Signs of the Times SUPERFIGHT: The Super 16

Here we are with the Signs of the Times SUPERFIGHT's Super 16! That's right, we're down to just 16 competitors remaining in our mega-battle of pop culture legends. What a round we just had, narrowing down the field of 32. Our AI friend, Microsoft Copilot is having a wonderful time, too. Don't believe us? Just ask!

If you've missed out on any of the action, take a few minutes to catch back up by reading the other posts before proceeding:

First Round, Part 1    First Round, Part 2

Second Round

In this next round, we will have eight battles, with two of our remaining fighters facing off in some of the most interesting altercations you could ever imagine. We're going to let the AI describe the fights in three paragraphs this time around, which should hopefully provide for more details about the locations, scenarios and events leading up to the eventual winners.

After this round, we'll be narrowed down to eight fighters, then to four, then two, and then we'll have our ultimate SUPERFIGHT champion of the universe. We know we can't wait, and we assume you can't, either, so let's get to it!

Here we go!

*****

NORTHWEST BRACKET

FIGHT 1

Fighter 1: Canada

Fighter 1 Attribute: Can create a lightning field that shocks anyone within 10 feet

Fighter 2: Wolverine

Fighter 2 Attribute: Can control machines

Scenario: Area filled with laughing gas

Location: Giant trampoline

Winner Determined By: Musical chairs

AI Prediction: In the surreal setting of a giant trampoline filled with laughing gas, the battle between Canada and Wolverine begins with an electrifying twist. Canada, embodying the spirit of the nation, activates their lightning field, creating a crackling aura that shocks anyone within 10 feet. The trampoline's bouncy surface amplifies the unpredictability of the fight, as both fighters struggle to maintain their balance while laughing uncontrollably due to the gas. Wolverine, with his ability to control machines, quickly realizes that the trampoline itself can be manipulated. He uses his power to alter the trampoline's tension, causing Canada to bounce erratically.

As the fight progresses, the laughing gas starts to take its toll, making it increasingly difficult for both fighters to focus. Canada's lightning field continues to pose a significant threat, but Wolverine's healing factor allows him to withstand the shocks better than most. He cleverly uses the trampoline's springs and mechanisms to create barriers and distractions, trying to outmaneuver Canada. The laughter-induced chaos adds a layer of unpredictability, with both fighters occasionally collapsing into fits of giggles, only to spring back into action moments later.

When the musical chairs portion of the battle begins, the trampoline's surface becomes even more chaotic. Chairs appear and disappear at random intervals, adding to the confusion. Wolverine's agility and quick reflexes give him an edge as he leaps from chair to chair, avoiding Canada's lightning field. In a final burst of speed and strategy, Wolverine manages to secure the last chair just as the music stops, narrowly winning the round. Despite the shocking challenges, Wolverine's control over the environment and his resilience ultimately lead him to victory in this whimsical and electrifying showdown.

Winner: Wolverine

 

FIGHT 2

Fighter 1: Abraham Lincoln

Fighter 1 Attribute: Armed with red turtle shells

Fighter 2: Willy Wonka

Fighter 2 Attribute: Is riding a hoverboard

Scenario: Fighters are six inches tall

Location: An alternate dimension where winning is losing

Winner Determined By: Battle of the Bands

AI Prediction: In this bizarre alternate dimension where winning is losing, Abraham Lincoln and Willy Wonka face off in a truly unique battle. Both fighters, now only six inches tall, find themselves in a world where the rules of reality are twisted. Lincoln, armed with red turtle shells, uses his strategic mind to hurl these projectiles with precision, aiming to knock Wonka off his hoverboard. Wonka, ever the eccentric inventor, zips around on his hoverboard, dodging the shells with surprising agility. The environment itself seems to shift and change, adding to the surreal nature of their confrontation.

As the battle progresses, the focus shifts to the Battle of the Bands. Lincoln, with his deep, resonant voice, takes the stage first. He delivers a powerful performance, channeling the spirit of unity and freedom through his music. The crowd, a mix of strange creatures from this alternate dimension, is moved by his heartfelt lyrics and commanding presence. Wonka, however, is not to be outdone. He steps up with a whimsical and enchanting performance, using his hoverboard to perform dazzling aerial stunts while playing a variety of unusual instruments. His show is a feast for the senses, filled with vibrant colors and imaginative sounds.

