reach for the ball, creating a dynamic and unpredictable game. Forrest Gump's team, despite their limitation of not being able to turn left, relies on their sheer determination and teamwork. They develop a strategy to navigate the track by making wide right turns, using their persistence and endurance to keep up with Mr. Rogers' team.

The presence of dinosaurs adds an extra layer of danger and thrill to the game. Raptors and T-Rexes occasionally cross the track, forcing both teams to dodge and weave around these prehistoric obstacles. Mr. Rogers' team, with their rubber-like flexibility, can stretch and contort to avoid the dinosaurs, while Forrest Gump's team uses their quick thinking and adaptability to stay out of harm's way. The combination of roller derby and Jurassic Park creates a high-stakes, adrenaline-pumping atmosphere.

In the end, it's Mr. Rogers' ability to stretch like rubber that gives his team the edge. Their flexibility and creative use of their stretching powers allow them to outmaneuver Forrest Gump's team and score more points. Despite Forrest Gump's team's valiant efforts and clever strategies, they can't quite match the versatility and adaptability of Mr. Rogers' team. Thus, Mr. Rogers and his stretchy teammates emerge victorious in this unique and thrilling roller derby match set in the heart of Jurassic Park.

Winner: Mr. Rogers

 

SOUTHEAST BRACKET FINALS

Fighter 1: Darth Vader

Fighter 1 Attribute: Is elderly

Fighter 2: Chuck Norris

Fighter 2 Attribute: Armed with the One Ring

Scenario: Fighters are undead

Location: Canada

Winner Determined By: Thing you'd least want to meet in a dark alley

AI Prediction: In the serene yet eerie setting of Canada, the undead forms of Darth Vader and Chuck Norris prepare for a confrontation that will determine which of them is the thing you'd least want to meet in a dark alley. Darth Vader, now elderly but still imposing, wields his lightsaber with a slow, deliberate menace. Chuck Norris, armed with the One Ring, has an aura of invisibility and power that makes him even more formidable. The Canadian wilderness, with its vast forests and quiet towns, provides a stark contrast to the dark and dangerous nature of the fighters.

As the battle unfolds, Darth Vader's presence is chilling. His slow, mechanical breathing and the glow of his lightsaber create an atmosphere of dread. Even in his undead state, his mastery of the Force and his reputation as a Sith Lord make him a terrifying opponent. Chuck Norris, with the One Ring, can vanish from sight, striking fear into anyone who might encounter him. His martial arts skills, combined with the ring's power, make him an unpredictable and deadly adversary.

The undead nature of both fighters adds to the horror. Vader's skeletal frame and decaying armor, coupled with his dark powers, make him a nightmarish figure. Chuck Norris, with his undead resilience and the ability to appear and disappear at will, becomes a ghostly predator. The Canadian setting, with its misty forests and quiet, snow-covered streets, amplifies the sense of isolation and fear. The thought of encountering either of these undead warriors in a dark alley is enough to send shivers down anyone's spine.

In the end, it's Darth Vader's sheer presence and the fear he instills that make him the thing you'd least want to meet in a dark alley. His combination of dark powers, undead menace, and legendary status as a Sith Lord create an aura of terror that is unmatched. While Chuck Norris with the One Ring is undeniably formidable, the iconic and chilling image of Darth Vader in the shadows is what ultimately secures his victory in this spine-tingling showdown.

Winner: Darth Vader

 

SOUTHEAST BRACKET FINALS

Fighter 1: Heisenberg (Walter White)

Fighter 1 Attribute: Is super effective

Fighter 2: Genghis Khan

Fighter 2 Attribute: Shoots magic missiles

Scenario: Fighters multiply by 100

Location: Labyrinth

Winner Determined By: Worst boss

AI Prediction: In the intricate and twisting corridors of a labyrinth, the battle between Heisenberg and Genghis Khan takes on an epic scale as both fighters multiply by 100. The labyrinth, with its endless passages and hidden traps, becomes a chaotic battlefield filled with 100 super-effective Heisenbergs and 100 Genghis Khans shooting magic missiles. The sheer number of combatants creates a scene of intense strategy and relentless action, with each side trying to outmaneuver and outlast the other.

