NORTHWEST BRACKET
FIGHT 1
Fighter 1: Hermione Granger
Fighter 1 Attribute: Is really, really stupid
Fighter 2: Canada
Fighter 2 Attribute: Can create a lightning field that
shocks anyone within 10 feet
Scenario: Hurricane
Location: Aircraft carrier flight deck
Winner Determined By: Beauty pageant
AI Prediction: In the midst of a hurricane on an aircraft carrier flight deck, the beauty pageant takes an unexpected turn. Hermione Granger, despite her usual brilliance, is inexplicably really, really stupid in this scenario. Her usual poise and intelligence are nowhere to be found, leaving her flustered and unable to answer even the simplest of questions. Her attempts to showcase her talents are equally disastrous, as she fumbles through spells and stumbles on stage. The judges, expecting the usual grace and wit from Hermione, are left bewildered and unimpressed.
On the other hand, Canada, personified as a charming and polite entity, dazzles the judges with its unique ability to create a lightning field. This electrifying display, combined with Canada's natural beauty and serene demeanor, captivates the audience. Despite the chaotic hurricane, Canada remains composed and uses the lightning field to create a mesmerizing light show. The judges are thoroughly impressed by Canada's ability to maintain elegance and grace under pressure. In the end, Canada's combination of stunning visuals and calm presence wins the beauty pageant, securing the victory.
Winner: Canada
FIGHT 2
Fighter 1: Wolverine
Fighter 1 Attribute: Can control machines
Fighter 2: Neo ("The Matrix")
Fighter 2 Attribute: Has a towel
Scenario: Fighters cannot get within 50 yards of each other
Location: LA traffic
Winner Determined By: Good ol’ fashioned pistol duel
AI Prediction: In the chaotic environment of LA traffic, Wolverine and Neo prepare for a good ol' fashioned pistol duel, but with a twist—they can’t get within 50 yards of each other. Wolverine, with his newfound ability to control machines, quickly takes advantage of the numerous vehicles around. He manipulates the cars, trucks, and even traffic lights to create barriers and distractions, making it difficult for Neo to get a clear shot. Wolverine's strategic use of the machines not only provides him with cover but also allows him to control the battlefield, turning the traffic into a maze that Neo must navigate.
Neo, armed with just a towel, relies on his agility and quick thinking. He uses the towel in creative ways, such as deflecting bullets and creating makeshift shields. However, the sheer volume of machines under Wolverine's control proves overwhelming. Despite Neo's best efforts to dodge and weave through the traffic, Wolverine's ability to manipulate the environment gives him a significant edge. In the end, Wolverine's tactical advantage and control over the machines allow him to outmaneuver Neo and win the duel.
Winner: Wolverine
FIGHT 3
Fighter 1: The Kardashians
Fighter 1 Attribute: Are noobs
Fighter 2: Abraham Lincoln
Fighter 2 Attribute: Armed with red turtle shells
Scenario: Fighters are armed with lightsabers
Location: On a conveyor belt leading to spinning blades
Winner Determined By: Game of Twister
AI Prediction: In a surreal showdown on a conveyor belt leading to spinning blades, the Kardashians and Abraham Lincoln face off in a game of Twister, each armed with lightsabers. The Kardashians, being noobs, struggle to maintain their balance and coordination on the moving conveyor belt. Their inexperience shows as they fumble with the lightsabers, trying to avoid the spinning blades while keeping up with the Twister game. The chaotic environment only adds to their confusion, making it difficult for them to focus on the colored dots and maintain their positions.
Abraham Lincoln, on the other hand, remains calm and composed, using his red turtle shells to strategically knock the Kardashians off balance. His tall stature and long limbs give him an advantage in reaching the different Twister spots, and his historical reputation for perseverance shines through. Despite the bizarre scenario, Lincoln's steady demeanor and tactical use of the turtle shells help him dominate the game. In the end, his ability to stay focused and adapt to the unusual circumstances secures his victory in this unconventional Twister match.
Winner: Abraham Lincoln
FIGHT 4
Fighter 1: Katniss Everdeen
Fighter 1 Attribute: Has horrible self-esteem
Fighter 2: Willy Wonka
Fighter 2 Attribute: Is riding a hoverboard
Scenario: Zombie swarm
Location: On a moving bullet train
Winner Determined By: Thumb wrestling
AI Prediction: In the midst of a zombie swarm on a moving bullet train, Katniss Everdeen and Willy Wonka prepare for an unusual thumb wrestling match. Katniss, despite her incredible survival skills and archery prowess, is plagued by horrible self-esteem. This inner turmoil makes her hesitant and unsure of her abilities, even in a simple thumb wrestling match. The constant movement of the train and the threat of zombies only add to her anxiety, making it difficult for her to focus and muster the confidence needed to win.