In the end, the paradoxical nature of the dimension comes into play. Despite Lincoln's powerful performance and Wonka's captivating showmanship, the true winner is the one who loses. Lincoln, with his humble and selfless nature, graciously accepts defeat, understanding the deeper meaning of the dimension’s rules. Wonka, always one to embrace the unexpected, celebrates his "loss" with a grand finale of fireworks and candy showers. In this topsy-turvy world, it's Lincoln's willingness to lose that ultimately makes him the victor in spirit, while Wonka's joyful acceptance of the outcome ensures both fighters leave the stage as winners in their own right.

Winner: Abraham Lincoln

 

NORTHEAST BRACKET

FIGHT 1

Fighter 1: Mr. Rogers

Fighter 1 Attribute: Can stretch like rubber

Fighter 2: Iron Man

Fighter 2 Attribute: Thinks the floor is lava

Scenario: All attributes disabled

Location: Infinite Ice rink

Winner Determined By: Most interesting thing to see in a zoo

AI Prediction: In the serene yet slippery setting of an infinite ice rink, Mr. Rogers and Iron Man face off in a battle where their usual attributes are disabled. The rink stretches endlessly in all directions, creating a surreal and tranquil environment. Both fighters, known for their distinct personalities and strengths, must now rely on their creativity and charm to win the contest. Mr. Rogers, with his gentle demeanor and profound wisdom, skates gracefully, embodying the calm and kindness he is known for. Iron Man, without his suit's advanced technology, must rely on his wit and charisma.

The challenge of determining the most interesting thing to see in a zoo brings out the best in both competitors. Mr. Rogers, ever the educator and storyteller, begins to describe a magical exhibit featuring a harmonious community of animals living together in peace. He paints a vivid picture of a place where lions and lambs coexist, where children can learn about empathy and the beauty of nature. His vision is one of unity and wonder, capturing the essence of what makes a zoo a place of learning and joy.

Iron Man, on the other hand, takes a more futuristic approach. He envisions a high-tech zoo where visitors can interact with holographic animals from different eras, including dinosaurs and mythical creatures. His zoo is a blend of cutting-edge technology and educational experiences, offering a glimpse into the past and the future. The exhibits are designed to be immersive and interactive, making learning an adventure. In the end, the judges are captivated by both presentations, but it's Mr. Rogers' heartfelt and imaginative vision that resonates the most. His ability to inspire and connect with people on a deeper level makes his zoo the most interesting, securing his victory in this unique and heartwarming battle.

Winner: Mr. Rogers

 

FIGHT 2

Fighter 1: Forrest Gump

Fighter 1 Attribute: Can't turn left

Fighter 2: Master Chief

Fighter 2 Attribute: Uses the Force

Scenario: Players swap attributes

Location: Zoo

Winner Determined By: Mud wrestling

AI Prediction: In the lively setting of a zoo, Forrest Gump and Master Chief prepare for a mud wrestling match with a twist: they've swapped attributes. Forrest, now wielding the Force, finds himself with newfound abilities that he approaches with his characteristic simplicity and determination. Master Chief, on the other hand, must navigate the challenge of not being able to turn left, a significant handicap for a seasoned warrior used to full mobility. The zoo's vibrant atmosphere, filled with the sounds of animals and curious onlookers, adds an extra layer of excitement to the showdown.

As the match begins, Forrest uses the Force to his advantage, attempting to control the environment and create obstacles for Master Chief. He lifts mud and zoo debris with ease, trying to unbalance his opponent. Master Chief, despite his inability to turn left, relies on his combat training and strategic mind to counter Forrest's moves. He uses the zoo's layout to his advantage, maneuvering around enclosures and using the terrain to keep Forrest on his toes. The mud wrestling pit becomes a battleground of wits and agility, with both fighters slipping and sliding in the thick muck.