Heisenberg, known for his meticulous planning and ruthless efficiency, uses his super-effective nature to coordinate his clones with precision. Each Heisenberg works in unison, setting up traps and using the labyrinth's layout to their advantage. They create choke points and ambushes, leveraging their knowledge of chemistry and strategy to outsmart the enemy. Genghis Khan, with his formidable combat skills and the ability to shoot magic missiles, leads his clones in a relentless assault. The magic missiles create a barrage of explosive power, forcing the Heisenbergs to constantly adapt and reposition.

As the battle rages on, the labyrinth itself becomes a testament to the cunning and brutality of both leaders. Heisenberg's clones, with their cold, calculating approach, demonstrate why he is feared as a mastermind. They use every trick in the book to gain the upper hand, showing no mercy and exploiting every weakness. Genghis Khan's clones, driven by their leader's legendary ferocity, push forward with relentless aggression, their magic missiles lighting up the dark corridors of the labyrinth. The clash between Heisenberg’s strategic brilliance and Genghis Khan's raw power creates a spectacle of epic proportions.

In the end, the winner is determined by who would be the worst boss. Heisenberg's ruthless and manipulative nature, combined with his willingness to sacrifice anything and anyone to achieve his goals, makes him a truly terrifying boss. His clones' cold efficiency and lack of empathy highlight the lengths he would go to maintain control and power. Genghis Khan, while undeniably brutal and fearsome, is driven by a warrior's code and a desire for conquest. Heisenberg's calculated cruelty and manipulative tactics ultimately make him the worst boss, securing his victory in this intense and strategic showdown.

Winner: Heisenberg

*****

We have our final four fighters! What we will do now is look for a winner from the West brackets (Northwest vs Southwest) and ultimately pit them against the winner from the East brackets (Northeast vs Southeast). As stated previously, Copilot will have five paragraphs to determine these winners, then we'll move on to one final post, where we'll crown our true hero - the victor of victors.

Before we start the semi-finals, let's ask Copilot how it's hanging in there and if there's anything we can do for it before we proceed.

Copilot. What a friend. What a pal.

All right. Let's get to the semi-finals and determine our finalists!

*****

THE FINAL FOUR FIGHTERS

WEST FINALS

Fighter 1: Wolverine

Fighter 1 Attribute: Can control machines

Fighter 2: Darth Vader

Fighter 2 Attribute: Is elderly

Scenario: Fighters are literally buried in paperwork

Location: Jungle

Winner Determined By: Weaponized go-kart racing

AI Prediction: In the dense and humid jungle, Wolverine and an elderly Darth Vader find themselves literally buried in paperwork. The jungle's vibrant greenery contrasts sharply with the mountains of documents that surround them. Wolverine, with his ability to control machines, quickly starts to clear a path through the paperwork, using any nearby machinery to his advantage. Darth Vader, despite his age, uses the Force to lift and move the papers, creating a clear space for himself. The jungle's natural sounds mix with the rustling of paper, creating an unusual and chaotic atmosphere.

As they dig their way out, both fighters spot a pair of weaponized go-karts waiting for them. The go-karts are equipped with various gadgets and weapons, ready for a high-stakes race through the jungle. Wolverine, with his enhanced senses and reflexes, quickly jumps into his go-kart, using his control over machines to fine-tune its performance. Darth Vader, moving with the deliberate precision of a seasoned warrior, climbs into his go-kart, using the Force to enhance his control over the vehicle. The race begins with a roar, as both fighters speed off into the jungle.

The jungle terrain proves to be a challenging course, with narrow paths, dense foliage, and unexpected obstacles. Wolverine uses his ability to control machines to navigate the tricky terrain, adjusting his go-kart's settings on the fly to handle the rough patches. He also uses the go-kart's weapons to clear obstacles and create shortcuts. Darth Vader, despite his age, demonstrates his mastery of the Force, using it to sense and react to the jungle’s challenges. He uses the go-kart's weapons with deadly accuracy, targeting Wolverine's kart and the obstacles in his path.

As the race intensifies, the two fighters engage in a fierce battle, using their go-karts' weapons to try and gain the upper hand. Wolverine's control over machines allows him to anticipate and counter many of Vader's moves, but Vader’s experience and the Force give him an edge in strategy and precision. The jungle's natural hazards add to the excitement, with both fighters narrowly avoiding pitfalls and dangerous wildlife. The race becomes a test of skill, strategy, and endurance, with neither fighter willing to give an inch.