Willy Wonka, riding a hoverboard, brings his whimsical and unpredictable nature to the match. His ability to stay balanced on the hoverboard while navigating the chaos of the train gives him an edge. Wonka's playful demeanor and quick reflexes allow him to adapt to the fast-paced environment, and he uses his hoverboard to dodge zombies and maintain his position. Despite the bizarre circumstances, Wonka's confidence and agility shine through. In the end, his ability to stay calm and playful under pressure helps him outmaneuver Katniss in the thumb wrestling match, securing his victory.
Winner: Willy Wonka
NORTHEAST BRACKET
FIGHT 1
Fighter 1: Mr. Rogers
Fighter 1 Attribute: Can stretch like rubber
Fighter 2: King Kong
Fighter 2 Attribute: Slows time when eyes are closed
Scenario: Fighters are 100 stories tall
Location: In a mine
Winner Determined By: Cheerleading competition
AI Prediction: In the depths of a mine, Mr. Rogers and King Kong, both towering at 100 stories tall, prepare for an unexpected cheerleading competition. Mr. Rogers, with his ability to stretch like rubber, brings a unique flair to his routines. His flexibility allows him to perform incredible stunts and formations, creating visually stunning displays that captivate the judges. His calm and kind demeanor shines through, making his cheerleading routines not only impressive but also heartwarming. The judges are charmed by his positive energy and the creative use of his stretching ability.
King Kong, on the other hand, uses his ability to slow time when his eyes are closed to his advantage. This power allows him to execute complex cheerleading moves with precision and grace, as he can take his time to perfect each motion. Despite his massive size, King Kong's routines are surprisingly elegant and well-coordinated. The judges are amazed by his ability to combine strength and finesse, creating a powerful yet graceful performance. However, the sheer creativity and heartwarming nature of Mr. Rogers' routines give him the edge. In the end, Mr. Rogers' unique approach and positive spirit win over the judges, securing his victory in the cheerleading competition.
Winner: Mr. Rogers
FIGHT 2
Fighter 1: The Terminator
Fighter 1 Attribute: Dying of dysentery
Fighter 2: Iron Man
Fighter 2 Attribute: Thinks the floor is actually lava
Scenario: Area is full of starving lions
Location: On a tightrope
Winner Determined By: Football (Team sport: all fighters
multiply by 11)
AI Prediction: In a surreal football match on a tightrope above a pit of starving lions, The Terminator and Iron Man each multiply by 11 to form their respective teams. The Terminator, despite dying of dysentery, brings his relentless determination and mechanical precision to the game. His team of Terminators, all sharing his attributes, work like a well-oiled machine, executing plays with military precision. However, the dysentery takes its toll, slowing them down and causing occasional malfunctions, which the opposing team can exploit.
Iron Man, on the other hand, has to contend with his belief that the floor is lava. This makes his team of Iron Men incredibly cautious and agile, constantly hovering above the tightrope to avoid the "lava." Their advanced suits and flight capabilities give them an edge in mobility and aerial maneuvers. Despite the bizarre scenario, Iron Man's team manages to stay focused and use their technological advantages to outmaneuver the Terminators. The combination of agility, flight, and strategic thinking allows Iron Man's team to score more goals and ultimately win the football match, securing their victory in this unusual competition.
Winner: Iron Man
FIGHT 3
Fighter 1: Saber-toothed Tiger
Fighter 1 Attribute: Armed with Cupid’s bow
Fighter 2: Forrest Gump
Fighter 2 Attribute: Can’t turn left
Scenario: Porcupine infestation
Location: The Wild West
Winner Determined By: Alpine skiing
AI Prediction: In the Wild West, amidst a porcupine infestation, the saber-toothed tiger and Forrest Gump prepare for an alpine skiing competition. The saber-toothed tiger, armed with Cupid's bow, brings a unique twist to the race. While the tiger's natural agility and strength make it a formidable competitor, the addition of Cupid's bow allows it to shoot arrows that can cause unexpected distractions or even make opponents fall in love mid-race. However, navigating the porcupine-infested terrain proves challenging, as the tiger must avoid the prickly creatures while maintaining speed and balance.