In the end, it's Forrest’s unexpected mastery of the Force that gives him the upper hand. He manages to use his new powers to create a mud wave that sweeps Master Chief off his feet, pinning him down just long enough to secure the win. Despite the unusual circumstances and the swapped attributes, Forrest's adaptability and simple yet effective use of the Force lead him to victory. The crowd, entertained by the spectacle, cheers for both fighters, appreciating the unique and spirited contest they witnessed.

Winner: Forrest Gump

 

SOUTHEAST BRACKET

FIGHT 1

Fighter 1: Darth Vader

Fighter 1 Attribute: Is elderly

Fighter 2: Star-Lord

Fighter 2 Attribute: Is riding a war elephant

Scenario: Fighters chained together with a 30-foot chain

Location: On a gigantic magnet

Winner Determined By: Most notorious outlaw

AI Prediction: On a gigantic magnet, the clash between an elderly Darth Vader and Star-Lord riding a war elephant begins with a dramatic tension. The 30-foot chain connecting them adds a layer of complexity, forcing them to stay within a certain range of each other. Darth Vader, despite his age, still exudes a menacing presence, his lightsaber igniting with a familiar hum. Star-Lord, atop his massive war elephant, uses the beast's strength and size to his advantage, trying to keep a safe distance from Vader's deadly weapon. The magnet's pull affects both fighters, making their movements more deliberate and challenging.

As the battle unfolds, Vader's experience and mastery of the Force come into play. He uses the chain to his advantage, pulling Star-Lord closer and attempting to disarm him. The war elephant, though powerful, struggles against the magnetic forces, making it difficult for Star-Lord to maintain control. Star-Lord, with his quick thinking and resourcefulness, tries to use his gadgets and the elephant's sheer power to counter Vader's attacks. The magnet's influence creates a unique battlefield, with metal objects and debris occasionally flying towards the fighters, adding to the chaos.

Ultimately, the winner is determined by who is the most notorious outlaw. Darth Vader, with his long history as a Sith Lord and enforcer of the Empire, has a reputation that spans galaxies. His name alone strikes fear into the hearts of many, making him one of the most infamous figures in the galaxy. Star-Lord, while a renowned outlaw and hero in his own right, doesn't quite match the level of notoriety that Vader commands. Despite the thrilling and intense battle, it's Vader's dark legacy and fearsome reputation that secure his victory as the most notorious outlaw in this unique and challenging showdown.

Winner: Darth Vader

 

FIGHT 2

Fighter 1: Chuck Norris

Fighter 1 Attribute: Armed with the One Ring

Fighter 2: Barney

Fighter 2 Attribute: Is wearing a red shirt

Scenario: Literally raining cats and dogs

Location: The White House

Winner Determined By: Archery

AI Prediction: In the iconic setting of the White House, amidst a surreal downpour of cats and dogs, Chuck Norris and Barney prepare for an archery contest. Chuck Norris, armed with the One Ring, exudes an aura of invincibility and stealth. The ring grants him the power of invisibility, which he uses strategically to navigate the chaotic environment. Barney, the friendly purple dinosaur, stands out in his bright red shirt, a stark contrast to the seriousness of the competition. Despite the whimsical rain, both fighters are focused on the task at hand.

As the archery contest begins, Chuck Norris uses the One Ring to disappear from sight, making it nearly impossible for Barney to track his movements. He moves silently and swiftly, positioning himself for the perfect shot. The rain of cats and dogs adds an unpredictable element, with animals occasionally obstructing their view and path. Barney, ever the optimist, tries to maintain his cheerful demeanor, but the challenge of hitting targets while being pelted by pets proves difficult. He struggles to keep his aim steady, his bright red shirt making him an easy target.

In the end, Chuck Norris's mastery of the One Ring and his unparalleled archery skills give him the upper hand. He takes precise shots, hitting each target with ease despite the chaotic conditions. Barney, though valiant in his efforts, cannot match Chuck's accuracy and stealth. The combination of the One Ring's power and Chuck Norris's legendary prowess ensures his victory in this unusual and entertaining archery contest. The White House, now a scene of both triumph and whimsy, witnesses yet another testament to Chuck Norris's unbeatable skills.