In the final stretch, Wolverine's ability to control machines proves to be the deciding factor. He uses his power to boost his go-kart's speed and maneuverability, allowing him to pull ahead of Vader. Despite Vader's best efforts and his formidable use of the Force, he cannot match Wolverine's technological edge. Wolverine crosses the finish line first, securing his victory in this intense and thrilling weaponized go-kart race. The jungle, now littered with paperwork and the remnants of their battle, stands as a testament to their epic showdown.

Winner: Wolverine

EAST FINALS

Fighter 1: Mr. Rogers

Fighter 1 Attribute: Can stretch like rubber

Fighter 2: Heisenberg

Fighter 2 Attribute: Is super effective

Scenario: Fighters are wearing high heels

Location: An infinite water slide

Winner Determined By: Most legendary pro wrestler

AI Prediction: In the surreal setting of an infinite water slide, Mr. Rogers and Heisenberg (Walter White) prepare for a battle to determine who would be the most legendary pro wrestler. Both fighters, wearing high heels, face the challenge of maintaining their balance on the slippery surface. Mr. Rogers, with his ability to stretch like rubber, has an advantage in flexibility and maneuverability. Heisenberg, being super effective, brings a level of precision and ruthlessness to the fight that makes him a formidable opponent. The water slide's endless twists and turns create a dynamic and unpredictable battleground, adding to the excitement.

As they slide down the infinite water slide, Mr. Rogers uses his rubber-like stretching ability to navigate the course with ease. He can extend his limbs to grip the sides of the slide, allowing him to perform acrobatic moves and avoid obstacles. His calm and composed demeanor contrasts sharply with the chaotic environment, making him a surprisingly agile and graceful competitor. Heisenberg, on the other hand, uses his super effective nature to analyze the slide's layout and optimize his movements. He maintains a low center of gravity, using his heels to dig into the slide and control his speed, showcasing his strategic brilliance.

The high heels add an element of comedy and challenge to the battle, with both fighters occasionally slipping and sliding in unexpected ways. Mr. Rogers' ability to stretch helps him recover quickly from any missteps, while Heisenberg's strategic mind allows him to anticipate and counter Mr. Rogers' moves. The infinite water slide becomes a stage for their wrestling prowess, with each fighter using the environment to their advantage. Mr. Rogers' rubbery flexibility allows him to perform impressive wrestling holds and escapes, while Heisenberg's effectiveness ensures that every move he makes is calculated and impactful.

As the battle intensifies, the two fighters engage in a series of spectacular wrestling maneuvers. Mr. Rogers uses his stretching ability to wrap around Heisenberg, creating a unique and inescapable hold. Heisenberg, with his super effective nature, counters with precise strikes and strategic positioning, trying to break free. The water slide's endless descent adds to the drama, with both fighters constantly adapting to the changing environment. The crowd, watching from various points along the slide, is captivated by the display of skill and creativity.

In the end, the title of the most legendary pro wrestler goes to Mr. Rogers. His ability to stretch like rubber gives him a unique edge in the wrestling world, allowing him to perform moves that no other wrestler could. His calm and kind demeanor, combined with his surprising agility and flexibility, make him a crowd favorite. Heisenberg, despite his super effective nature and strategic brilliance, cannot match the sheer spectacle and creativity of Mr. Rogers' wrestling style. The infinite water slide, now a testament to their epic battle, witnesses the rise of Mr. Rogers as the most legendary pro wrestler in this whimsical and thrilling showdown.

Winner: Mr. Rogers

 

*****

What a thrilling and unexpected pair of battles. We would not have predicted these finalists in a million years, but it will all come down to this! Wolverine versus Mr. Rogers in an incredible duel for all of the marbles.

Let's speak with Copilot to see how it's doing and what it expects from our grand finale!

Who, indeed! Well, all right. We've come this far... and there is only one fight left. Give us your hot takes in the comments below. Did we do Forrest Gump dirty by not letting him keep Master Chief's Force ability for the rest of the tournament? Did you truly believe that Mr. Rogers would take down Heisenberg? Let us know! You can also find us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter (here and here) for more non-stop action.

We've got a championship match to attend! Click on over and find out who wins in the Signs of the Times SUPERFIGHT Championship Match!

Until next time.