Forrest Gump, on the other hand, faces his own set of challenges. Unable to turn left, Forrest must find creative ways to navigate the slopes. His straightforward approach and determination, however, are legendary. Forrest's ability to adapt and his sheer persistence help him find alternative routes and strategies to stay on course. Despite the porcupines and his directional limitation, Forrest's unwavering spirit and resourcefulness shine through. In the end, Forrest's ability to overcome obstacles and his relentless drive give him the edge in the alpine skiing competition, securing his victory in this wild and unpredictable race.
Winner: Forrest Gump
FIGHT 4
Fighter 1: Sherlock Holmes
Fighter 1 Attribute: Is wearing diamond armor
Fighter 2: Master Chief ("Halo")
Fighter 2 Attribute: Uses the Force
Scenario: Everybody is Kung Fu fighting
Location: Wind tunnel
Winner Determined By: Parkour
AI Prediction: In the high-stakes environment of a wind tunnel where everyone is Kung Fu fighting, Sherlock Holmes and Master Chief face off in a parkour competition. Sherlock Holmes, clad in diamond armor, brings his keen intellect and analytical skills to the challenge. The diamond armor provides him with unparalleled protection, allowing him to take risks and make daring moves without fear of injury. His sharp mind helps him quickly assess the best routes and adapt to the constantly changing conditions of the wind tunnel, making his parkour moves precise and calculated.
Master Chief, wielding the Force, has a significant advantage in terms of agility and control. Using the Force, he can manipulate his surroundings, creating pathways and obstacles to his advantage. His combat training and physical prowess make him a natural at parkour, effortlessly navigating the wind tunnel with fluid and powerful movements. The Force allows him to anticipate and counter Sherlock's moves, maintaining an edge in the competition. Despite Sherlock's strategic brilliance and protective armor, Master Chief's mastery of the Force and superior physical abilities ultimately give him the upper hand, securing his victory in the parkour challenge.
Winner: Master Chief
SOUTHWEST BRACKET
FIGHT 1
Fighter 1: Darth Vader
Fighter 1 Attribute: Is elderly
Fighter 2: Robin Hood
Fighter 2 Attribute: Is having a really good hair day
Scenario: Sea mines
Location: Carnival
Winner Determined By: Staring contest
AI Prediction: In the lively and chaotic setting of a carnival surrounded by sea mines, Darth Vader and Robin Hood prepare for an intense staring contest. Darth Vader, now elderly, brings a lifetime of experience and an intimidating presence to the competition. His piercing gaze, even in his advanced age, retains the power to instill fear and command respect. The carnival's distractions and the looming threat of sea mines do little to shake his focus, as he remains steadfast and unyielding.
Robin Hood, on the other hand, is having a really good hair day, which boosts his confidence and charm. His well-groomed appearance and charismatic demeanor make him a formidable opponent in the staring contest. Despite the unusual and perilous environment, Robin Hood's confidence shines through, and he meets Vader's gaze with unwavering determination. However, the sheer intensity and experience behind Darth Vader's stare prove overwhelming. In the end, Vader's ability to maintain a powerful and unbroken gaze secures his victory in the staring contest, even amidst the carnival's chaos and the threat of sea mines.
Winner: Darth Vader
FIGHT 2
Fighter 1: Hercules
Fighter 1 Attribute: Is a baby
Fighter 2: Star-Lord
Fighter 2 Attribute: Is riding a war elephant
Scenario: Fighters surrounded by a child’s birthday party
Location: Narnia
Winner Determined By: Hottest pop star
AI Prediction: In the magical land of Narnia, amidst the chaos of a child's birthday party, Hercules and Star-Lord face off to determine who is the hottest pop star. Baby Hercules, despite his tiny size, exudes an adorable charm that captivates the children and partygoers. His Herculean strength, even as a baby, allows him to perform impressive feats that leave the audience in awe. However, his baby status means he lacks the vocal prowess and stage presence typically associated with a pop star.
Star-Lord, riding a war elephant, brings his natural charisma and love for music to the competition. With his trusty Walkman and a knack for entertaining, he quickly wins over the crowd. His ability to engage the audience with his dance moves and catchy tunes makes him a standout performer. The war elephant adds an extra layer of spectacle, making his performance even more memorable. In the end, Star-Lord's combination of musical talent, showmanship, and the sheer spectacle of his entrance on a war elephant secure his victory as the hottest pop star in this whimsical Narnian showdown.