Winner: Chuck Norris

 

SOUTHEAST BRACKET

FIGHT 1

Fighter 1: The Incredible Hulk

Fighter 1 Attribute: Is riding a Pegasus

Fighter 2: Heisenberg (Walter White)

Fighter 2 Attribute: Is super effective

Scenario: Five minutes until area is napalmed

Location: Space station

Winner Determined By: Basketball (Team sport: all fighters multiply by 5)

AI Prediction: In the high-stakes environment of a space station, with only five minutes until the area is napalmed, The Incredible Hulk and Heisenberg prepare for an intense basketball game. Both fighters multiply by five, creating teams of five Hulks riding Pegasi and five super-effective Heisenbergs. The zero-gravity conditions of the space station add a unique twist to the game, making every move and shot more challenging and unpredictable.

The Hulk team, with their immense strength and the added mobility of their Pegasi, dominate the court with powerful dunks and swift aerial maneuvers. The Pegasi allow them to cover the court quickly, making it difficult for the Heisenberg team to keep up. However, Heisenberg's strategic mind and super-effective nature come into play. Heisenberg's team uses their intelligence and cunning to outmaneuver the Hulks, setting up precise plays and taking advantage of the zero-gravity to make unexpected shots.

As the clock ticks down, the game becomes a thrilling back-and-forth battle. The Hulks' raw power is matched by Heisenberg's tactical brilliance. In the final moments, it comes down to a last-second shot. One of the Heisenbergs, using a perfectly timed pass and a clever feint, manages to score the winning basket just as the countdown reaches zero. Despite the Hulks' incredible strength and the advantage of their Pegasi, it's Heisenberg's super-effective strategy and teamwork that secure the victory in this high-pressure, out-of-this-world basketball showdown.

Winner: Heisenberg

 

FIGHT 2

Fighter 1: Genghis Khan

Fighter 1 Attribute: Shoots magic missiles

Fighter 2: He-Man

Fighter 2 Attribute: Has majestic flaming antlers growing out of head

Scenario: Fighters can fly

Location: Prison

Winner Determined By: Survive the longest in the jungle

AI Prediction: In the confined and eerie setting of a prison, Genghis Khan and He-Man prepare for a battle where they can both fly. Genghis Khan, known for his strategic brilliance and ruthless efficiency, now has the added ability to shoot magic missiles. He-Man, the powerful warrior of Eternia, sports majestic flaming antlers that not only add to his imposing presence but also serve as a formidable weapon. The ability to fly transforms the prison into a three-dimensional battlefield, with both fighters taking to the air to gain the upper hand.

As they clash, Genghis Khan uses his magic missiles to keep He-Man at bay, launching precise and powerful attacks from a distance. He-Man, with his flaming antlers, charges through the air, using his antlers to deflect the missiles and close the gap between them. The prison's narrow corridors and high walls become a maze of aerial combat, with both fighters weaving through the space, trying to outmaneuver each other. The flames from He-Man's antlers light up the dark corners of the prison, creating an intense and dramatic atmosphere.

When the battle shifts to the jungle, the challenge becomes one of survival. Genghis Khan's tactical mind and experience in leading his armies through harsh terrains give him an edge in navigating the dense foliage and finding resources. He-Man, with his raw strength and connection to nature, adapts quickly to the jungle environment, using his antlers to fend off predators and gather food. Over time, it becomes clear that Genghis Khan's strategic planning and ability to shoot magic missiles give him a slight advantage in the long-term survival game. His ability to secure safe locations and defend them with his missiles ensures he survives the longest in the jungle, ultimately winning this unique and challenging contest.

Winner: Genghis Khan

*****

Straight. Up. Bangers. Man, those fights were good. We're actually starting to regret that stuff we said back in the first SUPERFIGHT post about this being the dumbest idea of all time because we're actually getting pretty invested in these matchups now. We got a couple of shocking upsets this round! Master Chief takes the L! Cannot believe it! Did not see that coming! He-Man finally met his demise! Just when those antlers were starting to grow on us. Figuratively.

All right, drop those predictions for the next round in the comments below! For more craziness, find us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter (here and here). We'd like to stay and chat, but that blog post about the next round isn't going to write itself.

Until next time.