Winner: Star-Lord
FIGHT 3
Fighter 1: Chuck Norris
Fighter 1 Attribute: Armed with the One Ring
Fighter 2: Bruce Lee
Fighter 2 Attribute: Wearing a jetpack
Scenario: Molasses flood
Location: The Friend Zone
Winner Determined By: Best James Bond substitute
AI Prediction: In the sticky chaos of a molasses flood within the Friend Zone, Chuck Norris and Bruce Lee face off to determine who would make the best James Bond substitute. Chuck Norris, armed with the One Ring, brings an air of invincibility and stealth to the competition. The One Ring grants him the power of invisibility, allowing him to navigate the molasses flood with ease and avoid detection. His legendary toughness and combat skills, combined with the ring's power, make him a formidable contender for the role of James Bond, embodying the secret agent's stealth and resilience.
Bruce Lee, equipped with a jetpack, showcases his unparalleled agility and martial arts prowess. The jetpack allows him to soar above the molasses, giving him a tactical advantage and the ability to perform aerial maneuvers that would make any spy envious. His charisma, quick reflexes, and innovative use of the jetpack demonstrate his suitability for the role of James Bond, highlighting the secret agent's need for adaptability and resourcefulness. However, the combination of Chuck Norris's raw power, strategic use of the One Ring, and his iconic status ultimately give him the edge. In the end, Chuck Norris's blend of strength, stealth, and legendary status make him the best James Bond substitute in this unique and sticky showdown.
Winner: Chuck Norris
FIGHT 4
Fighter 1: Barney
Fighter 1 Attribute: Is wearing a red shirt
Fighter 2: Jack Bauer
Fighter 2 Attribute: Can clone self (but each clone is half
the size of the previous)
Scenario: No gravity
Location: Tokyo
Winner Determined By: Best Kindergarten teacher
AI Prediction: In the zero-gravity environment of Tokyo, Barney and Jack Bauer face off to determine who would make the best kindergarten teacher. Barney, the friendly purple dinosaur, is wearing a red shirt, which adds a vibrant touch to his already colorful persona. His gentle nature, love for children, and ability to create a fun and educational atmosphere make him a natural fit for the role. In a no-gravity setting, Barney's playful approach and ability to adapt to the floating environment would likely captivate the children's attention, making learning an enjoyable experience.
Jack Bauer, with his ability to clone himself, brings a unique twist to the competition. Each clone, though progressively smaller, could assist in managing the classroom and providing personalized attention to the children. However, Jack's intense demeanor and background in high-stress situations might not translate well to the nurturing environment of a kindergarten. While his clones could be helpful, the lack of gravity might make it challenging for him to maintain the calm and gentle approach needed for young children. In the end, Barney’s inherent warmth, patience, and ability to create a positive learning environment make him the better kindergarten teacher, even in the unusual circumstances of a no-gravity Tokyo.
Winner: Barney
SOUTHEAST BRACKET
FIGHT 1
Fighter 1: The Incredible Hulk
Fighter 1 Attribute: Is riding a Pegasus
Fighter 2: Leeroy Jenkins
Fighter 2 Attribute: Made of lava
Scenario: Very heavy fog
Location: The Middle Ages
Winner Determined By: 100-meter dash
AI Prediction: In the dense fog of the Middle Ages, the Incredible Hulk, riding a majestic Pegasus, and Leeroy Jenkins, made entirely of lava, prepare for a 100-meter dash. The Hulk, with his immense strength and the speed of his Pegasus, has a significant advantage in terms of raw power and mobility. The Pegasus can soar above the fog, giving the Hulk a clear path and allowing him to cover ground quickly. The combination of Hulk's brute force and the Pegasus's agility makes for a formidable competitor in this race.
Leeroy Jenkins, on the other hand, faces unique challenges. Being made of lava, he generates intense heat, which could potentially clear some of the fog around him, but his molten form might struggle with the uneven terrain of the Middle Ages. His fiery nature could also cause the ground to become unstable, slowing him down. Despite his legendary charge and fearless attitude, the heavy fog and his lava composition make it difficult for him to maintain a consistent pace. In the end, the Hulk's combination of strength, the Pegasus's flight capabilities, and the ability to navigate the foggy conditions give him the edge, securing his victory in the 100-meter dash.
Winner: The Incredible Hulk
FIGHT 2
Fighter 1: Ninja
Fighter 1 Attribute: Is a hypnotist
Fighter 2: Heisenberg (Walter White)
Fighter 2 Attribute: Is super effective
Scenario: 100 degrees below freezing
Location: The Internet
Winner Determined By: Best monster in a horror movie
AI Prediction: In the chilling environment of 100 degrees below freezing, set within the vast and surreal landscape of the Internet, Ninja and Heisenberg (Walter White) compete to determine who would make the best monster in a horror movie. The Ninja, with the ability to hypnotize, brings an eerie and psychological edge to the competition. His stealth and mastery of hypnosis allow him to manipulate his victims' minds, creating terrifying illusions and controlling their actions. This psychological horror element makes the Ninja a formidable and unsettling monster, capable of instilling deep fear without ever being seen.
Heisenberg, on the other hand, is described as "super effective," which suggests an unparalleled efficiency and ruthlessness. His cold, calculating nature and willingness to do whatever it takes to achieve his goals make him a chilling antagonist. In the frozen, digital landscape, Heisenberg's methodical approach and strategic mind allow him to exploit the environment to his advantage. His ability to remain calm and composed under pressure, combined with his super effective nature, makes him a relentless and terrifying presence. Ultimately, while the Ninja's hypnotic abilities create a haunting psychological horror, Heisenberg's relentless efficiency and cold-blooded tactics make him the more terrifying monster in a horror movie.
Winner: Heisenberg
FIGHT 3
Fighter 1: Kindergarten class
Fighter 1 Attribute: Covered in spikes
Fighter 2: Genghis Khan
Fighter 2 Attribute: Shoots magic missiles
Scenario: Raining fire
Location: Roman Colosseum
Winner Determined By: Best president
AI Prediction: In the fiery chaos of the Roman Colosseum, a spiked kindergarten class and Genghis Khan, armed with magic missiles, face off to determine who would make the best president. The kindergarten class, despite their spiky exterior, brings a sense of innocence and creativity to the competition. Their collective imagination and ability to think outside the box could lead to innovative solutions and a fresh perspective on leadership. However, their lack of experience and the challenges of managing a group of young children in such a high-stakes environment might hinder their effectiveness as a cohesive presidential force.
Genghis Khan, on the other hand, is a seasoned leader with a history of strategic brilliance and unyielding determination. His ability to shoot magic missiles adds a fantastical element to his already formidable presence. As a president, his strong leadership skills, ability to unite people under a common goal, and strategic mind would be invaluable. Despite the raining fire and the chaotic setting, Genghis Khan's experience and commanding presence make him the more suitable candidate for the role of president. His proven track record of leadership and ability to adapt to any situation ultimately secure his victory in this unconventional presidential showdown.
Winner: Genghis Khan
FIGHT 4
Fighter 1: He-Man
Fighter 1 Attribute: Has majestic flaming antlers growing
out of head
Fighter 2: King Arthur
Fighter 2 Attribute: Can’t stop dancing
Scenario: Fighters used to date
Location: Atlantis
Winner Determined By: Quidditch (Team sport: all fighters multiply by 7)
AI Prediction: In the underwater city of Atlantis, He-Man and King Arthur, who used to date, face off in a Quidditch match with their teams multiplied by seven. He-Man, with his majestic flaming antlers, leads his team with a powerful and awe-inspiring presence. The antlers not only make him look formidable but also serve as a beacon for his teammates, guiding them through the underwater arena. His strength and leadership skills are crucial in coordinating his team's efforts, making them a formidable force on the Quidditch pitch.
King Arthur, on the other hand, can't stop dancing, which adds a unique twist to his gameplay. His constant movement, while unconventional, makes him unpredictable and difficult to defend against. His team, inspired by his energetic and rhythmic approach, adapts to his dancing style, creating a fluid and dynamic strategy. The combination of King Arthur's legendary leadership and his team's ability to move in sync with his dance makes them a tough opponent. However, the sheer power and commanding presence of He-Man, coupled with the strategic advantage of his flaming antlers, ultimately give his team the edge. In the end, He-Man's team secures the victory in this fantastical underwater Quidditch match.
Winner: He-Man
*****
Those flaming antlers are really doing a number on opponents, aren't they? Man, what a wild second round that was. We didn't see a couple of those outcomes coming, and we were a little disappointed by some of those stipulations (the tightrope with starving lions could have been cooler, the Friend Zone was basically pointless, and a few others didn't live up to the expectations, either) but we think there are some really good matchups to come in the quarterfinals! It's crazy to see how coincidentally or ironically some of these battles have shaped up to be. We're having a good time and can't wait to see what comes next. In fact, you don't even need to wait at all! Proceed to the next set of fights here: Third Round (Super 16)
How are we hanging in there? Have any comments or feedback? Let us know in the comments below, on Facebook, or on Twitter (here and here).
Stick with us, friends. The pathway to glory awaits, and one true champion shall be crowned!
Until next time.
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